OK, I am back. I went to the health club adn tanned. I came back and did eat something and finished cleaning up the kitchen and dining room from last night. Still have the den to do and it is pretty messed up in here. Just don't want to tackle it right this moment.<P>sidney,<P>Thanks for the encourgament, as I sure do need it today. As for my H - maybe he thinks of me and maybe he doesn't. Maybe he missed me yesterday, maybe not. Today's thought is that it doesn't matter what he thinks or doesn't think - it is what he does and isn't doing. The actions are despicable. And, I am SICK of thinking about this. UGGHHH! <P>Anyway, I am feeling better...the sun is shining outside and the natural sun shining in my heart won't allow me to be in a funk forever...Thanks for lending a hand here to help pull me out of this pit.<P>DeWayne,<P>Blush away, buddy. You deserve somebody to tell you nice things, especially when they are true. You do have a kind heart and you are a good man and you will find a way to get back in sync with your W. I saw the thread Duncan wrote to you, but I was crying earlier when I read it. I am going to go back and re-read it and see the replies, too.<P>Ah, I am slowly coming back to life here. I just can't ever stay down very long - it is the antithesis of my nature. I am not up, but am crawling back from the abyss. All this feeling sorry for me doesn't change what is going on. <P>I will go and re-read your message from Duncan now...and some of the othert posts, too. Thank you, DeWayne...nothing more noble than to help another in their time of need...<P>Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

studnetwife,<P>I missed your post earlier..thanks for the prayers!<P>Roll Me Away<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi Desiree,<P>When you said: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Ah, I am slowly coming back to life here. I just can't ever stay down very long - it is the antithesis of my nature. I am not up, but am crawling back from the abyss. All this feeling sorry for me doesn't change what is going on.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It really hit the nail on the head for me too... I know how you feel about everything, the bitterness that creeps in when you least expect it, the anger and rage, the guilt when it all hits you in the face, and finally the little bit of peace you feel when you realize you can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.<P>Just wanted you to know I'm here, and that I care.<P>~Sheryl <P>

Sheryl,<P>Thanks for responding...I was in the deepest, darkest place ever <P>This has been the worst YEAR of my life. Probably for you, too. I can not wait for 2000, because it has got to be better. Nothing can top this sh1t. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that because then I am sure more bad things could happen.<P>I love WhoDat's trailer the most of all...something like "Bitterness is taking the poison and waiting for the other person to die." I think that is so true. It is why I seldom let myself feel the anger and even this new-found hate...WHY bother feeling them????? They are counter-productive feelings. Maybe I have them and suppress them or maybe I don't have then very much. I don't know.<P>My counselor, Fred, always says I need to get mad more and I keep asking him WHY??? Does it change anything? Naw, just upsets me and I would rather be happy than upset, if I have a choice...ah, the eternal optimist.....<P>I wonder if I am going to be an old, dried up woman sitting here waiting for my H to decide if he is ever going to forgive me, if he is ever coming home to work on our marriage, if he will decide it is over and get a divorce? Then, I wonder why the hell am I sitting here waiting on him to decide what he wants??? WHY do I have the FAITH and FEELING that we will get back together???? If I could kill that, maybe I could get past all this cr@p.<P>Does my H deserve me? Do I deserve him? <P>Exestentialism....what is the meaning of the world and this pain?????????<P>We are feeling it that is for sure...no figment of the imagination. But, I am seeing some light...just no answers. All I have are more questions and feelings...<P>Sheryl, How was your Christmas? When is David's move date? I am worried about the pair of you. I sense you guys NEED each other more than most here. I pray for you both daily by name....<P>Thank you for caring.<P>And Bill, I re-read this thread and thank yo to for loving and caring about me....<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<P>David is moving the rest of the inside-the-house stuff today. Nice of him to wait until just the day after Christmas, huh? When you said:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am worried about the pair of you. I sense you guys NEED each other more than most here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I thought, yes, you are right... we DO need each other. The main reason he's moving now is to save face in front of everyone to which he's spewed our life story (Sheryl's mistakes according to David). It's sad because my family was WONDERFUL yesterday, treated David with total respect and love, as do my friends, but his family can barely be civil on the phone, and his friends (which are comprised mostly of the church people and his customers in his landscaping biz) think I'm an idiotic horrible person because of what he's told them. Now he feels bad about what he's said, but it's been said...can't take it back. You probably sense some anger?? Yeah, me too... but not bad. Just sad. <P>Thanks for caring enough to ask... and most of all, thanks for praying for us both daily by name... very needed and thoughtful!! <P>~Sheryl

