Hmmm. Yes, well, a bit more information than I really needed, yes.

I guess I would say that if you're telling your husband you don't want sex, then yep, it was rape. Sorry for the previous misunderstanding -- I thought you'd said that you went along with it out of guilt.

How are you guys doing this week?

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 01:16 PM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>

JustJ,

Sorry if that was TMI! I was trying to be tactful, but I guess I still gave tmi!

This week was okay. Thanks for asking. It was kind of a crazy, hectic, tense week, but as far as my H and I go, we got along pretty well. Our DD isn't going to high school-she couldn't handle it (anxiety), so we had to put our plan B into action--contacting the school to get tutors, and starting the paperwork to have her go to this special school which is ONLY for anxiety students. It'll all be a shock, and she just wants to "drop out" at this point, but we're intent on her finishing high school. She's too intelligent to waste her life. It's a struggle, and it's taken a lot of our time and energy, but this is the most important thing to us right now.

We have been talking about our trip (we're all going on a family trip in 2 weeks--first time the kids will board a plane!), and that's been nice. We're looking forward to it, even though the kids have trepidations!

My H has been keeping busy, doing things on his own more, which is good for him and was suggested by his therapist. He's gone deep-sea fishing (I helped him shop and prepare for that one) and he's gone golfing and he's been playing in poker tournaments every once in a while. This is good for him to socialize with HIS friends and have some time to himself. It's making him more relaxed (well, a bit!), and it in turn rubs off on me too! Yeah! I also get to try to do more for myself and for the kids. It's all good. We have lots more to talk about too!

Our alone time together has been a bit more pleasant, and I see us both dropping our guardedness a bit.

One weird thing that happened was that I heard from my ex-gf. I posted on a messageboard (that she dropped out of 2 months ago) about my dilemma--my ex-gf had many of my personal belongings at her house (different country), and I need some of them for my trip. I COULD replace them, but I figured I'd ask one more time for them. I had my sister email my ex, to ask for them back. My ex gave my sis a hard time (somewhat), although she replaced one item and is mailing the rest back to me. She (my ex) responded to my post, which shocked the HECK out of me!!! To see her post to ME, and mention my name (which I left off purposely) shook me up. She was cold and mean and in the post she took NO accountability for our demise. Again, she made everything seem like my fault, etc. None of that really matters, but what came of it matters a LOT! I found some small piece of closure--something I'd been looking for for months! I'm getting some of my stuff back, she was kind enough to purchase a replacment item, she responded to my sister (which she didn't have to do!), and I got to tell her a few things online that I otherwise wouldn't have gotten to do (since I have a Cease & Desist letter). So, I felt a bit happy about it. I felt sad that my ex is still twisting it all around, but I can't worry about her anymore. I *do* wish her well, and I hope she won't carry hatred for me (or for anyone), but she's not my main concern anymore.

I told my H about this whole thing, and he's glad that I got some closure. He's just waiting around for me to "come around" again. Slowly. My sister noted that my H still has "love in his eyes" for me, and that she felt sorry for him while I'm trying to figure all of this out. I'm doing the best I can. I won't jump back into our marriage full force until I'm sure it's where I belong. In the meantime, he and I are getting along better, which is the important thing! I realize that I shouldn't make him wait around for too long, or I may lose him. For now I'm grateful for how we're getting along, and I hope it will only improve. I'm SLOWLY starting to feel more like myself. That's good, right?

Thanks for your input and for your concern. I'll let you know what happens in the upcoming weeks!

CC

CC,

Thanks for the update. You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I won't jump back into our marriage full force until I'm sure it's where I belong. In the meantime, he and I are getting along better, which is the important thing!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CC, you will NEVER be absolutely sure. Make an effort to NOT set the bar so high that you cannot get over it. If you are going to do that, then do your H a favor and end the marriage it is more honest and less painful.

I am glad you are getting along better, but let me ask you something. Are you working on being a better friend to your H? Are you trying to meet his needs? If not you should be,because only via this path you find out if you are sure or not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I realize that I shouldn't make him wait around for too long, or I may lose him. For now I'm grateful for how we're getting along, and I hope it will only improve. I'm SLOWLY starting to feel more like myself. That's good, right?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it is good that you feel more like yourself. And I am glad you are beginning to appreciate that he may not wait as long as you would like. Frankly he has more patience than I, it seems to me he is a good man. I hope you come to value that.

