I think he's really starting to get anxious about leaving.He came home yesterday because of anziety.Yesturday was "normal".I bearly saw him.He's even saying now that he's going impetent and he doesn't have any drive.His hugs don't feel the same, when he does hug me that is.When he touches me period it's like there's no compassion behind it.It hurts sometimes thinking of how we used to make love and have sex 4-5 times a week to now once or twice a month and even then he doesn't take time for me,at times he doesn't even kiss me.He says it's not me. I know it's not. It's just another excuse for him.I can't believe how he fabricates things. I'm the most patient,passive,understanding person but yet he'll say I'm a nag.It's so sad how he's creating a different me in his head.I think alot of it is his chat room and how they talk about their spouces to my H.I know he's brought some of their problems into our relationship. My H still brings up the past alot and tries to find anything he can to @#$%^% about. I don't know what to expect day to day anymore....

I know I have to be careful.Sometimes I want to just yell at him and tell him to knock it off. I do stand up for myself don't get me wrong but I refuse to get drawn into an argument only because I know what he's up to and it's not going to work. The next two weeks are going to be hell. He leaves in 15 more days. I know CO is a no fault state. We do have 3 beautiful children (all girls). They all resent him for what he's done.Two of the three girls want him to leave and never come back. I've tried talking to them about their dad but they've truely lost all respect for him especially my 16 year old.She hates him because of how he expects respect but yet talks to her like she's dirt and calls her names.What a mess I have to clean up. I'm trying to come to terms with things and realize that nothing with my H is going to change for us. If he truely wanted our relationship he'd be doing everything he possibly could to fix it.We have never talked about the domestic violence which happened 3 years ago and why. When I'd try to talk to him about anything he'd turn it into an argument except he'd be the only one upset and yelling but I'm the bad guy.So nothing has been resolved. I honestly feel he doesn't want to get close to me again because he wants to meet other people.So he's not going to focus or work out his fabricated issues with me. I'm debating to confront him with the evidence I have of potential A before he leaves or while he's gone or wait until he gets back. I'm not sure what would be best.Before,during or after their meeting. Well gota go thank you sorry it's so long.

Altho are situations are different there is so much in your post that is the same.

I just told my kids about the A a month ago,because of how their dad treated them(and me)all of their lives they already had hardly no relationship with him.Now my oldest D(she is 22) has lost ALL respect for him,she blew up at him a few weeks ago and I know he thinks I told he to do this.For as long as I can remember my kids would ask me to leave their dad and I always thought that was so strange.

We have been thru so much in our M and HE NEVER wants to talk about the issues.He thinks if we ignore problems they will go away.This is also how he ended his A he just started to ignore any emails she sent,any IM she sent and soon she just quit.I asked for a NC letter but he refused almost as if he could not say good bye.

I have dealt with physical abuse and the "I'm sorry's it will never happen again" ring in my head everytime he says that about having another A.If history holds true for me it will happen again,for the abuse went on for years.

Like your H, mine has done nothing to change our life the life he said lead to the A.I feel like if I was so important to him like he says than he would be willing to do what ever it took to save our M.

Keep posting over the next few weeks it will help you,and I really have no advise on when you should confront I think you know him best and you will know the right time.
Take care.

Have not seen you on,just making sure everything is ok??

