You could also just mail a letter to his supervisor. Through the good-ol' postal system.

How was the ham and corn and potatoes? I wish I had some leftovers to help me, ahem, calm my stomach. And clear my head.

Now I know how our WH's feel. My brain is all foggy! At least my typing and spelling skills are coming back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Amy

To answer your question on other post, my H was completely gone for about 4 months. Then he started showing up again.

Amy

It was a good dinner, but it would have been better as a family. Still good though. I know what you mean. It is easier when I don't have to see him though. Those days are hard. I could email his supervisor, but what would I say to him? Dave did you know that WH is sleeping with OW from out back in Quality Auditing? I mean he would say who cares probably.

I don't know what you would say. I thought I was helping you execute YOUR plan! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Maybe with my, um, foggy brain today I misinterpreted your request for information. So, let's start over.

What is your plan? What are you trying to do?

You gals are going to have to take it slow with me for a while this morning. I only have 33 minutes left to legitimately call it morning here in my timezone.

Amy

Thanks believer, just wondering how much of a time frame I have here to think about things. I am going to get exercising and working on my house and keep tanning until I have a little base. You know something I did not tell you guys was that there were other issues in our marriage. I never told him until he came back and then I started to deal with it while he was here and I was also dealing with A at the same time. It was very difficult for me. He showed no compassion at all for me even after I told him everything.

I was raped in 1987 after a party. I never told anyone including him. After I found out about A, I figured it was the whole S thing. So I sat him down and told him about the R and he just looked at me. WH never said anything to me at all just stared at me. OW told me that she heard we didn't have S because I wasn't interested in it. Which wasn't true, I just wasn't interested in doing 10,000 different things, because I felt dirty and have issues with it.

Now that the A has happened and I told him, he totally didn't react the way I thought he would. My old H would have freaked out. My WH just stared at me. I really don't think he has any feelings for me left at all when I think about that night. Do you understand what I mean? I don't know if is the fog or what. Strange.

Amy

I was talking about trying to email his supervisor, what would I say? I would have no idea what to say to him. I have known him for years and his wife also. They see it all the time. It is a huge factory and it is like a meat market there.

I was also wondering what happens if you do go out on a date? My friend is always trying to hook me up with someone. I always say no. There is a small part of me that wants to say yes. I am still married though and it feels weird to think about it. Should we just keep saying no, or eventually go out on a date? Not sure here.

OK. I don't think a rape, or even hiding it, is a marriage problem. It is a you issue. Do you have a way to get some IC? I think that is something you need to begin to process. Because whether you and WH stay together or not, you do not need to be hauling that baggage around with you any more. You should not feel ashamed about it. You should not feel guilty (financially) or shameful in seeking help for yourself in this area. I think that needs to become your focus right now, in the YOU department.

You are right, that man listening to you tell him that is not your H. But now that you know that for sure, doesn't it make it that much easier to detach emotionally from him? He kind-of looks like H (not really, though), but doesn't sound like H. I just imagine that my H has been abducted by aliens and this is the flawed copy they put down here to cover for them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I do have quite an imagination.

Anywho, your last post about dating. No dating for us, missy! No kissing, no confiding in someone of the opposite sex (unless it is here, because sometimes we talk to men), no hand holding, no dinner! Nada, zip, zilch, nil, zero. Wow, that's a lot of z words. I'm going to have to remember that next time I play Scrabble.

OK, so here is my confession about last night. No, I did not wake up next to somebody or anything crazy. But I drank a lot of beer, and I do look really good now (that's what everyone says, and I am cute!). My girlfriend and I were shooting pool with a guy last night, and I blurted out what WH did to me. Turns out, his W left him for her best friend that she worked with (BF was a man, a red flag as we all know now).

We danced all night, me and him and all the girls. Nothing was inappropriate. But when I went outside to get some air, he was out there, too. He has a girlfriend currently, and I am still married. And even though we were very attracted to each other and felt a connection, I knew nothing could happen.

I have not had SF since the end of December. I am lonely in that way. Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired and when you are lonely you are vulnerable to that.

Basically, he was kind-of trying to rationalize why it would be OK to - I don't know really - maybe just kiss and hug or something. But I started crying, and I busted all his rationalizing saying that all the things he was saying to me is how my WH and OW justified what they did. And I am still married, and I REFUSED to inflict that kind of betrayal on anyone - his girlfriend, but myself mostly.

I think he realized what I was saying, and after I went in and came out of the restroom, he had left. I was kind of disappointed last night, because it was so nice being the center of someone's attention again. But this morning, and even at 3 am at breakfast, I was and am SO glad he left. With alcohol involved, those things can get pretty dicey.

So that is where I am coming from. Tell me what you think.

Hugs, Amy

Amy

I am so proud of you. I do not think that I could be as strong as you are. My WH quit giving me attention way back in July of 03 when his A started. I am very, very lonely and have been for years. He has always been on 2nd shift and I have never really had a family life with him. He is not the family man type. Doesn't really like family vacations and stuff like that at all. Gees maybe I don't want him back now that I look at all of that sh**. Anyway you did great! I would have probably done the opposite and felt terrible today about it. You did the right thing girl. You will know if and when you are ready for that kind of thing and right now you still have H in your heart, like me.

After I had to write what worked and what didn't work in our marriage as a homework assignment for MT, I realized that his A didn't ruin a "perfect" marriage.

It's hard to look at, but also makes it easier to detach a bit, and think about the way life can be better with just me making my important decisions.

It has given me a powerful feeling that if things don't work out, I will be OK.

Amy

Hi

well I just got off the phone with a big mouth at his work. She said she will do her best to spread it but she has no room to talk because her and her boyfriend started as an affair. Oh that made me feel so much better. She did tell me though that over xmas OW was feeling up another guy on the job. Had her hands all up his shirt and made him feel really uncomfortable and everything. Boy he sure picked a winner didn't he. OW will not be happy with my H for long. She sounds like a doozy. Hopefully she will feel up a few more guys and p*** WH off soon enough.

Dang! What is going on at that factory???

Is there another place he even has an option of working at, since he is union?

I, as you, cannot imagine this A lasting long, if she is truly like that. Your WH is just a fun game to her, as my WH was to his OW.

How sad for them, and our kids. Because we will go on, stronger than before, no matter what!

Right, girlfriend???

I wonder if I should tell WH about OW actions are Xmas? Embarrassing another man and making him feel that uncomfortable. Is that LBing? No other place to work around here with $ to be made. He could transfer to different shop and I tried to get him to do that but he wouldn't.

Oh, holy cow. My digits feel like they are going to fall off! I will definately have to take a break here soon and chat with someone on the telephone for a change. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wanted to drop you a line, and let you know I'm sorry I had to kind-of ditch you today. Read Harudah's post. She is doing better. She just went to bed. I hope she will sleep. She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow for her anti-d's, and she is still going. Thank goodness.

WH didn't come in, except to drop off some stuff. I am glad he didn't come in. I know he wasn't interested in seeing me because he just got his "fix" from OW because she has no shame and went on the Scout activity with them at WH's parents' house. Anyway, I have another post in to ARK on the General Questions regarding this issue. If you feel inclined, you can read up on it over there.

Well, as soon as I know Believer knows Harudah is OK, I will sign off for a while and rest my fingers. I am having to backspace a LOT at this point of fatigue. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Chat at you later! Amy