kyellow4=== I am sorry if I made that comment to that Ilek person. I was just saying it with "tongue in cheek"
You can come back and post all you want. I promise I wont lash back anymore. Kiwi and I also started in the wrong foot, but I like and appreciate her posts very much. And since I just learned you are great supporters of each other, I am sure I will like you too.
I think that ILEK person, has a lot of anger and resentment towards women, but yet HE feels he is doing a great favor to his wife by staying with her. I feel sorry for his wife <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Kiwi explained here that your "cheating" remark was due to the fact that you have not read all this thread. I completely misunderstood the comment! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Sorry again!
Myrta

Can't we all just get along? Everyone is hurting. Let's help each other with a hand up.

KiwiJ---thank you for telling your friend about this thread. I am sorry I took her post the wrong way. Please do tell her, that she can post here again.
I am sure posts like the one of that Ilek guy, are just a few. He is sooooooooooo bitter and ill advising!!
I hope all goes well with your daughter. She is young so I am sure she will be fine. She has a good mother, that has had her share of life experiences. I am sure you and your husband are giving her excellent advice.
God Bless
Myrta

Myrta,

You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not because I dont care about his feelings and his wants, but just because, my defenses go up and I just cannot handle it anymore. But little by little I had been telling him everyting HE wants to know. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myrta, have you noticed that your H comes to your defense when he feels you are attacked? Have you noticed that his instincts are to protect you? If you have then let me ask you something, why do you need for your defenses to go up?

Myrta, leave your defenses down when you and your H talk. Tell him what he wants to hear. Oh! he needs details, and he needs to ask the same questions over and over, so do that for him. But, Myrta I think what he needs from you more than anything is for you to trust him enough to NOT defend yourself and for you to tell him what he wants with LOVE in your heart.

Myrta, when you can do this your marriage is on its way to a new level. When you realize that through it all, he has stayed, and he still defends you because he loves you, your marriage will move to a new level. Myrta, you can strip your soul bare for this man, and he will protect you and love you. Now you talk about erotic... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> this will get to him like few things can.

That is where we are heading with this. For you and your H to be able to stand emotionally nude in front of one another, and trust that you will take care of each other.

I am sure the A has made you defensive, but you have alluded to the fact that you are sort of defensive anyway. Your H has as well. I think he craves to be closer to you, to be open with you and for you to be open with him.

The defensiveness is what I am attacking, not you. I want you to see that some of the things you say will push your H back, and not allow either of you to heal as you should and can.

Let me ask you to think about something very carefully. You have loved another man emotionally and physically. You have sinned in a harsh manner. You have betrayed your H's trust and love. You have betrayed yourself and your marriage vows. You know it is not something to be proud of because you don't want your children to know.

YET...Your H loves you, and wants you and your love for the rest of your life. So given this, I want you to ask yourself; What am I defending, he knows the worst, and he is still here?

Don't you see the beauty of that? Don't you see the strength of it? Don't you see how important to him you are? If you do see these things, you don't need to defend, you need to open up and let his see your inner glow.

Please think about that.

God Bless,

JL

Just Learning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
YOu really hit my heart this time, but in a good way. You are right ! I really never realized the amount of love my husband has for me. That he knows I was unfaithfull but he is willing to fight for our marriage, it is erotic big time. This man has loved me like no one has, not even people in my family. He has given me unconditional love, and I took all that love for granted and diverted myself with the OM. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I am a very lucky woman to have him as a husband. Yes, he has lashed at me before, screamed ,became so angry, that I got scared of him, but is because of his love for me.You are right saying that he already knows the worst, and I should open up completely and give him all the details!
I do get restless when he asks me the same questions, I always tell him, but....."I already told you that", and he pretends is the first time he asks. After reading different post from different people, I see is a normal thing. Also he asks me about days and times, so he can place himself at that time also, to see what he was doing, what he was thinking. You see, my husband has a photographic memory and he can tell you little details of our relationship that back to over 30 years ago. He is amazing!!! But now I see is because, he has valued every little moment with me, because of his love for me.
I do think our marriage is going to be better than ever. He feels so energetic, like he is a new man. He has a zest for life that he was lacking for a very long time. Despite our ups and downs I think we are doing well.
Thank you for all your input and patience with me.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Myrta