Thanks gingersnap.Sorry to bring bad memories to you,but thank you for your thoughts,concern and support.I don't have much time to enter the forum.I only have my lunch time to touch base with everyone.I wish I could do this at home,I would like to get more involved and have time to read other threads.
Yeah...everythings ok.It's just really hard watching him pack.He's bought himself all new clothes,shoes,underware,socks,pants and shirts.Must be nice.For whats supposed to be just a trip to deliver computer parts to his boss in VA.He sure is going all out.He even has two new bottles of cologne hidden in his "car cover" bag in the trunk of his car.Why????The only way I know about them is I was putting tools in his trunk and it sounded like I broke something.He's counting down.He was packing his bag yesturday and there's still 10 more days to go.I went to the pool Saturday and he was there sitting in his car talking to someone on his cell phone.He got off the phone when he saw me comming.He saw the look on my face and asked "what's wrong?"but he knew,I told him "it just brings back bad memories thats all",he said "you've got to stop thinking like that".When we got home he was mad stated "I'll just change my whole F$&^*N life around just for you". It's weired though how he doesn't continue or talk to his "friends" when I'm around.I told him if there is someone else now and if he's made plans to meet her half way or if he's bought her a plane ticket to meet him somewhere that I wished him all the best.I was calm and spoke very sincerely, he knew I ment every word.He didn't say anything and I walked away.I truely mean that.He didn't talk to me the rest of the night which was fine.I knew it would make him think.I'm just getting tired of him bringing up how I think he's having an affair.
Yesturday he was very talkative.He asked me why I said/think he's meeting someone.Do you know how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut about what I know.Oh my God.I kept my composure and just said I didn't know what he had planned and it's a possibility and if he was/is going to meet someone that I hope she can give him everything that I didn't,couldn't or never realize I wasn't.He just looked at me.He said that there isn't anyone else and that he was hurt at my accusations and it shows him that I don't trust him.He said "right now there's 25 women that I could F%^& but I can't do that to you".Then out of know where he said "what if I told you "Ohio A" had a baby last month and it's a boy and that's why I want to go there?", I just looked at him and said "congratulations". I didn't know for sure what response he was expecting to get from me but it worked for me.I didn't let him get me upset.After I said congratulations he just looked at me then said it wasn't true and that he wasn't that damb stupid and that he knew where his heart was and that I'm everything to him.WHAT,HELLO!Just words.My gosh I've changed alot.Then he told me about how he heard from "IL. A" in March,she apparently e-mailed him,and was as he put it mad and b34876g him out saying she thought he loved her etc.it didn't even fase me.A year ago it would of just ripped me apart. So me and H had a little talk.He told me that I had nothing to worry about.You know what I'm realizing that more and more each day.

I dont know how you do it.
Things my H does(or should I say does not do)seem to really bother me,more now than before the A.
I guess for me I just expect him to treat me with the same compasion,love and respect he treated her with.

Right now we are just 2 people sharing the same space.We do not hardly talk,we do not do much together and it is frustating(sp).

Last night I left to take my walk,my regular walking partner was out of town so I ask my D did she want to go she said no but H said he would.Well he did but he stayed several steps ahead of me he kept saying "Am I going to fast" I said no not at all I am not here to have a race.He kept bringing up the same subject on our S and finally I said to him,you have asked me the same thing 8x now and my answer is not going to change that is all I know is there anything else you could talk to me about.
The rest of our walk was silent.

He just cant talk to me how I wish he could.This is a painful thing to me because he had told me the thing he liked best of OW was how easy she was to talk to.

I just dont understand why they do this,or continue to treat us this way.

I have a hard enough time dealing with my situation I really dont know how you can continue day after day living the way you do.

Best of luck look forward to hearing from you again.

Thank you gingersnap
I know it's hard to bring up conversation,I'm having the same problem because you know when H and A talk they talk for hours and it hurts when my H doesn't even give me the time of day and barely says 5 words to me all evening.I have to focus on something else or go do something.H never goes anywhere with me and he never asks if I want to go with him anywhere but he has that cell phone with him.
Well I over heard a conversation my H was having with his friend last night. He was talking about his trip and how excited he was. He was talking about me and how I've always taken care of him and how we've known each other since 7th grade and then he mentioned how he's going to meet "OKI"(A)on his trip. So he has started another A and my suspisions are right.She calls him everyday when she can (I think she's married.
He also said how I'm a "follower" and how I kiss his [censored] all the itme and he wants a mate with some "balls".It's amazing how when I do things it's considered kissing [censored] but when I don't want to do something he gets mad and I'm a b#$%$.Dambed if I do,Dambed if I don't. I really don't knw how or what to do at this point. I am so mad.Hedoesn't know I heard him, he thought I was out of the house. Do I confront him or just leave him alone and let him think I'm stupid and let him get away with this again and just.And just the night before he looked at me and told me that there wasn't anyone else and how I was everything and he couldn't do that to me.Then I hear him talkingth his friend. I'm mad at myself for trusting him again,for loving him, for taking care of him which he considers "kissing [censored]". I never realized my caring nature would distroy my marriage but after 19 years of marriage I just find this out.So what to do now? My hope was just shot down in flames. I'm in the same boat I was in last summer.I'm really having a hard time with everything today.

