Wow, I'm glad I decided to click on this thread to see why it was so long! Star, you are a natural storyteller <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , and I'm hooked.

Can I ask about when your daughter was in the hospital? I'm assuming you will say yes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , so:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He thought that the tylenol wasn't dangerous and that Brie was just punishing him. I told him no, he had to come, that it was very serious. He asked me what the doctors had said. I told him that they said that "IF she survived, she would probably have to go on a liver transplant list." He still refused and I was afraid she would die and he wouldn't even see her.

He came but he was distant and angry. Brie spent a week in ICU and miraculously survived....WITH her liver intact. The doctors said it was nothing short of a miracle. He acused Brie of destroying his career. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you and your husband ever discussed his behavior at that time toward your daughter? Does he still think she was trying to punish him? Does he realize now how serious it was then? Has he ever wondered how he would have felt (or how you would have felt) if she wouldn't have made it, and he didn't see her because he was angry? Or am I the only one that runs all these scenarios through my mind? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Star
I was out of town for a few days and just logged on and was surprised to see this thread at the top.

As I read the newest chapter to your story I just shook my head and said OMG thats me right now.

The happiness I felt a few weeks ago is gone.I feel invisable again.
And now after going to my 25th class reunion,I feel depressed and hurting more than I thought I could.

I guess its just a set back,like everything else I'm sure THIS TO SHALL PASS.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Ginger - I'm sorry to hear you are feeling sad again. I pray for you and your M to become stronger and more fullfilling for you. You have every right to be happy!

Star* - you are such a wonderful writer. Your story/life/strenght is a great and uplifting inspiration to all of us. Please finish the last chapter of this awesome never-ending story asap <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Star,

Of course we are still reading. I agree, you are a great writer.

Now, what should the title be when she sells this true story to Lifetime.

Cant' wait for the next chapter.

AFS, you asked this about the situation involving my daughter:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you and your husband ever discussed his behavior at that time toward your daughter? Does he still think she was trying to punish him? Does he realize now how serious it was then? Has he ever wondered how he would have felt (or how you would have felt) if she wouldn't have made it, and he didn't see her because he was angry? Or am I the only one that runs all these scenarios through my mind? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At the time it happened, it was certainly discussed. I'm sure I used every love busting technique in the book to tell him what a failure as a father he was. I had a child in ICU and a husband who was unsupportive, selfish, and completely out of touch with where his priorities should lie. And because he seemed so completely clueless about the danger our family was in.....I imagine I was pretty relentless in driving it home. At that point, I was like a mama bear....angrily defending my cub....and while I might not be the type to rage or yell...I can be quite deadly when I know where to send the arrows. Basically....I sliced him to smithereens.

Yes we have discussed his behavior....at various times since then. At the time, he wasn't very open to discussing it....but after it became obvious that his career wasn't over because of this act...he began to feel pretty low for implying that we had derailed it. I am certain also that my daughter's therapist (who also met with both my husband and I) explored Brie's reasons for doing what she did with him individually.

The truth is she WAS trying to punish him....and he needed to understand why. He had placed all of us, to be honest, into a situation that was unsafe for our whole family(and he wanted us to go back!).....and Brie decided that she was going to get his attention. I believe she did that. She decided that she wasn't going back to Indonesia....and that was the surest way she could figure out how to accomplish that...and frankly....she was successful.

I carry around a significant amount of guilt to this day....that SHE is the one who had to force this issue. If she had only known....that I would NEVER have relocated my children back there....if I had communicated that to her in time...perhaps she wouldn't have felt such desperation. As the adult, it was my responsibility to protect her...and I failed in that regard. The way things went down...I had just found out myself that day that he intended for us to return to Indonesia for his "big promotion". When she ran away that night, I'd already been telling my husband that there was NO WAY...but she didn't know that, and I didn't have time to tell her. If I had gone to her that night instead of waiting until morning to reassure her....well...I'm sickened by the missed opportunity.

We play a game at the dinner table....the hi/lo game where each of us tells the other's what the high point of our day was, and what the low point was. It's a nice way to stay in touch. One day, H and I played a variation of that...and were talking about the best and worst days of our lives. My husband picked the day Brie did this for both days. He went on to explain that it was the worst day because he almost lost his daughter and couldn't fathom how horrible that would be. But he said it was also the best day, because it put things in perspective for him and because he reconnected with her and realized how much he loved her.

