WMWB - I know what you mean .. sorry your week is starting out rough. Hang in there!

The kids saw us bickering over the pop, and they saw her hit me in the back, they didn't see her slap me across the face. They were already in the car when the police showed up. I'm so tired of being bullied by her.

I'm not sure how the whole kid exchange is going to happen now. I don't go into her folks house anymore, not that I've been asked not to, just to uncomfortable. I suppose I could ask her to stay outside. I asked her in this morning, it was cold outside and the kids were still in bed. I thought it was the polite thing to do. She thinks she can still come and go and take stuff like she still lives there and we are happily married. She won't respect any of my requests. She throws the A in my face. She doesn't care who she hurts by this.

Whats worse is, the doesn't even try to hide it from her folks or the nieghbors. She parked her car in his driveway all night, she goes over there and hangs out with the nieghbors and him. Everybody says they want to stay nuetral and not get in the middle of anything. So, they go about their business and pretend nothing is wrong, like she isn't doing anything wrong. Her folks are the same way. I don't think they realize that they are not doing her any favors by allowing her to rationalize her behavior and think there is nothing wrong with it. It is so frusterating.

I just thought of something funny...You're still fulfilling a need the OM doesn't--COKE. No wonder she made such a fuss over it. I know bad joke. But it was there however small. Maybe you should give her a case as a present. OK I'll shut up now.

Well, I was thinking i should have offered the cop a coke and then the two of us could have come out of the house, both of us drinking Cokes. She would have loved that. I was going to bring the reamainder of the case with me to work, because I'm sure she will be at the house while our 4 yo is in pre-school today...if he goes today.

This whole thing sucks. Her mom called about 45 min. after the whole incident ended and W left. The mother in law said she wanted to talk to W. I said she wasn't here. Mother in law asked if the kids were home, I said no. Then I asked if everything was ok (she sounded distressed), she just hung up the phone on me. I guess news gets around fast. It just dumbfounds me how her folks can just go along with what she is doing. They were with me right up to the point where this got difficult for the W. As soon as I moved to plan B and started to not meet her needs, they bailed on me. Said I was going about this all wrong, that if I wanted to patch things up with W that this wasn't the way to do it. I've explained paln A & B to them, but I don't think they really got it. I wrote them a letter, which is posted on my other thread, but have not sent it to them. I think now is the time.

I think it's time to get tough with her. How about agreeing with her? She says the marriage is over. Fine. From now on, she is a guest. Period. Someone who you choose who can come in or not. Would she have a right to walk into anyone else's home and take something out of their fridge without asking? When you open the door and see this woman who looks like your wife but isn't, you don't have to open the door. She's chosen where she wants to live and it's not your house. Tell her to get her own COKE and keep her slimy paws off yours. Yours is off limits.

Remember Plan B--no contact unless having to do with the children. Do you have any one that can mediate or help you with this? Anyone else do a Plan B that can give suggestions about this? I never had to do it.

We must be typing at the same time. I agree with you. It's time to send it.

And I agree with you, it is time to get tough with her. She is a guest, and it is up to me if she comes in and what she can or can't have. The only leverage she has is the kids. She is such a hot head that I wouldn't put it past her to do some very irrational and irratic stuff. But, that would only backfire on her in court, and I think she knows it. Especially now, I think she must know that she isn't looking to good. This is the second police report I've had filed on her in the last couple of weeks.

I'll send the letter and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not sure her folks will even read it. They think I'm being way too heavy handed. It doesn't matter that she is having an A.

They think I'm being way too heavy handed.

You're too heavy handed? They obviously haven't seen her in action, have they? I think you've been handling things very very well considering. But when you're a parent it can be easy to put blinders on where your children are concerned.

Well, probably not. I can't tell if she has convinced them that there is no A, or if they just don't care. Anyhow, it doesn't really matter right now, they can hate me if they want. According to W, her folks have a history of denial and blinders, you know only seeing and reacting to what they want to see and react to. There have been some incidents in W's past that have gotten much of the same response from her folks, no matter how much she needed their help, they didn't want to acknowledge the problem. I won't expound on the nature of her prior issues, not any of anyones business here and do not pertain to our situation. However, this is a major reason that she (under normal conditions) doesn't really get along to well with her folks...her mom especially. So, I guess this reaction is just par for the course as far as they are concerned.

Anyhow, it just seems that this is exactly what she wants, us to be over for good. I can't ever imagine her turning back into the woman I married or ever coming back to me. She is just to angry and bitter....and stubborn.

