</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She did mention that she was going to transfer the phone over to her apt., it is in her name only. I said that was fine, since she made an enormous amount of long distance calls before she left, she could have tha balance on the account as well. That was all I said.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When? When you were in the hall picking up the kids?

The way I understand a full blown, 100% Plan B, is that any direct communication is only in an emergency type situation.

Is your Plan B going to be based on Jen's style (from what I gather, more lax about contact), or based on the more strict concept? - no talking, no mouths moving, nadda... none.

I would like to see you in a plan where you do not even see your wife. How can she ever begin miss you and wonder about you if she sees you on a daily basis?

WMWB - Liar - no you won't .. LMAO@U. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks needed that laugh.. remember what we talked about .. ( no posting it on here.) I almost did something this morning but thought to myself what would WMWB say to me about it.. I'll tell you later what it was.

I'm going to Hijack your thread a min .. if you don't mind. I need Cerri, star, Mike, or anyone else for that matter to give me an opinion on the last couple of postings ( I think I've been talking to myself ) L&C

Ps: I GOT A NEW JOB _ WHOOOOO HOOOO - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry
It is going good bye the way -

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: Lost&Confussed ]</small>

Liar???? About what...??? On second thought, if I forgot about something (or accidentaly misstated it), you just keep your mouth shut... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm trying to put together a plan B more the likes of Cerris approach. Hardcore, absolutely NO CONTACT. None, nadda, out of sight and out of mind, I will (for all practical purpses) drop of the face of the earth. I don't yet have an intermediary, so i had to pick up my kids in person. She stopped by unannounced to pick up a few things (she claimed to have told our 4 yo she was comming). I have set up some good boundries, and am actively inforcing them. I told her that she had until Saturday to get anything she needed from our house, she wasn't welcome there after that.

My intention is the Cerri/WH model of purist plan B. I will go completely dark. Any other analogies i can use to get across my commitment to this? Anything else I can say to show my resolve and detirmination about this? I know I have come off as weak and indecisive in the last plan B. This is a whole new battle plan, I will be doing exactly as I was advised before...only this time I will be actually doing it!!!!

I'm rootin for you WMWB. As I said previously, I think your wife is a fool and I hope she realizes it before it's too late. I have faith...treat your "no contact" like an addiction - take it one day at a time.

You sound like you have new energy and focus. Enjoy your children. You deserve better than this.

Wife?...What wife? I don't know who you're talking about....(just kidding).

Remember, if you have to talk, come HERE first.

Yup, new focus, new energy, new outlook...you name it. I'm excited to get the show on the road here. I'm in the process of restructuring my finances to free up some cash (to be used for fun stuff!!!) and taking up some new hobbies. I'm signing up for a parenting class, for fathers only. And finishing up some work on the house (that I started a month and a half ago) and looking at some new projects.

Wife? Who needs a wife? We don't need no stinking wife? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She stopped by unannounced to pick up a few things (she claimed to have told our 4 yo she was comming). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Change the locks.

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

Ok, This is aimed directly at Cerri and/or Mike...

I have secured an intermediary!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Are ya proud of me yet??? Anyone, anyone... My stepmother agreed to do it. She is firmly in my camp, but of any relatives on my side of the isle, she'd be the one my W would be most comfortable with I think. I will have to see the W tomorrow to drop off the kids and at that time I will give her instructions and appropriate phone numbers for my step mother. After that, NO CONTACT!!!!!!!

I told you guys I'd do it right this time... and you all doubted me...sheeeesh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well done. Of course we're all proud of you.

Just a thought. Can you get your stepmom to drop off the kids and give the contact details herself.

With your WW living so close it might be an idea to draw up a schedule of the typical movements of you and WW (and maybe OM, sorry to mention him) so that you can plan your movements to avoid contact. Might need separate schedules for weekdays and weekends.

I salute you, sir.

Well, my thought was that pick ups and drop offs would occur at my dad and step mom's house. So as to avoid contact in those cases. I'm not so concerned about accidental contact in town.

She was making a stink about having the boys spend the night with her tonight. I told her that they sleep at home, we split weekends. We agreed to this a month ago, she signed it. Then I gave her my step moms contact info and said she could call our house at 8:30 every evening to say good night to the boys, other than that I was no longer taking her calls. She said that would be great (not having to talk to me anymore) and it would be a lot easier this way.

I don't think she has any idea what's in store for her.

Hey Jilliana,

I have a question for you, what is your story? I've got a slow work day here, so i was snooping around this site and didn't see anything from you about your story.

Send me an email at: evilhvac@hotmail.com if you want...I mean if you don't feel like telling it publicly. Of course, it really is none of my business, soooo feel free to tell me off in that respect if you wish... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm so happy for you. You sound like you've found purpose now. I admire your resolve. One of the best things about having your step-mother as the intermediary is that your boys will have more contact with their grandparents on a regular basis. The more people you can love them now the better. Your show of strength is admirable.

Please remember that you've done the right thing. Stick with it. It won't always be this easy. If you need us, we're here for you.

{{{{{{{{{{{{WMWB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm proud of you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SAB:
<strong>
I'm proud of you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Awe shucks....<blushing and looking around aimlessly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> >

Thank you. I feel really good about the last couple of days. WW seemed happy to not have to talk to me anymore, but I think she just didn't want to show that it bothered her. I don't want to be mean to her, but I really feel as though the tough love approach is the only thing I can do that will work. I wasn't sure before and I think that may have been a big reason why I wasn't very successful at it. I didn't have all my confidence behind the plan at that point. I do now. Until she comes to me and makes a real commitment to me and our marriage (and of course she meets the terms of the PBL)she is out of my life. Our marriage is on hold and the ball is in her court. I think she will have to go through the holidays for there to be any real fog clearing. I have the kids on Christmas, so I KNOW that will be tough on her.

<small>[ November 05, 2003, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back ]</small>

Congrats on the intermediary. Have you changed the locks yet?

She'll just have to make do with the OM over Christmas. Oh well...

Now back to reality. How are the boys?

Well, we had another stumble last night. My intermediary called W several times to let her know I was on the way to pick up the kids. I don't have anyone to handle the PU's and DO's, so i am doing it with as little contact as possible. I'm working on ironing out that detail. Anyway, WW won't answer the phone. I finally call and she answers, I say I on the way. She says "no, they are spending the night." Then she hung up. I went over there and she wouldn't answer the buzzer. So (and this is my bad) I rang the buzzer for about 10 min. until she answered. She told me to leave. I said that I'm here to pick up the kids. She said she called the cops. So, I went out and waited for them. She got to keep the kids lst night. We have an agreement that they are supposed to spend the night at home, she changes her mind whenever she wants. No stability for the kids with her.

Anyway, before I get yelled at again, I realize what I did to escalate things and won't do it again. I should have just gone home when i talk to her on the phone. What I am planning to do is, convey to my WW (through the proper channels) that we need to have an agreement which is notorized of we go to family court to work out a schedule. I don't want to take this to court, but this isn't good for the kids and has to stop.

I haven't talked to her other than at her apartment. All correspondence about the kids for today went through my step mom. I will not call W, but I'm preparing an email for my step mom of stuff to discuss with WW pertaining to the kids.

This is gonna get tough soon I think. She is already acting out. Oh, and Tak, I didn't change the locks, but I do have her keys. So has no access to the house without me being there.

Bumping for a friend of mine, so she can find this easier.