I am so sorry to hear this.
Is there anyway you can find out info on the OW??
If so I would get it and call HER before the trip.At this point I would not care what my H thought.

I was always so worried about my H leaving me,I cried and cried after dday begging him not to leave me for her.Everytime something happened that he did not like he would tell me I was pushing him back into her arms,so I would stop.

Then one day I woke up and said I wont do this any more.So the first time he threaten to leave after that I said theres the door,this blew him away because this was not my nature,my nature was to always give into what ever made him happy and who cared what made me happy.

Well now when he threatens to leave I say goodbye and he will say "I'm not going anywhere" and guess what he hasnt.I still dont know if we will make it but I am pretty sure that if we dont it will be because I walked out not him.

With this said,I know your situation and H is different than mine,but I would not let him get away with it again.Enough is enough.

If you need help contacting her I will try and help anyway I can.
Take care.

Thanks Gingersnap. Are you sure we're not married to the same guy here.My H treats me the same way and I have showed him the front door too.Even his responce is the same.Thank you for offering to contact A for me but I don't know what that would do.I wish I could just scream in his chat room that he's a married man because they don't know not even his buddy he talks to all the time.I think your handling your situation pretty good it sounded like your H needed a little shock therapy to show him you still have some control. What would you suggest as a "wake up call"?This is so hard...I know what should happen but I just don't know the best way of handeling it.I haven't gotten my settlement yet so I don't have any money.He's making money through his old boss but he's not on a payroll.I don't know how much money he's making I can't tell,it varies depending on what he sells on e-bay and computers he sells or repairs.So that's where he's getting the money for his new clothes ect...His boss sent him money for the trip already.My H two nights ago told our 9 year old that she could go with him and to talk to me about it,I thought it would be ok for her to go she was very excited and even started packing her little bag.Last night he told her she wasn't going with him.I knew that would happen.I just didn't have the heart to tell her.I wanted to see if he was going to keep his word but I knew he wouldn't because of what he's going to do while he's gone.After all how would he explain "OKI" to my daughter? I haven't confronted him or brought anything else up. I'm just waiting and leaving him alone.He leaves in 7 days.Time is going by fast.He said he may not have to go to Ohio or Maryland now so he may be home sooner.Yea right! but I'm not saying anything.I can't wait until he leaves.It's torture seeing his travel bag sitting on the floor with his things packed.Just like last summer.Emotionally I'm really trying to work on myself.I don't cry like I used to.When he's chatting I just go out into the garden or find other things to do.I hardly spoke with him at all yesturday,maybe 5 words.He even asked me what was wrong,I just said "nothing".He even made a comment about how fast I fell asleep last night.I normally don't fall asleep until after he does.I've stopped stroking his back until he falls asleep,I just roll over now.Just another habit I have to stop doing and I am.I'm really trying not to wear my thoughts on my face.I'm trying to stay pleasant but distant.It's alot of work not to be myself, to stop my loving little habits etc.It's ok thought all I have to think about is what he's going to be doing 2 weeks from now,they should be together then.I'm going to look into getting a divorce. I just wish my settlement would get here.

