Well, Sheba,<BR> I think it could be one of two things:<P>1. Now that it's getting down to the nitty-gritty, he may have it somewhere in the back of his mind that he just can't go through with it....In other words, he really wants to be with you, only maybe he doesn't even know it yet.<P>2. (I apologize in advance for this one.) He may just be working on you because he's really very well aware of your inability to work, and is trying to keep you fairly happy so that you won't end up taking him to the cleaners.<P>I hope that it's the first one!

Okay Sheba<BR>I told you I'd be here if you called.<BR>Is it possible that he is getting his brain back.<BR>I know you don't want to lose that resolve. It's no fun stting yourself up for another fall. <BR>On the other hand we gain nothing without risks. <BR>Do you feel safe opening up a little to him?<BR>Is it possible he wants to feel needed?<BR>I know how hard it is for anyone to back down once they think they've made a decision. Can you make it easier for him to feel welcome and needed without expectations?<BR>I know that during the worst months for us, My H would not believe that I could forgive him or that we could recover from this. He needed to believe in something. I was stubborn but it took a long time. He needed to forgive himself but he wouldn't admit it at the time. He thought he was looking for something. I had to show him that it was here all along.<BR>I think you have the patience to be pleasant and welcoming if that is what you want. <BR>I prayed for peace and gentleness a lot during those months. Try to stay calm. <BR>This is a good sign.<BR>Try to enjoy the good things and let him see your eyes shine when he's with you.<BR>BTW I'll check with my aunt on the name of that order.

Good advise from our dear friend, WS.<P>If you stick your heart out, we are here for you. <P>But Sheba...have you ever read The Rules? I bought it at a used book sale and I have to say it was quite interesting. Never observed any of them when dating and wish I had to a certain degree.<P>Anyway, if he is changing his mind, what he really is doing is handing more control over to you little by little...of course he doesn't know that.<P>So...use it to your advantage. Be your wonderful irristable self, but be a little unprecictable, a bit unattainable, a bit mysterious...and oh, so intriguing.<P>See what happens...who knows?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

HI Sheba. I'm not going to talk much, since I haven't been at the computer and there's 5000 posts for me to read until I'm updated.<BR>Things sure seem very confusing at your end, but kind of a nice confusing hey? <BR>I might be of mark here, since there are all those posts I didn't read yet, but I should think flexibility is the key. <BR>Meaning, you should keep your course, try not to expect much, but at the same time use this opening to help him feel even more confused that's not what I wanted to say, but it's kind of true. If you can make him feel confortable when he's with you. Not threatned, he might start remembering better times, and maybe, just maybe starting to realise that he's making a big mistake.<BR>On the other hand, it is also possile that he's trying to butter you up, or just afraid of the shark lady.<BR>But I rather like to think that is not the case.<BR>Hey we're twins remember? giving up is not in the agenda untill there's no other option.And the slightly obese lady didn't sing yet.<BR>I guess expecting the worst but hope for the best, can't hurt either.<BR>And yes, does he seem confused! I suppose they put their brain in storage while thei're thinking with the other... end? <BR>I don't see how you could have lovebusted, nothing in what you wrote suggests lovebusting.<BR>I personally think you're doing great. Give it some time, and let's see where it goes.<BR>Big hug<BR>Kat<BR>

**<BR><p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited August 31, 1999).]

Okay Sheba<BR>What's going on? Why do you think he's back with OW? Are you sure it's not just that paranoia thing we all have so much of?<BR>why would he be spending more time with you if he's concentrating on her?<P>I didn't reply to you on Shoni's thread because it's time to let that one die.<BR>I haven't made a decision on BIL except that I have to do what makes me comfortable if he calls again. I'm tired of worrying about how H feels about anything. He won't share it so It's time to make me comfortable.<BR>Things still suck here. Going in for minor surgery tomorrow.

Hi WS -<P>Minor Surgery? For what? Hope all goes well and let us know how you make out.<P>Sorry things suck there for you! Things are very strange here. I still don't know what is going on.<P>By H asking me about the Police Scanner it made me uneasy - there's a reason that he asked!! <P>Had to page him yesterday about money and he never called me - thought that the uneasiness I was having pertained to his going away with OW for the Labor day holiday. When he didn't answer me yesterday - I figured he left already.<P>He did end up calling me last night and didn't really say where he was all day but said he didn't get my pages - just got his voicemail just when he called. He was out of range somewhere.<P>Anyway, I still think he's up to something - I'll find out sooner or later.<P>He came over this morning to replace a check he had given me and woke me up.<BR>When I opened the door he smiled and laughed and said " I woke you, look at you, you're so darn cute when you first wake up!!" HUH????????<P>He's just freakin' me out!!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<P>I have NO ideas for you. He has my mind confused too! Just want you to know I'm thinking of you. <P>Have you had a nice vacation? Was it just time off to relax?<P>Have you talked to the new lawyer yet?<P> Have a good day Sheba! <P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

