I got the books in the mail - finally! I am going to start reading them today. I hope that they do help. SAA........


Good, read SAA - it will really help ground you in all of this. There is no one better on the market for discussing how affair start and what you need to do to recover.

Telling her how I feel...I am not sure I understand how I feel. I am hurt. I am lost. I am grieving that she has walked away from Jesus. I am hurt that she does not let me see the girls.....


Those are all feelings and the way you state them is excellent. That's what she needs to hear from you. She also needs to hear that you are grieving that she walked away from you and the marriage - not just your faith. WS's will find all sorts of rationalizations for why their god meant for them to be with this new person instead of staying in the marriage. Many have been known to find biblical passages to support their addiction. So, yes confront her with her betrayal of her faith, but also let her know that YOU are hurting and grieving because of what she is doing to you..

C

Thank you so much.

Called WW this morning. Talked with her briefly and asked her what she meant by working on our differences. She told me that she did not know. She said she will call me back sometime. Told her that I love her and I am willing to do anything to work on this marriage to have her back.

She really is my love....it is a shame I was a fool and did not see that sooner.

I am waiting on the right time to share my feelings with her. I guess I am worried about scaring her......

Today has been a very rough rough day.
My DD started crying. She knows now what is happening and I guess WW had a talk with her about talking with daddy. She was real fearful on saying anything to me. I told DD that I love her and that the Lord Jesus is working on our lives. I was at a loss on what to say to her. My DD's are so adorable and it is breaking my heart to know what is happening. She was scared to be with me. She told me to go and then she said that she would see me a lot over her Thanksgiving week off from school. I asked did WW say that and she said no that she did. I told her that it was up to WW.

I did not know what to say. It hurt so much. I just wanted to break down crying with her. I spent a little more time with her as DD at cookies. Should I call WW and tell her what happened? What should I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Should I ask my WW to come to this site? Share with her about what I am reading?

She does not want to talk with me - she is closed minded unless it is something she wants - but I am still hopeful.

How many of you got to the point where you just wanted to give up because nothing was happening in your eyes? I have read many give answers to this question - I have not seen much on learning to trust others again? Did I miss it? I am finding that the more people promise to me that they are going to do things such as go to dinner and then they cancel - I get hurt. How many things am I denying or hiding?

My WW is saying that I am saying derogatory things about her to the kids. All I am saying is that if they ask to see me that they need to talk with there mother since she is the one who makes the decisions on that. Am I wrong?

She even had her mother call me today to grip at me about it. I told her some thing that I shouldn't have so I am sure I will here more about it as well.

I did call her boss about the affair and she told me to not send flowers or anything to the office that she does not feel it is appropriate. They did not have any rules on affairs in the office.

I want to go and film her with the guy at a pee wee football game that he is coaching tomorrow. Someone tell me I am dumb......to not do it....

Hi -- anyone out there.

I seem to always get lost in here. Am I posting in the wrond place. I confronted my WW about the OM and her kissing and hugging in front of the kids - I did it very nicely - and she changed the subject but did say he is a nice man. She tells me there is nothing in me she desires yet she won't say that she is done with the marriage. I think she is playing me for a fool. Tomorrow is our court day for visitation rights for me. She has something up her sleeve - I am worried and can't seem to shake it. What should I do? Help help

Joe - sorry, I've been offline for several days with the holiday weekend. I have some time tomorrow and will get back to you then - bump this if you don't see me by late in the day.

C

Joe

You are making progress. I feel the need to summarize a few points for you. Stay on your best behavior when talking to your wife.

1) Tell her that you do not want a Dv – don’t get into church issues at the moment.
2) Tell her that you love her and the kids- don’t get too emotional just plainly state your feelings.
3) Ask for reasonable visitation – your attorney can best inform you as to what that means. Talk to attny before visitation hearing and explore any issues that she may bring up. Past mistakes. Also, tell attny about OM and contact in front of your kids. You want attny to be prepared to defend your right for visitation.
4) No LB’s – no angry outburst, no disrespect, no demands (don’t ask about Dv, don’t talk about church issues for the moment). Don’t act needy in front of W. She will have more respect for you than if you handle yourself in a proper manner.
5) You have confronted her with the A and done some exposure at her job. Do you know OM’s name, address, etc? You need more information about the A. Are there friends and/or family members that will speak up to her about saving the marriage? If so talk to them.
6) Is OM married? If so inform his wife. A simple phone call NOT for REVENGE but to inform her of what is happening. What about OM’s family? Do you know who they are? Do they know about A?
7) Don’t move out of house under any circumstances
8) Delay mediation and potential divorce as long as you can – drag feet on meetings, deadlines, etc. Just say - I’ll have to get back with you on the date or time in question.
9) Start individual counseling – you have issues that need addressing so now is a good time to get started. You may need some medication to help you control your emotions. Call your doctor tomorrow and discuss.
10) When you are with kids don’t be tempted to talk about A. Don’t try to communicate with W through kids. Spend quality time with kids doing fun things.
Don’t miss an opportunity to be with your kids.
11) You must behave in a way that shows your W that you are making changes. No LB’s. Don’t cry or beg or constantly bring up Dv. Your actions will speak louder than any words you use.

Go back and re-read the e-mails and links that Cerri and TMCM sent.

These are just a few points. I know that others will chime in with additional information.

Beau

Crying is a very hard thing for me to do. I am crying as I write this because it is so easy to forget that our redeemer lives. That He is the reason not just for this season but for every reason we have in life! I am crying because I know that He will work things out together for good for both of us.

I cannot say that I have been a model person - it is tough to argue with someone when they say that you have no qualitites that they want. That they have no love for you and that they can lie not just to your face but to the courts. I am looking forward for this court appearance now. It will be the first time to see if truth will triumph. I will need a lot of advice - she has me so worried that I cannot raise or be alone with the kids. She has had my mind in her hands like putty - she even called me Sunday night at Midnite to ask if the court date is still on....it was real strange....

My attorney feels the judge will see through the bull and that he will rule in favor for me. My love for my kids is overbounded by my love for my WW. Is it strange to forgive for the affair and still want her back? I am devoted to her in prayer but I am also try to be tough. She has now heard from me that I want her back no matter what - so I will stand firm on that!

Joe

WS often say " I don't love you anymore" and "there is nothing about you I like" or "I don't know why I married you." They do this to push back the guilt they feel for having an affair. They try to make it the BS's fault. Do you see what I mean?

This is called "fog" talk and everyone will tell you to pay no attention to anything she says as long as she is with OM. WS will say things that later on they will not remember or deny they ever said it. Don't put any stock in what she is saying.

You might consider medication to help you deal with the pain and not LB or have anygry outbursts.

Joe - just stay on track with what you have been told.

Beau

I am on low does of pills for my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Not to mention a steady dose of prayer...I like to write what I feel and not necessarily think it all through. That way when someone reads it they see the turmoil that is me. The visitation hearing went ok. I will get every other weekend with overnites and I will get one alternate day a week (monday) with them. I have to buy car seats and go to a fire department to learn how to put them in - my wife says I don't know how to do this.....

She got angry and said a lot of harmful things against me. It hurt but it also helped the case. She could have said less and had the same results. The judge warned us that divorce is a seperation of parents not of children and that we have a right to protect them but that visitation will happen. There is no way that it will not so we need to get along.......

She did say 1 or 2 nice things - that I am not as angry as I was -- ok just the one... hahahaha