No I think you are doing the RIGHT thing.It feels like a sacrifice and I guess in a way it is but it is a small step in meeting his needs.

I know for my H he would love to take drives in his jeep out in the desert,or by the river.I really did not enjoy this at all.But I would do it,it made him happy.It was a start.

I am ok.It has been a long rough week for us also.My H even got to the point of hardly calling me.He does not realize that by him doing this it only makes me react worse.I know I need to work on this.

I need to just let go of my anger but there is that part that feels like once again I am the doormat that just got walked all over.I guess really there is no winning in this situation,just changing things and living differently.It is just so much harder than I thought it would be.

OK laugh at me all you want you two. But Randy is a rail fan if you couldn't guess that! He used to love going to the railroad crossings and watch trains. I used to go with to enjoy his company and watch him get a big kick out of him. I guess it is the power that he loves from these massive machines. Hummmm, I wonder if there is a correlation there??? But, I would sit with him on a Sunday with him. Did he ever go to the barn with me to ride? No, very rare. I made a lot of sacrifics to for him. Watching a train go by is kind of like watching paint dry. But it was what he was into and I did it because I loved him. Now my kids are into and oh joy guess what I get to do?

No I don't think it was bad at all. I still snoop through his stuff. Although I think it is pointless because he knows I have access it to his stuff. Would he be that stupid to leave evidence out again? When my H. was having the A., I basically kept it quiet. I just gathered up all the signs and kept the records and the bills, discreetly listened to his voice mail but I kept on going on as if I didn't know a thing. Until the one VM that got to me and that was it! If you continue that and don't act suspicious
maybe it will all unravel. Not saying that there is something but you know what I mean, I hope!

Did he invite you to go to the concert? What concert are you going to by the way?

Ali~

<small>[ November 10, 2004, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: Ali88 ]</small>

Ginger, I am sorry to hear that things are the way they are... You are awesome, I would have lost my head by now and just started screeming.... Hang in there things will get better. Don't let him bring your sprit down.. OK.. Ali, yes we all make sacrifices, We meaning the women.... He always asked me to go to many concerts, But I have always figured a way to get out of it... But I said I would go just because , I really didn't trust him if he said he was going with some friends.... I found out from talking that when ever he said he was going out with the guys, I believed him and it wasn't true he was going to see her... AHHHH.... Oh we are going to see KORN...How fun for me. I really don't even like them, but oh well I will suck it up in the name of Love. and have a good time because he wants me there.

It seems that it is just easier for women to sacrifice,it is just in our nature.
There are few men that do.When you find one that will he is rare.

JH.......for me the A was the last straw.I have gone thru so much in my M with my H.At one point when I was younger I was ready to leave and found out that I was pregnant so I stayed.I ended up staying for the sake of the kids.
But then my H changed for a few short yrs and I was the happiest I had ever been.

I guess for me I hang on to the dream of what I know life can be like with him.

I also just dont feel as strong as when I was younger.But it is slowly coming back.Look I am living alone(well w/my teen D)I moved,I got a new job and I am for the first time in a very long time getting some self confidence and self esteem back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ginger, I think that you are a very strong person, for making the decision to move out , that is tough , especialy with a young daughter to worry about also, .. My bad luck my 1st husband was having a A. So I moved out at the time my kids were 5,3,1... I took the 1year old with me, because I new he would not help me with them... but the difference is I hated my 1st husband and by him having an A. It was easy to leave. But this time I had no Idea... I was blind sided and I still really love him... so knowing that you still love him and want to make things work... that had to be a very hard and brave decision... I also am glad you are hear helping us out to understand our feelings and knowing that it is normal and ok to feel this way. Thank you for being here for us ..

JH
Thank you for the compliment.

I have been looking at my life alot lately.Trying to make decisions.I feel it is time.
It is not easy to let go,but I day dream of romance and love.Is it out there for me??

I want to be happy,I want to laugh and have fun and be in love.

I am tired of being lonely,and even tho I have been married for most all my life most of those yrs have been lonely ones.

I have told my H of these things but he puts no effort into me.Take the last few days.No phone calls,no emails nothing.
He did call for a moment today and when I asked him if he was coming out to visit me this week or making a payment on what he owed for his car repairs he said he was not sure yet.
I feel that if he truly wanted to put all his effort into our M he would have said he was coming no matter what.
After all when he planned his trip to meet OW his bills did not stand in his way.

Everyday he makes me feel less and less important,yet he says he is trying!!!

Hey justhurt you OK??

Hey Gingersnap, My computer took a crash and I just got it fixed... So here I am... everything is ok I guess, we have our moments.... He just doesn't understand how important some things are ... you know like calling when he is leaving work not when he is in town... things like that... no calls at home or on the cell that I have been able to find... He leaves his cell phone on .... but when it rings is still kinda hides it but when I ask he will tell me and then the next day in the shower I will go check his phone to see if he lied and he hasn't , but I am still uncomfortable with it... he leaves so rarly for work still and that bugs me but I have no proof..... but I am checking everything... How are things going with you ??? How is molly doing haven't heard from her in a long time either????

JH,
I am fine. I saw that gingersnap was wondering where you were so I was watching for you. We just celebrated our 8 month anniversary after D-day. Still doing great. A friend called and asked to talk to me. She told me she had just found out her husband of 18 years is/was having an affair. This is hard for me because I see her going thru the same emotions I did. Kinda hard to re-live so soon after my disaster but I feel God has me here to share and that may be one of the purposes for the pain.
Molly

JH
Good to see you back.Glad things are going well.It takes time to get the trust back my H still has not earned that from me.

This has been a hard week for me,today marks the 2yr date of when he meet her for the first time in person and they slept together.As hard as I tried not to think about it I seemed to just sink into a low a few days ago not really knowing why,then I realized what day it was and it all made sense.Funny what are minds can do to us.

My H came for a visit this past week it was ok but I realize nothing will ever be the same between us.Its hard to say good bye to what we knew and had,but I guess we have no choice.

I checked his cell when he was here,there was a call from an "Unavalible ID" the conversation was for 20min.My H rarely stays on the phone that long w/me.I questioned him about this phone call knowing that it had to come from a calling card # or a non tracable #,he said it was his brother I know thats not true.If they are still talking not much I can do after all he lives 150miles away and I can not follow his every move.

So there is a little update,the next few weeks will be hard for me but I will make it thru.Then it will be a new yr and hopefully I will have the power to bury this whole nightmare.

Keep us posted on what is going on.