Does anyone have connections with Lifetime, I see a movie in the making.

Waiting patiently for next chapter.

Okay, ladies <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm going on a vacation for a few days....until next Tues. So I'll write you another chapter before I leave.

Where was I??? Oh yeah. Well, I took my daughter to the hospital. As I said before, I had no idea that something that's considered as safe as tylenol could be so deadly. Evidently, thousands of teenagers a year OD on it....and it is lethal because it destroys your liver. They did blood samples and told me that she had toxic levels in her body. They said I needed to call my husband.

I did, and he was blase about it....said he couldn't leave the other kids, and didn't have a car. He thought that the tylenol wasn't dangerous and that Brie was just punishing him. I told him no, he had to come, that it was very serious. He asked me what the doctors had said. I told him that they said that "IF she survived, she would probably have to go on a liver transplant list." He still refused and I was afraid she would die and he wouldn't even see her. I called my next door neighbors (practically the only people I knew...and not very well) and told then the situation. I asked them to please take my baby (they love him) and give my H a car. I told them my H would resist, but the Mr. said "Don't worry, I'll set him straight"....and he did.

He came but he was distant and angry. Brie spent a week in ICU and miraculously survived....WITH her liver intact. The doctors said it was nothing short of a miracle. I told him that she was going to have counseling...it was required. And that would not be possible in Jakarta. I asked him to go to his boss and tell him that we could not go back there. He said he would, but he didn't. He had every intention of going back to Jakarta....and I'm sure, that would have been the end of my marriage. He acused Brie of destroying his career. He was not going to give up this huge promotion, and he was going to leave me there. We'd just spent a year apart....I knew we couldn't do it again. I was speechless at his denial about how dire this situation was. He was embarrassed to tell anyone what she had done....especially his boss. I didn't know what to do....or what I could do.

Ladies, I did something I have never done before....and he'd probably skin me alive if he knew I did it. I went over his head. Oh not to his boss....but the president of the company. Turns out, that I took very good care of this man's wife when she was ill once and translated for her during one of her moves. I called her up and invited them to dinner. I told her what happened. H didn't tell her husband...but on the way home...she did. And then the miracle happened. The next morning, at seven thirty in the morning....the phone rang. H answered it and was told BOOM....you're transferred to Houston. The job he wanted (the huge one in Jakarta) disappeared in a whiff of smoke!!!

The next year, was a difficult one. Brie was in extensive, but very good counseling. She stabilized. The baby was growing, and my other son was doing wonderfully. My marriage was not. My H was angry about the job he had lost, and hated his job in Houston. He blamed all of us for it, and he seemed unhappy all of the time. I was so full of resentment I could hardly breathe. I think I hated him for a while then. I thought about divorce every single day. And I didn't know if I could last much longer. I began to plan an exit. And then....after we'd been back in the states for nine months.....we got transferred again.

Only this time....and it could only have been the hand of God....we got sent home. We got sent to Lafayette, Lousisiana...and my H got a dream job...huge! All of my family and all of his are there. We hadn't lived close to our family since we married....17 years. I was afraid Brie would fall apart again...but she didn't...she wanted to go. So we packed up, and we bought a beautiful Acadian house in the lovliest area.

I wanted a new start, and I made a decision. I decided to save my marriage. To throw away my resentment, to cherish my husband. To look beautiful every day. And to be happy. It almost worked too. But that's another chapter.

I'll see you guys when I get back on Tuesday. You are all so precious to me. Please look out for Danish, and give her my love if she comes by. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Star,
Although what I have been through is not on the same level as you,I know excactly how you felt.

My H has blamed me and the kids for EVERYTHING bad in his life.Still today when he gets stressed over dealing with our S he tells ME I cant take that kid any longer and I am going to leave you,Ive had it with this family.
I tell him often that the family he is sick of is the family HE helped to create.Why do they blame US when things go wrong for them?

Thanks so much for sharing your story.
And I agree with Sue............Lets contact Lifetime <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have a great vacation you deserve it.

Star,

Have a wonderful vacation. You've earned it. I work with expats now and in my previous job. I have some idea about the impact it can have on families--or so I thought, until I read this.

I don't know what to say. I am in awe.

You are a strong, courageous woman who has taken on life head on. My hat is off to you. I am honoured to share in your history.