Finally, it is good that you have gotten some closure on your relationship with exGF. I hope that it continues to help you. Her anger with you is NOT something you can do anything about, it is something she will have to address at some point.

But, do reflect on it, to see if there are elements of her anger with you, that are warrented. I mention this because you don't want to bring those elements into your marriage, or if they are there, you might seriously consider removing them.

Just some thoughts. Hope you week goes well.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

Thanks for your input, as usual. I'll try not to set the bar so high with regard to my marriage. I just want to be sure that I COULD be sexually attracted to my H before committing to him again. That's all I meant. I'm not expecting there to be romantic fireworks. We still have a lot to work out. If we could maintain our friendship and there is SOME romantic interest, that's all I'll need.

Thanks for those words about my exGF. You're right. I should address any unresolved issues about her and her anger towards me. I'm upset that she twisted this all around just to benefit her, and that hurts me. However, I don't think that I'll turn that around on anyone else. I feel unjustly hated by her, and it's very confusing and hurtful to me, when we had a very close, loving relationship. The fact that my H must be feeling the same way is too amazing to me. He's ME in that scenario, so I know that he's going through a lot (a lot more than I went through!). I'm trying to keep him in mind.

I've been getting some feedback about my exGF from some people who have known her (in the computer sense anyway) and they say that it sounds as though SHE can't let go. Interesting, since she's touting that *I* can't let go of her. I'm trying to make sense of it all, but it's not consuming me constantly as it was even a month ago. I'm getting there, I guess!

I'm STILL trying to find a therapist solely for me. We're just seeing our MC for now, and he's been a help. My H wants to continue seeing the MC separately, which is fine with me, but I've decided that I don't click with him enough to have him as MY therapist. I'll try to find my own soon--it's a tough thing with my healthcare insurance--they only cover a few therapists (mostly social workers), and when I've called, they put me on a waiting list. So, I'm waiting.

Thanks again for your input. I'll check back in and tell you how we're progressing. Thanks!

CC

CC,

I think if you have not you need to talk to your H about the IC issue. I am of the opinion that if you are going to counseling, go for the best you can find. The money you "save" by going to someone on the insurance that is not good enough, is going to be spent in lawyer fees for the divorce.

Further, if you start to do a wide ranging search for a good IC, try to find one that is "pro-marriage". You have two sets of issues, one is your internal struggle with sexual orientation, and the other is you are struggling in a marriage. The normal IC will offer to you remedies that will reduce your immediate pain, such as getting rid of your H. But, long term you will be much happier with your H, marriage and family IF other issues can be resolved.

So don't spare the money if none of the people on your insurance suit you.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

Thanks for the advice. This isn't merely a matter of me being tight with money and not wanting to go outside of my medical coverage--it's NOT possible. We've been without medical insurance for years, and we live paycheck to paycheck. I simply CANNOT go outside of our plan. Our MC isn't covered either, but luckily he only charges $50 per visit, and we're struggling with that! I'll see what I can find though. I also have to hook my daughter back up to a therapist for her anxiety (she's having tutors right now and we're in line for a special anxiety school that's within our school district).

Anyway, thanks for the therapist advice, and you're right--I want to address the sexual identity issues too. It all plays a big part in this. Thanks.

CC

Just an update...

I got more closure today. I received a package from my exGF, containing all of my toiletries that I left behind at her house (thinking I'd be back). I posted a message to her on a message board that I know she frequents. I said:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you. I got the package in the mail today. Thanks for taking the time to send everything to me. Take care. Please let me know if you'd like me to reimburse you for the postage. It was about $12. Also, would your DD like her things back? Please let me know, and I'd send them right off to her. If you'd like anything else back, please let me know. After that, I think that all of our loose ends are tied up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She replied:

Nah, I'll reply to this, because when she continues to try to contact me, I'll have a screen shot of this that says, in her own words, she won't.

I don't want my DD's things returned to her. I find it unconscionable that you would try to give back a gift that a nine-year-old girl had given to you with such affection. As you should well remember, my daughter GAVE you that Beanie Baby while you were HERE. I have a photograph of you holding the toy and posing with my daughter. The toy was not left behind at your house by my daughter. It was a gift from my daughter to you. Therefore there was no need to return it. Your insistance on returning it is nothing more than a weak excuse to continue to be in contact with me. There’s no way that I am interested in explaining to my nine-year-old daughter how and why the gift is being returned.

