</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> See if you can POJA the time issue. That takes ole Don right outta the loop ya know????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Star! Thanks again for your time. I don't know if we're to the point of POJA yet. We haven't gotten that far into the Basic Concepts. What we've done so far is some of the reading and committed to filling out the EN and LB questionnaires (he dragged his heels about the LB, but said he had no problem with the EN - we'll see, I guess). Anyway, right now I'm more concerned about getting our relationship to a more loving place so that we'll both feel that natural motivation to POJA. Am I wrong to take this approach? It just seems like we've both been so angry and so witdrawn for so long that right now I'm afraid that if I ask him for very much at all it will be more than he's willing to give. I'm thinking baby steps.

I should have handled the CS issue differently. I'm a big confrontation avoider, so it's going to be very difficult for me to muster the nerve to actually confront him over some of these things. Although, I realize that avoiding confrontation is a lot of how I've ended up where I am and it's a character trait I want to change. My tentative plan is to spend the next few weeks or so workin on avoiding LBs and meeting ENs while addressing any issues that pop up in the meantime (the CS issue being a perfect example of something I should have addressed). The bigger issues, like his work schedule and friendship with Don, are things I'd like to put off dealing with until I feel more comfortable that our love is growing and I'm more likely to open the discussion without causing an immediate fight.

That's been a lot of our trouble over the 2nd shift and Don. Everytime I try to bring it up, his defenses go up immediately and it's a fight before I finished my opening sentence. Both issues have become very touchy subjects because of the number of times we've fought about them.

What do you think? Is my plan reasonable? How does it fit with the MB concepts? I haven't found much on the website that specifically addresses couples who are separated for reasons other than infidelity, so sometimes it's hard for me to put together what I should do.

God Bless,

jen

jena,

I'm going to post tomorrow, but just wanted to tell you quickly that stopping LBs (vital) and filling ENs (that you can) is a great initial plan to help build intimacy. As far as the POJA....it scares folks, but really, it's just a matter of coming to an understanding. You bring up a topic, and say....Can we talk about spending more time together? I really miss you and I'd like to set aside some time we can find to be together. Don't even bring up Don's name at this point. But I know an old Filipino proverb that says:

"When you have a long way to go, go slowly"

This is a process, so you will get lots of advice, but it's up to you to figure out the timing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I've been watching you and you have been learning quickly and helping other people to find help. You're doing really fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Star,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I've been watching you... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm gonna try not to get too spooked out by that! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Just kidding, I appreciate all your help. I can tell you know your way around the MB concepts and that's exactly why I'm here.

Thanks again,

jen