Yep that is one way of putting it!

Get the cell phone number changed! She is hanging on the last thread to get back at him.
Ali~

HustHurt,
The OW did the same thing to me but I did get to talk to her because she wanted to tell me all about the affair. I intercepted the call. I know how angry you are. As long as your husband stays completely honest from D-day on I think that you just keep pushing forward. I wanted revenge too. I wanted to send her an invitation to our ceremony when we re-newed our vows. It took a lot of soul searching not to do it. Just remember he is married to you and that seems to be where he wants to be. She is miserable, hurting and lonely. I felt like that is exactly what they deserved. What did they expect? There was some satisfaction in knowing how badly she hurt. She was used and wants to get him back. Dangerous if she is pshycho. She has issues anyway to have to stoop so low to sleep with a married man. No morals or self-esteem. I told OW I would get a restraining order if she ever contacted any of us again. Do you want to borrow Zach? The only requirement is to have some road kill for him to deliver. I know it isn't funny but it sure got the message to her.
Molly

Yes!!!!!! I would love to Borrow Zach. He sounds like an awesome kid..... The Sad thing is the OW knew me and everything... and she still stuped that low ... I would love to change his cell phone , But she left this message on our house phone. Yes we are listed.And Yes on sunday when we were taking our kids to different hoses, he stpoed and said that he was very lucky to have me and that he learned his lesson. That I was a good women and he realizes that is hard to find... That made me feel good. It is scary that our relationship seems better than it was when we were first married. But I still am not at the point to let my guard down. at all I will still check. Sad Huh. He really is trying, and I seem to 2nd guess that. Is he bering this way to get over on me agin or is this the real deal. I know I need to stop that but I can't

Well for good reason! You got betrayed! It takes time. You can change your phone number and become unlisted! Remember trust is earned. And it takes more than one day to recover it. Patience. I am glad to read that you are willing and he is remorseful. Sometimes, people have no idea what they got! And when they want to "return" and item for another, they never realized what they had was better in the first place. Again just be patient with yourself. Your wounded and wounds need to heal!
Ali~

JustHurt,
The OW knew me too. I had worked at many school functions with her. Changing H. cell phone was not an option for us either because he has a company phone. My husband's and my relationship are better now than when we were first married. He thanked me one day and asked for what. He said for saving his life because he had become so depressed that he was contemplating suicide. WE are very close and I told him not too long ago I was afraid the other shoe would fall. He told me he wasn't going to let anything come between us again. It is almost too good to be true. Since we don't trust we just hope things are the way we see them. Then I think that God puts things in our life to get our attention. I told God he sure has mine. It was a wake up call to see we weren't living like a husband and wife should. Both of our faults.
Molly

Molly I worry all of the time that the shoe is going to drop right on my head. I am having a hard time always worring even when he is at work. If he leaves a little early to go to work , I freek out inside. He has no Idea because I don't want to sound like a spaz. , I have wanted to follow him, but I have small kids at home that I can't leave alone. I just think she needs more punishment than what she is getting... I should be able to say all of the things that I want to say to her and she should have to listen. I just seem to get madder ad madder about the message, what if my kids would have been home to hear that message.My kids have no idea.

Molly I worry all of the time that the shoe is going to drop right on my head. I am having a hard time always worring even when he is at work. If he leaves a little early to go to work , I freek out inside. He has no Idea because I don't want to sound like a spaz. , I have wanted to follow him, but I have small kids at home that I can't leave alone. I just think she needs more punishment than what she is getting... I should be able to say all of the things that I want to say to her and she should have to listen. I just seem to get madder and madder about the message, what if my kids would have been home to hear that message.My kids have no idea.