BTW, I personally don’t care what YOU do with any of the gifts that my family or I have given you or your family members. They are gifts.

As for contacting you through your sister, your last email to me told me NOT to contact her, to go directly to you, since your sister is such a busy woman and it is so slow waiting for a reply from her. Your words, not mine.

Incidentally, your own, original make-up mirror is being shipped to you today, since you found the brand new replacement that I had priority shipped to you to be so unacceptable.

I absolutely DO NOT WANT to be reimbursed for the shipping or the costs of anything. For one, I would hate to be accused of being "mean and cold" again. For another, everyone can see that your doing so is just another veiled attempt to stay in contact with me. I admit I initially suggested that I didn't want to ship your half-empty toiletries to you at my own cost. That was a mistake on my part. I am happy to absorb the cost if it means that you shall stay true to your word and never contact me again after this. Although I doubt it, since you've been saying that for four months.

XXXXXXXX, I appreciate your trying to forward this to me. I'm sure you realize by now that my email addy has been changed. (Gee, I wonder why???)

I'm sorry she is still here and she still continues to use this forum this way. As you can see, I have been forced to stop posting except to reply to her and attempt to do what I can to stop this without World War 3.

Cheers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To which I replied:

Fine. Thanks for replying here and not going through anyone else. Much appreciated.

I *did* appreciate the new makeup mirror, but the travel one will be very useful for my trip. Thanks.

I won't send you the money, as requested, and I won't send your DD the Beanie Baby or jewelry box back (I honestly thought they were on "loan" to me!!).

It's sad that you couldn't end this better. I've been willing to talk for months, to tie up everything and not be so cruel. But now it's all done. Should you wish to ever contact me again, feel free. I'd gladly discuss the confusion that took place when our relationship ended. I still have MANY questions and would have preferred to discuss it with you. If this is the road you wish to choose, and you wish to cut me out of your life forever, then I wish you well, and I hope that you have some good memories of what we shared for 3 years. I know I do.

Take care. My best to you and yours, always.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My intention was always to end it better. I didn't have ANY closure for months, and at least I have some now. I don't harbor hatred towards her, but I'm sure that she's hateful towards me. She never wanted to come clean about our A to her H, and I pushed her into that. It's something I'll feel guilty over for a long time--it wasn't my place to threaten to tell him or to tell my H. I just wish that she and I could have spoken one last time, settled things, been grateful and sorry and guilty, and then moved on.

At least I feel SOME closure now, even though it had to be through a message board! I got my things back, she made it clear that she didn't want her things or her DD's things (even though I was SURE that they were just on "loan" to me!!!!), and she wants no contact.

I no longer dream about reconciling with her anymore, so I guess I'm slowly coming out of my fog. I'm able to see her without my rose colored glasses for once. I see now that it probably never could have worked out between us, for many reasons. And, I realize that I've hurt my H and I don't know if that could be repaired.

Thanks, everybody for your continued input. It's been helpful. I *hope* I'm on the right path now!!

CC

CC,

Just an off the wall thought that crossed my mind as I read this last post. It is not her you have to stop seeing through rose colored glasses, it is yourself, and the affair.

You state you doubt you can repair the damage to your H. Well, given that you state you have NOT tried you are probably right, at the "pace" you are working he will run out of patience long before you decide to see him as a man that loves you.

I wish I could really help you see things more clearly, but I cannot. I wish I could help you see your H's heart, but I cannot. You are still focused on the fantasy of the affair. You had the best of both worlds: an H to pay the bills and watch the children while you went off and had a marvelous time with your OP.

I do hope that at some point in your life, you will see truely see what and who you threw away.

God Bless,

JL

Gosh---Just Learning----
Cut her some slack!!!! She is obviously deep in the "fog". She will see the light soon enough. I am sure her husband will have the patience to wait for her. This is a very hard thing for us to process and deal with. Some do it faster than others (LIKE ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )LOL
I dont think she was in love with this other person. She is very confused still ,just like her name here!!! But her confusion will slowly go away and she will see reality again!!!
I am completely sure of that!
Myrta

Thank you, Myrta!

I think you're right--it'll take time, although I feel a sense of something positive for the first time in a long time. I see little steps that are leading to recovery. Closure is one of them, and although I'm still not in the "fantasy" of the A (thanks, JL), I need some closure regarding it, and I've gotten SOME closure lately.