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do get restless when he asks me the same questions, I always tell him, but....."I already told you that", and he pretends is the first time he asks.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is no so much the same question. I usually think about the issue from a new angle and I am driven to ask what seems to be an old question. However, with every word Myrta gives me I tend to get closer to a point where I will have NO MORE QUESTIONS and no more DOUBTS or CONFUSION in my head. IN the end I simply want to include in my life a huge chunk of Myrta’s life where she knows all the details and answers and I know nothing. Why do In want to know? I want to know because this event affects my life in a VERY SIGNIFICANT way. Ideally Myrta and I are a unit and I cannot function properly if I don’t know what the other side is doing. I WANT TO KNOW because I want to avoid chronic resentment! I don’t want our marriage to be a bitter pill that I have to swallow every day. I don’t need a play by play description of the sex. That is not the issue, however I need to know the circumstances, the why and the when, as well as the conversations. Myrta claims she values the conversations. As of now I know nothing of the conversations. Maybe the OM is such a smooth talker that I could learn something from him to use on my own wife. As I said before I would be a lousy OM and could not function as such very long. Maybe I can learn something here.

BTW, the OM refuses to go away:

My wife just got off the phone after talking to her mother back home (where the OM lives). Guess what?

The OM placed a phone call to Myrta’s mom to see if they were doing OK after the storm. He presented himself as an old high school friend!

Hmm---------------- the OM never did that before. This smells like stalking to me. However, Myrta says is just a nice gesture from the OM’s part.

What do you guys think?

As you know we changed the phone number, but my wife’s mom has it and she could easily provide the number to the OM if he wants it.

<small>[ September 20, 2004, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

I see no one has posted and Myrta is getting inpatient. Despite the fact that she always feels under attack she loves to read the posts.

I re-read some of the recent posts and found some things I wanted to comment about.



quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
He did not noticed that I was an adult, a woman that needed and wanted other things in the relationship
------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHA, trying to seek some independence. I have a very controlling H, I have (had) no opinion, I was unworthy to make any decisions in our life, this of course is how I felt, not necessarily how he felt, in his defense. So I started making some decisions for myself, I completely rebelled like a teenager. No wonder I never got to make decisions, I suck at it.


The first physical encounters of the affair occurred when Myrta flew back home on her own to visit her mother. Myrta had this sudden urge to go check on his mother, but I didn’t think much of it. In the past we always visited home as a family, so this was out of character. She also asked me if she could get a room in a hotel instead of staying in her mother’s house. She rented a car and told me the whole thing was a marvelous adventure--------- Flying off to a remote destination for a secret rendevouz. .

BTW, the only difference is that I am not controlling. In fact I am the antithesis of controlling with a type B personality, no anal behavior, ect.. This I have been told by many.



quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Myrta quickly responded by saying she would never forget the OM because he was A VERY IMPORTANT MAN IN HER LIFE!
"BTW, Myrta says that the sex with the OM was great!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple of quotes from some different pages. I'm guessing in a few months, those words will disgust you.

I do also think, eventually she will see OM in the same way that you do. Right after DDAY, my H told me I just wished you hated him like I do.
I said to him, honey I will never hate him, he is a good man.
Some months later, Yeah, NOOOO, I no longer feel this way. I am indifferent, I do not have a hating bone in my body, but I do no longer see OM as a good man.

All that just to say she will see him as a snake, and it will be quicker and easier for her, because she left the A, not he that broke it off.


Well this is what Myrta said a couple of days ago:

My husband paints the OM as this horrible looking, and manipulative person. He is neither of those things. I think we in some extent like to manipulate people, my husband does it with me too. Does that make him a horrible person too?

Like I said, I am the poster child for non-manipulative behavior. I don’t get this one.


Or because he is my husband is allright for him to do. He tries to change my way of thinking, to his way. Of course, he has not suceeded because I have a very strong mind.

That is correct, Myrta does what she does and I never have been able to influence her.


You are right saying that he already knows the worst, and I should open up completely and give him all the details!

Yet, last night Myrta refused to talk about why the OM was calling her mother (Myrta's mom).

The OM placed a phone call to Myrta’s mom to see if they were doing OK after the storm. He presented himself as an old high school friend!
Hmm---------------- the OM never did that before. This smells like stalking to me. However, Myrta says is just a nice gesture from the OM’s part.

Still defending the OM Myrta. I think it is very creepy that the OM called Myrta’s home and I am worried that he may eventually call again to ask Myrta’s mom for our new phone number. The OM also IM’d one of my daughters the other day. Another source where he could get the new number. At one point my wife hinted the OM could be a stalker and now she says there is nothing to worry about.