JustHurt,
Please tell your husband how you feel. This isn't your fault and it is his responsibility to do what ever he can to help you get through.BUT he can't help if he doesn't know. I am sure he will do what ever it takes. You are not spazing out. Just scared. I am too. Often if my H. goes somewhere I have to call him. I have even called and said I am not comfortable with this. It is normal part of healing and trying to re-build you and the relationship.
Molly

Molly, I do tell him things like that and he always says,I am not going anywhere. He told me about a week ago that another friend of mine made some advances to him, He never persued them. But I saw her the other day and just wanted to beat her head in. What is wrong with these women. I would never do that to someone especially a friend, try to mack on a friends man. I just don't get it. How does you H handle when you call him and say you are not comfortable with the situation? Does he understand? My H and I play softball, a coed team and he hugs all of the girls on the team, It never use to bother me but it bothers me know. I have said something to him and he says he understands, and trys not to do it but we have been playing with the same women for 2 years now and I know it would look bad if he stopped. How do I make something so simple not bother me? Is this a bad thing sometimes I feel like I am overreacting. and others I feel justified. I want him to remember how bad this has hurt me and that the scared feelings aren't just going to vanish. So I feel like I can't let him off the hook, or unlock the leash... That sounds bad. I want to give him some slack I just don't know how to do it without feaking out.

JustHurt,
Ya know what? I think that I would have confronted the other "friend." Told her I knew about what she did and to back off. Consider her a friend no longer because firiends DON'T do that to friends. This sounds bad but this is what we do. I have comfort boundries. No physical contact with other women. ex. hugging I have access to his cell phone when I have a spaz. He calls me every evening before he leaves work to let me know he is on the way. I know how long it takes for him to get home. I don't care what they think they haven't been where we have been. I would tell them that it made me uncomfortable and leave it at that. My H. will keep in contact with me until he gets home if I am uncomfortable with the situation.
I don't know when I will be able to lighten up. I am sure the time will come but not yet. I think it is probably a personal thing just how much we are comfortable with verses a time frame.
Molly

Molly,I wanted to confront her so bad , but sometimes my kids come to my 2nd job with me and they were there. So I did kinda give her the cold shoulder, but I am at work so I have to be civil. I am not sure how to approach the no hugg thing he has been doing that for as long as I have known him. Do you still get stomach aches, I have one all of the time , I don't relax until he is at home. Weird??? My H. Started a new job , she has no idea where he works, but I am afraid she will see him one day driving to work and follow him there. , she works 3 towns away which is only 30 mins away. Did you ever have thought to do something so the OW would get fired from her job ? I have thought about that alot. Now I sound evil. I am really not, I am a scorpio, once you cross us we have a hard time letting it go. My H calles me when he leaves work too. , But it is hard to say how long it will take, we have lots of traffic where I live. The other thing is that I go from 1 job right to the other so I and not sure of the exact time he gets to the house , sometimes I call , and other times he calls and says that he will be down in a little while to get the kids., I think we need to get GPS or Onstar for there bodys, then we would know for sure. HA HA. How long after your D-Day did you renew your vows. and was it everything you had hoped it would be? I want to do that on our 10 year. which is June of 2006. Did it make you feel like it was going to be ok again. I just want to know that it will be ok where I might be able to relax and not read something awful into everything he says and does.

JustHurt,
Yes I wanted revenge. I told her if she tried to contact us (this was before what zach did)I would do everything in my power to take her down even if it meant me going down too. I told her that I would not hesitate to get a restaining order. This is still so new for you. I found out 3/17/04. All of what you are feeling is normal. I finally got past the stomach troubles. I did find that if I had a glass of wine at night it helped me to relax. Yes, it helped when we re-newed our vows. I told him that I was marrying him this time with my eyes wide open. We have also found a great chritian church that I feel very comfortable with.

Sorry hit wrong button. Anyway, I feel like when he is with those men he is around men with some morals. We are to be baptized this Sunday as a family. H., both boys and myself. Hopefully if God can forgive us we can forgive ourselves and really have a new beginning. My past is really bad but I was never unfaithful emotionally or physically. In fact it was before we were married and I had told him years before we were married. He carries a lot of guilt and regret.
Molly

JustHurt,
Are you in marriage counceling? That would help with making boundries and a lot of emotional baggage comes out too. We had been in MC since D-day and we graduated last week. She said she felt like we knew what we wanted, where we were going, and we knew how to look for signs before it got too out of hand.
Molly