As far as being in love with the OW, yes, I am sure that I was. I felt the same way when I was first in love with my H. Very similar. As dicussed in MC, both my H and the OW were similar in many ways. I was attracted to both, and definitely in love with both, and I felt as STRONGLY for each one in the beginning of each relationship. Very similar.

My A wasn't just some fantasy. We did help each other enormously. Maybe we shouldn't have gone over the line and entered into the A, because our friendship (which began our relationship) was wonderful in and of itself. She helped me evolve, and I think I helped her in some ways too. We discussed "real" issues and topics daily--our daily life, etc.

I don't feel like I'm completely in the fog anymore. I DO see her differently now. I see flaws. I see that it probably wouldn't have worked. I still needed to work on ME, and she needed to work on herself (a lot more!). I turned to her for closeness, and bonding. Something I was lacking with my H. I see how wrong that was and where it led. I DO see how much it's hurt him. I AM trying to understand his point of view more. If he chooses to leave me before I've completely come out of the fog, then there's nothing I can do. I can't speed up a process that *I* need to go through.

Thanks again for your input. And, Myrta, I wish you the best.

CC

CC===I also thought I was in love with the OM. I had those kinds of deep conversations about everything too, we talked about politics,religion, family,his work, etc. I think it is normal, to have this feeling and think it is the "real thing". I think also, it makes us look less evil, like we are not doing something so terrible, just for the pleasure of the flesh!
Did you ever had doubts about your sexuality growing up, in your teenage years, or when you got married? Was your husband your only sex partner?
What about the OW, is she bisexual, or was it her firsttime with another woman too?
I think some people have more curiosity than others, and maybe you had it and wanted to see how it was. But maybe you thought it was not going to be so in depth and involved.
I dont know!
I am sure your mind will clear soon enough. When the whole "fog" of the affair dissapears you will know for sure what is it you want!

Good luck to you too!

Myrta

Myrta,

Good questions!! My H was my first sexual partner. I had many boyfriends before him though, but no actual sex. I was my H's first sexual partner too. He didn't have much experience.

My OW said that this was her first experience with a woman, although she was very open in her thinking. She admitted to having thought about having sex with a woman, and what it would be like, but she said that she was never attracted to a woman before me.

Just a little more info about the OW and me. We lived in separate countries, 3000 miles apart. We spoke via a message board, where we "met". We became instant friends, and then we realized that we loved talking to each other and immediately couldn't get enough of each other. We were friends for a while before realizing that we were in love. We were definitely in love, and this was before we had ever met in real life. When we did meet (she came here for the first time), sparks flew, and we both felt butterflies in our tummies. It certainly felt like love. There was lust too, but more love. There was also a deep friendship.

I think that having lived apart, we had a long time to develop our relationship, and it went from a good, solid friendship, into love, even before we met. We agreed that we both didn't know if we'd follow through or even have those feelings of love when we met, so we didn't put any pressure on each other. When we were first alone, it all felt so right, and we were extremely comfortable with each other. Being my first experience with a woman, I didn't even feel nervous, and neither did she. It all felt natural. I would have understood if she didn't want to go through with the sexual part of our relationship, because "real life" was different than just discussing it or dreaming about it. But we both felt strongly about it and the sex during that week was amazing and nearly spiritual.

I haven't thought about being sexual with anyone else since then. I can't even begin to think of being with another woman, yet I can't think of being with a man either. I did have a dream about my H a few weeks ago, so that was hopeful. I just want to clear my head and know where I stand sexually, before I commit myself to my H again. I wouldn't want to hurt him again, ever.

Thanks for your questions. They help me figure things out. I wish you well, and I get a lot out of reading your posts. I know that this is a long, hard road, and that other people looking in probably think that we're heartless for having an A to begin with. You and I (and other WW's) know that it's difficult on us too. Take care, and thanks again!!

CC

One more thing...

I didn't answer a few more questions. I never doubted my sexuality when I was growing up. I had STRONG sexual attractions to men, always.

I never even dreamed of being with a woman, until I talked to the OW. I never thought I'd be capable of feeling like that for another woman. It shocked me (and her) a lot!! We discussed it a lot! I used to ask what it "made" us. Lesbians? Bi?? Curious? She used to say that we were just in love, and it happened to be with a woman. I think she was right. I still can't explain it.