Sheba<BR>What is your intuition telling you? Does it feel real when he smiles and says those things?<BR>just open your eyes and ears. Watch and Listen. You can get a feel for this. <BR>I think if we watch their behavior we can get a pretty good feel for the honesty in it.<P>I'm going for a tubal tomorrow. Not impressed. This has been a glich for a long time. It seems to me that he should have some responsibility in that department. He has had 2 appt. for vasectomy in the last 6 years. Chickened out twice. After my pregnancy/miscarriage on the pill in April I decided I had to take care of this too.<BR>See a little resentment coming out?

Here is an idea! Why not ASK him why all of a sudden he wants to play nice? Either he has regrets for his treatment of you or his ego is trying to find out if he has what it takes to keep you waiting in the wings.

Hi Sheba,<BR>I've been thinking of you every day and saying prayers for you. I know you want to ask him what is going on but if you're like me you are gun shy. I am very careful about asking anything that might "set him off". It is irritating as the devil sometimes that I have to guess what he's thinking. But I made up my mind that whatever happens I am through whinning! I can feel the confusion you are feeling.......what do they want!? Why can't we just be straight with each other without all the game crap!? I know you want to say, "Hey, whats happening? What do you want me to do!?" But in my case it just makes him angry and he communicates even less. Slow and easy is the key with my mule! I love him but it sure isn't easy! Sometimes I'm not so sure I would rather be married to a real mule! LOL<BR>Thinking of you daily and praying for you.<BR>Hugs, Karen<P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>

Hi everyone !<P>Thanks for your thoughts.<P>With the recent interactions between H and I, I've been waging an inner struggle with myself. I want to nurture the bits I have been getting from H but I am ever so cautious to push when I am not sure what I'm pushing for.<P>I think that the outcome of this battle inside myself is that I am going to keep moving forward in thought and whatever actions are necessary to making sure that I have protected myself to the best of my ability. That will be my focus and when the time is right to discuss anything about what H is experiencing with his feelings - the opportunity will present itself. I won't broach it out of nowhere - it will come if it is supposed to.<P>Whether H is being nice in an effort to thwart any onslaught on his pocket that he thinks I will make or if it's the real him emerging - I cannot say.<P>I will continue to believe that it is a combination of a lot of things that has him confused within himself and therefore sending mixed signals. <P>I do believe one thing and I think I have throughout this whole thing : <P>He does Love me!!! I see it in his eyes now that there isn't the anger and coldness that he has had for so long.<P>He may not realize it and he may go through with this divorce, but I think that he knows somewhere inside himself that I will always be in his life and heart just like I know the same about him!!<P>It's just all so sad....... <P>On personal notes -<P>Shoni - Hi!! Thanks for thinking of me!<BR>I wasn't really on vacation, I just managed to get my scheduling to work out that I could work the beginning of one week and the end of the next - so I had a 7 day stretch in between.. I needed it too, after working so much the previous two weeks.<BR>I am still waiting to go over things with the shark lady - she just received my file from the other lawyer so I am hoping that when I call tomorrow she'll have some idea of what we're going to do next.<P>I aggravated my back at work today and am in extreme pain - had to take a pain pill - knocked me out for hours. Can't move much and doubt I'll be going in tomorrow so I'll probably be around - let me know if you have time to chat OK?<P>WS - My intuition is telling me that a lot of things are swirling around in his head - both with me and without me!! I think that it is easier for him to be nice now because the crap he's pulling is not in my face everyday now that he's moved out and he can keep me separate from it!! Does that make sense to you?<P>I feel that I can read him pretty good - I'm even getting good at reading this new alter ego he's become...kinda scary!! <P>Tubal - Had mine in 95!!! Had to have an exploratory laparoscopy because of pain and had the doc do it while in there....No biggie - not much pain and that was even with them pushing everything around looking for the source of the pain I was having!! Turned out to be muscle tears and scarring from the accident!! Oh well, two birds with one stone!! Something weird about it for me was that now I know when I'm ovulating - I never felt it before but I do now - strange, huh?<P>Yeah, they're such cowards - can't get operated on in THAT area!!!! Go ahead and resent away!!! It's good to vent resentments - this way we let them out and they ease somewhat!!<P>Take care to rest afterward and let H dote on you for a couple of days!!! Let me know how you are when you can!!!<P>Trying2_4give - The Asking was my first thought, but I don't want to ask - I've asked too many times and now realize that he'll offer or the opportunity will come up for the conversation to take place. I think that if I hear any more<BR>BS come out of his mouth I'll go off and I don't want to lovebust!!! He's too confused to have a real answer anyway!!<P>Alleyoop - So, are you back to being Happy Lady again? I hope so!! And do we also have a Happy Hubby, too!! YAY!<BR>Thanks for thinking of me and your prayers - they must be working cuz I'm still sane, I think!! (Thought - Does one realize it if they are insane...hmmmmm?)<BR>What do you think of my solutions I wrote above for the moment anyway?<P>Again, thanks to you all!!! <P>Hey Kat and FHL - let me know what you think about above also, OK????<BR>Thanks for being there for me and my confusion!!!<BR> <BR>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS - If anyone else has any thoughts - please share them with me!!! It's trule=y appreciated!! Thanks.<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 31, 1999).]