Molly, no we are not in MC , But that might not be a bad Idea. Last night was kinda hard on me, He called me when he was leaving work and told me that he was going to give a guy he works with a ride home. I was like ok, he said he would call after he dropped him off, he called and was telling me about this guys house , that was at 6:30... I was at work. he said he was going home to change and then would be down. Well at 7:45, he still was not there and I called his cell. no answer, I called the house and it just rang, so that means he was on the phone. I called back again , and again. no answer, we have call waiting. So not 2 minutes later he calls me at work. I am just about to leave the house, I said what have you been doing he said watching the election. I asked who were you talking to. she said guys from softball, we have a tournament coming up and we needs some players. Why do I doubt that? I have no reason to, But for somereason I didn't believe him. When he got to my work I said I was not comfortabke with what happened. He at first got aggitated, that everyday I am bring something up. He said I am not doing anything. Is it bad that I bring stuff up , Ist it bad that it is everyday. I am trying to mellow out, but I just can't yet. How do I make him understand. Oh I went off and didn't even say that is so great that you are getting baptisted as a family. For me religion is hard, when I was young my father ( who I do not talk to) forced me to go and go to confession, every time. I was 10... what did I have to confess. Not a whole lot. Don't get me wrong I believe in god... and god doesn't owe me anything , but to cut me some slack would be great. I guess as time passes the revenge thing will go away. But I am not so sure, I still would like to get revenge on my H ex. Can't stand her , she put him and me through the ringer. so may be the revenge thing may stay in the back of my mind. Is it wrong to want to make sure that my H feels bad about this sometimes. Maybe when he sees me upset or hurt, do they feel the hurt? I know he is remorseful, but does it get in his stomach or mind to when he just can't function?

Justhurt
What you are going thru is so normal.It is almost 2yrs since dday for me and still I bring up what he did.He will ask me why and I say it is because of lack of change on his part.

I still have feelings of revenge,I hate the fact that it seems,they had thier fun and I am the one left hurt.She went on with her life and he seems to be going on but me I am the one stuck.

So you may feel the same,it is very early in recovery for you so dont worry so much about the fact that you still do not trust.Remember he must earn that back.I still do not trust my H at all,reason being.........he tells me stupid lies all the time saying he did not want me to get mad so he told me something different.
HELLO............. Isnt this about building trust and doesnt that start with TRUTH!!!!!!!

JustHurt,
I agree with gingersnap. This is so new to you yet. Yes, I would be very uncomfortable with what happened as far as not being able to get a hold of him. Are these guys so important that he won't click over? What does he need to be agitated over. You didn't do anything. As far as my husband goes, Yes I wanted him to hurt as much as I hurt. I told him that I was going to have an affair to see what it was all about and he could live with it. I was going to get in bed and have sex with another man, Have his smell and slobber all over me and come home just like everything was ok. How would he like it? How would he deal with it? Would he trust? Would he question? He needs to put himself in your place. I don't trust my husband and he knows it. I tell him. Why am I uncomfortable with a situation? Because I don't trust!

I still bring it up!. We talked about it just last night.
Molly

Thanks Gingersnap & Molly,I don't know about you two but, I think of all of the times he said he was going out with the guys and I was like OK, I'll stay home with the kids. He would always call on his way hope and I was so stupid to believe he was with his friends. He would come home and give me a kiss. EWWWWWWW. now that I think about that Oh my ...How do the turn it off and forget about what they just have done. , My H said he felt bad every time then why did you continue. I have asked and he just says I was going to leave. , But always hoped it would get better. It can't get better when you are doing that A. I always think did he meet hersomewhere before work , after work, while I was working on the weekends. I know I said that I would wipe the slate clean as of D-day, even though I don't say anything to him I still think about it, like what they talked about. what did he say to her. Is it the same thing he use to say to me . I guess it can drive you nuts. I know he is remorse ful and sorry he says it all the time when he see's I am sad. but still. the images of all of it. that is enough to make you sick. Would it be better if I had no Idea who she was or what she looked like? Do you think that if we were the ones who had the A. would they be so forgiving?

Just Hurt.
I hope their love for us would be unconditional as ours has to be. Personaally I think the best thing you could do would be get counceling together. The councelor helped us both UNDERSTAND the dynamics that went on in our relationship. To better understand our feelings and how to vent some of my anger. She had me draw a picture of what I thought of the other woman. Then take it out and either bury it or burn it.
Molly