<small>[ September 21, 2004, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

Myrta and Stanley,

I think the OM contacting her mother is cause for concern. I don't know if he knew your mother before Myrta and I worry that he knows you daughter. It seems that while you worried alot about Stanley disclosing your affiar, that you have in fact made it likely that they are going to find out or you will be blackmailed into contact with him.

Myrta, your OM is a problem I am afraid. And he is likely to be the method by which people you don't want to know about the A find out about it. You have a lot to think about. First if they do find out how are you going to respond? Are you going to blame it on your H? Are you going to "make light" of it as if it were nothing? Or are you going to face it and acknowledge that it hurt your H deeply and yourself deeply?

You have things to consider here Myrta and I think OM is trying to get back into your life. You may secretly rejoice at that, not unusual at your stage, but it will place your marriage in a very unstable situation. Sit down with your H and figure out what the TWO of you should do.

Stanley, I think you realize that IF Myrta ever does open up and become emotionally attached to you, that you must protect her, while she is being honest and open with you. It is clear she is not there yet. I hope she gets there, and I hope she will see what she missed from her marriage by NOT being open with you. My guess she will be amazed at the connection and intimacy which flows when her defenses finally cease to be a part of your marriage.

Give her time Stanley, but also address your need for information.

My final word of advice...watch out for OM he is going to cause trouble.

God Bless,

JL

Just Learning---this is unreal!
There nothing wrong with the OM contacting my mother, he was just being a nice person,she is ill and there was a hurricane going on. He works in the medical field and he was doing a nice gesture. Yes, he did know my mother before. I am sure, completely sure, he is not going to blackmail me into seeing him again, or he will tell. He has a family too, he has a job that he can lose if he acts stupid.
I am very close to my husband emotionally just because I drifted away from him during the A does not mean, I was always like that. My husband is lying if he says that. I have been with him since I was barely a teenager, so he has seen me grow up, and he has been my confidant.
I AM NOT IN WITHDRAWAL.
I dont know how many times I should stress that out.

Myrta!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 21, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: Myrta ]</small>

JL:

I have known Myrta most of my life. However, I never knew the side of Myrta that had the affair. In a way that probably means we were not emotionally close.

Myrta has always been the mysterious kind. She is non-talkative and can provoke all kinds of reactions when she refuses to communicate. In fact the OM mentioned this very same observation in one of the emails I intercepted. The OM encouraged Myrta to use this method to keep me off-balance.

However, I have to give Myrta credit regarding radical honesty. She immediately informed me the OM had called my mother in law as soon as she got of the phone from her mother. I could tell she was reluctant to do so and there was some hesitation. Nevertheless, she did not keep this information to herself. I think she is still fearful I will call the OM.

BTW, Myrta claims that she would hate to be an open book and that there will always be things about her that I will never understand. She claims that this mystery is a necessary ingredient to maintain the spice of a relationship.

Myrta’s shield is still up, last night she rushed out of the room when I expressed my concerns about the OM getting in touch with my mother in law. To be honest I was freaked out whereas Myrta thought it was a very nice gesture. She became indignant and did not want to discuss it. She then said she was sorry she told me about it.

As for the stability of the OM:

JL, the one and only may know whether the OM is stable or not is Myrta, but, even then------- their relationship of two years was in fantasy land and the OM could have presented himself as a very honorable person. She had glimpses of his dark side, but he mostly presented himself as agrat dad and model citizen. The data I have suggests this guy is not an honest individual, but that is another story. In any event, Myrta told me that the main reason she kept talking with the OM was because the guy was strange and she feared he could do something crazy. But, now the OM gets in touch with my mother in law, sends an instant message to my daughter, and Myrta thinks everything is OK.

As you can see Myrta manages to keep me off-balance.

I wish Myrta would tell me what is the real deal regarding the OM. All she does is defend him and only put him down when she needed an explanation for the phone calls the OM made to my home.


I AM CONFUSED!!!

<small>[ September 21, 2004, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

Regarding emotional closeness:

This is going to be painful for me to write, but I have to do it.

Myrta said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am very close to my husband emotionally just because I drifted away from him during the A does not mean, I was always like that. My husband is lying if he says that. I have been with him since I was barely a teenager, so he has seen me grow up, and he has been my confidant. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a very touchy subject for me. This is where I sort of become sad and blue about the whole thing. I know Myrta is not going to like this, but I have to say it. We are not going to MC and this is a form of therapy for me. I simply have to express this.

My wife is a beautiful woman. I know I have said this ad nauseum, but she is one of a kind and looks VERY YOUNG despite her age. I am sorry to say her OM is a man of very ordinary looks (I am being kind) and if they ever walked hand in hand in public many would say, “What does she sees in him?”

