I also talked to OW more than once.My kids did not know anything of the A until 6m ago.So for almost 18m I kept this little secret,they all knew something was wrong but did not know what.
My D said after I told her that everything began to make sence to her.Everyone knew something was up.I am not very big and when I lost weight everyone thought I had gotten sick or something.

I still have never put all the weight back on but I dont really care anymore.

I still hurt,you may hurt for a very long time.

Do not be ashamed you did nothing,this was very hard for me I felt just like you.Let me tell you something........telling someone as hard as it is,is very freeing.People on this form tried for a very long time to get me to tell someone I would not,I believe now looking back all it did was hurt me.

We have a need to protect sometimes I dont understand it but remember you have NOTHING to be ashamed of,forgiveness is nothing to be ashamed of you are a much better and bigger person because you can forgive.I am still having a hard time doing this but mine is a long story and his A was just the last thing that put me over the edge that is all.

You both sound like you are doing very well considering it has not been that long since dday.

Hang in there,and once again let me suggest that you post often it really helps.

hey everyone...I posted my story yesterday. I too have been the victim of this terrible thing. I am having such a hard time trusting my husband also. But I think it is because when I first found out he supposedly broke it off and I found out that he didn't by talking to her. Then he supposedly broke it off a second time in front of me and I later found out that he didn't. This is after he left twice only to come back the next day. So now we are on our third time of him breaking it off. And I don't know how I am supposed to trust him. He tells me I just need to take his word. But things are different this time. He doesn't go anywhere and he has been coming home from work at a normal time. But I still do all the things that you are saying...I check his cell phone, his e-mail and search his work vehicle. But yesterday I decided that doing that only makes me crazy and sad so I decided to quit doing it and take his word. I also did some praying! Good luck and I will be keeping everyone in my prayers.

Well her is something funny, at one point during my question asking, he said that she was afraid of me. All I said was she should be. So now I know why she was a coward when she left me the messages saying she would be calling me back... and of course she never did only to hang up on me. All I know is that is I ever see her things will get ulgy..... ( I will really have to ask for forgiveness than.) I really can't help feeling so angry at her she new me .... she new we were married, but yet her message states she was told he wasn't. She know where I work she could have called before I knew anything. But she was a coward... and still is, I feel really stupid because about a month ago I saw her driving on the freeway and I waved at her... OMG thinking back on this now AHHHHH. Well I am still checking his phone while he is in the shower... and I look at his phone he had a no number missed call at 10:54 PM last night, I can't believe I didn't wake up, I would have answered it for sure... Is that wrong... I write my H lost of letters asking questions and he got a little upset yesterday, I told him in the beginning that I would ask questions and he needed to answer honestly , even if I wouldn't like the answers, and as offten as I needed without getting mad so that I could work through this.. I reminded him of this and he said yes I did say that and apoligised for getting a little upset. WOW... that usually doesn't happen. Also I know that it would be a big weight to tell someone, There is just nobody that I trust to not blab it all over ... So when I find someone I can trust to tell , I will surley post. Everyday I feel better and better because of all of you on this site. I am so glad I found this web site. I hope that I can let it all go , I will never forget. never. This is a hurt that I never believed you could have. When you love someone It is not supose to hurt. The most awful thing was that I found out when I was at work and thought I was going to have a breakdown and had to leave.... that was embarassing. My kids have no I dea , they know that we were having problems they just don't know how bad the problem was .... I really would like to keep it that way. They see that we are more lovey to eachother now and they have commented that we look like thing are ok again... wow if they only knew that it took to get us back there. I just hope that I can stop asking and nagging about things, so that is doesn't ruin what we have rebuilt

WOW justhurt! I can't believe we are so much alike. I had to know everything! My husband told me and was patient. We are very loving to each other too. I didn't know you could hurt like we hurt when we were told. I thought I was losing it too. I was almost hysterical. God really got my attention and let me know I wasn't being a good wife. Maybe He tried before and this is how he had to show us as a couple that we weren't doing what we were supposed to be. I knew this other woman also and had just talked to her at Wal-mart a few weeks before. Talk about feeling stupid!!!!!! She would invite my youngest son over to swim. I have STUPID written all over. I have to tell you what my oldest son did. I know it was wrong and he was punished but it was sweet revenge. He had just gotten his car and my husband's cell phone rang and zach(my 16 year old) answered. He asked her how she liked being the town's used bicycle. That night he and his friend slipped out of the house at 2:00 a.m. went to her house, draped toilet paper over everything. We live in the country so he had to take back roads to get there. WELL, He found some dead animals along the side of the road that had been there for awhile. He took them back to her house and put them right outside her front door. She knew who had done it and called the police. We went over as a family, me included so zach could clean up the dead animals. He knocked on the door and told her he would pick up the animals but would not apologize. We never heard from her again. If anybody that has experienced this would like to talk about it feel free to jump right in. It does help. You are among friends.
Molly

Oh I forgot to say that we did re-new our marriage vows. That helped too.
Molly

Molly that is awesome what you son did ... What love for Mom... It almost killed you to have to punish him... I can believe our situations are so similar.... I also can't believe the boldness of these woman , do they not understand what they are doing or maybe they just don't care... I asked my husband if he ever told her he would leave me for her and he said no, that he didn't want to leave ... he wanted things to be better but had given up on that ever happening... I guess I deserved a slap in the face to see what I was losing... He has asked me to fogive him many times... I want to foegive... it is just really hard it is so new that I don't have that trust right now.. I worry when he leaves to go get dinner for us I ask him to leave his cell phone at home.... I know he know that I check it , he just doesn't say anything about it... Give your son a big hug , because he has been subjected to this... so in his relationships he will think twice about following that pattern, he saw how hurt you were.... I don't know what my 16 D would do , this is her step dad.....

