I don't think you should take any action because your mother tells you to.
I think you need to do a good Plan A first, even if it only lasts a day. What you need to do is eliminate your LBs, meet the ENs that you can (and I agree this may have to be in a letter), expose the affair to family/friends/her coworkers, and begin respectfully negotiating the end of the affair. You need to be radically honest and tell her how it makes you feel BUT DO NOT USE HONESTY AS AN EXCUSE TO LB.
If you cannot respectfully negotiate an end to the affair, no contact whatsoever with the lover, and a commitment to the marriage, then you need to come back here and we can discuss Plan B.
BTW, the exposure letter sent to friends/family/coworkers is not vindictive. It states that your W is having an affair and names the man she is having the affair with. It states your commitment to the marriage and asks for their support in saving your marriage and helping your W to do the right thing.
Also, you do not need to get her to tell you anything. You already know. You tell her what you know, not the other way around. You tell her what you know, how you know it, and how it makes you feel.
BTW, she probably never needed "space" as such. She needed space to be with him and have her affair, that's what she needed.
Hang in there. For God's sake, do not be clingy, desperate, or beg for anything. All this does is tell your WW that she has the upper hand and that she can continue her behavior w/o risk of losing you.
<small>[ December 03, 2003, 03:41 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>