Hi SS,
Is that the Big Sur Marathon? Well shoot, had I known 4 months ago that I could possibly meet you and your wife if I did this marathon, I would have planned accordingly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It's fun to support and cheer for the athletes. We greatly appreciate the efforts of volunteers like yourself and your wife! So you guys live in California?

Yes, I need to work on that list and try to stop myself before I start. I'm a work in progress. I hope it's not too late to have a posative effect. It seems like once I get started it just rolls and is tough to pull back.

I said some very bad things to him last week when we were in a huge argument and he told me he filed for divorce. The things I said came from the terrible pain I was feeling that I felt he was the direct cause of. I regret it but he will never forget what i said and keeps telling me that now that he knows exactly what i think of him, he can't understand why i would want to stay married to him. I can't take it back. it's been said.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by still seeking:
<strong>.....Yes, I am up late. I am in the mountain time zone. I finished a project at work and I ought to go home and get some sleep, but wanted to do a few posts tonight (cause I probably won't have time tomorrow.)

......You and Orchid ought to get some sleep too.

Orchid, how do you do it?

SS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi SS,

U R the one who is running on andrenaline!!! LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am in CA and have met T1. She is one beautiful lady and for the life of me I can't see why her H is such an...... eh um.... ssssss. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

How do I do it? Well I think about how I was and that my mind would never let me rest. How my life seemed destined for failure and yet, I kept plugging along or hanging on for dear life. It was not as bad as some but it sure felt bad for me. Well now, I am more on my feet (but still short - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and am compelled to give back a bit of the support that was extended towards me. Those were some rough times for me and the flash backs still exist. Now I have a to put on that horrible memory and it is twice as ugly!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

So I feel like I will be in the recovery mode for a while. Another reason to keep coming back. I get encouraged, discouraged and helped here many many times. Guess I am sort of a trooper and the giver in me still has some life in her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

T1,

Don't fret on the regret. Will you LB somemore? Of course. Is it justified? Probably.

If he throws that in your face, ask him if he can handle his behavior if he were you. Put it back on him and don't mind if he buckles under the weight of the pressure you have been carrying.

Then go running and renergize yourself.

Call if you need. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Orchid,
Can't wait for virtual bowling in the city! woo hoo!

We're both calm this evening. I need to print out that list from divorcebusting and read it everytime I get to feeling crazy! I don't understand why sometimes i feel ok and other times i feel like i can't bear another minute. I must be psycho or something.

Hi T1, Orchid -

No, I am helping with the St George marathon. I just looked up to see what was going on in CA that weekend and guessed, so that's why I asked about Big Sur. Portland is nice too, my dad had a aunt living there that we visited and Portland is nice as cities go. Quite a ways away for me though, as is the bay area.

I don't understand why sometimes i feel ok and other times i feel like i can't bear another minute. I must be psycho or something.

If you could figure out how to do something about that, you could become the richest person in the world in a very short time. I have only been able to cope with it by the grace of God and strength of will. The former seems to be more help than the latter.

No, I believe that is kind of normal for many, many people.

I am glad you are more calm tonight. Rest up, cause it won't last. It will return however, you can count on it coming back after your next down period.

Orchid, I think about you often, and wondered if I ought to ask about you on a new thread, but didn't know if you wanted the attention. I think very highly of you, and pray for you too. Thank you for all you do for so many.

T1,
by now you have some plans, but I don't know if you can talk about them. Are you feeling more sure of yourself? Do you have faith in your future with or without your H? As you practice what you learn here, those things should come to you. You should be happier more often, less stressed. It takes time, but it will come if you continue to learn and improve YOU.

Keep trying, don't let up. Just like the marathon, you have to keep going after you hit the wall. You know how to do that, I know you understand.

SS

<small>[ September 18, 2003, 10:51 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I hope you are still talking to Orchid. I worry about you - no one should have to be in the kind of pain you have been through the past few weeks.

Please let us know how you are, I don't imagine things have changed much, but wanted to check in and see.

SS

Hi SS,
Yes, I'm in contact with Orchid here in San Jose. It's been extremely difficult. Like a nightmare. My husband is definitely pursuing this divorce and there's nothing I can do about it. It's very sad. We put the house up for sale today and I'm talking to lenders to see if I can buy a condo on my own. I called and left a message for my doctor today to see if I can get on some type of medication to control this deep depression I'm in. I just don't have any hope for the future right now and am barely able to function on a day to day basis. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'll get through this. i just don't know how long I'm going to feel like this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by troubled1:
<strong>I'll get through this. i just don't know how long I'm going to feel like this.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As long as you know you will weither this storm you are half way there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . The most important thing is keep talking to your support people.

Next time we will feed LULU more cakes so that you can talk ... LOL.

Hope you could join us again. -rh-

Hi T1,

Stopping by to say hi and see how you are doing.

