Stanley -

Sorry you have to be away from Myrta for a few days. I know it must be very sad for you.

I don't look at the situation like JL does at all. I guess because I am female. When I found out my WH was having an affair, I was ready to forgive him. To me it was "just sex".

I weighed our whole marriage, and added up the pluses and the minuses, and decided I wanted our marriage. However, WH refused to give up OW. That was the bottom line for me.

Myrta has been a good wife for many years, and says she wants you, and that you are the better man. She has showed you with her actions. To me that is what counts.

Yes out of the 30 some years she was married to you, she took a little vacation. That is not a good thing, but she is back, wanting to work things out.

I just don't get how men are so rigid in the sexual faithfulness thing. While it is a wonderful thing, it is not the whole sum of your marriage.

I just don't get how men are so rigid in the sexual faithfulness thing. While it is a wonderful thing, it is not the whole sum of your marriage. I just don't get how men are so rigid in the sexual faithfulness thing. While it is a wonderful thing, it is not the whole sum of your marriage.

The thought of my wife having sex with another man when I was a much younger man was an impossibility. That scenario did not exist as far as I was concerned. When I learned about it I as an older man I was devastated. The books say this is the worst thing that can happen to a man and I can voucher for that----------- it is true. I wanted a divorce ASAP; there was no question in my mind I was done with Myrta! However, it took less than a day to change my mind. I actually accepted the sex part fairly easily despite the fact that Myrta has been my only partner. I guess if I had been with lots of women it would have been easier to accept, but in any event it has not been that hard. Sex in a vacuum is not much fun------------ that is what most folks say.

However, it has taken me months to accept that Myrta loved the OM. IMO, that is soooooooooooooooooo much more devastating. Those are the feelings that cause WW to leave the marriage and to do horrible deceitful things to the BH. It is not so much the sex, the lying is probably worse. In this instance love means the brain is addicted to the OM and the WW will do whatever is needed to keep the affair going. Much more dangerous than a roll in the hay for kicks. The latter is usually over after a few times in the sac and there is no fog or withdrawal to deal with. At this point I would take sex only in a heartbeat over the romance.

So how low can I go! That is why JL’s words triggered the ambivalence I felt early on. At the onset I simply did not want to believe Myrta had given her heart away.

However, as she said----------- this was lust which is not as strong as “long lasting love”. As you can see the latter kind of love is much stronger even though it may appear less intense. Myrta is a wise woman even thou she puts herself down.

She has been my life-long adviser and BTW, just in case you didn’t know.

SHE IS STILL IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING------- INCLUDING THE FINANCES!

<small>[ September 30, 2004, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

Stanley -

My WH and I were best friends before we married. Then we raised all these kids together and believe me, it was not easy. I thought we had a great marriage. And my husband did too. Just a month before D-day, he told me that he hoped that we would stay together forever.

Then he met OW. After that my WH completely disappeared. I don't know the man that he has become. And not only that, I do not want him back.

The sex thing is just nothing to me. I have had several sex partners in my life, and most were all the same.

You and Myrta belong together. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive her, and forget the male competition thing. She has chosen you.

IStanley <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
If I gave my heart away to the OM, why am I still with you? Why was it so easy for me to make the decision of staying with you. I made that decision on DD!!!
I love YOU

Believer....was this your husband's first affair? Or were there others? I am sure you saw signs, but chose to ignore them?
How do you know he will not change his mind and come back to you? Will it be too late?
Why do you think you dont want him anymore? You dont love him anymore? Love does not finish so fast, even if they had been deceitful to you.
What do the kids think about all this?

Myrta