Dear Steven,

If there are other issues coming up at the hearing, I do not recall reading about them, so you might give me a recap on the 9/12 hearing topics, if the Cross Examination ideas were helpful.

Getting close,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling.

Dear Steven,

Good Luck Tomorrow,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling

I ended up changing the court date. I did this for a few reasons, one cuz i ended up having to take my 5 YD with me, (not good) i never had her served, and also cuz when she was here, anf had noticed the court papers, and was quite bothered by this,, the day she was telling me what a liar, and a manipulator i was, and am,,, I also cancelled, cuz its as if i'm going against what i'm hoping to accomplish,,

The next court date is Oct.

Thank you,,

Quipper, i sent her the Top Ten marraige myths, and an attempt to reconnect to and with her,,,i also explained the true reasons for and why, i was angered at her. Feeling denied. I sent her a full definition of anger, the primary nad secondary emotions,,,,
I also listed her top five emotional needs, the way i percieved them to be,,
i basically placed my heart out on my sleeve, reassured her the benefits can start immediately, and can be fulfilling, meaningful,,,

At times i feel as though i gain, but then i get knocked further back,,

here is her reply,, any suggestions???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't have time to read all of this right now but I did scan thru it. I'll catch up later.
I'm on my way out the door in just a sec.

Oh yeah, very few of us are physic. Therefore, that would be the only way a person could automatically know their partner's needs. We learn by listening. I don't think it takes a genius to see the corilation here. One would learn their partner's needs simply by listening to their partner. Observation never hurts either, good observers learn a vast amount of knowledge about the world and people around them simply by sitting back and really watching and paying attention.

The same holds true for our children. Not all children are born with the same identical needs. You learn what makes your baby happy by trying different things and caring about learning HOW to make them happy. Too bad people quit being so observant about others as they get older.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks

<small>[ September 14, 2003, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Dear Steven,

I energised for you, on 9-12. Let me know the date in Oct. It was probably wise to postpone, to
get her proper notice. I recommend not being overly concerned about her feelings of upset about your desire to lift the PPO. The total effect of your exercvising your power should be an aphrodesiac for her. Get her notice, and do everything right. Have a back-up sitter, or two, for your 5 year old daughter. You have not mentioned other issues.

One thing I see, in W reply, is that she is answering in generalities. That is not what you asked for. That is not what is appropriate.

You intended to ask questions with your statements. Your wife may need things broken down to simple, open-ended questions, to allow her to make the statements.

What would you like to change? What would you like to do? What would you like to increase? What else would you like to have? What would you like to avoid? What would you like to make disappear?

I presume that you still have opportunites to see her personally, at the doctors, etc. I would say that your best response is to increase your communication skills, for when you are with her, you can be listening to her. Try to be responsive to her ideas or disires when you are with her. What are the chances for taking a parenting course together?

E-mail may be good for your purpose of putting your heart and true feelings out there. Replying by E-mail is not the key, IMO, to advancing. She read it. The rest is up the competitive power struggle in which you are engaged.

I have made many suggestions to you, and similar suggestions to others. You are welcome to click on my name at the left, and read my posts which are mostly about getting back together. But also remember that I have pointed out the possibilities that it may be best just to leave your W alone, as much as possible, and just shine her on, giving her as little information as possible to use against you, and go on, resolved to be better without her.

My wife creates chaos in my house and does not do much partnering with me, or understanding my interests. I am asking my wife to reduce chaos, and to increase partnering with me. I am not sure that my requests will be listened too, and I may be better off where you are, without W.

I see that you have started making posts to give ideas for help and support to others. I do that also, to try to think through my own difficulties. To the extent that you are helping others in the process, I suggest that you are earning points upstairs, with heaven above, for the future. Hopefully something will materialize well before the final reward.

Best wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling

<small>[ September 14, 2003, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>