Justhurt
Have not seen you around in a few days are you doing ok??

Thanks For asking Gingersnap... Ok I guess.. I am the emotional one... He keeps asking me not to be sad... and I am trying not to be. But it is really hard... I was at work this weekend and he brought me roses and I asked what that was for and he said I want you to know whow much I love you and please don't be sad. Then On monday I had to go to the doctors, my arms and shoulders hurt so bad and my fingertips were numb, My doctor asked so do you have more stress than usual... well yes I do , I would not go into detail told me I was dehydrating and I need to eat... I amtrying nothing stays down or in I should say... Also my husband started a new job on monday...OW has no Idea where it is at and I hope it stays that way.... As far as his phone is concerned I see not weird calls so that is good ... He is acting more loving and caring also... So I will keep my fingers crossed... Thanks for caring... How are you doing?

JustHurt-this is Molly we had computer problems so I was not able to contact you. Glad to see you are getting along. Just takes time. If you can't eat at least drink water. Are you taking any antidepressants? I had to take mega dose just after I found out. It does seem funny that the other woman is afraid of us. But then again they are the ones that need to be ashamed. We didn't do anything. My husband told The other woman that he wouldn't leave me. She wasn't married and never has been but has a daughter. She knew that we were.

Molly I am glad you are back..... I was wondering what happened.... No not taking anything yet... But I may drive myself crazy. I am glad she is afraid, and I hope someday I run into her. She was married a while ago, she has 2 sons 1 who hates her and lives with his ex con dad... the other is a little you know what.... I have met him... at my second job she use to come in there with her kid... My H worked on her car before.... So how are things with you?

We are doing wonderful. Ther is hope for you that you can get to this point. The thing you have going for you is that your husband really seems to want it. Mine told me last night just about the same thing yours told you. That he wanted a close relationship with me but thought it was hopeless. The other woman was feeding the emotional needs that we weren't. Making them feel needed and wanted. My other woman is very needy emotionally. Sounds like yours is too. We graduated from counciling last week. She told us she felt like we knew what we wanted and how to get there. MHamm36790@aol.com I have insered my e-mail if you want to contact me that way.
Molly

That is great I am glad you are doing so well.... I will e-mail you with my e-mail, my e-mail has a nickname in it that others might know so I will e-mail you with mine to day. Congrats on graduating. that is awesome. Yes he really is trying. I am really hopeful, what I worry about is it happening again, People always tell you once a cheater always a cheater, I want to believe this is not true... How do you make that stop, do you ever stop checking and questioning everything they say and reading more into that. When he leaves early for work to go get breakfast, I freek out inside ( I don't say anything) is he meeting her there I have been tempted to check and see... I know that is stupid, there has been no contact since the next day after I found out, I have checked.... and he hasn't been anywhere with out me. AHHHHH Make the little people stop talking to me... HA HA I can see after talking to you that it does get better I just have to think positive

JustHurt- Trust will take a long time. I told my husband not too long ago that I don't trust him. I still have him call me when he leaves work. I know then that he will be home in about 45 min. I still check the cell phone from time to time. Not nearly as often as I used to. Slowly but surely. Ask your husband to call you from breakfast. I think he would be more than happy to. I think he would do anything to help you get through this. You have to tell him though. I know you feel really silly because I still do when I ask him if he has heard from the other woman. Hang in there.
Molly

I know from what my husband has told me that he won't lose what we have now. Ever. He says he knows what means the most to him and what he really wants. He knows where his priorities are. He knows if this would ever happen again he would lose everything including the respect of his boys. We just have to stay open and talk and let each other know what the others needs are. That is why I said to ask your husband to call from breakfast. Sometimes the simplest things make all the difference but we have to tell the other person what that need is.
Molly

Glad to see that you two are getting along ok.
It is great that you both have alot in common.I met a lady here on the forum when I read her post it was like I had written it myself.We began to post back and forth,then email than phone calls and last April I flew to her state and met her in person,we spent a wonderful week together having a great time.I tell you this because in all the bad the one good that came out of it is the friends I have made here on MB.

As for me,I do not trust my H even after almost 2yrs.He has done very little to work on recovery,sure he tells me he loves me,that he is sorry but it stops there he acts the same as before the A.If the life we were living back then helped to create the enviorment for an A then I believe we can never go back to that old life style or it will just happen again.I tell him this all the time and all I ever hear is I will try harder but words are just words with no action.
So here I sit in limbo.

