Karl,

Thanks for the encoragement. Form what I heard, this women is sickening. She is been asking for a divorce. She told him exactly the same thing as my H told me, she will stay home until he found someone else.

He knew that she is with someone, but thought she is with someone else. That guy is even crazier. He was in the wife-swap club. Things are getting more complicated. She was with him before and had STD then past to her H. My God, why are there so many crazy people around.

From deep in the heart, I know my H is not this type. But if he is close to these people, he will become one of them.

Lost- Good for you. You are making progress by shining light on the affair. Once it is out in the open it makes it harder to continue.

Stay in Plan A, and take care of yourself and children. Let your daughter know that you and H are having problems, but you have a plan to fix them.

During this time, you will feel like you are going crazy from all of the stress, sleeplessness, and work. That's why it is important to calm down, slow down, and don't expect miracles right away.

I am glad you are going to doctor and have counseling appointment. This will help you. In the meantime, keep reading and posting here to get through this sad time. Remember, things will get better.

Believer and others,

Thanks for all the encouragement. But that is a crazy woman. This made me very very MAD. She can leave her children alone and went party for 3 nights. Her H is staying home babysitting, cook and she doesn't come home for her children. What kind of mother is that? She had different man in her life and get the STD, passed on to her H, then accuse her H for that. I regret what I've done to make my H slip away. But I don't know what a concrete Plan A is. I do all my regular chore, cook, laundry, read, take the children to places, pretnet to be happy, cried behind. I don't know how to show love to my H. I can tell that he feels guilty. He is doing thnigs he normaly don't do, like actively taking the kids, read to them, shevel snows, taking garbages etc. But I want my real H back, who is sweet, kind and care. I want him to stay away from these evils.

Plan A is the answer. Read all about it until it is second nature. You need to be strong now. Do not worry about what he says, he is not in his right mind.

I went a little crazy when I found out. I spent tons of energy following them, obsessing about them, etc. I know it is hard, but this will not help your marriage. Then when it is time for reconciliation you will have the energy to do it. I did not.

I really believe that the best course is not to do anything, except follow the plans here. Trust that they will work and get busy doing them.

Forget about the OW. We already know she has no character or morals. My H claims that the most important thing in OW's life is her daughter. Well she has left her daughter to live with my H. Nothing they say makes any sense so don't even think about her.

You can have your H back, the one you married. Right now he is temporarily insane.

I think I need to tell my in laws about this situation. Originally, I didn't bother to tell them. Because I thought it is between us, and I didn't have a super relationship with them. Now with these information on hand, I thought that their son's future is in jepordy. I will not ask for their support, just simply tell them the fact. Any advice about that?

Yes tell them very nicely. But do not expect them to support you. They will probably find all kinds of reasons to blame you.

Everyone in H's family supports him. And I helped raise his kids for 8 years, cooked for them, cared for them like my own. It does not matter, they take H's side.

I confronted him yesterday! Of course, he denied it. He said what is wrong with talking to a female, and going to party with her. He blame me that checking on him and not trusting. He said that he was going to conseling with me, because I "accused" him of having an affair, he will not go.

Does this sound familiar? But I did not fight with him, just calmly said that I knew it, you think about it and tell me the truth and good night. I knew that my strngth is from GOD. Last night I had a good night sleep, but now my mood is going down again, I am crying. But I am so proud of my self.

Last night, D was crying and upset about the whole thing. I tried to calm her down by telling her that Jesus suffered so much for all our sins. She did calm down. Then we read the Cor. I 13, 4-8, together and pray. She was finally in peace. We have to keep doing that every night.

Finally had a talk with H. I told him that WE are hurt deeply by his action. He said we? Who. I siad me and the kids.

I requested politely that he need to inform me if he is not coming home for dinner and answer my calls. He said ok. Then I asked him whether he wants to be open to work out the marriage. He said that you accused me for an affair, I don't want to. I asked again, do you? Then he said, I just talked to her a lot, is there any thing wrong. I was getting angry, but I stopped this topic.

I told him that I wish he can stay home more and be with the kids. He was home the whole week last week, but he alienized himself. He said that he did not feel comfortable at all. I wonder what made a man not to like his own kids when he claimed that he loved them. I asked him why. He said that he felt that I coach the the kids not to listen to him, he felt frustrated. If I did not read all the concepts here, I would have argue with him. But I calmly told him that I spent a lot of time with them, but I did not tell them not to obey you.

Then he also said that he notice I've changed, tried to be nice and understandable. But that made him feel UNCOMFORTABLE too. He said that he would rather thing are like that before so he will feel more comfortable. But I don't want to, I am sure that I will change for good, I will not go back to the old me. He asked which I prefer, a husband at home not happy and being cold, or this person does not exist(he mean by he's gone). My answer is none of those. I want a loving and caring husband, and a nice family.

Then he said that how about I stay home to take care of the kids for 2 evening, you go out to have fun. My god, what is he thinking. He thinks going out alone is to have fun. Is that what his EN? My answer is that you are very welcome to stay home to have fun, I will not find fun by myself. I told him that I would like to go out with him without the kids. He told me not now, when he feels like it, he will let me know.

But anyway, at least I am trying to know what he is thinking in his mind. It is so Different from what I was thinking. No wonder there are so many conflicts. Any suggestion how to meet his needs?