I know it is no crime for a couple to be a mismatch. Most of the time when one sees a mismatch the explanation for the attraction is some sort of deep emotional closeness. In fact, my wife has admitted to me she fell in love with the OM’s personality and not his looks. After all they communicated daily over countless emails, IM sessions, as well as hundreds of conversations a month. I actually went back and checked the cell phone bills. During the peak of the affair Myrta’s cell phone logged an average of 700 calls a month. Now the average is around 200 calls a month. You do the math!

It saddens me to the core to acknowledge that the reason Myrta went to bed with the OM was nothing more than extreme emotional closeness. It is extremely difficult to accept that perhaps I never achieved that closeness with Myrta. The reason is unclear, but she always saw me as a person above her and I guess she always kept a wall between us (or a shield). Then the OM comes around with all kinds of emotional problems and she can finally rescue a person in distress. In other words these two start to share their intimacy and problems. Clearly this is easy to do over the Internet and it helps that they both have very similar backgrounds (elementary school and HS classmates). Pretty soon they see each other as soul mates and when they meet in person all the groundwork is already in place for a PA.

It really hurts to know that Myrta will not open the door and keep the shields all the way up.

Stanley Hi,

I have just read this saga. It seems to me that neither the marriage you had nor whatever you have now is very satisfying to you. I would urge to to define the boundaries of what you are prepared to accept. You both sound admirable people but you don't seem to be working very hard on anything together.

Best regards

Well let's give Myrta some credit. As we always say here "Don't listen to what they say, look at their actions".

Myrta ended A on D-day. She admitted the truth, instead of denying it for months. She did not leave the home. She provided SF to Stanley. Also she answered his questions.

She is reading and posting here.

I wonder how many folks would like to trade places with Stanley? No offense Stanley, I know you are very hurt. After 20 months my WH has yet to do any of the above.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Stanley Hi,
I have just read this saga. It seems to me that neither the marriage you had nor whatever you have now is very satisfying to you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, all my life I have been quite happy with Myrta. I was never ever concerned with stuff such as my needs. As far as I am concerned she gave me a lot. Sure, there are some things I would like, but I love her and that would never be a reason for me to do anything drastic. I am not a greedy guy and I am usually happy with whatever I get. OTOH, Myrta was always a little more demanding in terms of needs, but at the time of the A things were not that bad at all. In fact I recall a time about 15 years ago when I was detached from her and she complained bitterly. At the time of the A she was not complaining a whole lot.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would urge to to define the boundaries of what you are prepared to accept. You both sound admirable people but you don't seem to be working very hard on anything together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have a clear boundary--------- if I find out she is back seeing the OM the marriage is over. Obviously I don't want that and find myself trying to prevent Myrta and the OM from communicating with each other.

If she chooses the OM I will reluctantly let her go and help her as much as I can. I will still keep her infidelity a secret as I don't want my children to suffer. She would have to make up some story that she met the OM after we separated.

So far she is here with me and has said she wants me instead of the OM. However, if there is fog and withdrawal she may still like the OM as dessert on the side and I worry about that.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well let's give Myrta some credit. As we always say here "Don't listen to what they say, look at their actions".
Myrta ended A on D-day. She admitted the truth, instead of denying it for months. She did not leave the home. She provided SF to Stanley. Also she answered his questions.
She is reading and posting here.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen to that Believer, in that regard my Myrta is a trooper. I simply want her so much that I want everything to be perfect. It is so hard to deal with the fact that Myrta gave her heart to the OM. This crushes me even more than the sex part.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I wonder how many folks would like to trade places with Stanley? No offense Stanley, I know you are very hurt. After 20 months my WH has yet to do any of the above.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like I said, we BHs sometimes get too greedy.

Where is your hubby now?

Stanley - I don't mean to criticize you. I know that you are in lots of pain. You feel like Myrta gave her heart to OM. But I don't think so.

I have been going through this for 20 months. My husband is living with OW. On D-day, he denied that anything was happening. He insisted that he was not having an affair.

He never answered any of my questions. Everything I found out was from investigating. I had hotel bills, and he denied that anything was happening. I had bank statements. He denied.

I caught them in bed together twice. He said he was "saying goodbye".

He knows about MB, but has never read or posted here.

There has been little SF since about 2 years ago. When I asked him about it, he told me that things would get better. Meanwhile he was boinking OW.