Sheryl,<P>I know how sad and upsetting a day this has to be for you, the children and even David.<P>For you guys, I have always felt you were "there" just out of sync. You seemed never to be able to sync-up living together because there is always too much emotion and other stuff to deal with.<P>I see sp much similarity with you and David and DeWayne and his W. I do not think your separation is going to be fatal. I would truly be much surprised if it turns out to be so. You need the emotional vacation, and so does David. <P>Don't worry so much about his family and friends. All of us who align ourselves in any "story" always know there are two sides to every story. There are no perfect people out there. David isn't the saint and Sheryl the sinner. People need to live and let live. I feel bad that others feel they can pass judgement on you. You are a GOOD person and in time, when you and David are sharing happier, more intimate moments, remember that he will be the FIRST to blab how WONDERFUL you are to EVERYBODY!!!!!! <P>Luv ya,<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

<B>Sheryl and Desiree</B> --<BR> Something Sheryl just said struck a chord with me... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The main reason he's moving now is to save face in front of everyone to which he's spewed our life story<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I have often wondered if this could be one reason Susan is so set on moving out. She has been telling everyone, including me, that she is and it's what she wants. Then she tells me that she's not totally sure it's the right decision, but doesn't tell anyone else this. Maybe she has somehow gotten that male gene for pride???<P>--DeWayne--

Thank you Desiree... I sure hope you're right!<P>Love you too! <P>~Sheryl

DeWayne,<P>PRIDE...come on...talk to me about PRIDE.<P>I had an EA over 2 yrs. ago. I told my H I never thought it anything but an infatuation, but after reading the books - OK an EA. Nota d@mn thing happened between the OM and myslef. Still, my H's PRIDE and EGO are not bruised - damaged beyond repair and the only thing that will make him feel good about himself is the OW.<P>He told me again on Tuesday night that he can NEVER get over this nor forgive me.<P>How's THAT for PRIDE??????????? My H is the KING when it comes to having PRIDE! <P>Yes, DeWayne, Susan and David are also afflicted with pride, in my opinion. The only way for them to recover form it is to find a way to extricate themselves in a "face-saving" way. I wonder if this is why I hang in so much...to let H "punish" me to save or gain face for his PRIDE??????????<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

<B>Desiree</B> --<P>Sorry, did I hit a nerve or what!! Unfortunately, pride is an all too common frailty. We are all guilty of it at one time or another. Some just carry it to an extreme.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I wonder if this is why I hang in so much.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Let me try to guess a better answer...you love him and believe that once he gets his head out of his a$$, he might just be the man you fell in love with in the beginning. Wasn't someone here working on an invention to perform that extrication function?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>he can NEVER get over this nor forgive me<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sounds like major <B>excuse</B> time here. He will eventually realize that there is no comparison between what you did versus what he did. Send him to me, I will tell him that....<P>Luv ya...<P>--DeWayne--

Oh Desiree... I <B>SO</B> agree with you... <P>and then I think there's something to the fact that men have a more difficult time getting over the pain of infidelity on their wives part than we do when they cheat (present company excepted, DeWayne and Chris, and all the other wonderful men fighting to get their wives back...) David and I talked this morning, and I said something about how I pulled myself up and became STRONGER through his affairs... I just didn't understand why he couldn't do the same (I <B>know</B>-big lovebuster, and definately not <B>resting</B> like I'm suppose to be, but dammit, my life is on the line here!).<P>I don't know the answers... but I'm trying...just like you guys...<P>We're stronger than we think!!!