I look forward to the next chapter.

Star,

Enjoy your vacation.

Glad to hear that Brie was lucky and did not suffer any permanent physical damage from the OD. I can imagine how scared you were.

Star*,

How was the vacation?

hi sue!

It was a really sucky vacation LOL....but to explain why would take almost as long as the other novel I'm writing. Hmmmmmm lemme see if I can give you a condensed version:

Vacation was supposed to be:

H and I alone in the mountains looking for a beautiful cabin to buy *sigh*

Became:

Celebration of H's best friends birthday (who I dislike) and his wife (who gets drunk and strips alot). H and friend made the reservations....and we ended up in the same condo with these folks...paid half and they got the master suite and we got a really crummy room. I couldn't wait to get home.

Life doesn't always turn out like we'd like it to.....nevertheless.....North Carolina is so beautiful. I'm going back! Don't know when yet....but I will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Star I was wondering about you.
I was thinking we needed to change the name of this thread but I don't know how.
I kind of liked "The life and times of STAR*FISH"what do you think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sorry to hear about your vacation,but I guess I'll just sit back and wait for the next chapter.

I'm sorry to hear about your vacation. At least you want to go back to N. Carolina. (this time,leave the friends behind)

Now, time to rest from the vacation

ginger,

I'll tell you how to change titles....but only if you promise not to rename this one LOL! I'm not sure I want everyone to read my story hahhahahha.

Just FYI......to change a title (or edit a post) go to the original post and click the icon that looks like a pen and paper. The original window will appear. Then you can erase and rewrite to your hearts content.....title and all. Then click the button at the bottom of the window that says "edit post". Voila!!!

Sue, Yep, I'm getting a vacation from the vacation. I need to go catch up on your thread and see what's happening with you! Forgive me for getting behind.

J of HJK, hurtinhart, SAB......thanks so much for stopping by and lending support and interest.

Ok then I will take a vote.

Anyone who reads this please cast your vote on what the new title should be.

I will say this Star I have missed you.E-mail me when you have a chance so we can chat one on one.

ginger, send me your email again.....my hotmail acct went kinda haywire and lost alot of addresses.

Time for chapter???? Ginger, I don't suppose that you have the first three chapters I sent to your email do you? Some folks have asked for them....and I sure don't have them.

Okay. The year is 1999. We have just been transferred to Lafayette. I have beautiful house and I am home. Everyone talks funny like I do. All of my family is close by. I pick a lovely gated community on golf course. Immediately, we make friends with two couples. One couple lives accross the street. The man will soon become my H's best friend....hunter fisherman, good ole boy. This is his fourth marriage and her third. She is pregnant for the only child they have together.

The other couple lives a few doors down. The wife is incredibly beautiful, funny and young. The husband is a doctor and a little bit older than we are. This is a partying group of people. We were able to live in the neighborhood because I have a substantial inheritance and used it to buy the house. These other people make huge salaries and have enormous discretionary income. We can't keep up with them....and I don't want to....but H does. He begins spending alot of cash on his boat, hunting trips, taxidermy, fishing....more cash than we have to spend. Meanwhile, he's doing things like cancelling the cable and spring water because they're too expensive. Any effort to speak to him at this time about money is greeted with disdain and ugliness. We are definitely in a state of conflict. The resentment from the previous three years is eating us alive.

Now at that time, I was still had about 30 lbs after the baby to lose. I hadn't been to hair dresser in months. I looked in the mirror and felt so old....and just used up. These new friends of mine.....were both beautiful which didn't help my self esteem much. Now the problem with these friends was that they really both have issues and don't know how to respect boundaries. The young doctors wife blatantly flirted and touched my husband. The other wife was the one I mentioned who gets drunk and strips. This was not a good scene, but all of my efforts to get these people out of my life....just failed....because H liked them in it. Said they were his friends....and I could like it or leave.

Well after about a year of feeling insecure, unhappy, lots of fights....complete neglect from my H....I decided that I had to make a decision. Either I was going to leave....or I was going to fight for my marriage. I knew that I couldn't change him....even though I'd never seen MB. I also knew I was an angry, resentful, nagging wife who could care less about my H's needs. Even when he was home...he didn't talk to me...he'd work in the yard. I once told him if he spent as much time with me as he did on the lawn, that I turn green and bloom too. But, the time was at hand. I simply could not go on any longer with the anger I had in my heart. I decided to try to save my marriage.

