How ironic.
I'm the betrayed one in my marriage.
Your story sounds very close to mine.
A woman took advantage of me and my WH.
Now he is my STBXJH.
And, I live in TX.
I remember being where your wife is.
That was 3 years ago this week.
He never made it right and now we are getting a divorce. I don't usually post here. I just wanted a reminder of why I'm divorcing him so I came here to do some reading.
My advice to you....do whatever she wants to to do. NO EXCUSES!

Aly

Randy,

If you truly believe in karma then you can bet that one day the former OW is going to get hit by the karma train hard. What you're missing is that your worst punishment may not be hers. Losing her job may not be the end all devastation it is to you. It may be something far more personal that you will NEVER KNOW. Whatever it is, you have no control over it, all you can do is have faith that her life will most likely be her own punishment and MOVE ON.

Now is the time to snap out of it. Now is the time to step up to the plate and for once stop thinking about every you've lost and open your eyes to everything you are ABOUT to lose. If you don't wake up you're going to be looking backwards to this space in time, this right now and realize that you DID HAVE A CHOICE you were just refusing to see it.

I can tell you from a woman's perspective that Allie isn't going to last much longer. Go splash cold water on your face, look at yourself in the mirror and for godsakes man--WAKE UP.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RANDYRAIL:
<strong>I AM HAVING NIGHTMARES/DREAMS......
I WILL HAVE THIS MEMORY THE REST OF MY LIFE.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Frankly, I heard this from my junior high buddy who couldn't get the boy she was crazy about to even notice her.

Randy - deep breath here. And I want you to read every single word of this response, slowly, four times, at least. Outloud, if you have to. You won't get it otherwise. And it's really important that you get it.

Yes, people are telling you to get over it. it's over.

But here's reality. You're the one who brought up Karma. So here's the Karmic truth.

The more you obsess about her getting her karmic dues, the more karmic debt YOU are creating for yourself. Karma is a very personal law. You reap what you sow?

So stop racking up the Karmic Charges. Get over yourself already. Nothing in this life is as dramatic as it feels when you are going through it.

Here's a little story from the life and times of Kayla and Kasey...

A certain collection agent overstepped his bounds on a corporate debt - came after me personally - I was an officer in the company - the only female officer. He called at home, even though attorneys had told him to cease this practice. He went so far as to break into my home and steal a business card sized resume I had just had printed use at networking meetings. I had not distributed a single one of those cards when he called and left a message on our answering machine, taunting me with the qualifications I had listed on the card - mocking that I was qualified for anything but jail... he was a nasty nasty human being. During this whole ordeal, I became more and more intimidated; up to the point where I heard this message. Then I got angry. I got in the fight and played full-on. I called the FTC; I filed a written complaint. I called the State Dept of Commerce - tracked down his bogus corporation, found out his real name too. I talked with a US Marshall when I found there were already two injunctions against him by the FTC which should have prevented him from even being in business - guess what? He hadn't paid over $150K to the federal government in 20 year old fines and penalties. He had some tremendous karmic debt, I'd say. I wrote my congressman, senators, filed complaints with the county attorney, state attorney general's office - even the television news stations. I got my revenge, alright. He's serving a minimum sentence of five years in a federal prison right now.

But you know what it cost me to put him there? Five years of my life - 10 to 20 hours per week. Had I been putting that into learning a new skill such as investing in real estate, I could have been a multi-millionaire by then. And THAT realization was where MY karmic debt ended up.

About the same time, I started realizing how much he was continuing to "collect" from me emotionally, my husband had his own little parallel experience. This time, instead of absorbing the karmic obligation of obsession of stopping an injustice, we "stepped left". We let the flotsam continue down the stream. Every once in a while, that little karmic experience comes back and tests us to see if we don't want to engage to correct this agregious offense against humanity who runs a professional vocational school and set him straight like we did the collection agent from h*ll. Nope - a t*rd is still a t*rd - even 7 years later. We let it run down the sewer line instead of picking up a piece of crap like that.

