So, like, I'm gettin' the ole sinkin' feeling that RandyR has bailed on MB... I sure hope his wife Ali is doing OK. Please keep up prayers for this couple!
DJTB

I was just thinking about them too today

ali
was thinking about you and praying for you.
wondering how you are doing?

can you e-mail me and let me know whats up?

earthangel@telcomplus.net

smart marriages

check out the smart marriages site.

also was wondering how the children are?
especially the baby?
please drop me a line..
God bless and Keep on keeping on.

RandyR posted on the other thread - perhaps Ali is reading it as well. In any case, Ali, please know we are praying for you and Randy to continue healing and recovering as ONE - not two souls.
May the Lord keep you safe and heal you together.
Harold

Hi there!
I am still alive but not kicking! I had taken a small break from MB so I could collect my thoughts and put to work all of the advice that has been given over the last few months.
Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to me!
I will get back to posting soon.
Ali <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Please, your thoughts are still welcomed!

Hi Ali! Soooooooo glad you're back. A Brian1967 just posted a most excellent bit of advice for RandyR on the 'real awful person/pro' thread. Let's hope he reads it and takes the advice! It's really solid and sure makes sense.
Harold

hi!

randy starts his new job monday. he will be in NC
for a week! after that, he comes home every night!
I am scared because I am going back and forth with the D issue! (by the way, why do cats like to lay on keyboards?)
i guess i am waiting to see what happens when we get back to being a couple again! Oh boy, here comes the ride!
should i let him try to do the work or do you all think that it is still a 50/50 thing! i do want to say, i have been doing 99.9% of the work myself for the last three years and i am burnt out!
help i am struggling here!
ali

Hi Ali - thank you for your kind remarks on my other Post - it touched me.
I have explained what happened to me - basically in the other Thread - so let me be the first to ask: What's with it this RandyR finding jobs in other states??!! What part of NC is he going to this time? I used to live in NC - spent 2 years in Lexington and 2 years in Rocky Mount - both pretty decent places. Of course, they were little towns without not much industry there.
My ancestors (on Dad's side of the Family) hail from Gastonia and Dallas NC (just to the west of Charlotte)
It's a small world after all.
ABC.
Trick or treat.
Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hi Harold! You're back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did you have a great 4th???

Randy is just training in NC for a week! He will be back home for good after the training!
I am afraid of him being home every night! I am not sure what is going to come out of it! But, I will tell you all this, Randy seemed the most happiest I have seen him in a long time! But that is not to say that it's going to change! He is up and down. You would think that since he knows what kind of person she is, that he would feel pretty humiliated to even think of being with her. When he told me that he tried to break it off with her several times, you would think that he found great relief that he was rid of her! I told Randy that I had dated a guy right before I started dating Randy. Randy asked me out (Gee tomorrow will be our 15 years together!) about a month after we broke up. This guy was fun to hang around with, he just got into a fraternity and was clean before he pledged, he had gotten himself involved with the drugs and I was not into that type of crowd. He had this other girl interested in him and it was obvious he liked her. She was a total bubble head. He called me up to tell me that this girl was coming to his house for the holiday weekend, I said great and hung up the phone on him, he called back and I just picked it up to hang up on him. That was it! I could not have cared less! That is what Randy should have felt with her. My God he had someone who was inlove with him and was willing to stay back so he could jump start his career and get ahead financially. Plus the health of our son! I sacrificed a lot for him! I don't get it!
I still am not sure what I want to do about us! I am not sure Randy is really wanting to change his views. I am trying but like I said before, I can't do it alone and it doesn't seem like he wants to help! We will see! I am still on the D issue though.
OK, Must get going. Lots to do today!
Ali

Hi Ali! Thank you for the warm welcome back. I just finished reading Randy's other post on his other thread - it's sounding like you got his attention and he's ready to go to work on YOU & HIM! I sure hope so.
We're keeping up prayers for y'all!
PS - I loved what ya did with that other dude you were dating just before Randy - hung up on him, ROTFL heheheeee. Served him right for what he did to you, and perhaps he wonders sometimes what would his life be like if he had chosen you over drugs and that 'bubble-head' he picked out...
We'll probably never know...
God bless.
Harold

He was an idiot! I think he was more a rebound boy friend. I was getting over another guy when I met him. But he was a real jerk at the end! I didn't really care too much about him! Actually, I really didn't care for him at all. I had self esteem back then!

