Is anyone still here in cyberspace?? Just now home from work and done with dinner... ya'll did 3 pages WITHOUT me today! What are you thinking?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just joking! Anyone out there still? Not much happened with me today- just work, work, work.... then again tomorrow... only 1/2 day though. Let me know who is there...

Rocked?? What about buying lingere- something sexy- and having it sent to his office with a sexy little note??? Is that a "guy" thing???

Give me more ideas here. I'm not too thin but have seen worse.... so rmember that when telling me ideas!!!

Goodnite all

Good morning! I won't have much time to talk today. Hubby's home and we are doing the finance thing today....YUCK!

Anyway, my girlfriend came over last night and I did tell her MOST everything. I was glad I did despite the fact that I didn't want to ruin her engagement. I was geniunely very happy for her and I think she knew that. But she also knew I was in pain and I'm not the type to just pretend all is well. So after a little prodding, I told her the truth.

She cried with me a little (hubby wasn't home yet...missed the train) and offered her support. She reminded me that as Christian we are Satan's prey, and when we fall, if we pick ourselves back up, we can redeem who we were and what we have in Christ.

When he came home, he heard us talking about it. A little later in the conversation he talked briefly but openly about it.

When my friend went to leave, they went outside for a minute and when he came back in he sat somberly on the couch next to me for a little while. I was gentle.

We went upstairs for bed and he broke down. He cried for about 20 minutes just saying it hurts so much and the shame is so great each time you realize how many people you let down. How many people believed in you and you failed him.

I comforted him and told him I loved him and he said he didn't deserve my love. I was very gentle and loving and I spent the time he cried lifting him up. I told him I knew he'd do the right thing. I trusted God that he would get him back to a man of integrity. After some sweet kisses and hugs, we feel asleep in each others arms.

He went off to a new bible study this morning. He is trying and I love him for that.

Have a great weekend guys.

Good Morning,
Off for a 5 hour "concealed weapons" class today (don't laugh). The guys at the fire station are having a guy put it on for the wives...are the crazy or what? ha!
2-I will have to email you later today.
Glad to read you and H had a wonderful evening...
ttyl...

Hey Everyone,
It's 5:47pm Fla time and it looks like no one has posted much lately. Understandable being it's Saturday and all. My wife just left to get her nails done and do a few errands. Thought I'd check in and ramble a bit.

1. I thank those of you who confirmed back that you got my email address.

2. 2...I love seeing the words "gentle" in your post. You know what the definition of Biblical gentleness is? Strength under control. (Fruit of the Spirit). Consider also that the Bible says it's "God's kindness that leads us to repentance." I believe it's your gentleness, encouragement, and reaching out to your H that will renew his spirit and drive to become everything you want him to be. (And that's what you are praying for God to show you, right?) So see, you do have a part in the process. (Lightbulb!!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

3. "Concealed weapons training?" Is that teaching your H's how to keep their manhood fully zipped up when a hoe makes an offer? HA. Sorry, the comedian in me had to speak up!

4. My last night? Movie with my W (although it included a friend from her work and her husband). Saw Meet The Fockers. Funny. Couldn't makeout with my W since we were with others. HA. (But I did let my fingers do the walkin' a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

5. The "favor" I was looking forward to getting? Didn't happen. After the movie and getting our 3 kids delivered to places, etc. it was late and my W was worn out. I went to bed a little frustrated. (Was looking forward to a rare BJ). Hoped I'd get woke up in the a.m. with a surprise. Nope again. I contemplated initiating the fun, but her mind was elsewhere (and she was on her period). Is this TMI (too much info)?

6. I pray for you ladies and covet your prayers for me in return. Odd how in these few short days of typing to strangers we've developed a common bond and are so concerned for each other. HUGS TO EVERYONE!!!

7. Last thing: 2, are you asking me for suggestions? I thought you were the self-proclaimed expert in bed? Glad you finally saw in me that I am the creative romantic of the bunch. Try sending him an email to his work with an erotic pic of you and an invitation to play strip poker that night.

8. Last suggestion is for everyone. Have your husband get a Bible out and read to you Philippians 4:8, "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praisweworthy - think about such things." Assignment is to reaffirm to each other facts about each of those key words. Such as, "Honey, what is TRUE is that I love you and want to see our marriage restored, TRUE is we can make it through this is we choose", etc. You know what I mean. My W and I have done this often and it has helped keep us focused on what I call "Forward-thinking", not "Backward Thinking." Been very helpful in the healing process.

Sorry this is so long, but hope you find some helpful nuggets mixed in. Have a good evening.

Hi Everyone!

Rocked-Yes, CCW class. We have a couple of guns and my H wants to buy me my own hand gun (what is he thinking? ha!). He has had a CCW for years and per the local LE they suggest both spouses (if married) with weapons in the vehicle should each have a permit.

Sorry about you not receiving your "favor". I can understand getting tired from the day and worn out by the time we get to bed too. We just try to get there earlier when possible.