I lost the thirty pounds. I started dressing lovely everyday. My house was spotless. I cooked gourmet meals. I stop *****ing, complaining and decided that I was just as pretty as those other women....except I was smarter than they were. I began giving my H admiration....especially in bed. At first he was just confused. He kept wanting to know what my game was....kept waiting for the axe to fall. Only it didn't. Eventually, he began to relax and become really interested in me. He still didn't treat me well. He still made unilateral and selfish decisions, but he like me as long as I didn't complain. And I didn't. I just cried silently at night and kept trying. He did seem attracted to me...and that was a good thing. I just felt so empty and insecure and lost. For the first time that I can remember, I prayed to move from this perfect place with all of these messed up people who had infiltrated our lives.

And God answered my prayers....but not really.

It was the summer of 2001 and we were transferred to Caracas Venezuela. I had had a really nice time in Caracas....and the school was great. I was excited about going. H had to go down early, and I was left to pack up and sell the house. The house sold immediately and I had two weeks to get out. One of the last things to pack up.....was the office. I had to go through all the papers....get everything sorted etc. Put the records in binders to take with us. Pack the things we would need in boxes, and then destroy or store what we didn't need. As I was going through the papers....filing and sorting....alot of numbers began to pop out at me...charges....unusual charges. I thought maybe it would be a good time to make notes about H's expenditures and have some real numbers to show him what he'd been spending. I started adding up the hunting stuff. The same month he spent 20,000 dollars on himself....was the month he cancelled the cable.

The more I looked. The more I found. And it wasn't just hunting stuff anymore. It was strip clubs....800 dollars for one night.....500 another and more. Then the shocker. I found the receipt for Madame Duongs Escort service in Thailand from 1998. He had visited a brothel in Thailand during those awful months in Jakarta while the world was falling apart around me.

So there I was. Sitting in a house that was sold....surrounded by boxes.....getting ready to move to a foreign country. I had spent the last year being the best most loving wife to an egotistical selfish man who treated me badly. My chest hurt, my stomach hurt.....I couldn't speak....I couldn't breathe. My husband wasn't even there. My children thought I was crazy. I finished packing and waited for my H to come home. He arrived three days later. By that time.....I had done a power point presentation showing all his expeditures for the last five years....including the expenses for women and clubs. It was staggering, sobering and disgusting. I wanted a divorce.

She left us hanging again.

I know, you used to write for evening Soaps such as DAllAS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ginger - if you find those first 3 chapters, and if Star says okay, I'd like to read them too.

Star* - you dont' really want to catch up on me. I had a couple of bad days.

I will check my mail account.
I may have saved them.

You are incredible Star,thank you for being so open for us.I know that is not an easy thing to do.I still can not be completly open about my life to anyone.
Who knows maybe someday.

You guys must think I leave you hanging on purpose huh? LOL....but I didn't make this stuff up.....and I guess the natural breaks are just there....too good to pass up.

Sue.....sorry you've had some bad days....now you realize I HAVE to catch up!

Ginger....Sometimes I'm too open. Lots of people think that makes me more vulnerable. This is my theory: Yes, being open does make you vulnerable.....but when you put up walls...you don't just block out the bad...you also block out the good. I'm unwilling to give up one ounce of the good to prevent the bad. Maybe I'm just greedy LOL.

No Star you are just smart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I guess I worry to much about someone coming into my life and judging what I have been through.The walls protect me from this.
Coming to this forum and being open about my H has been hard,at times I feel like I am living a double life.People I have never seen or met know all about his A.
People I have contact with everyday no nothing.They wonder why the weight loss,why I don't look as healthy why I don't trust my H.And I say nothing I say I don't know.

Maybe someday I will feel free to tell of all I have been through, but not now.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: gingersnap ]</small>

ginger,

When someone grows up like sue did, or like I did....they come face to face with their own vulnerability. If it doesn't destroy them...like it often does....the saying holds true and it makes them stronger. I think I am less afraid of my own vulnerability. There is not much I can think of that hasn't happened to me already....except the death of my husband, siblings or children that could be any worse than the things I have already endured. I believe I will survive....because I have. You can too. I'm not saying that you haven't had to endure anything....or that my life was more difficult. But when it happens to a child....there is a vulnerability, a loss of innocence that changes your life at the ground level.

Sue asked a question about how it affected my relationships with men....I think I'll answer that here. I think I went both ways. I chose men who were abusive, or men who were passive. I didn't chose healthy men. But mostly....I chose smart men. I've always been attracted to intellectuals. My first husband was the smartest man I ever met....he was also pyschologically wounded and abusive. Thank goodness that marriage only lasted for six months.

In the midst of this story.....my H is not put in a good light. It may be hard for anyone reading this to understand why I would stay with this man.....so I want to hit the high points of my relationship too....ballance it out a bit before we move to the next chapter.

I met my H a year after my first husband left. I had been devastated by the loss of my first husband. I was desperately in love with him. He was brilliant and handsome and like a tragic poet who needed a muse. He was so smart that everything in his life was easy......too easy. Easy to leave and go on to other things.

I was in college....and I met J in the spring. I was older than he was.....I was 21, he was only 19. To say he was handsome is an understatement. His nickname was Hollywood on the rugby team. He's smart, funny, and can charm the fruit right off of the vine. He's lived a charmed life too. Full of accomplishment and priviledge. We dated for five years before marrying. On and off.....because he was an awful boyfriend. I thought he would make a good husband because he came from the most wonderful supportive family. He has drive, ambition and is a wonderful provider for our family. He is good natured and affectionate and demonstrative. He tells me he loves everyday and inspite of his weaknesses....I believe that. The challenge in our marriage is not how he feels about me....but how I feel about him. But let me catch you guys up to the present....because we're getting close now.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Thank you Star once again.
I do understand about people who come from an abusive childhood.They are much different adults.Survivors like you said.To help you understand me I will tell you just a little about me.

I am the 3rd child of 6.Two older brothers and two younger brothers and 1 younger sister.I was and probably still am the apple of my fathers eye.His princess.I could do no wrong.I was the child that always wanted to please.When the others were acting out being rebelious,I was the one who sat quietly in the corner.Never to cause pain or heartache to my parents.
If my mother cried,I cried.I could not stand to see her in pain.I loved my mother more than myself,my father was very mean to her.I hated this about him.I did one rebelous thing in my teen years I left home for 1wk.The reason was I hated the way my father treated my mother.She cried and cried while I was gone and begged my dad to make me come home.My father always told my mother how wonderful "I" was how she could learn from me.My sister hated me most of her life because she could never live up to who "I" was in my fathers eyes.To this day he still tells me the ONLY reason he stayed in the marriage to my mother was "ME" he loved to come home to his princess.
That was a lot of stress and presure to put on a child.I believe this is the very reason why today I have such a fear of failure.
I never wanted to disapoint my parents I am a pleaser I want everyone to be happy,even if it means giving up my own happiness.

Maybe this will help you understand me when I tell you I do not know right now what makes me happy,what I would risk in my life.
I have spent most all of my life making sure everyone else was happy,I really don't know anymore what makes me happy.

Maybe this is one reason the A has hit me so hard.It feels like failure to me.I failed somehow or it would not have happened.I know in my head this is not entirely true but it is a different story in my heart.

<small>[ September 11, 2003, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: gingersnap ]</small>

Hi ginger , Hi star,,, wow, im so amazed with your story star,,, I really do believe this should be a book , People would love to read this im sure. I sit here and think , some of these women have gone through so much more than I have ever , and still I feel the pain and the hurt, I only pray that god gives us all the strength we need to move along, and I believe he has given it to you star, and also to you ginger. Ginger Im so proud of you, I know how personal you are , and for you to talk a little of your life is wonderful. Tell me do you feel a bit better? I hope so, remember we are all in similar situations and we can surely try to help you with anything you need. Im getting really sleepy so I think i will say good nite, God bless all of you,, Thanks star for some more of your life story. Hurtinhart

Correction. It wasn't Sue. It was me that had a similar childhood to Star. In fact, I'm also older than my H too (by 9 months). He's exactly the same as yours expect for the wonderful provider part.

Please continue with the story...I'm anxious to hear more.

<small>[ September 11, 2003, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: SAB ]</small>