Orchid - Thanks for checking on me. Suprisingly, I am feeling better - I think for a variety of reasons....

First, I finally read about the brain chemistry that affects someone when they pull away from a LTR and right away start a new relationship (EA and/or PA) with someone else. It was so fascinating b/c it described my H and his actions. The "addiction", the change in brain chemistry & the resulting alteration of his perceptions of me & our relationship, how the addicting chemicals replace other chemicals so he feels more depressed at times, etc. It helped me understand his emotional roller coaster & why he thinks he truly cares for this person & she for him. It's also sad, b/c all of this is for nothing - nothing real anyway - just something that feels real to him b/c of the "fog."

Second, I think I am becoming weary of being treated badly and blamed for things I haven't done. I guess this is the brain chemical thing. He's convinced I had an A or that I am now. He tells this story over & over (to everyone) to convince himself I had an A (and he gets so upset)- and the way he tells it is convincing - but he leaves out important facts that would tell a completely different story and would show that I didn't cheat. I guess he can't help it b/c that's that brain chemical thing again. It's so odd b/c he used to tease me about feeling bad/guilty for the smallest things, yet now he thinks I could cheat on him and not feel bad?? No way. I couldn't live w/ myself and I don't know how anyone could.

Third, I had a little boost to my self-esteem. There are two men who have asked people I know if I would be open to coffee/a phone call from them. Of course, the answer is NO - I'm still married, so I am not emotionally, physically, legally or morally available - I was raised to have more class than that and I will keep my vows regardless of what my H does or says. However, it was a nice compliment, especially since the one person seems to have it all (very "eligible"), but more importantly, he is seems SO kind & decent. I guess not everyone has the same awful opinion of me as my H and his freinds/family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That's all. My goal for the rest of the week is to try to focus on my life and getting through this. Wish me luck!

By the way - JLight - are you out there? Are you OK? let me know...I haven't forgotten about you...

I'm proud of you!!!! YOu're going through all the steps and without losing outon your morals and self control! Should be praised for it! I'm very happy to read that you are doing better. Make sure you keep updating us how things are going. My husband had an affair, but it isn't the same thing that's happening with yours.. I guess all have their ways. We went through short term of what you went through, like saying that my BEST guy friend since Middle school now I'm almost done with University, I've been friend with this guy now for about 12 years. He knows the story, he had accused me of going out with him when he was his dillusional moments in front of his parents. He tried to tell them that I've probably cheated already. HA HA .. but he took it back and his parents do not beleive it. It's like he was a total stranger in front of everyone. THere is about 7 people that knows about the affair including the one he had it with because I don't want to do any damage to anyone's ears or feelings. If his brother knew about the affair, it could have been worse because his brother would just punch him right in face, because his family know how I am and how much I love him. The lover... won't stop sending messages through his phone. I asked him and he denied it. I told him if he kept lying to me its not going to make things any better. I have checked his mail.. he has not written to her because she wrote that she is bad and she's feeling so aweful. I don't understand how she had the nerves to feel bad while he told her.. "guess what, I am married; I love my wife, and she's my wife...its all. I made a mistake and this was an experiment." This girl total worship my husband and she would accept to be his mistress until he would leave me! And my husband and I have been talking and he said "she admired me.. she look at me with those eyes..." And well, it happened .. He actually told me of the affair or I wouldn't have known.. I'd still be in the dark because I trusted my husband. He gets points for telling... but the first weeks, I've packed and got a plane ticket. Then I read this website and decided I should calm down and give it time. Time is healing me, but not completely. It's like we're listening to each other and learning more about each other's emotional need. I figure my husband needed admiration.. the same kind that I gave to him when we first met... So everyday I send him little email to work or send him msgs through his phone. Tell him how handsome he is.. He loves that! Me I really don't need that.. I get it enough from other people hehe..

ANyways I just wrote all that to say slowly...things can reach with your H. I'm not totally healed, because I still check his cell phone, and I get suspicious.. if he comes home early/15 minutes late. (can't trust a cheater right away) and he knows he is on a leash! But if this is what I gottah do to trust him again, that's what I'm gonna keep doing.

So I"m so happy you're feeling better!!!

BIG HUGS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cmj:
<strong>.....That's all. My goal for the rest of the week is to try to focus on my life and getting through this. Wish me luck!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi cmj,

It's been a few days just checking up to see how you are doing. Howz that goal of yours coming along? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It is a good goal. The fact that you can see it and set it as a goal is great progress. Now don't beat yourself for having some down time. Part of the fog often creeps into the life of the BS and family. Par for the course. Know it and when it hits you are somewhat prepared. Eventually you learn to deal with it and it is not as hurtful.

As for his spatterings of accusing you of having an A, mine did that also. The BS gets compliments and a few passes while they are healing. Not unusual. Note how the BS progress tends to ofend the Ws. Crazy? You'd think they'd be happy and when they try to be happy it comes across like a half crying smile. Pretty distorted look doncha think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I told mine, a few things:

1. 'hm.....that's a thought dear.'
2. 'well. you will have to teach me how to have an A. I am just not as good at it as you are.'

Keep smilin' , <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Dear cmj,

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.