Karmic moral of the story Randy? Let it go. Work on the karmic debt in front of you and be grateful there's still a shred of love left in your wife. And truly, grow up - leave the junior high hystrionics in the past. You will live through this. You will get over this. The dreams will fade. and you will find a greater purpose in life than making sure a piece of excrement gets her karmic due. Don't be like Lot's wife, looking back to see if Sodom and Gommorah got their due too.

I agree.
I stepped back and God punished her greatly.
She's still as sick as she was 3 years ago.
She's got her kids in on her game now.
She's still looking for a man to give what she can give herself or what God can give her.
I still see her every now and again. I still feel the pain she inflicted on me.
When it happened I was so very angry. One day "suddenly" I felt pity for her and started praying that God would take away my pain and deal with her for me.
Now I know it worked.
Like I said before, the way you act will show your wife how sorry you really are.
Put your concentration in that direction and you will be rewarded.

Aly

RandyR: the pain and hurt WILL go away, but it is NOT going away in a few days or even a few weeks. This is where YOU have to be strong and put this memory BEHIND you. You have to take your Wife by the hand and WALK AWAY from this - keeping remembering stuff you did, hoping for the OW to 'get hers' is nothing but a WASTE OF TIME. It's over. Put it behind you. You'll never see the OW again. You will never hear her voice again. She's probably found somebody else by now and if she doesn't die of STD or AIDS, can you imagine what she's gonna look like in another 10 years the way she's going??! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Horrors! Talk about running thru the mill - the OW is certainly doing that for herself.
Let this crapola go and focus on your wife, kids, and Marriage, Randy!!!!
Harold

Dear chat group:

For over 2 hours last night, Ali and I talked, mostly about the affair, the other woman and "us". There was no fighting and there was no arguing but just alot of talking about the OW, why it happened (somewhat) and the fact that the OW was not as pretty as I thought she was.

Ali tried with all of her heart to re-assure me that the OW will wind up in a sorry state. Even though 100% of her friends and people that she talks to are amazed that the OW got to keep her job. We are also amazed that the OW remains "unfazed" that she had a huge role into why one Manager was fired and another "off-site" supervisor was asked to leave.

Again, Ali assurred me that the OW will be fired or wind up with a disease or gang raped because she is so premiscues.

Both of us want the marriage to move forward, we seem to be at that cusp but it's the revenge factor that is holding us up. And we are both guilty of it. Her phone calls to the OW have stopped.

I will never see this woman ever again. I will never hear her voice again, she is 1000's of miles away, yet the damage she has done and the fact that the affair ended without her feeling the pain has left me in such a bitter and revengeful mood.

It is sapping away my ability to feel good and to move on.

I control it!!!

I want to move on!!!

CAN ANYONE OUT THERE ANSWER ME THE ONE QUESTION THAT HAS BEEN HAUNTING ME FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS. AND I NEED TO KNOW!!!!

WHY DID THE AFFAIR END SO VIOLENTLY??? DO MOST WORK AFFAIRS END THE WAY IT DID BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE WHORE IN MCALLEN????

I MEAN, WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS STARTING ANOTHER AFFAIR AT WORK FROM OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WAREHOUSE AND I LET HER KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE KNEW, SHE CALLED ME UP AND THREATENED ME.

WHY DID THE AFFAIR END SO VIOLENTLY????

IS IT NORMAL???

i just have to know???

Somewhere I read that in reality, there really was no other way for it to have ended with me losing my job and leaving McAllen. My wife knew about it (the affair) and I could never see this OW ever again. Maybe I got fired on purpose.