Of all of his children, she is the most like him...both in looks and temperament....strengths and weaknesses. On a side note....she has bloomed into the most beautiful, talented young woman you could ever meet. Her beauty is exceptionally striking, and she has a fabulous voice....writes music....is recording some now. She has been starring in musicals for the last few years, and plays in several bands. She's studying Psychology in college....figures she's been to enough of them LOL...would like to specialize in children. Everyone who meets her now is simply enchanted. She's made me very proud.

It was funny...when we got to Lafayette...she was enrolled in a private religious school. I thought she would rebel against the religion...but she did the exact opposite. She embraced it....it was very healing for her. She came home one day and said "mama, Father Joseph confessed me today! It took him two whole hours." I was shocked and asked "my God...why did it take so long?" She said "Well mom, I had to confess my entire freshman year...but mostly...I had to confess what I did to you. I'm so sorry about what I did to you mama. You kept me alive you know?" That was a good day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok let me first get rid of the tears <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love to read what you write,it is an inspiration to me.Today is not a good day.For some reason it has been feeling like d-day all over and I don't know why.I know the next few months will be very hard for me to make it through,this was the time last year when H was so involved with OW that he literally ignored all of us.The memory is so painful I can hardly stand it at times.I know that he stayed but I feel so abandon I can not shake it.

As for your D.I can so relate to the pain and the "if only I had done this at this time."I say it often about situations in my life w/the kids.My oldest son went through a lot.It was painful for me,but through everything he always wanted to protect me from pain.I will never for get the phone call when he told me how sorry he was for all he had put me through,how he loved me so much and then said "Mom let me talk to Dad".You see my children do not have a good relationship w/thier father and it was not by thier choice.It is wonderful when they become adults and relize we as parents did the best we knew how.

Star*,
You know how to make us cry.

I think as parents we all have regrets about what we should have done.

No one said parenting was easy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I had a child in ICU and a husband who was unsupportive, selfish, and completely out of touch with where his priorities should lie. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you Star <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I don't even have kids, but of all your troubles, that part just seemed to me to be the hardest one to deal with.

Ginger,

Do you need to talk?

SS

Hi SS
Why?
Do you see something going on?

I know how smart you are,maybe I do and just don't realize it.

You sound like - kind of down

Or, maybe........just different?

Sometimes it's hard to tell, and I haven't talked to you as much.

Is it just me?

SS

<small>[ October 10, 2003, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

No it is not just you.
I have been really down,for about a week now.I am hoping this is normal in recovery.I dont even know if what I am in is recovery.Its hard to tell at times.Sometimes I wonder if this is how it will be the rest of my life.

I wonder if any one can tell me how to forget what has happened?

G,

Sweetie, you will never forget. It is a part of you, a part of your history, just as a burn victim remembers the fire. You are forever changed. Every relationship you ever have will be subject to your internalized evaluation based on your experience.

Forget? Never. My H had multiple A's...and I am currently in Plan B.

Forgive...another issue entirely.

...perhaps...depends...time will tell.

*S*

Thanks,

I guess really I know I will never forget.I have had a lot of junk thrown my way in my life,I have always been able to put on a smile and go on not letting anyone know of the pain or struggle.This is different.I have not been able to put on the mask of happiness.

sparkle thanks for words of encouragment.

Uh, not to be pushy or anything, but...

I feel intrigued and fascinated by your story, Star*fish. How would you feel about resolving the "lost at sea" part?

(So I don't start jumping up and down in frustrated excitement... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Star I agree,don't make us wait so long in between chapters the suspense is killing me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So sorry....I was gone this weekend. It was my birthday and I went to a beautiful ranch with my family in the Texas hill country. It was my FIL 70th birthday and we planned a big party for him....like a family reunion. I'll try to finish this up either late tonight if I can't sleep or in the morning okay? Hugs to all of you....I still can't believe you're reading this stuff LOL....but I don't mean to leave you in suspense.

Hey Star
Happy Birthday,was it today?
My brothers birthday was today.
Mine is coming up real quick,I am keeping it real quiet though,H forgot all about it last year <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> to busy with OW,so I am just waiting to see if he will remember this year.
Glad you had a good time.

Ginger,

Are you doing better this week?
You asked how to forget about things. Would one of these work?

1. Divorce your H, marry a 42 year old retired millionaire.

2. Go on a 3 month world cruise.

3. Quit your job and become a surfer girl.

4. Recover your M with your Husband. Over time, learn to think more happy thoughts. Live your life so has to have no regrets. Love your kids, and do things with them.

SS

<small>[ October 13, 2003, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS, I'll take number 1 pleassseeeee!!!!

Km4
me 39
WS 44
married 17 years
2 boys 11 and 4
ow was my best friend.