May I ask...is the "occasional" BJ or even a BJ a major factor in how you feel sexually? I think you are going to say yes, but I just wanted to hear what you think. That is an issue between my H and I. If he hasn't filled my "Love Bank" so to speak, that is something that is really hard for me to get into. It is so much more to me than SI. I don't know why (maybe I need counseling for it), but that's just what happens. (Hope this isn't TMI here either.)

I just try to remember that my H's emotional needs have alot to do with me wanting him sexually. So I work on it everyday. Any suggestions on improving here won't hurt me either! Okay, okay...even the "great" can be updated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Anyone left here????

Hey you,
I'm here, but in and out.
Going to make myself dinner.
H at work and daughter just went out for the evening.
I will check on you in a bit!

How are you? Are you still feelings strange vibes from H?? It's another boring night in my house- H & I watching dvd's and surfing. Let me know how you are and how your day was today. Nice class you had to attend today... was it nice to be with H?

Hi Guys! Writing for a minute. Holiday thanks for the e-mail. I will get back to you. Rocked didn't get yours. Try dbrry3@sbcglobal.net.

Thanks for the recap Rocked. A little TMI, but that's OK. We are all friends here.

Today we went over the emotional needs survey during my overview of the money. It was helpful. Husband asked for more "random BJ to coming". I told him, he is always welcome to ask. So maybe you should just ask...and not "hope".

Yes, I know I have a role in the process, but my role is only encouraged when he does the right thing now. I have been loving toward him today...becasue I genuinely feel it. Seeing him cry last night made me feel close to him again. Knowing he was hurting (like I am) made me feel close to him again.

Anyway, the emotional needs survey was good. I started the Relationship Rescue book (Dr.Phil) before I found out about the A. I was about half way through when I find out and I just didn't think it applied to me. I have read several affair/infidelity books that are more relevant now. Maybe I'll get back to Dr. Phil another time. Love him!

Scripture is helping and thanks for your scripture. I read Corinthians Paul speaking about if we have not love what does it matter if we have all the other gifts God gives us. I realized how true that is and I have been trying hard to find the love for my husband again.

Anyway, hope to get e-mails soon. Talk to you guys!

I'll get this e-mail right! It is godhm2@sbcglobal.net. The other one won't work.

Hi,

DM-Not too many strange "vibes" today. He's on his 24 hr shift and I only saw him briefly this morning at the station. He did send me a very nice email this afternoon. Which touched me. He also attended my weight lifting class last night. Says he wants to get more on an "excercise plan" than he has been on (he plays racquetball only every other week, work schedule allowing). I lift weights in a class called "Body Pump". This is my 5th year. It has been the only thing that keeps me going to the gym (that I like to do there, ha!). Keeps me sane.

2-Glad to hear you are moving forward with loving him again. It is really hard to trust anything we do when we are afraid they may be capable of hurting us again. Keep your heart open. Hope you have a wonderful night.

Tonight I will start reading "The Monogamy Myth". Anyone read or hear about this book? I also began to read "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Need's" is probably sitting in my mailbox. Geesh, again, shouldn't the WS's be reading all this? Love is just plain not fair.

My Grandma always told me one loves 49% and the other 51%. I think I have "51%" tattooed on my fanny somewhere...hey, maybe a tattoo??? Ha!

2- This email worked for me: dbrry3@sbcglobal.net
But not this one: godhm2@sbcglobal.net.

Good Sunday morn my friends!!!

I had a small break down last night, again... but I shed no tears. That part scares me a little.

H has gone fishing today... I'm being lazy today... let me know who is here today- I'm here most of the day!!!

Hi DM...Having a small "scare fit" this morning too.
H is being held over at the station this am. He was hoping to come home and take me to breakfast.
I sent him a nice email last night and he said nothing about it this morning when he called and he is still being "quiet like". He has the start of a bad cold, but now I worry about every bit of his body language as being "something wrong". Will it never end???
I will be here in and out today too.
My son, for my Christmas gift, is taking his ol' Mom to a Aaron Lewis concert downtown tonight with dinner. (Aaron Lewis is the lead singer for a group called Staind).
I will check on you all today.

Hi Holiday, Dog,

I will not be around much today, but Holiday I wanted to let you know I read the Monogomy Myth. Personally, I wasn't crazy about it, but it is worth a read. She has some good points, but I believe shifts responsiblity away from the person and focuses on external or societial influences. I understand that those factors contribute to infidelity, but ultimately it is the persons choice and I don't think she focuses on that enough.

Anyway, let me know what you think. Have a great Sunday. Will be watching lots of football with the hubby. We love FOOTBALL!

Good Morning 2...

So far in this book, it looks like it all depends on how open you feel you can be with your spouse. Not having the fear to tell them you are attracted to someone right in the beginning as to work through the attraction that may lead to an affair. Not going with your gut instincts and confronting your spouse should you suspect something is wrong in fear of misjudgement. If you feel it say it.