RandyR: (JMHO here) - she U-S-E-D you. And when she was done using you, she kicked you to the curb, just like a child will do when they're finished with their PLAYTOY.
You used her, she used you. Because most Affairs do not last, as they're based on lust and fantasy, it was going to die anyway. You both knew that. She just happened to end it before you had a chance to. Do you honestly think you would have kept it going if she hadn't 'beat you to the punch' - like, supposing your Affair continued on until the day your Wife & children came to McAllen to see you. What then?? So - ONE of you would have ended it then! She just got tired of her playtoy and so found another one. Most peeps with SIMPLE MINDS or only ONE THING on their minds are like that - short attraction/attention span and then they go find new 'thrills' elsewhere: and this is what she did to you.
Sure she's still working there. Can you imagine what her JOB EVALUATION is going to look like when she gets one later on this year? Talk about a 'Glass Ceiling' that sure is going to keep her from going anywhere in the company. Plus now she has to her credit 2 work affairs and 2 firings - definitely NOT good for the company. With CRAP like that hanging over her head, her 'future' at that particular company is extremely limited. YOU, on the other hand, have a fresh clean new slate to begin another career with a NEW company and with the skills/job knowledge you have, you will definitely be 'going places' - so just GIVE IT TIME: you will get that 'dream job' you've always wanted and the OW will continue to plod along in a company (for how long, who knows?) that is 'watching her like a hawk'...
NOBODY on this earth can continue to just run peeps down like she did and still does without eventually 'getting their comeuppance'. For every action, there is an equal and opposite REACTION - and the OW is headed for hers very rapidly. Suffice it to say that YOUR marriage is going to work out (provided you start recovery efforts and stick with them) while the OW has a hubby that she's cheated on twice in just a few months. She certainly is NOT happy in her marriage, that's for sure! I don't see that marriage lasting - and she's going to be ALONE with NO husband - while YOU have a Wife who loves you and 2 kids who love you and who all want to make your Marriage work out!! Isn't that just revenge just knowing these things?
Harold

What if....

What if Ali had found out about the A and you were still working there? Would you have convinced her to keep working in McAllen, and at the same Co. as OW? How would she feel? I'll bet she's a little relieved you are not in close proximity to OW still.

If Ali had found out about the A and you guys had hopped onto the board here, I'd be willing to bet the majority of folks on here would recommend you find another job, leave that job as quickly as possible.

The outcome has been the same, the only difference was that you didn't choose it. But to be honest, would you leave your job to save your M? And if not, then have you looked at your values? What is important to you?

Now....to give you a hard time. You seem to be VERY absorbed in your thoughts, feelings, wants. SO much so at the exclusion of everyone else around you. What about the kids? What about Ali? I know this is the forum where you can let loose and talk about yourself, but you seem to be so obsessed about YOUR situation that you haven't taken care of the people around you. The same selfish acts that have gotten you into the A (your wants) are keeping you from recovery, and keeping you from looking past your own nose.

Is there anything you can do to get outside of yourself? Volunteer at a shelter a couple nights a week? (You are away from your family now during the week?) Or when you are home, take the kids out to play, ride bikes, play ball...

Keep busy!

This will pass!

Notebook Dude!!!!

This has been, by far, the best advice I have received regarding the revenge factor and everything else surrounding the affair.

I desperatly want to move forward and save our marriage as Ali continues to remain commited. Ali wants us to be "happy" again and is crossing her fingers regarding the interview Thursday that will bring me back to the food industry. Ali has also teetered on the "revenge" factor as well, calling the OW several times when I was terminated and a couple of times since then. In all instances, the OW just laughed it off and even her older sister talked to Becky and said "It sounds like you couldn't please your man!!"

OW's sister has also a history of extra-maritial affairs. They see nothing wrong with it. They will never see or are capable of seeing it from the married womans eyes.

Notebook Dude, when Ali contacted the comapny that fired me two weeks ago and spoke to the receptionist, she said that things have not been the same since I was fired. She also said that the OW is walking around the office like a "dancing pony", not realizing what she did or how she effected the operation. She doesn't care. She also brought her back together husband to the picnic and was making out "all over him" during the entire time.

I get the feeling that it was for show.

But she got to keep her job and all she received was a written warning. I agree that she is not going anywhere and I know from talking to the receptionist myself that she is not liked at all at work.

The receptioist also told me, "Randy, all in good time." When I asked her to explain she mentioned that they hired another HR Manager and it would appear that her job might be transitioned to another person. She is also sharing the office so that her actions are being monitored.

Everyone in the office knew about the affair (not proud) and everyone in the office was upset that I was fired and she was not.

I have to move forward...... I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD!!!

When I read your post about how you and Ali talked for a couple of hours without LBing, my heart wanted to leap for joy. The first posts I ever read from you or your W broke my heart and I was so sad for the both of you. I know you both still have a lot of work to do, but at least you're both taking the first steps and I have to reiterate..... please stick around this forum and share your story and what you've learned as you recover. Stories like this were the only thing that carried me and my H through the difficult "just found out" period. I can't wait to read about your hopelessly romantic and inspiring success story!

GO, RANDY, GO!

When the OW has talked to Ali and when her sister talked to her 10 days ago, there was not a care in the world to what she did and not a care that she was partly responsible for ending my dream job. In fact, her sister said "You couldn't please your man"!!!

Her sister that I met twice was proud of the fact that she had multiple affairs. She laughed about it all the time and was proud of it. Both sisters then all proud of the fact that they are capable of having multiple affairs.

Ali has now stopped the calls. We think that had we continued, we might have a complaint logged against us. I think it was at that point....I think.

?????????????????????What????????????????????????

Just look at Notedudes posting! AGAIN!

They are whores and why would want to keep them in your memory????
Who cares how it ended! I am thankful that it did!
Remember you told me that you wanted to end the A a number of times! But she cried and begged and said no! What, a few weeks later she dumped you? You should have been thankful! She did you a favor! And me one too!
I am begging you again to please focus on us! I promise she will get hers! That thing is going to mess around with the wrong persons husband! And believe me it is going to be bad!
If you have to focus on that thing, realize what she is! She will get what is coming to her! you know it and so does everyone on this site! So please stop obbessing over her punishment! PLEASE!
Because it is driving me crazy!!
You are better than this! Please take your energies and focus on us! We need it more than that thing does!
You told me and I am not sure if this is true, but you said everytime you were with her you felt this incredible guilt! Well, take that guilt you had then and apply now! I could really use some reassurance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I will see you tomorrow night!
Snugs and a smooch
Ali wishes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ali88

When I first read your post I was livid and my first urge was to flame you, but I took a moment or two and thought about how I would address you.

For the first several weeks that you posted I felt that you truly wanted to salvage your marriage, but that was a misunderstanding on my part. I now realize that you have no respect for Randy and are only trying to force him to follow your agenda. When he fails to come out of his shell of self preservation and face you and your wrath you go out of your way to bash him. Hexx if your vehemance was what I had to face I would rather live in a fantacy world also.

Almost every person that has posted to you and Randy has told both of you about "love busting", and that flaming each other in particular.
They have also told you on several occasions that to come to his thread and then flame him for what he has said is wrong. Yet here you are doing just that which you know is the wrong thing to do. You don't even have the respect to allow him his own thoughts on his own thread. Yet you expect him to feel nothing but love and respect for you. Just what have you done here to show him that you are worthy of that?

He has stated that he cannot even come here and vent because you raise so much hexx with him when he does. Now he is out of town and you can't show him that disrespect in person, so you prove the truth of his statement by displaying your disrespect for his feelings here for everyone to read. Are your true colors showing here?

You give him hexx for venting and tearing apart the marriage, but are you any better than he is? This attitude is quite posibly what he has talked about all along. He has said many times that the marriage was strained long before he went to Texas. I am not one bit surprised that it was if you showed him this kind of disrespect even back then.

Everyone on this forum are trying to help you guys, and are hoping for the best posible outcome. But One of you has to bite the bullet and set all the Bullshxx aside long enough to really work on saving the marriage. One of you has to be dedicated enough to take responsibility for doing all the right things and none of the wrong. Thus far both of you have only given it lip service. Not one of the concepts have been applied, in fact it seems as if you guys have read them only so you would know how to break them.

Yes this is on Randy's thread and he will probably read it and try to use it in some immature manner to manipulate you. Yet if you had showed him the respect that he deserves it would never have been written here.

Regardless of what he says on his thread you must respect it as his, and accept the fact that you haven't the right to condemn him for it.

OK I guess I have said enough about the subject. I just hope that you take it as what it is meant to be, not as excuse to explode in anger rather than look at your own actions.

Agape fudd.

Hi Fudd!
I really do respect you and your opinions, really!

We have opened up our postings to each other to get different points of views!
I strongly take in your advice because it is well advised and carefully thought of!

What RR means when he assumes that I am monitoring his postings is because I am usually in the room when he decides to go and post MB. There were times when he and I would be in the same room and felt as if I was "monitoring his postings! Since then, I leave when he posts. I will come in the room and ask him a question and he gets extremely defensive! I can't even come near the den! So, to respect him and his privacy for the time, I leave him alone! Until he tells me it is OK to read the posting if I choose to! Sometimes I don't want to! Why he post that I am monitoring his postings is beyond me! Really, I ignored it his plea to MB
We had a long two hour talk last night that was actually productive! It made me feel good! I feel like we are actually getting somewhere! No shouts of anger and no tears!
A lot of MB advice was going through my head! The majority of our discussion was his need to get final closure and revenge!
I think I see what you mean about the LB! Was that the part where I question his quilt??? I just wanted him to know that I am not sure where I can begin to trust him because he has given me a lot of crossed messages!
I didn't mean it to be LBing! If I was, Randy I am truly sorry! I wanted him to know that there are people out there who don't care about others and to keep dwelling on it is going to take away from happiness he deserves! I told him last night, that there are serial killers out there who have absolutely no remorse for what they did! They are cold people! And that there are families who have lost a loved one due to a killer in which are walking away free. And the poor family of that loved one is not having any closure! What then? Sometimes you just can't get closure!

I am happy that we had a decent conversation and RR & I are communicating! I just want him so bad to see this person for what she is! And she is not worth his time! I had no hostility in my head when I wrote that post! It was more sincere! But if you did not read it as what I meant, gulp, I need to step back and reevaluate my intentions.

Thank you for your honest opinion!
Ali

Ali,

Can you please tell RR to stop wasting his time with revenge?! It will consume all the energy and thoughts within him that he needs to focus on the two of you. The two of you are what matters most.

Such a waste.

Though, I'm glad you're feeling better after your talk.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong>

Just look at Notedudes posting! AGAIN!

Who cares how it ended! I am thankful that it did!
I am begging you again to please focus on us!
You are better than this! Please take your energies and focus on us! I will see you tomorrow night!
Snugs and a smooch
Ali wishes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey RandyR! I see LIGHT and I see HOPE for you at the end of the tunnel. Do you see it? Look!
Your Wife is crying out to YOU for your help!! Don't let her down - this is your chance to really truly put this CRAP behind you. YOU - yes YOU, RandyR have a Wife who loves you and who still wants you and who will forgive you!!!!!!! What does the OW in McAllen have?
1- A bunch of pissed-off co-workers.
2- Probably an upcoming BAD Job Evaluation
3- 2 firings to her credit
4- A huge Glass Ceiling that she just banged her head on
5- No future in her current position
6- A NEGATIVE Karmic Debt from Hell
So... FORGET HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is revenge enough. And you didn't even have to do anything to her - she did a beautiful job of screwing herself (please pardon the pun)
What do you have?
1- Ali, your dear Wife who really loves you and wants to make your Marriage work
2- Two wonderful kids who love their Daddy
3- Support, advice, and prayers from folks (us) here at Marriage-Builders who really CARE about you and want you to be a SUCCESS STORY
4- Forgiveness of what you did from your Wife (but you have to ask for this one)
5- Resources on this Site and scads of excellent advice on both of your Threads as well as tons of good Articles from Dr. Harley
6- A God who forgives and forgets past sins

GO FOR IT! You're at the Starting Line!
GO!
Harold
PS - Thank you both for your kind responses to my Posts. You're both in my Prayers...

Ali88

I will attempt to explain wher I found your post to be a love buster.

Your opening.

?????????????????????What????????????????????????

This sounds like a question of Randy's intelligence. "Randy I can't believe that you are so stupid that you could believe what you are saying." Would you like to have this directed toward you as an opening ramark in a conversation. Not much incentive for him to tell you his honest feelings if it sounds like you are belittling him. LOVE BUSTER!
---------

Your next statement.

"They are whores and why would want to keep them in your memory???? "

One ? would suffice, yet you again questioned his intelligence with ???. Again ask yourself about the tone of voice you are projecting. Is it encouraging him to be honest, or is it telling him that you think he is stupid? LOVE BUSTER!
--------------------------------

"Who cares how it ended! I am thankful that it did!"

Randy cares how it ended! Immature? Yes. But it is a real obstacle for him to get over. Consider your child for a moment. Will he be slow at learning after all his medical problems? Will you beat him if he has troubling comming to understand something that he needs to learn? No! You will take him to a specialist and follow all the sussestions that are given to you, because you want only the best for the child.

Today Randy has the mentality of a child when it comes to the details of how the affair ended, and beating him over the head will not teach him anything but to withdraw into his own little world where all he has to cope with is the one pain at a time.

No one has to agree with Randy's feelings, yet you need to aknowledge them as real. To Randy they are real and he is hearing that to have them equals being stupid. Do you think he is stupid? If not don't make him feel that you think he is. Another LOVE BUSTER!
------------

"Remember you told me that you wanted to end the A a number of times! But she cried and begged and said no!"

You are using his own words to make your point. Does it feel to Randy like you are twisting his words around to use against him? How many points does that add to your LOVE BANK account?
----------------

" What, a few weeks later she dumped you?"

Is this a question or a statement that he is not supposed to answer? Love buster or love banking?
---------------

"You should have been thankful!"

For what? Helping him make himself look like a fool in front of his little world? Kicking him in his manhood after he made himself vulnerable and cared for her? Help him understand why and he might turn to you for more than telling you that you don't understand him. It is all in his mentality of the moment. Another L Buster!
--------------------------

"She did you a favor! And me one too!"

Have you called her to express your appreciation for that favor she did for you? Exactly what was that favor? What was Randy's favor, and what was yours? Don't leave it up to him to try and figure out what they were. That sounds like the ploy "If you don't know by now I'm surely not going to waste my time telling you". Are you so much smarter than him that you have the answer, yet make him beg before you will share it with him? Big time L Buster!
----------

"I am begging you again to please focus on us! "

This I can understand is your need, and totaly valid. Consider this issue to be like an earache. This is like asking him to ignore the earache and sing happy tunes? "Get over it" without medical attention or treatment. It just doesn't work that way, left untreated earaches and ego infections only grow worse. Bust or Bank?
----------------------

"I promise she will get hers! That thing is going to mess around with the wrong persons husband! And believe me it is going to be bad!"

If you have to focus on that thing, realize what she is! She will get what is coming to her! you know it and so does everyone on this site! So please stop obbessing over her punishment! PLEASE!

How will you fulfill this promice if your prophesy doesn't come to pass? What happens if she were to have a conversion tomorrow? This is a promice that YOU can't keep. Radical honesty or only what you hope comes to pass? For it to be radical honesty you must be willing to take matters into your own hands and go to Texas. Then what do you do? Are your thoughts also dwelling on seeing her get what she deserves? Are those thoughts getting in the way of working on your marriage? You must also "GET OVER IT" just the same as you tell Randy to do. Bust or Bank?
-------------

"Because it is driving me crazy!! "

And it is also driving him crazy. You are both dwelling only on your own personal needs, and not on what you need together. You are both being TAKERS. Where is the GIVER? I can see both, but the TAKER is dominant in both of you. Neither of you can take 80% and give only 20%.

