thanks chris,

I enjoy reading your post. you took what I said to give me a guide to follow. I will set ground rules, H says that he is willing to do whatever it takes to get his family back.

I want no contact do you think he'll stick to it. H says he will because she hurt the innocent party in all this ME! It sounded like a bunch of hogwash to me but what else should I do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Tell me what you think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It's not right not keeping your children from seeing their Dad. Might want to meet somwhere and let the children have some time with Dad.

You need to know the truth about the OW and if the unborn child is your H's.

Your having problems believing your "H" because he is a LIAR.

Did he meet with the OW?
Was he sleeping at her house?
Did he have plans to be with her?
Did he say these things while rubbing her belly?
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.

You need to know these things, if your questioning if hes being honest or not.

WS's are unethical/creepy/filthy/semi-retarded in nature, thats how they can smile, look into your eyes and tell you they love right after they were on top of another person naked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You need to think about the OW and their child,
How can they have no contact, the OW is going to want child support, have the child know his/her Dad etc.

Maybe tell your H that you want to have an Affair too, and want to bring your Man friend over on Saturday nights for sleep overs, so he will have to stay in a Hotel once per week, until you get pregnant from your Man friend. Then after you have your lovers child, you want to have your "love child" spend time with his real Dad(lover), so he will be around alot.

Sounds creepy doesnt it?

Thanks Bog,

I don't keep my H from seeing our kids. He still has keys to our home. He sees them almost everynight if they are not asleep when he gets there. H and I were suppose to be working through this A when OW called our house at 4am to tell me that H was still seeing her and living with her ( I threw him out when I found out about the A Oct. 2003). I thought we were in recovery until this phone call. I had changed our locks immediately but then gave him keys back in February.

So what I meant by seeing the kids was really when I was very angry. I would never stop H from seeing them they love him to much.

But as far as the other woman H claims that we were working on it and he was about to come back home anyway. He just did not know how he was going to tell me about her being pregnant!!!

Oh what a mess he's got me in. I'm sure that he has feeling for her but it even hurts to much to think about it. Should I believe him when he says he wants to be with me? I think thats why OW called she knew that he was at home with us everynight. He'd leave at about 6am the next morning. I do not trust him because he has lied to me over the past year. OW says he had a girlfriend before her and I beleive her.

Our marriage was very rocky then, i was doing major LB'ing and angry outburst that sometimes turned to violent strikes at him. he claims this is how it was easy for him to be out there because I would never want to spend any time with him. Go anywhere with him and I even held out on sex.

I have changed not just to get him back but for the better. I can not keep being so angry and acting out on it. my kids and H deserve better than that. I still think he had a choice in what he was doing, and yet now in his carelessness he has planted a seed in another woman. This will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I just don't know what I am doing anymore.

Hi again JT- I would recommend to you that you NOT let your H move back into the house unless and until you are both in joint counseling for awhile- I think that it would be a big mistake to just accept your H's plea that he wants no more contact with OW- I believed it when my H told me that after we had been separated and instead of recovery I got an emotionally distant, cold H who slept on the couch downstairs and still was secretly calling OW and making arrangements to meet her. As for our kids -H would try to convince them to 'camp out with him downstairs near the couch!" while I was upstairs crying my eyes out over his coldness and lack of remorse.The kids were completely confused by what all was going on and I wish we had been separated longer and worked things out in detail with a counselor before agreeing that H could move back in. As long as there continues to be ANY contact between OW and your H you are going to be in for more pain. Take care-lifeismessy

Thanks,

But is it not true that H may really want to be home with his wife and kids. All I have been reading states that H may be if false recovery, H has been out of our house for 6mos now. We have come a long way. How do you truely work on things if you don't live like married people.

The longer someone stays gone the less likely they have of returning. My H was not a bad person but I think that he made a bad decision and our family has been paying for it.

I am not saying that I believe evry word that comes out of his mouth, but should I not have faith that he does love me and the kids and wants to return to us.

It is already not going to be easy, but I feel that I should have faith enough to trust GOD.

If I don't let him come home and try everything in my power to better our marriage as well as H try - where does that leave us.

We may as well file now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

This has been going on for a year now (I suspected way before I found out - found out 5mos ago about A - found out last week about the baby and H living with her when he wasn't home with me).

I'm tired! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I want my marriage to work! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

JT