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Joined: May 2003
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Danish,
Have not heard from you in a few days thought I would stop by and say hello let you know I was thinking of you.

Whats going on?

Joined: May 2003
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I'm 44 today - not a big deal but I feel so sad because tomorrow very early I'll have to drive 4 hours to hand over our beloved dog to my cousin. The dog is in the garden barking right now - We're gonna miss him so bad. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
And - I fear the lonely nights in the house without the safety a big dog provides - when my son is sleeping at WH's place I know I'll be afraid to go to sleep.

I cried so much today that I called WH. I needed him to comfort me and I needed to ask him if he think I'm doing the right thing for the dog. If he thinks the dog can have a good life with someone else...
WH was so sweet to tell me he believe I'm doing the right thing and that he is sad about saying goodbye to the dog too. Later in the conversation after I stopped crying, we talked about our son - we agreed that S seems to be OK. I'm a bit worried that S didn't really react at all. WH said: "I think it's because you are such a wonderful mother. S feels perfectly safe as always and his everyday life haven't changed that much".

What do you say? Should I be worried about S's apparant lack of 'sad feelings'/reaction?

Btw I held my birthday party last night. Family and friends have been SO supportive and we all hugged and kissed and told how much we appreciate each other. They all brought me great presents (my S gave me two beautiful candle holders he bought all by himself! I was very happy) and we had so much fun <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MIL called and said happy birthday to me. She told me that she thought it all felt a bit 'odd' - that she feels my WH feels bad for what he's done, but that he appears to be deeply in love with OW.
MIL told me she understands the "falling in love and leaving the family" - she was once the OW she told me... WH's father who's been dead 15 years, was married when he and MIL met! Bad habbits appears to be running in that family!!! WH's brother divorced his W two years ago and another woman moved in shortly after - WH's sister is divorced too - and now MIL told me she was the OW!!! Oh my... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Honestly I don't know what to think or what to do... there's nothing I CAN do I suppose.

Thank you espoir and ginger for keeping an eye on me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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Danish

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It is so good to hear from you even if it is not all good news.
I have been soooooooooooooo worried about you!
its not like you not to post.I thought maybe you were on vacation or moving.
I am so sorry to hear what MIL said,but it was nice of her to remember you on your day.

My FIL also had A's,I think and hope this is the only one for my H,he says it is.Anyway when I read what you wrote it made me think of that.He cheated on MIL but always loved her never would leave her for anyone.I don't understand this but it made me look at my own situation and see,my H probably would not have left me.It is not in family history.His parents were married until FIL died,my parents stayed married until my mom died.I guess we come from a familiy with a history of long relationships.

Keep in touch
I was looking to see if you posted your e-mail but did not find one,if you have one and would give it to me we can always stay in touch that way.

Joined: Mar 2002
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Happy Birthday Danish! Sorry if I missed the day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Well, it's too bad that he hasn't gotten the moral support he needs to do the right thing....but now you know why. Family values are passed down and the sanctity of marriage is not just absorbed, but also taught. Even though he appears to care about the OW, please remember that barely 3% of these relationships survive. He is still on the "high", but hopefully reality will set in sometime soon and he'll see that the grass isn't greener. Take care and know you are in my thoughts.

Joined: Jun 2001
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Add another "Happy Birthday" on the day after.

-AD

Joined: Sep 2001
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Happy Birthday, Danish!!!

Sorry you are going through a hard time this year. I'm glad you have your friends, family and son around you.

Weird about your mother in law. It is good that she was upfront with you. I would not expect much support from her. People tend to justify their own decisions in order to validate themselves and their choices. So, she will endorse the idea that you just "fall in love" and "get swept off your feet". She is not in a position to disagree with her son's choice.

I think you are right, it does run in families. Somehow your WH may have absorbed the idea that this kind of behavior is okay. Even though there may be differences, for example, your FIL may not have left a child from his previous marriage (Which is worse than just leaving a spouse). If that is the case, you can use that subtly on your MIL and point out the difference. "Yes, I know you were the OW, but you weren't breaking up a family- and once FIL had children with you, he had to stay true to you and his children". (Of course that will only work if your H has no half siblings hidden somewhere). Maybe your FIL did have children from his first marriage- I can't tell from your post?

I'm sorry you have to go through the sorrow of giving up your dog.

Is your H paying child support? It seems ironic that he is shacked up with a woman who I will lay money on wants to get pregnant (hope he is taking care of the birth control) and he is barely supporting the child he does have. Even if she didn't get pregnant in her past relationship that could be her partner's fault, not a fertility problem for her.

It might be a lovebuster, but I might consider being quite public about his failure to pay child support. Meaning I would make sure that MIL + OW know. (done in a very nice way, of course).

<small>[ July 28, 2003, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: espoir ]</small>

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