I won't ask which it is, you are by now getting the picture of your post.
---------------------------

"You are better than this! Please take your energies and focus on us! We need it more than that thing does!"

Here you are asking him to become a giver rather than a taker. How does he know that he is being a taker? Have you discussed this aspect of the issue? You are being the taker here, rather than a giver? Even though your last sentence is true, you are still asking for him to be the giver. What are you willing to give in return?
---------------

"You told me and I am not sure if this is true, but you said everytime you were with her you felt this incredible guilt! Well, take that guilt you had then and apply now! I could really use some reassurance! "

Givers and Takers.
The same as the above. Except that you questioned his honesty in the first sentence. How is that for a love buster?
---------------
I will see you tomorrow night!
Snugs and a smooch
Ali wishes!
--------------

I hope that this helps you to understand some of what I am seeing in your posts.

Now for a change of subject.

I am a retired surgical nurse. I only wish that I had made the big bucks.

Yes the condition your son has is not terribly uncommon, and properly treated it will have a good outcome. It does cause parents considerable worry though. I personaly haven't had a great deal of experience with this type of surgery. The Army deals mostly with young men and their families. For some reason young soldiers love to break their own bones, and their wives can't seem to have enough babies. Broken arm,
C-sectiion, broken leg, C-section, appendectomy, C-section. Day after day for 22 years. Actualy there were many other surgeries thrown in during the day but it sometimes seemed as if you were working on an assembly line for 16 to 18 hours a day. I got to where I felt that I could do a total hip, knee, or shoulder replacemnet in my sleep.

I have arthritis in my hands so bad today that I can't hold the instruments, therefore I am retired from nursing. I am in school again. I am working toward a BS,Ed English. A BA in creative writing, and a minor in social studies. I have also applied for a position in the MFA program in creative writing at EKU. I would have to move from Ok to Ky but that would put me less than 100 miles from my grandchildren, who are at Ft. Knox. More incentive HUH.

Hope all this helps you.

Agape. fudd.

My nightmares continue and I need to go on medication so that I can sleep. For the past three nights I dream of the company I used to work for in McAllen. Can't seem to sleep much after I wake up in the middle of the night. I don't see the OW at all during my dreams.

Like I mentioned before and it might seem that I am grasping at help but some of us, for a moment are allowed to feel happy/fufilled. Even without the affair, the job had me fufilled. I was someone.

The job I have now, although paying the same is not what I want. In fact, I hate it. It h\just adds to the depression.

I have to say this chat group!!! For what's it worth and it really makes me feel more slimmy because I had the ability to stop it!!! I had the thought process. I was capable of stopping it.

When I would drive home from the OW's house at night, I kept looking up into the dark sky and seeing "visions" of my wife holding my youngest son and my oldest (5) and they are all crying. Becky is looking down at me. I remember one night in particular, I pulled over to the side of the road and I cried. I kept saying "What the hell am I doing??"

I COULD OF STOPPED THE AFFAIR!!!!!

Now the guilt. It's all too late for this.

I had a third round of interviews today with a food company. The position is much like what I wa doing in McAllen, working with the Procurment Department.

It will be awhile before we know.

Take care group......... Maybe being in a depressed mode is part of the "letting go cycle".

I REALLY MISS TEXAS!!!! I REALLY MISS TEXAS!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RANDYRAIL:
<strong>
I REALLY MISS TEXAS!!!! I REALLY MISS TEXAS!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Come to Dallas/Fort Worth area. There are a lot of Food Service related jobs here, I'm sure. Our area is the fastest growing in the US for 3 years straight, especially Tarrant County & Fort Worth. It got so hectic and busy for my wife and I that we sold the house and moved out to the country about 40 miles out of town - too busy for us!!
If you like Texas, you'll just LOOOOOOVE this area!
But it's something that you NEED to get your Wife's input on, RandyR. And please - if you do this - TAKE your Family with you!!!!!
JMHO, Harold