Cowards!?!<P>I got the chop a few years ago! I didn’t want my wife on the pill anymore (too much worry about cancer, etc.) Yeah, it’s real fun having to shave your balls, lay down with two guys poking, chopping, and cutting down there, then laying for a week with an ice pack and having to put some, uh, excretion’s in a plastic cup 4 weeks later and bring it to the hospital for a sperm count!<P>Talk about having some balls! LOL<BR><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Now Chris -<P>Don't you know by now that when we say "they or them" this does not include you??? We already know that you are in a category all by yourself!!!! I won't expand on that category but it is truly all your own!!!!! LOL!!!<P>Just a thought - Such vividness to the memory......hmmmmmmm?? Nope - nothing traumatic there!!!<P>BTW - we get shaved and poked and all the rest and then we have people moving our insides around - they could even leave something in there with all the holes they make and instruments they poke through those holes!! <P>Got some pictures from mine - how about you? LOL!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>Ps - how ya doing today?<P><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited September 01, 1999).]

You guys are quite vivid in your descriptions!!! I went in with my H and the doctor had to ask if I was okay because I was so white and felt like I was going to faint. I guess just the idea of them cutting him open anywhere, much less there, made me nauseous!<P>How is your back feeling today? You better take it easy on yourself, we need you around here!<P>Any time you have time to chat, I'm here! If you'd like, I could e-mail you instead. I have your address (was meaning to give it to H, but never have - for clueless counseling - LOL!)<P>Hugs and Prayers!<BR>Shoni

Hi Shoni -<P>My back is not too good - will take a few days for the spasming to stop. It was sorta my own fault. The boss took of yesterday and left me to ship out 79 boxes to customers yesterday. Some of the boxes were upwards of 35 lbs. and I shouldn't have done all of that. Didn't really have a choice though!!<P>That's OK cuz the boss is paying for it by me not being there!!!! So HA!!!<P>The pain sucks though!!!!<P>You can EMail me anytime !<P>How's your day going?<P>Yes, I guess we were a little vivid on our operations, huh? My H got like you did - all pale and stuff. I sent him home and had the nurse call him when I came out!! We're only up the street from the hospital so he was there when I woke up!!<P>What do you think of my conclusions with H for now?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Geez Sheba, sorry. I've been waiting for you to reply and didn't realize you had! (space brain today I guess)<P>STOP LIFTING THOSE BOXES!!! How are you gonna get one of those senior citizens if you end up having to stay in bed? YOU are suppose to be pushing his wheelchair, not the other way around! LOL<P>My day's going good. Got to go see my new nephew (13 days old). He's so cute! But he gives me baby fever. Of course, I already told you that babies are not very possible anymore! LOL<P>I am really thankful that my H wasn't a "coward" like all other men are, except for Chris of course! (LOL) He was willing to do it, because I was paronoid of the possibility of and ectopic pregnancy if I did it. Plus I convinced him it was easier for him. (I'm good aren't I? he-he) But seeing the blood and everything just wasn't my idea of "recreational companionship"!<P>I think you are doing great with H! Much better than I'd ever be. You impress me so much, to just let things play out their natural course. I don't know how to interpret him, though. And I think it's good that you don't read much into him. He is one lost soul right now, isn't he? How do you know about his little vacation this weekend? Did he tell you? Sorry, that must be hard for you. How's your letter. You are also doing so good about not pushing the letter or any "relationship" conversations. He'll come around someday I would guess. Don't know if you'll have found your perfect man down at the senior center yet by then, but I do believe he will realize he let a great thing go. I know that God works miracles and I will pray for one for you!<P><P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

Sheba, I was just thinking about the police scanner comments. He must know that you can pick up cordless and cell phone conversations with those. Does he wonder if you listen to his calls?

Sorry, I was a little bit inebriated when I wrote that.<P><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

sheba<BR>Thanks for caring<BR>my old war injuries hurt a bit from the gas and a big bruise on my hand from the IV.<BR>i'll check up on you later. I just hurt about the same as from the miscarriage. That was 4 months ago so I remember it well.<BR>Had me out of there in two hours.