{{{{hutgz}}}}

I know this is a hard time but I know you are resillient and will survive. Odds are that you will survive better than your H though you may not agree right now. That's ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

U know how to reach me so take care and call when you need, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
Next time we will feed LULU more cakes so that you can talk ... LOL.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey! I don't need cake! Besides, I kinda like the results of the infidelity diet. I'll be quiet next time. Promise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Hang in there T1! Make sure you can have dogs in your new condo!

T1 ... could you check in please ??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ? make sure you are ok ....

Orchid ... any news from T1 ?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by *LULU*:
<strong>Hey! I don't need cake! Besides, I kinda like the results of the infidelity diet. I'll be quiet next time. Promise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry don't mean to put you on the spot ... actually it is make fault ... you are a good story teller <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> leave something hanging at all time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I use to facilitate support group in my church but I can't resist to hear the rest <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

Check on GQII I will post something to gather interest to do it next month again.

-rh-

RH,

I called her tonight and she is ok. Will post more later.

L.

Hi Guys,
I'm doing allright. I'm trying to acclimate to the fact that my marriage is over and he is no longer the man I fell in love with and was married to for 10 years. That is becoming very evident with every interaction we have. I'm trying to interact with him as little as possible to decrease the pain it causes and I'm working on getting my personal network up and running again.

I've been in touch with some dear friends that I haven't spoken to in a while and slowly letting everyone know what I'm going through. It's quite embarrassing and it's very difficult to explain it over and over again but my freinds are very supportive and this will be very helpful.

So I'm trying to keep busy and schedule activeties that keep me out of the house. He's just been a bear to deal with. Again, the man I'm dealing with now is definitely not that man I loved.

These next couple of months are going to be pretty stressful with splitting up our stuff and selling my beloved home and deciding what will happen to our babies (doggies). Will one of us keep both or will we split them up?....don't know any of these details at this point.

These are very strange times.

Thanks for all the support and caring you have all provided. This support has been a life saver as far as I'm concerned. I will keep you updated as to my status as things start to unfold.

Thanks Again and I'm looking forward to the next bay area get together!

It looks like you are starting to heal
Is that the right word?

Or at least begining to make progress out of the shock of learnning that your life will be changing drasticly. You sound much better, I hope you feel better too.

Only a little more than a week until you run - how are you feeling about that?

I have a question for you, but I want to give some background first.

Often when there are problems in the marriage there are faults on both sides. Not always, but often. This is never an excuse to have an A, but both contribute to the state of the marriage pre A. I believe you said you came here three years ago? (I am going by memory, so if I am off, correct me) Can you tell us what you have learned, and how you applied it over the time you have been here? Also, do you feel that you have addressed any things that needed correcting on your end of the relationship?

I ask because over the time I have been here the people that seem the happinest after things are finished are the ones that feel they did all they could possibly do.

You have mentioned LB's more than once. How are you feeling about things now? Do you have advice that may help others?

SS

Hi SS,
Yes, my marathon is quickly approaching. I'm feeling pretty strong physically and I think I'll be fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm already thinking about my next one. I plan on running Rock & Roll Arizona in Phoenix in early January.

Healing may not be the right word for what I'm going through. I think what I'm doing is taking steps to make changes in my life that will facilitate healing. Yah, that sounds appropriate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Regarding your other question about what I have learned about how I have contributed to the problems in my marriage. This is a subject I have thought about a great deal recently. I need to take a bit of time to sort my thoughts in this area and how to put it in writing. stay tuned on that one.

Thanks for the feedback. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi T1,

Been thinking about ya. I actually have some free time this weekend but wil have a kid in tow. Let me know if you want to get together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Well I recieved the petition for dissolution of the marriage today in the mail from my Husbands lawyers office. I'm just sick. I knew it was coming but it just makes me sick.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by troubled1:
<strong>Well I recieved the petition for dissolution of the marriage today in the mail from my Husbands lawyers office. I'm just sick. I knew it was coming but it just makes me sick.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it stamped (received & sign) by the court's clerk ?. You have to be served ... is it certified or do you have to sign anything ? I would not say anything to H about receiving this letter. The pettioner (H) has 14 days to served you and you have I think 21 days to respond from the date that you are served. This letter is just FYI if it is already received by the court and if there is no stamp/signed by the court's clerk you could tossed it in the garbage ...

{{{HUG}}} hang in there. Right now you feel that your world is collapsing but later you will see that you could survive & thriving. Many does.

-rh-

Hi RH,
Yes, it has the County Clerk's seal on it and was delivered via US Mail. I think it states that I have 20 days to respond. I'll be calling my Lawyer on Monday to to take them in to him.

I cried all night and this morning. I'm just sick about it. I knew they were coming but that doesn't matter, it's just so sad. Just the words "dissolution of marriage" and "you are being sued" and the petitioner is your husband! This is unreal.

T1,

hang in there, ok ?. I know exactly how you feel, I got on Paxil right away last time it happen to me to make me numb. Take Orchid's offer or you could call me too. (Orchid or LULU has my cell# or just email me to get my #).

Does he want the dogs ?.

{{{(((HUG)))}}}
-rh-