Today I feel like I cant win.
We went shopping my H way of showing he cares,buys us stuff.
I dont really want stuff I want things money cant buy,the problem is I dont know if I want them from him anymore.I close my eyes and the image of him with her never leaves and it only seems to be getting worse as time goes on,not better.This I think is because of his lack of change.

Anyway my D calls while we are at the mall and makes some comments to me that upset me,I know how much she hates that I am staying.I knew she would be so angry with me when she found out about the A that was one reason I did not tell the kids about it.It was a hard decission to tell them but it got to the point that I had to.But like she said they would have found out one day.

So today I feel like no matter what I do its just not right.I have spent my life trying to please everyone and have ended up pleasing no one.
Sorry to vent but I guess it just not a good day for me either.

Stay strong like I said I will be happy to help you in anyway I can.I know that we dont live by each other but there could be ways I could help.

If you want to chat on a more personal private level feel free to email me
gingerbread1023@yahoo.com

Take care.

I'm sorry gingersnap.I know how you feel.What's sad is I don't think my H and I will ever be the same again.I'll always have doubt and I also have the images to live with.A beautiful 8x11 printed picture of him holding her in front of the statue of liberty.That should of been me last summer.That will never go away.I know within my head and my heart that I can dewell on the A's or I have to make some changes,within myself I already have and I think that's why I'm still sane.I'm sorry you had a bad day.I hate days like this/that.What are your choices.What do you really want.We both know we can't turn back the clock.I wish I could too.All these questions I'm also asking myself.Does your H know that your still extremely hurt.Do you discuss it with him.You will always wonder what he shared with her.My H told me A knew everything about him and how understanding she was and how she'd talk to him,how he cried to her over the phone and she had all the answers and knew exactly what to say to make him feel better.It's like rubbing salt in a wound.For awhile I felt like I was competing against a total stranger even he hadn't met yet.My H would play his music (love songs)and be chatting to A from the time he got up to the time he went to bed.I'd lay in bed and just pray to die.During some songs he'd make comments that song "lets make love all night long until all our strength is gone" I can't remember who sings it.But he would make comments like "and he did".I've learned alot just by watching my H without him knowing it of corse.When he gets on a roll and starts talking about his plans or whatever,I just sit and listen and listen very closely. Today I caught him again when he was talking about his trip he said "when we get there" "when we go". I asked him why do you always say we.He had to think about that one.I'm telling ya Gingersnap you've got to get a grip.Don't "wonder" you can't do that to yourself anymore.Some one told me one day "your drinking the poison hoping he'll die".That's exactly what I've been doing.I'm putting up with all this **** for 3 years know every single day and every drunken(him) night.Listening to his lies and bull about whatever and guess who's taking a vacation again.Guess whos going to go have fun this summer again.Guess who's staying home and taking care of the children and going to work.WHAT THE HELL! I'm sorry....But it's true, I have no one to blame but myself.I really don't know your whole situation and what happened but I do know if you don't get control within yourself for yourself nothing will change and it will continue to eat you alive.Last night I lay in bed watching my H sleep.I looked at his hands knowing that in 2 weeks they're going to be touching someone else,his lips.That's the reality that I'm living and I can't ignore it.I can touch him,or hear him snore and it breaks my heart.I lay there and listen to him breath knowing that he can't wait to leave.I told my H after the last A that I'd never go through it again.He knows but he's still going to take the chance.He's just being very careful this time but I caught on right away.The one thing he's not watching is his behavior.He's even using the same words."I need a vacation",that's a favorite I've heard that for the past 2 summers now.Your H could be like mine and go shopping but only buy things for himself.I'm sorry.I know your crushed.Is it your 15 year old D or 22? These days kid are very oppininated(?spelling)and very vocal.My D does the same thing she's 16 and my 11 year old is starting to do it too and my 9 year old is just trying to love everyone.It's extremely hard when they know whats going on.There are days when I just want to run away.It's like everyone's *****ing at you and you just got home from work and your supposed to know everything and fix it. YOU CAN'T !!!!When your H went on a walk with you what was he asking you and being so persistant about? if you don't mind me asking.My H makes stuff up he can fabricate anything.He acuses me of being "whinney","nagging".How can I be these things,we don't hardly talk as it is and when we do it's all about him.I just listen.I don't tell him anything about me or how I'm feeling, why? I don't want to share myself with him anymore.I've really come along way.I did the same thing two years ago with literally begging him not to go with A#1 crying and grabbing at him while he walked out the door as she waited in the car.Yes! I'm kicking my self in the [censored] as we speak. I'm sorry for the language.Last summer I drove him to the airport so he could go see A#2.Little by little I've been saying goodbye.I can't think of what could be for us anymore.It just makes me feel sorry for myself.I can't go there.He keeps bringing up when he gets back we're going camping on the 4th of July,I can't even answer him or get excited about it.He was with 2 different women the past 2 July 4ths.I don't know if I want my H anymore to tell you the truth.Why? he does'nt do anything for me and I mean nothing.We never talk about my needs or what I feel.If ever I do it's considered whinning to him and he starts an argument.I don't even have a friend.I can honestly say I know where the phrase "died of a broken heart"comes from.I've already had a heart ablation done because my heart would palpatate and then within a second be at 190 beats a min instead of the norm 70-80.So the doc had to burn off a little electrical node to fix the problem.I know all of this was brough on by stress.I just had that done 4 months ago,I'm only 40.Thank god for todays technology.That's why I'm stressing to you, you need to come to some kind of understanding or terms with whats happened and put it to rest.I know it's hard.I honestly thought things were getting better for us only to find out there's someone else now.He's not as involved as he was the last time yet but it's the fact that he's started again.The time and effort he's put into their relationship to make him and her want to meet.I think she's even married.He doesn't give me time at all. Well sweetie I'm sorry I've kinda vented right back at ya.I don't mean to sound so harsh.I can relate to everything your talking about.But you know what I'm not the one who's lying,I'm not the one who's being deceiptful,I'm the one who's kept my vows and then some.I'm damb proud of what I've been able to do through out the years.My 16 year old was so sweet, she said "mama,there's no one like you,your genuine and people like you are hard to find these days".Now if she'd stop talking to boys outside her window at night I'd be happy. But I thought comming from a 16 year old I haven't done half bad.Children are so inocent but they see.Thank you for your support Gingersnap.Stay in touch with me and I'll try my best to help you also.VENT,VENT,VENT as much as you want,thanks for listening..

