shininit: Have you initiated your own thread? It may be useful to get input from others here and also to not threadjack StandingPatiently. Let me tell you, I know exactly how your H feels. I too valued my marriage as a very unique and precious gift. We both were chaste when we married and there was no shameful past in either one of us. We had a beautiful story because we knew each other as children, fell in love as teens and married as young adults. We came out of real, third world poverty, but I wanted for us to have a decent life and did all that was possible to get an education until I completed a doctorate. My career was blossoming until it happened. She allowed another person in our lives and now our relationship lost that special meaning. We may glue it, but it will never be the same. My career is falling apart because I could not funtion for a long time and now have no desire to achieve. My only motivation now is to be able to feed my young children. As far as the journal issue is concerned. I do not know what to tell you. If you do not tell him, you are not being honest and open with him. I too was writing as way to express my emotions. I kept a digital diary, but she found it and she felt offended. I felt horribly. I also had a found a way to express what I felt here, but she discovered this site as well and somehow knew what I was writing. Since she feels hurt knowing how I feel, I stopped writing or expressing my feelings.