ConfusedCheater <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I dont know, but maybe you had curiosity, but you pushed it back into your subconcious. Otherwise, why would you still wandering right now. If it was only curiosity, to see how it was with another woman, just for the heck of it, that would be it. But now, you have deep doubts about your sexuality and you dont even want your husband to get intimate with you.
You might feel very bad, because you are already married with kids and thats why you dont want to admit to yourself that, thats not what you want. Even though society is so "liberal and accepting", homosexuality or bisexuality" is not accepted.
You were obviously lacking something in your marriage, but why would the OW be the one filling those needs? Unless, you are incline to that.
Did you feel happy before with your husband? What needs he was not meeting with you?
I think you should really be sincere with yourself!
I think it must be a nightmare, to be something,but pretend to be something else! It is not good for your mental or physical health!
And about you been open to discuss with your husband all details of the affaIr. I think it is different for him, because the competition is obvious not the same. The OW did not do the same things, he was doing to you. So I am sure he rather not know!!!
I am also sure, that if you really want to stay in your marriage with him, he will forgive and accept YOU!
And, one final note, whatever you choose to be, no body should care, it is YOUR life!!! Nobody else's!!!
I wish you the best!!! Sincerely!
]
Myrta

Myrta,

Thank you for your kind words. I know that you're going through a lot right now too, and I haven't gotten the chance to read through all of your posts to comment.

I have NEVER felt attracted to another woman before my girlfriend came along. I was a pretty sexual being. Someone once told me that I "exuded sex appeal". Lots of men flirted with me. I think it was my positive attitude and confidence. Right now I don't see anyone even looking at me--a clear sign of my depression!

I'm not sure about my sexuality, and I know that I have to find a competent therapist to help me with that. I don't understand how I could go from enjoying sex with a man, to enjoying sex with this woman, and now pining away for her. I don't feel attracted to ANYONE right now, so I don't know what that "makes" me. I know that I'm comfortable with my H and I still love him, so I'm starting from there.

As far as my relationship with my H, we had a fantasy-like relationship for 20 years. We were the envy of MANY friends. We never argued, and we were best friends. Our children (16 and 14) were growing more independent, and I started to lose weight and become a bit independent. I started exercising, going online, talking to people. The more my H wanted to spend time with me, the more I wanted to pull away and find myself. We did still have a good marriage at that point. Then I met my girlfriend. She became my best friend and confident. We shared things that I used to only share with my H. All joys and sorrows would be FIRST shared with her. She used to tell me that she had a running list in her head of things that she couldn't wait to run and tell me about every day. Somewhere along the way we depended on each other more and on our husbands MUCH less. And so our A began.

My H spent more and more time working and stressing, and the more he stressed, the more I'd pull away too. I used to try to help him with his job and with his problems (money issues, family issues, etc), but when my girlfriend came along, I had little patience for him and only wanted time for "me" (which meant time with her). She and I spoke online every day and every night for about 5 hours. We'd also spend hours on the phone daily (in the midst of our duties as SAHM's). We'd call each other on our cellphones and share in our days, even for a minute. Kept the romance alive, even though we lived 3000 miles apart.

Hope that explains some more. She was attentive and loving and made me feel VERY special. Don't get me wrong--we aggravated each other to no end. I have NEVER fought with anyone more than I have with her, but then again no one has ever talked to me about deep issues like she has. We just pushed each other's buttons. Our relationship was extreme and excessive (obsessive too).

You're right about my H not asking questions about the A b/c it was with a woman. I'd still be willing to answer any questions, if it would help him. Your H asked you all details of your A? Did it help?? How long ago did your A end?? How long have you had no contact with the OM? How long were you in the "fog"?? Does it get better after time?? I still miss her and find things in the least expected places that make my heart sink. I'm missing my best friend, not only my lover. I ruined a friendship by crossing that line, and I regret it.

Thanks again for your input. Take care!!