Sorry to hear all of this.
I know all that you said is true and I am trying my hardest to work on me.

My H does not talk to me either.Today he did not even call me at work,right after dday he called all the time because he thought I would kill myself but at that time he was still involved w/her so I dont feel it was genuine.

Go ahead and vent all you want I dont mind.Like I said you can always email me if you want I dont mind and you can vent all you want.

I wish I could help you more but do know that I am here to listen and give an encouraging word if I can.

You are strong and he is a fool,he will never find anyone like he already has and the sad thing is he will throw his family away and when he wants you back it will be to late.

Stay strong talk to you again soon.

Well he's packing.Last night he told me he may leave early like tomorrow or Thursday.I already took Friday off because that's when he was supposed to leave.He's so excited but I can tell he's playing it down.I know for a fact now that he's going to meet "Oki"somewhere along the way.Afterall he's got to have something to tell his friends in the chat room when he gets back.He wanted to go see a concert here with me but he said we didn't have the money.The same band will be in OH while he's there so I'm sure he'll see them then with OW.It's breaking my heart.I discovered viagra in his car and condoms missing from our dresser.It's killing me.I'm not saying a word I'm just watching him replay last summer.Well gota get back to work.Thank gingersnap

I am so sorry.
It may not help but I do know the pain you are going thru right now.
When my H took his trip he said it was for business and at that time I believed him,he asked ME to buy him some new clothes for the trip things that would make him look YOUNGER when he met these men.Yarite!!!!!!!!!!

