Bonnie Five:

I'm not sure what to say but I can do this:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bonnie Five}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there. So many people here are pulling for you. Strength, strength, strength.....

{{{{{Bonnie}}}}}!

So sorry to hear this. No doubt he is being guided by this professional divorcee with all her "experience". I hope you can see your lawyer quick.

It's natural to want to believe the best about someone you've lived with for so long and to give them every opportunity to come back to their senses. Unfortunately, it seems a lot of WH stay in "la la land" way too long and forget the real world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And just remember, there's no rush to divorce. It ain't all over yet.

Oh my gosh--Reading your story reminds me so much of my own. I had been with my husband for 22 years and feel his OW just took control over his mind. You need to protect yourself NOW! You mention he is associating with low people--Believe me when I tell you that is one of the main reasons you are not understanding his behavior. There is no rational behavior on his part, because he has surrounded himself with people that only support his selfish choices. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROTECT YOUR FUTURE!! Please watch out for yourself, daughters and grandkids .

Bonnie,

I would like to start off by giving you a great big ole {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CYBERHUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I feel very badly that you are having to go through this at this stage in your life.

Then I would like to just say a few things to you: First off, you have a lawyer........let him handle all this "legalese" stuff you are getting from your FOG-BOUND WH.

Second of all, try to not get too hung up on what the paperwork says.........it's all pretty much standard fare. It says all that stuff, but your WH may not actually MEAN most of it, it just comes with the forms. Know what I mean? Our div. papers said I wasn't to go near him or any of his family, business or ANY place where they might be...........in order not to harrass or embarrass or disturb anyone................ EXXXXXXXXXXXXXCUSE ME?!?!?!?! I was suppose to NOT go anywhere in the world **I** wanted to go???????

See..........I had worked myself up into a pretty big state, until I realized it was just "stuff" that's in there........doesn't really mean your WH put it in there deliberately. It just comes with the language of div. papers.

I'm NOT saying he isn't FOGGED IN right now. HE DEFINITELY IS!! I'm just saying, don't get yourself too hurt and upset by the language written in those legal forms. It's just lawyers' ways of intimidating people. Take it with the grace and humor you are handling all the rest of this. You really are amazingly calm!!! I was a NUT CASE for over a year!

Hang in there. This fantasy will come to an end....and when it does, he's going to have a H*** of a landing back on Mother Earth!!

God Bless,

Bonnie,
Have there been any changes?

Are you OK?

I hope your daughters didn't kill him when they found out.

Please let us know how you are.

SS

SAB,TooOld4This,S@S,lupolady and still seeking:
Sorry I haven't replied sooner, but thank everyone of youse for your encouragement and hugs, needless to say, I can use it all.

I went to my lawyer last Friday, he told me not to worry, he was going to take care of me. I hope he is as good as he seems. When I left I went to the Post Office and had a letter from H's lawyer
(OW's lawyer).She told me court date had been changed from the 18th to the 25th because I had not been served and she had talked with the judge to change it and if I obtained a lawyer to have him contact her at once. She is a lulu, she has been in contact with my lawyer. Monday I had to take an affidavit of monthly living expenses back to my lawyer and talking to the paralegal she said his lawyer had called them last week....I told her I didn't think she had all her oars in the water, telling me if I should obtain a lawyer have him contact her at once.
My lawyer told me not to worry, he was going to get the scoundrel, he is going to file a counter suit for an illicit adultrous affair.

I don't know what to expect next week, I would not be surprised to have him come in with her. I think I told you someone broke the big window in the front of his business and he is telling everyone that I did it. Someone said they wouldn't be surpised if she didn't have something to do with it. She is an evil wicked woman, and a scene maker.
He(H) wants an interim decision on some property Monday also, specifically,the truck, he wants title and registration, and his clothes and personal items. I haven't given them to him because he has not done anything he was supposed to, I told him previosly when he took the mortgage off of the house he could have his stuff, cause I know when he gets what he wants he won't do anything else until he is backed into the corner. At first he was willing to put the mortgage on the station and acted like he would cooperate, but she has convinced him everything is half his.
Somebody told me he fell off of the turnip truck and is standing in the middle of the road ready to be run over. Yes, he is going to have a H+++ of a landing back on Mother Earth.
He lives in the next county, and in the papers said he was a resident of that county, what a joke. Picked up the papers from his lawyer, took them over there and had them notorized (probably had to have the OW review them) then brought them back and his lawyer signed them the next day.
That was the day he went to my older daughters house and she did not answer the door, then he called the other one, that was when he told her the window was broken and wanted to know where her mother was the night before, she told him "shame on him even thinking that" then he insinuate maybe they had something to do with it, because he had no enemies. Yesterday he called the older one and left a message and told her to call him, but she said she wasn't going to talk to him. He called the other one, she answered the phone, but was very curt with him. They both said the nerve of him, but he is full of nerve, believe me, and he thinks he is right. He told the one daughter he knew she would side with her mother, she told him it was not a matter of siding with either one, it was the way he was handling the situation he should be ashamed of himself. The lawyer seconded that.
You are all great, say a prayer for me, and thank you for the hugs and encouragement, I'll make it one way or the other.
**************Hugs back to you all**************
Me 7l, H 7l, M51yrs OW 56 M 4times
One D 49(3C/B20,G18&9),Other 46(Widow no c)

