Ron - Would your wife consider posting here? I think even reading here would help her.

You seem to be doing a great job, so hang in there.

Hi Aussie2,

"unusual"..."normal"...you know, I used to think that I had a pretty good grasp on those two concepts. At this point, I don't know that I'd recognize "normal" or "unusual" if either came and bit me on the a$$! (BIG SHRUG) Just one (of the many) "casualties"of this whole ordeal. You know, after being lied to for SO LONG about SO MUCH, you begin to doubt everything...and everyone! If truth be told...I always was a bit of a skeptic re. people and motives...guess that's been kicked up a couple notches, eh!

Probably the best analogy I can come up with would be a Twilight Zone episode where the main character (poor [censored]) wakes up to find himself in what appears to be his house, with everything in order and where it should be, until he opens the drapes and then finds himself staring through the bars of a cage. On the otherside side of these bars are strangers (except for this poor guy's wife) staring in at him and laughing. Oddly, the "wife" 's not laughing, but simply diverts her eyes and slinks away through the crowd. After a moment, the guy looks down and spies a sign affixed to the bars...cuckhold husband! Anyone care to psycho-analyze that?

Hmmm...any wonder I have a DEEP DESIRE to get confrontational with OM(s). With all due respect to Val Kilmer's character in Tombstone...I'M YOUR HUCKLEBERRY

Ron -

That is a great analogy. I too, thought all was fine. I noticed WH was distant, but when I asked about it he told me everything would be all right.

Meanwhile the people at work all knew he had OW,(we worked together), our grown kids knew (he even had OW sleeping with him at daughters), everyone in his family and the neighborhood knew.

When I found out, I was in a state of shock.

Hi believer,

would your wife consider posting here?"...that's an interesting question. I know that she's been to MB and has read (atleast) this thread, I have no idea why she hasn't "signed up". Not to be cruel (one of her favorite "fog" sayings), but considering the ease she seems to have pouring out her guts to others in forums and chat , you'd think she would be a natural.

Unfortunately, I have enough difficulty trying to get her to talk to ME about her feelings and motivations, that I don't forsee her participating here any time soon. Although I've casually (and gently) suggested she read our copies of HN,HN and SAA, neither has been started. Personally, I'd be thankful if I could get her into some sort of professional counseling. That, I suppose, will have to wait until my balance in her LB increases substantially.

If I were to conjure up a "situation" report up to today, I'd have to say that we're both working MUCH harder at meeting ENs, and the level of empathy on everyone's part is high, BUT we are simply glossing over whatever deep seated issues have lead to all the infidelity and lack of respect for our marriage.

To borrow something from Penny Tupy, what WW has (I believe) is CONFLICT AVOIDANCE...which, as Penny points out, is MARITAL CANCER! I believe WW finds the prospect of counseling "downright frightening." Hmmm, just another one of those hurdles to be cleared.