The words your H says to you my H said to me the difference here is he did not need viagra when he went but had a problem in the bedroom w/me after he got back so he went and got a script for it,I told him no thanks if he needed a little blue pill to get turned on w/me I did not need it.
How I wish I could just be with you during this,let you cry on my shoulder and let all your frustrations out.

I will never understand how they can go on with life like everything is fine when they know the pain they are causing the family that they created.

Keep posting,vent at me when you need to.
Take care.

Thank you Gingersnap
It seems like we have alot in common.I'm sorry if my situation is causing you to relive your pain.
My H called me today and told me he got a different phone so our girls can call him whenever and me of corse.He's so excited and I'm trying so hard to be pleasant about the whole thing.He also told me he maybe leaving tomorrow morning early.I'm crushed.There's no, I'm going to miss you.All he keeps talking about is money and what he's going to be doing while he's gone.Then he said if I leave sooner I'll be back sooner.ya rite.I wrote him a letter but I don't know if I should give it to him before he leaves. If in doubt don't??? This could be our last night together and he doesn't even know it.I've cried every night watching him sleep knowing what I know and how different we are now.I'm trying to be strong and not go there but it's hard.God it feels like someone died.I truely am going to take time for me while he's gone and think about what I need to do.He said he'd call me every evening but I doubt it.Thanks again Gingersnap.

Yes it does sound as tho we have alot in common.
Other than my H is not involved right now with another A.
The reason I am stuck is because of his lack of change.My life feels much like it did then all he would need to do is have an internet A going on and my life would be exactally like it was then.

No you do not make me relive any pain,I think that it helps to know that someone out there knows just how you feel and what you are going thru.

Last night I tried to talk to H about us seperating and he does not take me seriously.

Today we are both off and he does the most stupid thing,his drinking is a problem for us and he knows it but refuses to stop instead he tries to hide his beer and lie to me.He left to go to the store for me I see him walk up and decide to open the door for him and see him hiding a beer behind the bushes,I ask him if he thinks that I am so dumb as to not know when he drinks after all I can smell it on his breathe.He only laughs.I told him it is this kind of behavior that causes us to fight and never move forward in life.He lied to me for so long and chooses to still lie by doing stupid things like this.

He has not hardly spoken to me at all and probably wont,all he ever says to me is "I love you" but like I told him actions speak louder than words and his actions say something else.

Please feel free to keep posting as much as you need to while your H is gone to help you thru this difficult time.
Once again if you want please email me and I can get your # and call you to help you during this time.

Take care,keep posting.
You are special,you know that right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

eloquent...give me the name and whereabouts of his chatroom. Ill be quite happy to go break the news AND give them the MB reference page:) I have plenty of files to share. Also what is his Nnick and the nick of teh OW and his buddy. let me at this. it will be proxy revenge <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you Gingersnap and Debbra
He's gone.He left yesturday morning the same time I left for work.It was weired seeing his car leave with a U_Hall trailer attached to it.My heart sank.I didn't think he would leave until Friday,I even took Friday off of work.I was a zombi yesturday at work,I'm a little better today.For the past week he's been saying he might not even go (just another spark of hope).Then he leaves two days early.He called me from Arkansas last night and he called me at work this morning. He said he felt weired like he should be comming home but its just because he has his car.He always flew before.What makes this so hard for me (I'm figuring out) is he still treats me "normal" to a certain extent).He still calls me honey or babe and he said "I love you" four times in our conversation this morning.How can he do that knowing what lyes ahead and the plans he's made.I don't understand this.Since he's told a couple of people in his chat room about him and "OKI" how can he not meet her and face them.They know her also in the chat room but they don't know he's married to me and has been for 19 years.Some of the people in the chatroom know what happened last summer with Ohio A and the one before that.All the people who think he's the coolest thin on the planet how would they react if they knew the truth of what he's done to our family.I've done nothing wrong except love him. Even if his chat room knew and found out what would the ramifications be and my H the smooth talker that he is would have excuses for everything.
Gingersnap have to taken him to get help with his drinking problem and how long has it been going on? How does he react when you confront him about the problem? I hope yours is a "happy" drunk.With my H it just intensifies his mood swings, lately he's been getting drunk 2-3 times a week.Chatting and drinking thats his thing especially on a Friday night.Have you been able to talk to him about joinning "ALANON" or some kind of counceling for this.It's not something he's going to be able to hide from and he has innocent children he needs to help you raise.
I'm going to try to get onto my daughters computer at home so I can use it this weekend to talk more.If you want to e-mail me also my e-mail address is "petals1703@yahoo.com".I thought MB had a chat room.Ladies chat or something like that
http://www.san-andreas.com/mbladies/chat.php.Ya! I think thats it.I have to get back to work now.Debbra I'll have to touch base with you later.Sorry your here but thank you for being and all your support.