Hi Bonnie,
You sound better, like you have direction now. I am sorry for the reasons for that direction, but I think you may see some results. I have no idea if he will gain anything from what will happen now. I hope he does, but I feel better for you.

You must be an amazing person to be able to function after all that has happened. Keep looking for good in your life, and I believe you will find it - and still be happy. Happiness depends more on you than on anything else.

Thankyou for being such a good example to me, keep it up.

SS

Hope you get to spend this weekend with your daughters and that you have a happy time.

Thinking about you today, and I hope you are OK.

SS

How was your weekend?

Bonnie, thinking about you. Hope you're OK.

Just a quick line to bump this up, I think it is over, I had to go to court, I had to do some things I really didn't want to......had an interim distribution of a few things he wanted. He picked them up last week. Next week I'm going to talk to my lawyer about a post separation support, supposed to go to court about that the last week of the month. Oh I hate this and what he has done....it is not really him...oh it is, through her. I will update this in a couple days.Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. He is still in denial and won't talk to me about anything. I just wish it was all over, I'm getting sick of it. I can't believe what he is putting me through.

Bonnie, it's good to hear from you.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. I was so hoping he would come to his senses and see what he's allowing to happen before it got to this point.

Take good care of yourself and try to stay strong. Whatever happens, you'll be alright.

Big hugs {{{{{{{Bonnie}}}}}}}!

We know we can't do much, but we have worried about you right along. I am just glad your daughters are there to help you.

How are you doing emotionally? Is it starting to get better yet?

SS

<small>[ September 18, 2003, 03:58 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Here's a Bonnie bump <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry I haven't responded lately, I have been trying to get my emotions under control, I would just like to get on with my life, but there are so many decisions to make and if I don't make the right one it could affect the rest of my life and my family. I have been volunteering at the parish office and trying to get with all the little projects that need taken care of around the house here, and that helps tremendously.
Went to court the other day for post separation support.......when I left I felt like "what a joke". Everybody tells me I have a good lawyer, but I sure didn't feel that way when I left the other day. The mortgage is on the house for the station, the lawyer keeps telling me he is going to have him take it off of the house and put it on the station, but now H is saying mortgage is on the residence...period. True, but he knows it was for the station. So he agrees to me getting his pension to continue paying the mortgage on the residence and to pay the long term insurance, which takes the entire pension. ISN"T HE WONDERFUL!!!! That is all I got (I live on my own pension). I wasn't happy needless to say. He even suggested I get a less expensive car, the nerve. So H continues to operate business with no rent or mortgage expenses, and receives his SS check. The OW is now there more often, I called one day asked to talk to H, she hung up on me. The laywer said he would get the mortgage off of the house and permanent alimony, but now I wonder. H is still out in space and she is running the show and so greedy, she is out to get all she can get and he is right with her. I keep telling myself I need to get this out of my system, but man that is rough. I thank everyone of youse for encouraging me, it has helped a lot to share my problems, I have said I would have felt better if someone had told me he was dead. I don't mean to be so morbid, but sometimes everything stinks, people don't know what to say. Although some say, it ain't over till it's over. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, thank you.

Bonnie - you have been in my thoughts and prayers.! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If you have doubts about your lawyers methods or ability to get things worked out with the mortgage, etc., ask a lot of questions...or even consult with another one for a second opinion. But then again, if he is a well recommended lawyer, it just may be all the legal mumbo jumbo that's taking so much time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Keep us posted Bonnie, and take good care of yourself. Don't let them beat you down. Hold your head high and show'em what a "real lady" is!
{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}!!!

bump up

What's happening?

{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}

Just in case you need one.

Hi Bonnie,

The temporal part of this doesn't seem to be going well. How is the emotional part going?

Are you spending your time in things that are uplifting? Do you still find joy in everyday life?

I hope you are doing better, and will be able to be happy. Though this has been a rough and (for us) interresting story, we care most about you personally - how you feel, if you are happy.

Wishing you well today.

SS

Bonnie, think good thoughts and try not to dwell on this hurtful situation. Again, take good care of yourself, lean on your daughters (it's their turn to care for you now). And all of us are here when you need us.

Hugs to ya!