And the thing that kills me the most is that he was never that good in the sack anyway. I loved him and just figured that was the way it would be.

So I know that you want this to move quickly, but compared to most here, your marriage is doing well. I love your wife already. She is throwing people off the thread, and then rethinking it. I think you both will get through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Stanley - I don't mean to criticize you. I know that you are in lots of pain. You feel like Myrta gave her heart to OM. But I don't think so.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is very hard for me Believer, but on D-day around midnight when I cracked the email account I read many messages from Myrta that were clearly expressing deep love for the OM. In fact the OM has used these emails as the basis for his reluctance to give up on Myrta.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have been going through this for 20 months. My husband is living with OW. On D-day, he denied that anything was happening. He insisted that he was not having an affair.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myrta denied it for about two seconds, however I had solid proof.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I caught them in bed together twice. He said he was "saying goodbye".
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This may sound macabre, but on D-day I thought about not saying anything and to continue to monitor until I caught them in bed. I could see from the emails they were planning an encounter. However, couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

What is like to walk in on your spouse? I have imagined that scene a million times.

I sort of enjoyed the spying despite all the pain that came along with what I found- strange!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And the thing that kills me the most is that he was never that good in the sack anyway. I loved him and just figured that was the way it would be.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am afraid to ask Myrta what she told the OM about my abilities in the sac.

Myrta had no problems telling me the OM was good. BTW, the original OW called my wife and said the OM was lousy in bed.

BTW, I have no problems in admitting that sex with a new body may be a frenzy whereas sex with the same old body can be boring. However, it is all between the ears. The brain is the biggest sex organ---- so they say.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I know that you want this to move quickly, but compared to most here, your marriage is doing well. I love your wife already. She is throwing people off the thread, and then rethinking it. I think you both will get through this.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am 100% sure I will get thru this. In fact, I have solidly told Myrta I WILL NEVER END THE MARRIAGE unless she decides to go back to the OM. If Myrta goes back she is ending the marriage. It is out of my hands. But, to be honest I don’t think she will! My main concern has been the fog and withdrawal. Under those circumstances WS can do bizarre things. Myrta did some things that cannot be explained by anything else other than deep fog. I know she is a good soul, but that fog!


If the stats are correct sooner or later the relationship of your H with the OW will fail. What are your plans as of now? You have not said much about yourself and I have been so involved in my own stuff that I did not look up your initial post.

Stanley -

I had solid proof all along, but WH denied it. I had motel bills, bank statements and on and on. My WH still denied it all, and STILL does.

After the affair had been going on for about 6 months, I found out where they were living, just by driving around. That day my WH had told me that he wanted to reconcile.

So I found out where they were living and went up to the door and knocked. My WH's roommate let me in. I walked up the stairs and knocke on the door of his room. I told him "WH, this is your wife, I came to talk to you about reconciling".

He came out of his bedroom, pulling up his pants and without a shirt. I left then.

My WH and I have been together for over 15 years. As far as the sex, it was not good. But I kept thinking it would get better. I guess it did not matter that much to me.

However I did tell OW's husband how lousy my WH was in bed. He was really surprised. He said it completely raised his self esteem.

BELIEVER--thank you so much for your kind words.
I do think sometimes that my husband expects way too much, too fast from my part. I think that me stopping the Affair on DD was a very big thing. Even if after I lied a bit to my husband saying that I never talked to him again. The physical contact finished in mid may. After DD I wanted very much to talk to him, to be with him, and I felt very depressed, with no energy. I was trying to convince my husband to let me be with him one last time and then that would be it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Of course, my husband did not let me, but I really thought I was going to die, if I was not with him again. I got very sexual with my husband, but I think it was, because of what someone else said here. I was just very sexual because of the Affair.
My husband and I used to have ugly fights at the beginning, with insults and LB left and right. But things start it to get better, and my desire to be with OM lessen. But, I am not going to lie here, saying that I dont think about him,or have sexual desires for him anymore. Because I still do, but now I see it like something unreachable and impossible and something very damaging to my husband and myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
He ,OM, was a good lover with me, even though that OW that called me said he was not. I dont have any complaints. But my husband is a very good lover too. Actually he is much better now than before. He has more stamina, more imagination, more desire for me. I am a very sexual woman, and I like to have sex. Before, he took that for granted, but I think NOW he knows who I am!
I feel very bad for you for having had to experienced such things with your husband. I think YOU will find someone much better and someone that will satisfy in every aspect of your life. He is not worth it. I am sorry if you had posted this before, but do you have any children?
I hope that if you do, they will come out not so scar by this.
You seem like a very strong woman, so thats a good thing./ Other women crumbled completely when this happens to them. Other men too!
Thank you for everything!
God Bless
Myrta

Myrta -

Your feelings about OM are perfectly normal. But they will fade, I promise. Be prepared for some slams here. I told you about the WW thread where women were posting their true thoughts. Many don't post anymore because of the reaction.

