I don't want to be demanding or say I need this or that but when I see my H next week I have some issues. For instance, I need him to wear his wedding ring, he wasn't wearing it when the EA/PA was exposed last month and I made him put it back on. he shouldn't be doing anything with the OW ever but is it a LB to ask that he not have any contact w/her while I'm there?

I'm just trying desparately to hang tough but all these little thoughts keep popping in my head when I think of going home next week and not be able to be with him both physically and emotionally. All this is still so new to me and I just trying to find guidance as the best road to take.

I need him to wear his wedding ring
Why do you “need” this? How about telling him it would mean a lot to you if he did?

he wasn't wearing it when the EA/PA was exposed last month and I made him put it back on.
SO is he wearing it now or not?

but is it a LB to ask that he not have any contact w/her while I'm there?
No.

<small>[ March 15, 2004, 11:24 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

guess I'm just grasping at straws and want him to be reminded that he is still married without me rubbing it in his face.

I had to return to another state for work and I haven't seen him since so I don't know if he is still wearing but highly doubt it.

how can i suggest him reading HN/HN without coming off as desparate and wanting to save our marriage (even though I do)? he has no desire because I think he believes that if he did give our marriage another chance that things would just go back the way they were and he just can't put himself through that again. How can I prove/show him what I now know about EN without the undertones of being needy myself?

would something like "I've been doing a lot of reading and soul searching since I was last here (at our home) and I have learned and discovered many things regarding what men and women need in a marriage. I realize now how much I contributed to what has happened. I still want to save our marriage and share with you some of the things that I have learned and I am confident I can prove it to you. would you be willing to read a book about it?"

then what do I say if he says no? something like "okay, I understand that all this is confusing for you as well and that you feel your needs are being me by OW but I'll leave this book here for you to read in case you change your mind, there is also a seminar we could attend that would be very beneficial as well."

what do you guys think?

He won't be motivated to read any self-help book no matter how strongly or subtly you recommend it. You can change you but right now you're the last person in the world who'll be able to change him.

Suggest you apply Plan A and don't even try to get him to read the book.

thank you...............

^