Just,it takes time for the pain and hurt to go away.I pray it will not be as long as it has been for me.

Good to see you posting again.

Hi,
I posted here some years ago, but I read the posted messages all the time. I found out that my husband was having an affair back then with and old friend via telephone and email. He said he was never sexual with her but I read all of the email messages they sent each other. He said it started because of a bet between him and a friend he worked with and it was a ego boaster. To make a story short I don't believe that you every truelly get over it. It is always there everytime his cell phone rings everytime you see him on the computer everytime he is not where you thought he was. The one thing you do have is you are able to pray and ask the Lord to bring you through. You are able to forgive but never really forget.

Hi Just Hurt!

Some people can move forward if the WS is very remorseful and willing to take responsiblity. Consider yourself very lucky to be able to move forward. I found out about my H. affair in December of 2002. I was in denial that it was taking place. But it all came out in the open at the end March of 2003. I guess that is my D-day.
I haven't been able to move forward since.
I wish my H. was being honest and sincere as yours. That might be the foundation for you to heal your marriage and your hurts. But please give it time. You got badly wounded. You cannot just get up and walk away from it as if it was a fender bender. As for me? I was in a fog for a long time. Yet, I heard him talk about the tramp as if she was his dream that got away. He fell in love with her. Or as Star*fish puts it, lusty love! My words not hers! He came on this site so he can whimper about his tramp cheating on him. In his eyes he was the one who was betrayed! So while he was in that illusion stage, my heart was caught in the blender and I am unable to move on because of his actions. So you see, you have a lot going for you. Let your mind and heart mend. It takes time.

Good luck.

Ali

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong> Hi Just Hurt!

Some people can move forward if the WS is very remorseful and willing to take responsiblity. Consider yourself very lucky to be able to move forward. I found out about my H. affair in December of 2002. I was in denial that it was taking place. But it all came out in the open at the end March of 2003. I guess that is my D-day.
I haven't been able to move forward since.
I wish my H. was being honest and sincere as yours. That might be the foundation for you to heal your marriage and your hurts. But please give it time. You got badly wounded. You cannot just get up and walk away from it as if it was a fender bender. As for me? I was in a fog for a long time. Yet, I heard him talk about the tramp as if she was his dream that got away. He fell in love with her. Or as Star*fish puts it, lusty love! My words not hers! He came on this site so he can whimper about his tramp cheating on him. In his eyes he was the one who was betrayed! So while he was in that illusion stage, my heart was caught in the blender and I am unable to move on because of his actions. So you see, you have a lot going for you. Let your mind and heart mend. It takes time. As for how to stop bringing it up? Good question. Let me know when you find out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
As a friend put it, I have a brain. And as I put it. My memory is a very powerful tool. It is like armour and it is protecting my heart!

Good luck.

Ali </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Well I have some more things to share. I took thursday and friday off because it was my b-day. On thursday I get a call on my cell from my H. He said beware OW is on the psycho path... She called his cell blocking her number so he answered it. She started screaming at him saying how could he no be with her and how she was going to K*** him and me.. and that she loved him . Yes he did share that with me. He said he would have never answered it know that it was her. And he called me right away to tell me she called. Then I went to the dentist and when I got home there was a message on the home phone from her .... This is what it said, I am calling to tell you that it was childish that you took all of the stuff you gave me back. But you left some shirts and underwear, You didn't take all of the stuff I bought for you, you left a blender. I want to talk to your wife so I can tell her what her H is like, how he like to have S** with more than one girl, I have pictures don't F*** with me. Also you for got your plane ticket for when we flew to LA for ozzfest and stayed at the Marriot( he said he went with his friend) I know how much you love me and how much I love you.... We have been to gather since aug 22, 2003....I then called my H and confronted him on all of this, especially the LA trip he said call my friend and ask him she is just saying all of this to get you.... I do realize that , but if she want to talk to me sooo bad than call me you coward. I wasn't even upset now I was mad I am tring to move on from d-day forward. Then on friday we went out for my b-day and we were going somewhere she hangs out, I couldn't wait, I was ready to throw down ( yes I know that is wrong but she has it comming)so We get home on friday night and I notice an no number call at 10:52 pm , so I check his phone, and there is a no number missed call at 12:24am, the nerve of her. So we once again had a long talk and he said again, call her, I don't want to lower myself to that. So what do you think? I believe that he is being honest with me , but yet I am still checking everything. I guess the message is an attempt to make me mad at him so he will run back to her. I guess?

Well sounds like he got mixed up with the wrong kind of OW.Now he must pay for it.
So in a way you are lucky.

Maybe this behavior will show him what can happen when you cheat.It may keep him from ever wanting to get mixed up with anyone again.
I think in a case like mine when the OW just bowed out gracfully it makes it seem like all women would be that way so if it happens again there is nothing to fear.

By her acting this way he can see what a gem he has in you.
So let this work to your advantage.

Stay strong and Happy Birthday,mine was a week ago
I always say October babies are the best <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />