I hope you are doing okay Sue.

Hi,

I am new here. I was actually asked to check out this site a long time ago by my wife. I guessI need to give a little history huh? Well, I am a cheater. I had an affair that lasted 3+ years. I was strictly a sexual relationship with a co-worker that gave me everything sexually that I never got a home. Not just sexually, but also in the affection and attention department too. I deeply regret what I did and my wife and I have gone to counseling and have been working to get past this for the past year and a half. She has rubbed my nose in this over and over again and I deservered it all. I know I was wrong and I have made all necessary changes to make my marriage better. My problem now is with her. I have recently discovered a "new" man in her life, a co-worker. I had been having my suspicions, but never had anything concrete. Well, my wife went out with "friends" about 3 weeks ago but her story did not add up, I overheard her on the phone with her "friend" ( mind you she was in the bathroom with the door closed hiding). To make a long story short, I asked my wife to call whoever he was back and tell him it was over and she wouldn't do it. I found out who "he" was and I called him. He claimed all that ever went on was a few kisses. He said he was married and that he was sorry and that he would not carry it further. Well, about a week after this occured I saw my wifes cell phone bill and the night that she "supposedly" went out with friends she called a hotel that evening and also the day before. After she called th hotel she called her "friend". Well, I called the "friend" again and of course he back pedaled and said that he didn't go with her. He said that my wifes girlfriend cheats on her husband and that she used my wifes cell phone to call the hotel and that she does it all the time. Well, I checked my wife's cell phone records from the past 3 months and the only time a hotel had been called was those two days!! I guess she thinks that since I have no concrete evidence that she can continue to lie. I am not stupid! What do I do at this point? HELP! My wife even had the nerve to say that what she did was not cheating. She said that because I had an affair and did what I did it wa not cheating??? What is that? I know I did wrong, but we have gone through counseling to get past this. I am not going to leave her, but I want her to be honest. What do I do?

Hi all,

Very busy, so I have to be quick

Marriage: A few days ago, it was very tension filled and alot of arguing, WH was thinking of leaving, As of Tuesday, and everyday getting better WH says he wants to try to make it work, and we have talks of future. Tension is gone, looks very promising and hopeful. (Plus side to the arguing and tension, I lost a dress size, but my emotional state cannot handle this as a weight loss method, there has to be a better way to get in shape <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )


Job: Very hopeful, interview at beginning of the week, I received a call back, I was recommended for hire, now I have to have a second interview before the final decision. This one, I have to get more information on. It involves a pay cut from my current job, however, my understanding is that benefits are excellent and cheaper, so it might even out. If I work 3rd shift, there would be shift differential. I will have to work the numbers to be sure financially it can be afforded. But you cannot buy experience, which is what I am truly lacking.

<small>[ July 30, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: SwH ]</small>

SS- you didn't miss anything - just a very very horrible vent on my part. Major LB's involved if WH would have seen it or if I would have said it to him.

Sue,
cheering for success for you on all fronts,
from sidelines,
FBOW

A coworker just told me about a conversation she overheard here at work outside her cube wall in the main hallway. She told me she almost went around and wanted to tell them that she is busy working and does not want to hear the personal details of her life.

This woman she overheard was bragging about how she was going to try to get her married boyfriend to leave his wife. I thought, OMG, I cannot believe she is talking openenly about it as if it is something to be proud of.

Things will get worse before they get better.

It is hard to deal with some parts of this world, when you wish for a better one.

How are you doing personally?

I am not talking about jobs, or how H treated you today.

Deep down inside, how are you doing?

I am still amazed how well you can function no matter what is happening, but then, you have lots of practice.

How are the kids doing this summer? Did you get to do anyhing fun?

Thinking about you, wanted to check in.

SS

As usual, my life it way too busy. I keep saying it will slow down soon. Baseball has finished and now football started.

I heard from one of the jobs I interviewed for.

I GOT IT!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm trying to decide how to handle this. I won't hear from the other one until the end of this week. That is the one I really want, but I will take the other one.

For me to give proper notice at my current job, I need to do it today. However, If the one I really want comes through, that will not start until the second week of September. I will lose two weeks pay if I give notice today.

I do have one week vacation coming to me, so I am thinking of waiting to give notice, and give two weeks, and have the last week as vacation.

It is kind of inappropriate for me to do that, but I don't want to jeapordize the for sure job offer, I also know I cannot afford to lose two weeks pay by quiting the for sure one because the one I want came through. The one I want pays better, benefits about the same, and the unit sounds very interesting.

Trying to get everything ready for the kids before school starts.

As for me, my moods go up and down. Recently, I was really down. But, it is better now.

Regarding jobs, I decided which one I want. I'm not going to wait to hear from the one that pays better. I found out how much the benefits cost and I was shocked that they considered that a benefit. 700.00/mo for medical and dental. I know I am spoiled, I'm used to reasonable priced benefits. Today I go and sign some papers and give all the proper ID.

It is sort of scary, I've been at my job for 16 years.

Hi Sue,
It's good to hear from you - and it is really good that you got one of the jobs you wanted.

As for YOU - you said:

As for me, my moods go up and down. Recently, I was really down. But, it is better now.

This is probably silly, but I have worried over the months that on one of these really down times you would bail out - because you were down, not because H had really changed anything.

I still worry a lot about you, but I am trying to reduce it quite a bit. I don't want you to keep wondering what you should do, I want your H to work on this with all his heart so you will regain a measure of trust - and get some of that spark back. I hope it is happening, at least slowly.

At least you have some adventure going on with your new job, you won't be bored in the next month or so.

Are you smiling enough these days?

SS

Papers are signed, orientation is set up, I start 8/23 as a full time nurse. Gave notice at my job of 15yeas, went to an on call status at the Nursing Home. I could not quit becuase nursing home have a hard time getting and retaining employees, so I figure I can help out once or twice a month. I don't want to too much, that will burn myself out.

There is a 2 hour time difference from when WH leaves for work and when I will get home, so my neice is moving in to help out. She wants some independence from her mom, so this way, she has a free place to live and I get free babysitting and she will take the kids to daycare on her way to picking up her brother and boyfriend who she will drop off at their school, then go to her school.

I told WH, that she is not their to take his place so he can come and go as he wants. She has her own job, her own life, she has her own baby to care for and a boyfriend she wants to see.

Trying to figure out the budget. Have to pay for hockey at the end of the month.

Two more days at old job.

Start new job on Monday.

A little scared, alot nervous.

Marriage, questionable. I'm more worried I will flop in my new job.

Congratulations on the new job. I am sure you will do just fine even if first few days or weeks might be very stressful and demanding for you. I admire you very much for all the changes you accomplished in your professional life since we started posting on MB.
FBOW

Hi Sue,

I identify with scared, and nervous.

I know you believe you will do well, and logic says that you can handle it, but the butterflies don't stay away just because logic says they ought to.

If you want to talk about your marriage in more detail, I don't think anyone here will beat up on you. You have been really quiet for someone as conversational as Sue.

I can still tease, can't I?

Praying for your success.

SS

<small>[ August 22, 2004, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Started Job today

Marriage, not much to say.

On the surface it all looks well, but is it really?

Nothing has really changed, I think they are back together.

I know I should do something, but right now, with all the changes with job, and stuff, I cannot do it right now.

I'm tired alot because the kids are not listening and going to bed as told, so I don't get enough sleep. WH is just as tired, for the same reason, so I don't say much right now. I know we both would have a short fuse because we are tired.

Going to bed, kids are at grandmas, so tonight I can get a good night sleep

S- Hi there. It's been forever since I've been here, but I was thinking of you, and wanted to see how you were doing! Congrats on the new job!!! I'm just sorry that you are still having to deal with WH's crap!

Things are going well for me and FWH. We are still in therapy (over 2 years of it now!) and are in a really good place... but then there will always be my "sister" lurking in the back... I had to see her for the first time in 2 years a couple of months ago... I thought it would be easy (except, I started smoking again that day... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) At least I know I have my family behind us now. (whew) Life has been better since she's been gone!

I hope things continue to improve for you! You deserve it!

You are never far from my thoughts!
-mac

Ok Sue,
I can't stand it any more. You are going to really get it now.

