Betrayed

I wanted to say I'm sorry for what you are going through right now and if my last post seemed harsh I apologize. You are right to do what you feel is the right thing for your life and what your heart tells you to do and you are handling things very well I think..and with alot of grace and poise..

I was only concerned that he is on the fence and needs help in making a decision. He is so in the fog of the affair and it seems he cant give up either of you and it is torturing him. I have no idea of course, just conjecture, and based on the things I have gone through myself. The fog is thick and the withdrawals are difficult even if you realize who you truly love (which was always my husband).. it takes alot of strength to let go of the fantasy and the 'love and excitement' feelings are so addictive...also the guilt towards the one you are leaving behind makes the decision very painful.

I just wanted to say I hope soon he will see the light and find his way home as it is clear from your posts he loves you very much.

Thinking of you,
Lmh

<small>[ March 23, 2004, 09:24 AM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

Unfortunately, through this difficult time, he seems to be going further back into our relationship to before things started to go wrong.

In this process, he's feeling more pain and guilt than I think he can handle. I had my faults too, I made more than a few mistakes in the last year.

I'm hoping that we can reconnect, really find each other again, and use this time apart to heal the pain, and mend what we broke.

It's difficult. I've been more willing to let go of all the bad things easier than he seems to be.

I hope he doesn't think he's destined to a life of not being with me, but not being able to be away from me either.

My dream is that he just throws himself, mind, heart, body and soul into giving this another try. I don't think he's quite there yet, but somewhere in his heart, it's there. I keep on with Plan A, and continue to be the lighthouse, perhaps he can let himself become vulnerable and risk it.

I know I'll never let him down again, but I'm sure until he knows he'll never let me down again, those defenses he has will stay very much intact.

Again he's suggesting he'll come over tomorrow night. There's something going on there. Not sure what it is yet. He may be feeling out the waters. Trying to keep me open to the idea, but not being able to come over without letting his whole defense break down.

His kisses are warming. Not rushed, not passion crazed teenagers, but very loving, very soft, and not hello goodbye kisses either. There's something there, I feel it, I know he feels it.

STILL in Plan A, because the results are much better than letting my love for him turn into resentment and bitterness. He made a terrible misjudgement, he has to fight that demon, and if he can find strength in MY Plan A, to assist him with his fight. (he just called me at work...no reason..had a question about something...liar)

Like someone here told me, I have a Plan, and can find strength in it. He's flying by the seat of his pants with no guidance no plan. When the time is right, I'll offer him some reading material from here.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Jersey, I'm glad to hear you saying that. I'm very happy to hear that you have some hope. I certainly understand how it is to feel like there is hope one minute and none the next. I'm not the only one. I feel like some prayers are getting answered for you and me and I hope they will continue to go that direction. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hi There Medic. It's SO hard to stay in a good place. No matter how positive things seem to go, we know there's a blind curve up ahead that's waiting to knock us right over.

I am finding Plan A easier to stay in now. It's helping a lot, not going back and forth. It's just very hard not to let yourself believe there my be a light at the end of the tunnel, that all is not lost.

And then real life wakes you up every day, and work is still here every single day, and I get irritated that the rest of the world won't stop for me to figure out what the heck is going on with my life.

I step outside of myself from time to time, and realize, there isn't a guarantee for anything. But I'm getting better. I'm able to sleep at night, alone. I'm able to concentrate more on work. I'm able to NOT pick up that phone and call and question him. I'm able to stop beating myself up. I've learned to Let Go, and Let God.

I can only control me, I can only decide my own path. It's not up to me to try to control anyone else's. THAT is what I pray for.

I'm going to say something special in my prayers for your anniversary dinner.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thank you. I may need it. Wife did not go to her counselling today. Said she thought it was 1130 when it was 1100. Maybe it was an honest mistake. I am sure glad you are doing better though. As I said earlier, I think some prayers are beginning to be answered for some of us here. I STILL HAVE A PROBLEM staying in Plan A. With the slight changes I'm seeing I just have to try extra hard, so I know exactly what you mean.

Hi Medic,
She might still be resisting a little bit. At least she didn't just out right refuse to go. She made an excuse. I think she'll go.

I just don't know about me. It's ever so hard to stay in Plan A. We never know if our actions are helping us or enabling them.

I just have to get to May 16th. Then that's decision time for me. Someone told me put a time limit on your plans, so that's mine. In the MEANTIME.... plan A my butt off. Sometimes I think I'm winning, sometimes... not quite sure.

I started another post under withdrawal, because I'm starting to wonder if my WH is actually in withdrawal from ME as opposed to OW.