My H thinks the problem is all in my head.He tells me that I am the reason he drinks.Our kids are all older now,my youngest is almost 16 so the raising part is pretty much done.
His drinking has been a sore spot in our relationship for a very long time,the kids hate it when he drinks and when they were younger would tell him so.
My 18yr old son has so much anger toward my H that he has turned to drugs and is out of control,H blames me for this also says he does drugs because I spoiled him when he was little.
He does not think that his lack of spending time w/the kids has anything to do with it.

Right now my life just pretty much sucks.I told H last night that if he wanted our M to work than he had to make it the #1 thing in his life.I said it has to come before his buddies,his beer,his website anything.I told him he would have to make me fall back in love w/him that I was no longer going to kiss his a** it was time for him to kiss mine.

He is not use to this from me,I have always cried and told him I will do anything as long as he stays with me,but I am finding a strength that I did not know I had.It will be hard to start over but I know I can do it.

I hope that you are doing ok today.
Take care talk to you soon.

Hello everyone,and happy fathers day
Well my H been gone now for 4 days and he's still not in Virginia.He's called me everyday since he left.He only talks for a couple of minutes.Just long enough to tell me where he's at and how he's doing and to say "I love you".
My H sister stopped by and I told her about what I thought my H plans are.Come to find out she knows "Oki"from the chat room.She doesn't talk to her or know her on a personnel level but she does talk to "Okies" X boyfriend quite often.He dumped Oki because he said she was psycho.It made me feel a little better.I wish them all the luck in the world.
Yesturday when my H called he didn't sound too good he said he was sick.Maybe something he ate but I think it's stress.He said this trip has turnned out to be the trip from hell then he asked me if I would fly out to where ever and help him drive back.To the rescue again...NOT.I'm not leaving my kids home alone for 2-3 days,I can't afford to miss work or leave work just because of him.
I haven't brought up Oki to him or the eviction notice I got YET! I hope he's haveing a good time.I was able to come up with the money to pay the rent though.So we're not getting evicted.He hasn't a clue.Since my H been gone his sisters stopped by twice and his brother once and my dad and brother were here yesturday.I'm not used to this.It was nice though.They never come over.
I don't know if this is good or bad but I don't miss my H.I haven't shed a tear since he's been gone.The first day was tough but now I'm ok.The atmosphire in our house is totally different.It's like after you've had company all day or babysat and they leave, how quiet and clam everything seems to be.That's what it's like now.Strange.Even the kids arn't used to people visiting us.They had fun.The weather has been gloomy and rainy ever since my H left but even that's not depressing me,I love it.Compared to last summer I've changed alot and for myself it's for the better.All of you here at MB have contributed to that and I sincerely Thank You.I don't know what's going to happen if and when H returns but I do know what I don't want now.Thank you all so much for being here....