I think you need to do some things. I think they are past due.

First.
Get more sleep. I don't know how in the world you have help up so well over the last few years, and done all that you have done, but the miles will continue to build up and eventually cause problems if you don't start getting proper maintance. I should say this different - Please get more sleep.

2nd.
Yes, please do concentrate on your job. You have lots of things to worry about, but if you can get comfortable with the job, those worries will fade in a few months, and you can go back to being a full time mom again, and maybe even worry about being a wife again.

3rd.
Do something fun.
That LV trip was a long time ago. You may not be vested in your vacation time yet, but at least take a day or two and do something without the kids. Kids are wonderful, and they are rewearding, but they are demanding too. Take some time for you.

Please forgive me for being so demanding, but I still say it's about time. Sometimes you just need to say things straignt out and not worry about what someone thinks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Smile, people like you.

SS

<small>[ August 27, 2004, 04:04 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS - you said it just fine. I know I need more sleep. I am quick tempered when I don't get enough sleep.

I know I need to concentrate on my new job, soon I will settle into it and be able to concentrate on home. Right now, I am very afraid I will fall flat on my face in my new position. I left a job I had for 15 years. It fit like an old shoe, ugly but comfortable. Sometimes, I wonder if that is how I could describe my marriage?

We have plans to go out of town in a couple of weeks. WH, has an out of town ball tournament, he found a place in the area he wants to rent for the weekend. It was described as a romantice get away. (or at least he wanted to stay there when he showed it to me, this was during the time WH and OW split up).

WH call me more than he used to. He calls my cell as soon as he is done with work.

Gott go figure out the budget. Even though I have a job that pays a little better, next month will be tight unless I figure something out. The pay period ending and paydays from my current job to my past job are very different. I will be minus almost a paycheck in September. But October looks very good. I'll make it work, I always do.

Mac - good to hear from you. I'm sorry that seeing your sister got you smoking again. I hope you quit right away. She is not worth ruining your health over. I'm glad to hear that things are going well with you and H. You two have made some great progress.

I know I wish I could report the same.

Gotta go. I'm trying to get the kids on their school schedule.

Did I tell you guys that middle son signed up for football. He loves it.

Sitting up late thinking about my marriage, WH, OW.

My question is, is she an OW, in my mind she is, sometimes I wonder does she know he is married?

Did he tell her we divorced?

When I think of the e-mails I read between them, I think she does not know.

It was painful to read about the plans they made, I also read and felt her pain.

She talked about plans they made together to do stuff with the boys. Why would she expect to make plans with my WH to do things with the boys if she knew he was married. I would have thought that someone who is knowingly involved with a MM would not expect involvement with the family while the WH is married and living a married life. She commented how they made these plans, only for him to come back later and tell her no. So, what did he say to her? I can only guess what lies he told her about me.

She talked about wanting to spend holidays with her family and his family. Most OW's would not expect to spend holidays with the MM family, but she wanted it.

Why did he go throught he motions of planning a marriage when he is married and cannot legally get married while married. He went as far as setting a date.

He had her take the registry off.

Then I wonder, why would she stay with a man that she has been with for this lenght of time, and she has not met his family, his children have not met her, he did not tell her about the existence of his daughter, who is almost 6 until recently. If I was with a man this long, and he has not introduced me to his family, I would be thinking he is not as committed as he wants me to believe.

I could rack my brain over this, and I will probably never understand it, so why do I even try. I know, I am trying to apply reason and rationale to an unrationale situation.

It is obvious he lies to me and her, probably more to her than to me.

Hi Sue
Glad to see I am not the only one that sits up and tries to figure out all of the mess that an A causes.

Like you I try to figure out what he was thinking why he said and did the things he did why why why..........problem is there is no answer to the why's.I hate that part.

So how is Sue inside??
I know on the outside you are so strong,brave and couragous(sp) but how is Sue doing on the inside??

How did the first week of work go??
I know starting a new job is scary but I have now been at my job for 1month and no longer feel nerous or afraid at work and wish I was at my old job the comfortable one,you will soon feel this way.

If you ever need to talk just call,I am here for you.
Take care my friend.