Of course, I know you can hold your own. You can just throw them off the thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It will be painful for Stanley to read, but I think knowing the truth is more helpful to the marriage.

I do think you have made tons of progress, and will continue.

To answer your question, I have lots of kids and step kids. I am doing fine now and don't want my husband back. He just didn't put in any effort at all.

As far as the sex, it was not good. But I kept thinking it would get better. I guess it did not matter that much to me.
However I did tell OW's husband how lousy my WH was in bed. He was really surprised. He said it completely raised his self esteem.

I think good sex and bad sex has to do with the brain and it is not necessarily related to acrobatics in bed. Another huge factor is reciprocity---- if the partners are into each other the sex will be great regardless of stamina, flexibility, positions, ect.

Myrta says I have photographic memory and she probably will not remember this. It was in the early 1980s and we were moving to another state. My mother and four kids were traveling with us (the 5th one was not here yet). We stopped in a hotel to spend the night. Two of my kids went to sleep with grandma in the adjacent room and my two older ones stayed with us. Myrta and I embraced in bed and we got horny. We couldn’t talk, move, or groan. My two older kids were in the bed next to us and any sort of noise or commotion would have been obvious to them. We simply embraced and kissed each other. Then I entered her and we had intercourse without barely moving our bodies or doing a whole lot of action. The sex that night was great! It was great because we were into each other and there was reciprocity.

However, sex with Myrta was very bad when the OM started to fly into town every two weeks (for several days at a time). I would ask her to make love and she almost always said no. When we made love she was uninterested and distant. The lack of reciprocity made me uninterested as well and I slowly started to lose my desire and concentrated in other things such as golf and music. During this time Myrta told the OM I was not seeking her in bed because I was too interested in other things. Actually, I was, but she re-wrote the marital history-------- a common thing among those in the deep fog.


After DD I wanted very much to talk to him, to be with him, and I felt very depressed, with no energy. I was trying to convince my husband to let me be with him one last time and then that would be it!

Initially, I thought Myrta was kidding. In any event I have to give her a lot of credit for telling me this. At the time I had not visited MB’s and had never heard the term fog or withdrawal, but I was certain Myrta was not herself. This thing went on for a long time and I almost gave in. I remember telling her to take a plane back home and to spend several weeks living with the OM so she could see the real OM. At this point her only experience with the OM was the emails, phone calls, and the sex in the hotel room. I was sure that if she experienced the OM as a full time partner 24/7 she would soon grow disenchanted. Luckily Myrta never agreed to do this. She felt that if she did this the marriage could end.


Before, he took that for granted, but I think NOW he knows who I am!

The statement speaks for itself. But, she took me for granted too (to a much greater degree!).

He ,OM, was a good lover with me, even though that OW that called me said he was not.

Like I said it is all in the brain. Obviously Myrta was emotionally connected to the OM. They were into each other.

BTW, when Myrta and the OM met he was already separated from his wife and dating the OW that caused the break-up of the marriage. The OM said sex with the OW was lousy and that the OW was frigid. As you know this is the typical line OM’s use about the wife. However, in this case the OM used the line to describe the OW since he was already out of the marriage. OM said that sex with the wife had been healthy therefore it was not his fault that sex with the OW was lousy------- Yeah right! Then why did the OM got out of the marriage for an OW that was lousy in bed??? Does that make sense? What a weasel!!! This OM was so clever that he also re-wrote the affair conjugal history that caused the break up of his marriage. I suspect the sex between the OM and the other OW got lousy when the OM gave his heart to Myrta. Nevertheless the OM kept dating the local OW while he was seeing Myrta. He was your typical dishonest OM, no doubt!

I don’t have any complaints. But my husband is a very good lover too. Actually he is much better now than before. He has more stamina, more imagination, more desire for me. I am a very sexual woman, and I like to have sex.

The very 1st time Myrta made love to me following D-day the sex was incredibly good. It was a completely different woman interested in making love. Like I said, if the partners are into each other sex is great, If one partner is not into it sex will be lousy and the comments “he or she is lousy in bed pop up”.

<small>[ September 22, 2004, 09:51 AM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>