Hello All
Just a quick update.
I am not home yet,gosh I have been gone for 2wks already that went fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I got a job,I went to one interview and was walking thru a store ran into someone I use to work with who had moved over here he suggested I go put in an application so I did,they took my app.gave me an interview and hired me on the spot.What a shock that was for me.
I found the nicest apt.but I am waiting to find out about some funding so that I can get the rent taken care of,if that goes thru I will be moving in just 2short weeks.

I am happier,I am lonely at night and cry sometimes but I must admit I hardly think of the A now that I am away from my H.
I am still in a state of disbelief that my life has ended up like this but I am not thinking to far ahead.
My H has been kind to me and wants to work on the M,however he agree's that this seperation is for the best.I fear that to much time away from him will cause me to not be in love w/him enough to stay married to him.Only time will tell.

I will keep everyone updated on what is going on.Pray for me that the funding goes thru so that I can move,I really love it over here and want to move.If I am here I can look for a IC maybe even the lady I saw 2wks ago and I know this would help me out a great deal.

Take care all,I will post when I can.

We'll keep praying for BOTH OF YOU.

Any more word on your son?

Perhaps I should have said ALL OF YOU.

Glad you are doing well and that you can get work so easily. Sorry that you are lonely. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Do you have friends or family locally you can talk to?

SS

Hi Gingersnap

So good to hear from you. I have been worried about you but it looks like things are going to be okay. Fingers crossed about the funding, you could do with a bit of good luck.

Take things one day at a time and let the healing begin. Knew things would look up for you, it was only time!!!

You know where I am if you need me, you will never be alone.

Your friend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Kat

SS and Kat,

Well still no word on the funding for the apt.so I am now totally confused <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> and don't know what to do.I really do not want to move in w/my daughter but I hate to give up the new job because my chance to advance in the company would be better than where I work right now.
Yes there is family where I am planning to relocate that was one of the reason I picked that area,my two married kids live in the area,and if all goes well and I do move I will help out my daughter w/day care while her and her H are in school.

As for my son.............he contacted my oldest son a few days ago and showed up at his house last night about 11:30pm.He does not look good but at least for now I know where he is and he is safe.

I am now home I came home late this afternoon and my H was so different,he talked to me, opened up to me about some of his feelings.Sad thing is he wanted me to meet him for dinner when I got into town so I did it was not until I sat down that I realized the last time I was there was the day he told me of his "A".

So here I sit not knowing what to do.I believe the move will be good for me but I hate to go not having my own place.Why can't anything be easy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks for all your support during this very difficult time for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Ginger,

Glad to see the update.

It is good that H opened up some,

How do you feel about it?

Do you think this is a step in the right direction?

What do you want?

You know where I am if you need me.

Hi Sue

Is this good for me?? Yes I think so.While I was gone I hardly thought of the A,my anger or anything like that,I guess the old "out of sight out of mind" game.Well I come home and it seems that is all I think about and the anger and hurt seem to consume me.So yes I think the seperation will be the best thing I can do for me.

My job ends here on the 27th and I go for training on the 29th at the new job so not much time to sit and think about what is going on.
I'm not sure how smooth the move will be so much to do and very little time to do it in.

I still cant let go of my M,I still love him but hate him so much for all of this,does that make sense to anyone??

I wish I was younger,I wish I had more to offer,I wish I was more confedant,I wish I was not here in an infidelity site.I want what I once had,trust,love,and stability.I have fears about my future and being all alone,but at this point I would rather be alone and happy than living every day in pain just to have another body in the house.

I guess to wrap it all up......I am still really really confused and hope that this move is not a mistake but a new beginning.

Ginger,

You are my age and I don't feel like I am ready for the "social" old folks home. I bet you aren't either. In fact, I bet you have a lot more to offer than you think you do and I think your husband knows it. I am sure he will be squirming the whole time you are gone, if not he should be. Where else is a man with his history going to find a woman of your caliber? He might be able to find someone else but she will never be you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Besides, OW was 5 years younger than me and didn't have a thing on me, intellectually, sexually, or any other way. You have a lot to offer. So, don't sell yourself short!

Cathy

Well one of the things that has brought me down so much about the "A" was that OW was everything I am not.......she is 11yrs younger than me,she is smart has a great career as a matter of fact one of the things he said to me on dday was "You dont understand she makes alot of money and she wants ME and she wants me bad".
Those words ring in my head daily.I just told my kids of the A in april and when H talked to our SIL about all of this he mentioned that very thing.The only thing I have on her is that I probably weigh about 70lbs less than her,and I am 4inches shorter(she was about 3inches taller than my H)

I will never be 11yrs younger,I may never make lots of money,I may never be easy for him to talk to like he said she was.
All of this destroyed my self esteem.
If a man had to choose between me a 43yr old,or a 30yr old who do you think he would choose??
Well my H went for the younger one,I think he only stayed because she was unable to get out of her M.

If my M does not work out,I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life and that is a little scary to me.

Ginger,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he said to me on dday was "You dont understand she makes alot of money and she wants ME and she wants me bad".
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That was his ego talking. If she is "all that" why isn't he with her? Why is he with you? Don't you see that it is because she isn't you?

Money isn't everything. She might make a lot of money but she was unable to attract a single man of quality. She probably has a lot more flaws than you know or your husband is willing to admit. My H's OW was majorly flawed, he never noticed until later. Why? Because he was to busy running from me and our marriage to take a close look at her.