DeWayne,<P>Now, we have the "pride" issue going on two threads! Way cool! I've got Fleetwood Mac going now...my kids want to know how I can enjoy such a wide variety of music. Have an Otis Redding CD lined up next.<P>Naw, the nerve has already been zinged quite a few times by ny H. The tool was developed by Medic and is called the A$$ Master. I bought 5 dozen of them and gave them a s Christmas presents to everyone I knew. Yours should be arriving soon for Susan's pretty little head.<P>I will be happy to send my H to you...but I gotta talk to him first. Remember - he "compartmentalizes" which means since he will be with OW a while longer, I don't exist right now. She is a school teacher and he told me he "has plans" for New Years, so I am assuming they will be together until after the first. BARF!!!!!!!<P>I hope her whining voice starts to get on his nerves big time.<P>Yes, I love the big jerk. Am I pathetic here or what?????<P>Luv ya back!!!! <P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

<B>Desiree</B> -- If you think you're pathetic, look it up in the dictionary. You will see what I really look like. I, too(as well as Susan), have ecclectic tastes in music. I like Creed, Mac, George Jones, Ronnie Milsap, Chicago, Rossini overtures, Beethoven, Bach, jazz, blues, etc. I just love music period...<P>I'm kinda waiting around. I would like to talk to Susan again about all this. She really has never given a straightforward answer to my question about whether she still thinks about <B>not</B> moving. Could just be diplomacy on her part so as not to hurt my feelings. Sure, it's going to hurt, but I would rather have the honesty. Problem is, just asking is going to spoil her mood. <P>Once, this morning, when we were trading affectionate behavior, I kinda hinted at making love. She's been keeping a little distance since. I know she might not feel like it, but I also think that it's possible she doesn't want to expose herself to the closeness and emotions we experience. Could make her have a little more trouble with her decisions.....<P>Well, <B>that's</B> probably more than you wanted to know!! LOL!!<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>You pass muster 'cause I liked your music list <P>Well, you can keep asking Susan, but I have a large hunch that she is still waffling on it herself. Don't ask too much, DeWayne. Trust me, as I have made EVERY mistake that the books say don't make. I always find the right book AFTER I LB. She might see this as pushing her and some kind of manipulation or control on your part. This is the single hardest thing for me to accept here: Our S's has to figure this out for THEMSELVES!!!! Steve H. said they must be able to sort this out for themselves. Problem for us "waiters" is that we are killed and crushed during the wait. Keep doing what you have been doing, DeWayne. Let her make her own mind up. After all...and I am typing this as much for ME as for you...if talking, logic, statistics, persuasion, etcc. could have brought our S to their senses, we could have been over this a LONG time ago....they just don't work.<P>Now, about the making love. Well, since there is none of that here, I must live vicariously through the salacious stories of all my friends...... And, I can tell you exactly how many weeks and days it has been for me....not that I am counting....<SIGH>!<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Sheryl,<P>OOPS, we must have been posting at the same time - I missed your last post. Sorry.<P>Not trying to be sexist here, but I do agree with you. As a general rule, women seem to be more forgiving. At least GENERALLY. <P>Naw, you didn't LB. You and David have to sort some things out here. After all, he is moving today. But, I'll bet it won't tak etoo long he will be coming over ALL the time. David is a family man at heart and a religious man. I know he has had these EA's lately, but with all that has passed betweent he two of you, somehow I don't see him as running off and getting in with anyone. You guys are both seeking some SIMPLICITY out of this complex malestorm of emotions. <P>Oh, I seem him staying away a little bit at first and then he'll be hanging around all the time because he won't be able to stand the quiet!<P>Sheryl, look at this as an opportunity to get the physical and emotional rest that YOU need. Keep going to the lady pastor-counselor. She seems to have been able to reach you on the plane that you need. <P>I know today is very hurtful for you. Just keep thinking yellow....yellow walls, yellow bath towels...yellow shower curtain....yellow bath mat....the SUN is shining everywhere in Sheryl's bathroom!!! I might come over after it is all done and work on my tan <P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA...I'm sorry to reply late on your thread. I don't understand how 2 wrongs can equal a right? I think that your H is using your EA as an excuse, or to justify his affair w/OW.<P>I don't think it has anything to do with "I can never forgive you for what you did to me...." He is just trying to make you feel guilty but at the same time, make it seem it is all right for him to have an affair.<P>I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. I feel the same way towards the OW. Please hang in there and know that people are praying & thinking of you.

Thank you Desiree...<P>Yellow, yellow, yellow...<P>Must remember...<P>~Sheryl

NoTrust,<P>Thanks for that...those are words I probably need to hear right now.<P>I am one mixed up woman for sure.<P>I went from bright, self-confident, articulate and sure-footed to this heap of ramblings that continues to not be able to find her way out of the paper bag.<P>I changed my prayer this morning:<P>I asked God to help me have peace and happiness in my heart once more. <P>Thank you for thinking of me, as I really do NEED it right now.<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>