...called to ask her if she was at all thinking of comming home

It seems like you walked right into the reaction you got. You forgot about 180 #8: Don't ask for reassurances. It seems as though your Plan Bs don't work because you give in too soon. Plan B is about her giving in because she wants to come back and work on the M. As you can see it may take more than a month. You have to stay strong. Everytime you give in it reinforces her postion against you. You're hurting yourself by doing this. It makes you look desperate and needy. Do not call her.

When you feel the urge to call, remember 180 #26: Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out. Do not call her.

I'm glad the boys are in daycare, it'll be good for them.

Find some new friends or neighbors. I'm not trying to be flip, I'm serious. Or impose on those you have. Your marriage depends on it. This is not some small favor, I know, but it is also not a small thing when a marriage fails. Are you willing ot do what it takes to give yourself the greatest chance of success...or not?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by johnh39:
Find some new friends or neighbors. I'm not trying to be flip, I'm serious. Or impose on those you have. Your marriage depends on it. This is not some small favor, I know, but it is also not a small thing when a marriage fails. Are you willing ot do what it takes to give yourself the greatest chance of success...or not? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ditto. And all of society is negatively impacted when a marriage fails - for generations into the future.

C

Ok, here's what I've started doing:

1) I don't talk AT ALL when the wife calls. I give the phone to the kids and when the last one is done talking, i hang up without even putting the phone to my ear.

2) I've started to say my good bye's to the kids on the sidewalk, so that when we get up to her apartment, all i have to do is walk them to the door and turn around.

3) Since they are in daycare now, i don't have to see her in the afternoons. It cut the time of contact in half.

4) I am corresponding with the WW through my step mom. This is the third party intermediary.

5) I am making new friends to spend time with, so as to keep my mind off of her.

6) I am proactively making improvements to myself as a spouse and father and person, mostly for me but also a little for her so that she can see in some small ways (thru the kids, in the second or so that she sees me, from step mom) that I am serious about the commitment to make a change.

This pretty much summarizes my plan B model. Please, anybody, tell me what you think and how it could be improved (aside from the obvious: finding someone to drop off the kids). Thanks.

What about when you get the urge to call her? What else could you do instead?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SAB:
<strong> What about when you get the urge to call her? What else could you do instead? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Beat my head against the wall, whack my thumb as hard as I can with a hammer, chew on broken glass, chew off my own arm at the elbow...

Any of those would feel better in the long run I think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I agree. Sounds good to me. Hey, if you want to call, you can always sit down and pretend to talk to her here. We won't mind.

Gee, thanks. At least when I call her, I get to hear HER voice. I miss that.