I promise you that if your husband and you don't make it then you will NOT be alone the rest of your life. I am okay looking but I still have 80lbs to lose and but if I were to put myself out there I get someone. I do not make a great deal of money, I am overweight but I am a nice person and I think there are a lot of guys out there looking for a nice woman. Someone that will love them, show them lots of affection, and be a good friend/partner to them.

I know you feel at your worst, there are days that I feel that if I can't keep my husband then I will be alone too. But I know that in my heart that I am a good wife, mother, partner and friend and there are a lot of guys looking for that. Believe that and believe in yourself.

Cathy

Thanks again for the encouragment.

To this day my H has never said ONE bad word against OW.I know he said many bad things about me.Sure no one is perfect but because he only spoke highly of her and has never said ANYTHING negative about her it leaves me to believe she is all I am not.

People tell me that I am a beautiful woman,I dont see it.I think they say that because I am a nice person,always thinking of the others.

I do not do change well and maybe that is one reason I am feeling like this right now.I can only pray that God opens doors for me,and will guide me to what is right.

hi ginger been a long time sorry to hear your having the same troubles as me im to the point that im tired of tring and divorce is probably in my future my kids know tooo how could they not my 2 oldest hate her and my 12 year old thinks its all his fault good luck billibob

Billibob
I have been wondering about you.Sorry to hear that things are not going well.
My kids are very angry at my H,especially my 22yr old D.She does not want him in her life at all,I knew that would happen and that is one reason I did not want them to know but it got to the point that I could not hold it in any longer.I have told more and more people especially now that I am moving.

He acts like we will be apart for a week or so and then I will be home,I am afraid,I dont trust him at all so I dont see us having a very happy future.

I just cant get over the pain that all of this has caused me I am happier when we are apart.

Please let me know how you are,I have worried about your health and wondered if you had been able to recover or not.

Well I got the apt.
I move in just 7 short days.My H is moving furniture over to the new place tomorrow.

You would think that with me leaving he would act different,try and spend time w/me,anything to show me he wished things were different.
Not him...........I called him at noon today to tell him of a situation I could tell he was not listening to me,I asked "what are you doing?" of course it was something on his website,I just said of course and hung up.
I hate these feelings,he acts like it is no big deal that I am leaving that I will be right down the street.

He does not call me,he does not come and have break w/me even tho he has been working the late shift.Nothing.Yet he tells me he wants to work on our M,if he cant do it with me right in front of him how does he think he can do it with me gone??

I was telling him what furniture I wanted to take and he got mad at me yelling because I did not want to take something.Everything even what furniture I want or dont want is about him.He does not even see that he does this.I told him I am not taking ANY of his junk,I am tired of living w/it.

I hope this next week goes by fast and I can get everything done that I need to.
I am very scared.

{{{{{{Strength, strength, strength}}}}}

THANKS,THANKS THANKS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wish I could offer lots of wisdom, tell you exactly what to do, and make things better.

Since I can't, I'll just echo SAB - strength, and trust in yourself and your abilities. You are more able than you give yourself credit for sometimes.

Smile and believe you can make things work.

SS

My H is in total deniel(sp)
He is telling everyone around town how excited he is that WE are moving.
He knows that he is not going,he knows I am going alone I guess this shows me how much he lives in a fantasy world.No wonder he thought there was something wrong w/me that I could not get over his A,maybe he believes it never happened.

Well he is moving the furniture for me today and he called me when he got to the new place,I said it is so nice isnt it,he said yes everything over here is so new and nice it is like being in a different world.Ok then I LB'd but who can blame me I said,Yes it is like a new world to bad you threw me away like trash or you could be sharing it w/me......he was just silent.

Well I have so much to do I dont know where to start.

Hi Ginger

Just though I would show my support. You are doing just fine. Keep your spirits up and believe in what you are doing. Your H is maybe finally realising that you mean business now.

I wish you well in your new home Ginger and I will be in contact when I get back.

Keep that chin up, you are doing well girl.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love

<small>[ July 21, 2004, 10:26 PM: Message edited by: KatHurt ]</small>

Well just about 4 days until the move.

My H still acts like life is peachy.
Yesterday he finished taking stuff to the new apt for me he called and said he would be home in a little while and then would I like to go have dinner,I said sure.

Well he said he needed to wash the truck and put gas in it for his friend who let him use it,no problem I understand that it is the right thing to do.He tells me no more than 40min.Well about 2hrs later he comes in the house w/a drink in his hand and grabs the matches and says I need to go start the grill for so and so she is having a party out by the pool,again no prob until I look out side and there is nothing but women out there in thier bathing suits having a kiddy party and there is my good old H,just talking laughing and drinking w/them.I watch,this go on for about 10min or so and then I am really PO'd.
Here I sit and wait for over 2hrs for him so we can go eat and once again he puts me off like I dont matter.I am leaving we have little to no time left to spend together and he is out having a great time w/a bunch of women.
Needless to say I lost it with him.I told him this is the type of treatment I always get,putting me off and doing what ever never even stopping to think how I might feel.

The closer it gets the more I know that I need this separation from him.

Ginger -

You are definitely doing the right thing by moving.

It sounds like you have always *been there* just waiting for your H to get around to you. He's so used to that so it just continues.

Hopefully, by moving out, he'll get the BIG slap up against the side of his head he needs. I wish I was there to give it to him! LOL

Once you move, are you going to try Plan B? If not, I would sill not be so available to him. Start living your life to show him you can do just fine on your own.

I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Take care.

sss