But holy cow! You made me curious to what RR had written, so I took a peak! I cannot believe he said that! I look the same as I always do! I had a baby right before he left! Unfortunately, I am not one of those women who loses all the weight when the baby is born! I think that is hummm, maybe 1% of the population! Gee's!

I do not trust RR very much. He can say all he wants but I don't buy it. I have to see and feel his truth! But so far nothing really!

That thing that he screwed in Texas was incredibly ugly! RR introduced her to his good friend and RR made her out to be some hot chick. They (friend and wife) were expecting a supermodel. They saw her and thought; What the h*ll? She is ugly"! Tee heee! He told me that too! A couple of people that met me down there and said Randy are you crazy? She doesn't hold a candle to your wife! I know she is ugly. What made her so attractive to the other guys is that they all knew she would put out!

I am still so angry and hurt by his actions and how he is handling himself now that I am seeing him in a different light. Like I said before the D word is still in my thoughts.
I look at RR and just feel hurt and anger towards him! The little reminders are so difficult to deal with! Somehow I think he gets some type of self fulfillment watching me squirm! That gets me angry! He needs to build his self esteem up. But not by torturing me! I think he is using me as a crutch! Totally unfair!
Hey, our weather was like that in south Texas. A 100 degrees and 110% humidity! Yuck! If we would have moved down there, our monthly AC bill would have been in the $500 range!
Anyway, I am sort of venting too! I just can't believe he wrote that about me! Should I take that as a compliment????
OK, I am going out on the deck to watch fireflies and the storm that is coming in!
I love thunderstorms! We had some realyl wicked ones last night too! I love this time of year! Actually, I love all seasons!
Later!
Ali
Oh yeah, even if he did chose me over drugs? I would have been with him. He was a weenie! No love feelings there! On my end that is! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Ali! It's late so this will be short. I certainly understand where you are coming from. Of course, none of us have met Randy in person - but from what you post and what he posts, I doubt there is one single person here who has followed your threads that we ALL wish and pray for your Healing and complete Recovery from this mess Randy put you both into. I know several of us have asked and strongly advised you two to get into Marriage Counseling. Has Randy done so? I don't doubt that you are willing and will, if you haven't done so already.
One other thing - I have always liked thunderstorms since I was a kid living in Virginia Beach. When I moved to Texas in August '98 I was just thrilled to watch them roll in...
I saw 2 twisters since I got here - one in October '98 and the other one was in March 2000 - pretty wild.
This Spring has been strange: very cool and extremely dry. We've had something like 8 inches of rain so far this year - so we're about 10 inches below average now. I've watched one storm after another roll off to the side of us. Week before last, we got ,5 inch of rain - and all around us they were getting from 3 inches up to 10 inches in a few days...
Rain here in Texas is strange: you can drownded in one place and go half a mile down the road and it won't rain a drop... Such is the Prairie!
Take care, and C U laterZ!
Harold

{{BUMP!}}

So it is the middle of the week and Randy has been in NC for since Monday! He'll be be back on Friday maybe. He said he wants one more day there!

I have been going around wondering about his fidelity while there! The anxiety is too much to handle. I was walking around all day yesterday with the thoughts of what he did to me. Not that I could help it! I wasn't doing it on purpose to torture myself. But the mind if not healed, reminds you of things that you wish would go away forever! The emptiness of the house and how this house felt when he was gone was a big reminder.
When I had spoken to him last night, he seemed pretty up beat but tired! Kinda like he did when he was cheating on me. He asked me how I was doing and of course I told him which I said I was terrible. I thought of lying to tell him I was fine! I am wondering if I should have done that!Someone posted that Randy's hurt is measured by the actions that he is showing for revenge on that ugly fake blonde hair sl*t! I still don't even compare to her! He sort of admitted to me last night. He still loves her! Why? I can't figure it out! There is no room for me in his heart. Sexually? What a joke!!!! He told me how he stayed turned on by her is because of the attention he received from her. I do the exact same thing damn it! He is not walking around sexually turned on! The crazy things I have to do! I give up! I am not sure if i will be posting anymore! I am sure this is a done deal! I am so heart broken! He gave up and there is nothing I can do!
Ali

Hi Ali! I'm sorry to hear that. He still loves her?? What?!! Has he learned absolutely NOTHING on these boards? He is in love with a DEAD fantasy dream that died when he got dumped and fired from his job. Apparently he's not in counseling either.
I wish I had some advice for you, Ali. Plan B maybe?
How about it, y'all? A little help?
Just for my $.02 worth, if my wife had an affair on me, drags me thru HELL for several months, says all this stuff about healing, etc. then tells me after that -- she's still in love, I guess I would have to say: "Plan B" and you need to move out till you can get your head on straight - which is it, her or me? And no cakewalking either!
JMHO.
Please post some help and some good solid advice for Ali, OK?
Harold

Hi Harold,

I might have mislead the message board! He didn't tell me word for word that he loves her. But it was very clear in his voice.
There is a lot of good advice given on this message board that I am trying. I am not sure why Randy continues to tell everyone on here that "we" are not taking it! I wish he would speak for himself!
Harold, was it your first wife that you commited adultry with? Is that why you two ended in a divorce? Was it because the pain was so deep with her?
My pain is so deep. Who said it was like a disease or an infection? That is what this pain I am feeling is like, a huge infection!
It invaded myself esteem and it is gone! Having no sense of worth sucks! I used to feel pretty good about myself. Now?
Maybe I am a slow healer! Or is it because Randy is dwelling on this affair that we can't move forward? Or is it because maybe Randy really never loved me?
Ali

Ali,

I have been posting on RandyRails post! I know how upset and hurt and all the pain that you are going through. I wish I can apologize for Randy But I know he has got to prove to you that he loves you. I have been following both of your posts since day one. Yes, what you are going through is pure hell. You feel that your world has crashed and the loneliness is unbearable. Your love of your life is having sex with another person while they promised to love and to cherish you forever. Instead they are cherishing another while leaving you to believe that their love was all yours. Heart breaks. They are terrible and not fair.

Do you keep a journal? That helped my wife. I told Randy he needs to poop or get off the pot! That is what I am reading right? I thought there was some light shed on the two of you.

You seem like a true, strong, giving and a sincere women. If I say anymore, it may sound like I am hitting on you! I just hope Randy sees that in you. You deserve someone to take care of you.

Brian

ali,

I saw that you are thinking about going to a seminar....I would highly recommend it. It's been two years to reach recovery for me...but it began with the seminar. If you still feel the need to move to Plan B....then you will have the right tools and coaches to make the best of it. Until then, please control any LBs and if you can meet some ENs that would help keep the Love Bank from emptying completely. I am so sorry that Randy is not giving you the care and protection you need. Affairs are addictions and they aren't logical. He is still acting fog-effected by the "high". Thay will fade. hugs to you.

Hi Ali! Yes, I had an affair on my first wife - when I was in Germany with the US Army - she was waiting 3 months to get over to join me after we left Arizona. We had been having problems in our marriage anyway, but that was NO excuse for me to cheat on her! I was very wrong to look for a little 'fun and affection' outside of our marriage - I NEVER wanted love or anything physical: just a little companionship with no sex and nothing else other than just a good female friend.
Sure didn't turn out that way! Affairs never turn out good - only EVIL - notice that is live spelled backwards!
So, we went thru the police interrogation - she blasted me for a whole month wanting to know every single detail over and over. Finally it ended.
The following year she had an affair on me. She would never tell me the dude's name or anything, only that the affair was over. I found out the rest by a little 'behind the scenes' and putting 2 + 2 together to fill in the rest of the story.
She never let me forget that I had an affair on her.
When we finally divorced, she tried to tell me she never had an affair on me but it was a made up story. I guess you can tell by now she was a Verbal Abuser and played mind games as well as power plays on me...
I seriously do NOT think you are anything like her!
I do know you are hurt beyond belief. Affairs suck and everything about them sucks.
Until RandyR gets off his butt and cleans out his mind - you and him are STUCK right where you are. He is NOT healing and he is NOT supporting you. He needs to do both and to be there for YOU, not some dream fantasy he had once.
You're still in my prayers, both of you.
Peace to you both, Harold

Please...the guy is asking for justification of a filthy affair. He isn't even sorry...he is STILL calling the OW a "real pro, an awful person"....geez, what does that make him?

He is a pervert with no character.