Thanks Shaken for your words. I must implement a plan that I can live with. She is working me like a yoyo and a fool and I am playing a huge price for it. I think it is time she move out until she agrees to a complete no-contact with her bf.

I am seeing MC again on Friday with her and I may suggest it at that time.

MW

Hi again Midwest

I cannot but agree with Shaken. I've been in a similar situation. My x had a string of affairs and she treated me with absolute disrespect and no mercy when she told me that she wanted a divorce because she's afraid she might be headed for an affair, and she didn't want that to happen while we were still married. (LOL). After her last affair fizzled out, she called me to do some repairs in the house, to try to get the pool working again and eventually she tearfully asked me if I could forgive her for what she did. At that stage she was still trying her best to pretend that she only had one affair, the one that has just ended. Fortunately, fortunately!, I by then already had the info on her other affairs and could decide what I wanted to do about the M and protect myself from her manipulation by misinformation or omision of information. I also had been afforded this window of oportunity to look at my then W with new eyes and I saw a different person to the one I thought I was married to for 10 years. I had to assess how she would treat me in the future and take our young children into acount.

So, don't be overhasty. You don't have to divorce her by tomorrow already. You got to give this thing time to play itself out. Chances are your WW will after about 3-6 months realise that she made a grave mistake. In the meantime, Plan A, i.e. try to break the affair but don't loose your cool. Disragard her attitude for the time being. My w was just like that: during the affair she had no remorse and justified her actions by telling everybody that she was married to looser. You might be surprised by how much they can change once the A ran its course and fizzle out. BUT, set time frames and be prepaired to make some tough calls about wanting to stay married or getting a divorce if eventually she is not willing to work with you at the marriage. I'm talking here about honesty and mutual respect.

Time will also put you in a position to eventually look more objectively at the current situation. In the meantime I would also read everything I can lay my hands on about affairs in order to gain a better understanding about what is happening. You are inside the fish bowl now and may not be in an emotional state to look at the bigger picture objectively. Take the time that is necessary to get that perspective. In the end, when you decide to stay or go, you won't have regrets about your decision.

Take care. This is a maddening situation to be in. We do not deserve this but who said live is fair. I know. I had been there myself.

Recovered:

Thanks for the great post. I just got a good nights sleep and your post makes lots of sense. I am beat up and worn down right now but I will play it out for awhile and see what happens. I better understand the value in letting the WS move out to protect any remaining love within the BS. I question rather I have any left at this point for my WW. Thanks again.

MW

I asked my WW about how she can feel no remorse about her A and her lying to cover it up. She said it is simple because she is so angry about me telling people about her A that her angry emotions over ride any feelings of remorse. I said so it is not what you have done, but you are mad that I and others have found out. She said maybe in the future she will feel some remorse but it seems to be a non-issue with her today.

I asked her what else I am going to turn up about her before this is all said and done. She then confessed to smoking cigarettes again too. This is something she has been hiding from me too. She knows I hate that and she hasn't smoked in years. Another result of the reprocussions of living two lives with two different people. On the bright side, she appears to still be attempting to come clean in her own way and time period.

She is mad that I told her bf's parents about her and his A. Any parent of a 29 yr old son would tell their son to keep away from a married woman that is old enough to be his mother. Especially one, with an irate husband. That is why I told the parents of my WW's Boyfriend. I remided her that if I was really trying to embarrass her or get even, I would tell her and his his boss at their work.

Yoyo Midwest

My WW called me today and said her relationship with her BF is completely over with. She said she feels like a vail has been lifted from over her head. I asked her what was causing this to happen and she explained she started seeing a different side to her BF.

My WW's BF was going to quit his job because he just didn't like it anyway. I have been putting lots of pressure on my wife to quit or to take a leave of absense till he quits. Yesterday, I told the BF's parents the same thing. They said our son isn't going to quit his job at all and that my WW should quit hers if that was so important to us. The parents called their son and told the son not to quit his job under any circumstances so the line was drawn in the sand by the parents. My WW's BF goes into my wife's office so they could further discuss the job issue. My WW says to the BF, please keep looking for a job because if he doesn't find one quick, she will have to leave. The BF now takes a completely different position and says, "You cannot make me quit my job nor will I quit it because you want me too".

This bothered my WW since she knew this guy really loved her and cared deeply about her happiness. The BF further knew her job made her happy and now he is forcing her to have to quit. This all happened yesterday and today on her way to work, it hit her that this guy doesn't care enough for her to quit the job he wanted to quit anyway and he is now working against her. Honeymoon may have just ended because it was like someone took a vail off of her head. I said he not only doesn't care about your jobs, he doesn't care about your kids either because she was going to walk away from them too. She said she can see that now and she thinks I will see a difference in her attitude towards me from this day forward.

I told her this couldn't have come at a better time since I had reached the end of my rope and I came to the conclusion that the battle to win her over wasn't worth winning. She said she knew I was completely fed up with her. I told her to be prepared for the BF to put on the chram to try and win her back and she said, it can't happen since she is finally seeing him for the person that he really is. That was the end of the conversation since she had to get back to work.

I view this as very positive and I remain nothing more than optimistically cautious, at best. Her actions will have to speak louder than her words at this point with me. Too many past and too many recent lies for me to just accept her words as real. I will play it out anyway and see how it goes. I will let you know.

YoYo Midwest