I believe alot of people think they can handle an outside attraction all on their own...we really we can't. Just look at us here. We need each other in all aspects of support.

Honesty and being open with it is a tough policy, but that is the only way I can begin to be married again. That is what I truly need and for me to be honest back.

We love football too. H still taking me to breakfast as soon as he's relieved at work. Then a day of leisure and oh yes "concert time"...yeeha!

ttyl...have a great Sunday.

Hi out there... still being lazy... I need to clean but I am in NO WAY in the mood for that right now- maybe later. I have been falling into soe ruts lately... my H has not even attempted to be intimate with me... though I would like to- he knows that and I am NO WAY making the 1st move. I just sent him a text message asking who made the 1st move with the OW- I'll be curious to know how he answers this one. ANYHOW, our sex life has been NONEXISTANT for @6 months- and he says it is ONLY because he has felt so rejected from me emotionally. I admitted that I have been so frustrated (knowing he has been lying about something) that I probably have not been as sweet and nice as I could be... but now the A has been found out- now the one thing I must say is that his A did not include any clothes coming off- and no, from everything I found on my own and everything- the A was heavy petting and kissing... so- I am LOST without a sex life. He told me his therapist told him that all of this was normal and that our sex life will come back but that I should be giving him SPACE! (bite me) SO.... the point of me telling you ALL this- I keep wondering if my husband will ever be sexually attracted to me again. He was so sweet and loving to me for about the 1st week after DDay- but now... not much. He tells me he loves me all the time- but that is not enough. I need action. He says "well, I get out of my chair and come sit with you on the couch every now and then..." WOW!!! Go all out buddy!!!! He doesn't try to hold my hand though.... he hasn't even sent me flowers to say "sorry I totally *ucked up honey and made-out with a SLUT!"... does anyone think (besides me) that flowers would in some way be appropriate??????? Last night I brought some of this up to him in a note I left on his pillow- for the 1st time in 7 months we actaully cuddled in bed. Nothing else though- no kissing- NOTHING.

Anyhow... I am ranting on and on... thanks for letting me... or just reading it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think I am depressed now. I feel like I maybe I need to move on... I don't know.... Crap!!!!

Oh, I said she has some good points, but there are other points I don't like. I did confront my spouse as soon as I was suspicious. What good did it do me? He lied to me all three times I asked him. I now know NOT to just ask him, but to investigate my fears. The cell phone bill which took me 2 minutes to access online, told me everything. That is what I'll do if I ever expect again.

As far as attractions are concerned, I'm not sure I agree with her. I think it is more important that I have female friends and he have male friends to work these issues out with. Telling him and vice versa probably would only hurt each others feelings and make us feel more insecure about ourselves. Over the course of our 7 years together, I have had many "attractions" to other men. I'm certain, that OW wasn't my husband's first attraction either. But attractions die if not fed and that is where he (my husband) made the mistake...he fed the attraction.

We have decided that he will not lunch alone with another woman, or talk on the phone without sharing everything with me. This way, I can see a pattern in behavior that if I don't like I can point out that it needs to change.

But even in all this, it is really up to each one of us to do the right thing. I can only hope that he'll tell me about his phone conversations, just like we can only HOPE our spouse will tell us about every attraction. My husband acknowledges that deep down inside he wanted to act on this, so there was nothing that could have prevented him from doing it. He failed to mention to me they worked out together daily at the gym, lunched all the time, talked on the phone often...before the A again. He just "forgot" to tell me what an important part of his life this woman was becoming. He needs to stop himself from the desire to ACT. An attraction can be harmless if WE don't meditate on it, create the environment and make the conscious decision to act on it.

I think she shifts responsibility too much. That is just my opinion. I thought the books After the Affair and Surviving Infidelity put the blame more where it should be focused. Situations the "cheater" is in and then puts himself/herself in. The feelings the "cheater" has about themselves that causes them to feel a need to get needs met by another person. The failure to take responsibility for their own feelings and not expecting the spouse or some other person to meet those needs.

My husband spent a year ignoring me, putting me down, disrespecting me all during his affair. He certainly wasn't meeting my needs! Did I run out and screw someone else? NO! And it isn't because the opportunity didn't present itself either! I met my own needs. Just like Dr. Phil's book says (right Rocked?) that if we change ourselves, we will make the unhappy situation happy for us. Change ourselves...not our spouse.

Anyway, Boundries in Marriage is a good Christian book too. Not specifically about infidelity, but great points. Again puts responsibilty on us making the right decisions to be happy.

Boy this post turned out longer than I expected! Enjoy football.

2... you can bet that "next time" he will not use the cell phone again... my H didn't- he got creative- unfortunatlly for my H- I am right on his tail!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> BUT 2, I bet he doesn't do it again!! You sound TOO awesome and strong for him to ever want to wander again!!!