Could you arrange for a babysitter during the day so that she doesn't have to come over at all?

I can't ever imagine her turning back into the woman I married or ever coming back to me. She is just to angry and bitter....and stubborn.

You couldn't imagine your W turning into this woman either. But once she gets past the anger and bitterness, she may start to see things differently. I believe feelings are like a circle. What goes down must come back sooner or later. If she loved you once, she can again. How did you get her to notice at the beginning? I wonder how she would react she realized if you were interested in other women? Not that you should but it makes me curious about how she would respond to that. A man who dotes on his children as you do can be a powerful attractive feature to some women.... Hmmmm...You said you do have some weekends to yourself. What ever could you do with that kind of time?

Alright, that sounds a bit to risky to me...

In this state, I'd fall for the first woman to give me a hug. Not condusive to marital recovery <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> !!! Anyway, I had much the same thought, not dating per say, just someone to go have coffee with or to go to hockey games with... no, no, no, thats how A's start in the first place...can't do that. With my luck, I'd fall for someone at the same time W would come to her senses. Not good.

You don't have to do it for real. Just give her the perception that you are. It may take "losing" you for real may wake her up to the reality that she does have you or control over you any more. All she'll have is the OM. I can't see her being satified with that.

Hard to say. She might say "Good, now can we end this please..." or it may have a more profound affect on her. I don't know. But how embarrasing would it be to go thru all the trouble and have her find out it was just for show. That would both suck and stink of desperation. I would think it would have much the same effect to just file for D and let it sit on the court docket for awhile. With the reality that I done with all this, she can go ahead and have OM, it may clear the fog a bit. Who knows, just a thought.

<small>[ October 20, 2003, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SAB:
<strong> You don't have to do it for real. Just give her the perception that you are.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think that is a good idea. She is too deep in the fog for any tactic to make an impression right now, and it is probably better to not give her the ability to assuage her guilt by pointing to new social connections on the part of her husband that are maritally inappropriate.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mike C2:

I don't think that is a good idea. She is too deep in the fog for any tactic to make an impression right now, and it is probably better to not give her the ability to assuage her guilt by pointing to new social connections on the part of her husband that are maritally inappropriate.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That would probably work IF there were some signs of concern on her part and desire to communicate with him, but that is far from being the case in WMWB's situation, so I have to agree with Mike about it being counterproductive (in this case).

WMWB
I feel your pain and I too "would fall over for the first woman to give me a hug". I know how you feel. But you can't allow yourself to fall into an A. My ENs haven't been met for 3 mo and especially since DDay 9/28/03. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. Be strong though and believe in your M and your kids.

I went to MC last night and he told me "God doesn't make mistakes, we make mistakes." Meaning He wouldn't have brought W and I together and allowed us to say our vows to Him if it were to be a mistake. It's really hard to live under these circumstances depression, isolation, etc. but you and I both have to believe in God to go good work here. That belief is just as hard as going on sometimes, but we have to have faith.

Good luck and don't give up no matter how bad it looks/feels.

Good morning all. No, of course I'm not going to do anything that would make it possible for me to slip into an A. I love my wife and want her back at all costs. I don't think it would make much of a differance to her right now anyway. She is in a selfish, self-destructive mode right now and I don't think there is anything I can do to bring her out of it. This just needs to run its course.

So while it's running its course, go get a life for you and your children. Almost like the 3 muskateers. I believe you said they were both boys(?) If so, they'd love that.

SAB

Yeah, they are both boys. They are my posse'... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> A couple of the coolest kids you could ever meet, but then again I'm a little biased. They are the best things that ever happpened to me and I love being their dad. I never thought, being a cocky twenty-something college stud, that being a father would be so cool but it is. I wouldn't trade it for the world. They are 4 and 2-1/2, but seem like they are going on 25. They are a couple of my best friends.

WW is starting to play some games with visitation. We had a written agreement that the kids would sleep at home at night, so as to maintain a certain amount of stability. The bedtime routine has always been my time (W is usually pretty shot at that time of day). W would get them during the days and we would alternate weekends. That was the plan. Now, since she was forced to find a job, she wants to throw that whole thing out. She has stated that she wants more nights with the boys. She started out making all sorts of demands, telling me that she would drop them off Friday evening. I got her to negotiate a little. I still get them on the week nights, but she has them this weekend. This would be so much easier without the kids in the middle. I feel so sorry for them, they didn't ask for this and have no control over what is happening to their family. It's not fair.

<small>[ October 22, 2003, 10:09 AM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back ]</small>