AH, I am so sorry for this you must be in so much pain right now. I am not the one to give expert advice after all I am still trying to work through all of this but let me tell you what happened with me.

After my H told me of the A he was still in contact with her (i found out later much more contact than i knew) anyway I kept being snoopy after he told me and that is when I found alot of the letters and what not that they had sent to each other. Anyway on night I found a e-mail from her to him she called him babe and told him how she loved him and I might add she was and still is a MW there was a phone # on the e-mail for him to call her at work so I called the # she was not there that night but (I kept the # and did call her at a later date) anyway I e-mailed her back I told her to leave my family alone to take care of her own family and so on I do believe it was after that e-mail that I became a real person to her, I don't know in your case if the OW will be cold hearted or not but in my case I do believe that was a turning point on her part not to keep trying to contact my H. My H was also very confussed for the first month or so not knowing what he wanted it was a very hard time and I still deal with those thoughts and emotions of him even having a hard time trying to decide me or her it should not be this way. I read on this site also that you should confront the OP after all you are fighting for what is yours show her you will not just hand him over, show him how much he means to you my H even made the coment to me I really didn't think you cared so much (he is brain dead alot of the time) I didn't think you would react like this he said he thought I would throw him out, not tell him I wanted to try and work things out.

As far as the religon thing goes like my pastor says religon can really screw us up it is the relationship with Jesus that we need not religon. Your H has probably been burnt by so called religious people he needs to learn how to have a relationship with Jesus then he will know that he can be truely forgiven I think right now alot of that is an excuse so he can keep doing what he is doing and not be acountable to you or God. My H tried that one too.

Gingersnap and everyone else,

It's always good to hear from you. How was your weekend? We had pleasant Sun and Mon. But I think he contacted OW Mon and she responded - It's been exactly a month since my H came home from exile and they may have a rendezvous planned this evening...he's working OT tonight. I'm nervous and anxious...VERY nervous and anxious...please pray for my H and me to have strength, wisdom and patience!

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: achingheart8670 ]</small>

AH, I really don't know what to say to you tonight I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.As soon as I read your post I said a prayer for your situation. It's funny I can hardly pray for myself but I had no problem praying for you. May the Lord direct you in what you should do. God Bless

Gingersnap,

Thank you for your prayer. It's so nice to know that there is someone out there I can rely on. He finally came home about 11:30. He called about 8:15 to tell me he was having dinner with his boss and a co-worker (not the OW) and would probably be done about 10:00. I called him on his cell phone about 10:30 but he didn't answer, so I assumed he was with the OW. He called a little after 11:00 to say he was on his way home. He said he got a new cell phone at work today but it had to be charged so he couldn't retrieve messages. He also said that his boss and his co-worker were also there until the end. From the way he was, he really might have been working. Who knows he and the OW may have had a plan but had to cancel. I'm not going to waste my energy trying to find out although I'll continue to be suspicious somewhat. I was so nervous and anxious when I posted the previous message but after a while and throughout the evening I was calm. I believe God heard your prayer for our situation and gave me strength and patience. Thank you, Gingersnap. How are you doing?

I talked to our marriage counselor today about what to do. He assures me there's still hope so I'm hanging on. I feel like I'm in a fog also - I am reading books and info on this and other recommended sites, but it's frustrating not quite knowing I'm doing the right thing. Must be strong and wise.

<small>[ May 28, 2003, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: achingheart8670 ]</small>

Well...it didn't take much to find out that my H did see the OW and had sex with her in his car last night after finishing the OT work. I wasn't mad or angry; I was very calm, which surprised him. I told him that I know what he did last night and that I ask him to leave the office at 5:30 today. I told him that he should take more time to decide what he wants to do since there is so much at stake. I also told him that I haven't been really able to show him that he would be back in a much better environment should he decide to come back because of the magnitude of the pain and hurt. He said, "Why don't you throw me out then? I have no control over my life." I told him I am weighing my options right now but I am committed to this marriage and I really want this to work out.

I'm not hurt but I'm just calm. Numb, maybe. Johnh39, even if I dropped off a snack for him at work, he would've met with her anyway. I guess it's time for Plan B...?