CC

CONFUSEDCHEATER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
My husband wanted to know everything that went on in my affair. I have talked to hi m a lot about it. He says it helps him understand why it happened. He also wants to know, when and where, so he can place himself at that time too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> JUST LEARNING, thinks that I have to tell my H everything, all the details, and as many times he asks me. He says it is necessary for the rebuilding of our marriage. Hmm...I am still not convinced completely but, I am trying to open more and more to my H. My DD was on June1-04. Four months ago already!!! Yeah, things are a bit better than at the beginnng, especially the firsst month., that was a hellish month!!! I, like you, get triggers of memories when I see something or hear a song, and it makes me a bit sad, but I am getting better. I dont think my fog is as thick anymore!
I was thinking that sometimes, us, women, or men, could be very sensitive to fall in love, does not matter if it is the same gender or not. You obviously fell in love with this woman, because of the way you share things, and the way she talked to you. You were very suceptible at the time, you got into the affair. It could had been anyone. You were lacking some intimacy with your husband that you found on this woman. I dont think you are inclined to bisexuality. You are just confused because you fell in love for a woman, but it is not the woman you fell for, but her romantic ways, her personality. Your mind will clear, and you will see that your sexuality is still the same. Your husband should show his support and be there for you. You reallyneed him now!!!
You seem like a very fun person, but at the same time, very sensitive and warm. Sometimes in marriages we fall into such boredom, and we dont give importance to the little things that truly make a person happy and complete.
I look forward to your posts!!!
Good luck!
Myrta <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Myrta,

(gee, I just wrote to Stanley--he's your H, right?? That's so good that you both post on here).

I'm a little in shock that your DD was on June 1st of this year. Mine was on May 15th of this year, and you seem lightyears ahead of me as far as your progress goes!

What your last post said rang very true to me. My OW (I don't know what term to call her!!) just filled a void in me, and I don't think it had much to do with sexual curiousity or sexual gender at all. I fell in love with her BEING, and obviously I was lacking something in my own relationship with my H in order for that to happen. That's what I'm still trying to figure out.

Today was a little rough. I found her posting on a different message board, and after a few posts, I realized it was her (I don't post there; only read). So, my curiousity got the better of me and I read more of her posts to see if she'd reveal anything about what's happening in her life now. I don't know what I expect to find! Anything I read could be construed as hurtful, so it's no use.

I walked away from the computer and made a nice dinner for my DD and her bf (my H and my DS were out tonight). We had a very nice time. I don't want to be consumed with the A anymore, or with my OW's life. I AM still reminded of her daily and when it's unexpected, it really knocks my socks off, but I DO feel like the fog is slowly lifting. I understand my need for the A. I understand WHY I fell in love with her. She wasn't a horrid person. She was wonderful and possessed many qualities like my H. It was just wrong to do while married. I realize that now. Wrong place, wrong time. She had told that to me before, "If I had met you before I had kids, I'd choose to be with you." She often told me that if she had met me before she met her H, she'd have even easier chosen to live with me. The fact is that we're both married, and we owe our husbands and our children the chance to live in a happy home with both of their parents, if it could work out that way.

I wish you well with every day. Please post and let me know how you're doing. I'll try to do the same.

We're taking a well-deserved family vacation next Saturday, for a week to the Bahamas. My H planned this trip. We'll get to spend some time alone there too, as the children are teenagers and can spend some time alone. It should be nice! I'm happy that my H wants to spend time with me!! Every hug I give him, every nice thing I tell him, seems to be something he's craving. I'll only say it or do it out of love though. I can't be fake with him, and I have to be sure of my feelings for him so that I never hurt him again!

Thanks for your input. I'm very interested in hearing what you have to say!! Take care!

CC

Myrta,

P.S. I'm amazed and in awe of you for being able to be sexual with your H after this A. I'm not there yet. Do you think that just jumping back into it helps get over the A sooner? I'm just waiting to feel more in love with my H before I attempt to go there again. I don't want to lead him on. Any advice??

Just wanted to say that I'm getting ready to leave on a family trip this Friday night. Should be good to get away. I'll be thinking about all of this, and trying to heed the advice of JL and Myrta (and Stanley) and everyone else here who has tried to help me out of my fog.

I *am* trying to see things from my H's perspective, but it's slow-going as I am still in the fog. I see small accomplishments on my part, but I'm still hurting inside. I no longer feel the deep withdrawal from my OW. I'm only left with sad, empty feelings when I think about her. How everything ended is what gets to me. Hopefully that'll be worked out when I go to MY therapist in 2 weeks!

I'll be on and off until Friday night, so I'll try to check in. Thanks again, everyone, for trying to help me.

CC

CC---I am glad you are going in a little getaway.. Try to get close to your husband, be loving to him. He will like that. My husband and I , went away for the weekend, shorthly after DD, and we got very sexual <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
We went in a get together, and we went upstairs to one of the rooms, and had a "nice time". We also talked , and talked all the way to where we going. We were in the car for almost four hours ,just talking. We went by ourselves,though. we did not take any of the girls.
Your fog will slowly but surely lift, and you will feel better, sooner than you think.
Good luck with your husband!

Myrta