I am trying to recover from yesterday's enlightening news. Actually, I have thought that this was still going on, and that is the reason for my H's refusal to work on this marriage during counseling. I printed out Mia's post (by the way, Mia is a nickname) and had him read it. He actually thought she was sincere in appologizing to me! Said she had more courage than he did. I have cried so hard last night my eyes are almost swollen shut! No comfort from him whatsoever. <P>You are all correct in telling me that the anger should be placed towards my H. I know that. I've been displaying that anger for months. I can't get past those lovebusters! As much as I hate to admit it, I still want answers to questions that I believe i will only get from the ow, and not from my H. Maybe I'll muster up enough guts to call her.

TL, I wish you knew how much I feel for you at this moment. I'm sure you feel as though this woman will never get out of your life. I don't think she has any clue as to what pain and hurt she has caused to you. But even if she did, it wouldn't make a difference. I often dream of confronting the OW, ripping her head off (ok sorry for that), but to try to make her see that the choice she made is everlasting. Yes, my H was part of that choice, but I see his tears, I see his remorse, I've seen all of the changes, and I know it's because he loves me. I know the OW could care less about what she did. Tired Lady, please know that you are going to be ok, keep your head high, but you know they are still in contact if your H told her about this site. I wish you peace in your heart, I'll be thinking about you.....

TL, think about asking the questions in this forum. There are a lot of betrayed and betrayer who are grappling with this issue and it could be some benefit to the rest of us......

Fighter addresses a good point - finally some good that I can do for all of you who are always there for me. <P>I am planning on asking some very tough questions and would like to ask all of you for your advice on what you all would like to know as well in a relationship between the consenting adulterers....

CAUTION!!! After the OW told me the answers to my question, my world was in a tale-spin!!! These are things that you will NEVER and I mean NEVER get out of your mind, and memory!! Yes, there will be times when you won't think about certain things and then wham!!! it hits you like a ton of bricks, and makes you question how someone could do this to someone they claim to love so much!!! I could never have done the things he has done to me and yet i have to live with the knowledge of some of "THEIR" times together forever in my mind. Yes, i wanted to know like you, but I am just saying KNOW that it is going to hurt even more picturing it in your head over and over again. Good Luck!

TL<BR>Boy do I know your paing. My ow was a friend of mine, or I should say I was a friend to her. She and my H had an affair for a year. During that time she would constantly be asking me how my marriage was, telling me she would never take any child support if she divorced her H, how about me (I told her I would take my H to the cleaners since a divorce would be strictly his idea,) she also asked me repeatedly if H had had a vasectomy. When I confronted my h about some rumors (which he denied) and then I talked to her she had tears in her eyes saying she doesn't know why people would think she would have an affair. Can you believe anything the ow tells you? I don't really think so because she has been creating this fantasy relationship and trying to justify how she could do "this". Hang in there. I would not ask the ow any questions. Some things are probably just left not to know. I hope you feel that you can still be open here and get your frustrations out. If I were you, I'd come up with a new screen name and just somehow let the others that you have developed relationships with know who you are.

Having been the betrayed and betrayer, I can honestly say that knowing everything is not power. It hurts, it wounds, and as someone said earlier, the memory never ever leaves. I suspect that most of us (NOT ALL, I understand) know why our spouse betrayed. Do we honestly think that everything was "fine" before? There are signs, moments, feelings that lead us to beleive that all is not well. What could the OW or OM tell you that you don't already know? That's why I get so upset about the questioning, I think. If it's a health issue (like has he/she been tested for HIV or STD's) then ask away. You may not get the right answer. Get tested, don't trust the answers. You can't trust the answers you get. Asking, to me, makes the betrayer and betrayed alike relive and relive and relive the affair. I know from both sides. I think tired lady needs to ask the questions of her H, ignore Mia for now because it's too new and raw to forgive at this time, and Mia needs to let go now and get on with her life.