THanks for the uplift Holiday- and YES I wish spell check was on here- I think you MIGHT be able to do it somehow- but who cares- we can all read it just fine!!!!! Instead of the jumping jacks I tried to pay down and take a nap- didn't happen. Main reason is my baby girl with the broken leg needs constant attention- and only SOMETIMES do I get a short nap in....

I know why I have the blues- so I will try so hard to keep it short--- I feel like the puppy Holiday describes and that my H only pats my head once a day- if that. We had a LONG talk last night... LOTS was said but one of the major things I took away from the talk is that my H was sooooo hurt emotionally before the affair that he still has not repaired from that hurt and that is why nothing physical is between us. Which KILLS me... And he also told me that he wishes I was more of a "soft" woman instead of being so independent and "tough"- which I am NOT tough and I explained to him I have HAD to be independent due to his hurting me so deeply!!! He used the comparison as "I wish you were more of a soft- cuddely bunny".... so- *ucking hop hop hop. I told him- I will be that bunny as soon as you quit putting me in the pit with all the tigers so I have to defend myself!!!!

Sorry for the long post... but that is why I am blue. I will close with this- H did say that he will work his butt off to get this back on track--- why don't I believe him????

DM-
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...soft bunny vs tough woman. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, well, I feel, if you want to start having a sex life again, you might want to go out and buy that bunny outfit...hint, hint...we can ask Rocked what that might look like, ha!

I think it's tough to be a soft woman these days, yet, that is what I think all men really want. Soft woman outside the bedroom and a tiger inside.

I go over this issue with one of my best girlfriends who thinks she needs to be a hard b..ch and gives brutal honesty to whom ever she feels needs it, including her H. He is so unmasculine at times, it hurts to look at him. He tells her that I am the "perfect wife" (Too bad my H doesn't think this at "all" times, ha!) Strange, we always want what we don't have, instead of trying to modify what we do have.

It was hard for me in our first years of marriage to think of myself as a "sex object" at crucial times...meaning the bedroom. (I hope you are getting my hint here.) I was brought up being told not to be appealing to the opposite sex (by my Dad), so I wouldn't get into trouble and that pierced ears, tight pants (in the day), pantylines and anklets were for prositutes...boy, have I come along way. I needed to "give" myself up and make some changes for the man in my life. Not to say all this worked, duh, I am here typing. But, I think it helps overall. We have made it through the toughest times. Change up!

DM-Also, I feel you didn't believe him about "working his butt off" because last night he made you a comparison (more of a "soft" woman instead of being so independent and "tough"). It may have put you on guard again, maybe only subconsiously, but perhaps now you are thinking you aren't his type or now you have to make some major changes, and why should you be the one who has to do all the changing (I feel like this sometimes)?

Now, today, when you wake up an analyze (what we all do best on MB.), you start thinking and thinking..."will this ever be the way it was before the A?". Wasn't I good enough then? Yes, you were! I feel you really need to make a decision if this is "who" "you" want to be with, with all his shortcomings and all. Have you really made that choice?

Also, might I ask here, this is very personal, if you two aren't having sex (how long now?) how is he handling it, as a man I mean, with no release? He is a man and a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...so what is he doing?

Hey now Holiday. I resemble that last remark! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I thought you would see that!

hey rocked...i don't really need the dinner...so what do you really do? job wise?

Have you all missed me? I just got back and am STARVING, but I had to check in with you guys first.

Rocked - think you are the same thing I am, a Domestic Diva, a stay at home dad, a home maker. I hope I'm right because that would be soooo cool. But if I'm wrong, I'm done guessing.

Hey 2, how are you doing today? Feeling better, I hope.
It's a long 48 hours with out H home. Makes me start thinking...so I am going to stop right now and go make myself lunch.
Diva...yes, that's what we are Divas!
I will check on you in a bit...

OK. I missed you guys! I'm sorry to hear that some of you are having a bad day. I'm having a GREAT day! I met with a friend from church who I have known for a while. She filed for divorce because her husband is mean to her. Some people have all the luck! No infidelity.

Anyway, I told her if I could stay with all this, she could stay. I hope my message sat well with her. She's got 3 kids!

Anyway, this morning my husband and I prayed before he went to work and he had another "break down". The counselor told me in my private session, that these "break down" are good. They mean the Holy Spirit is convicted him and getting him to the place where he needs to be. It was sad though. Really. I felt soooo bad for him, it makes me love him more. He cried about how he was ashamed and embarassed to go to work. I just told him NOT to be ashamed, but humble. God is teaching you humality in this. You were the BIG shot, had everything together, better than everyone person. Now you have to humble yourself. God gave you this assignment, this public humiliation for something. Remember God gave you your job back after you quit. He wants you there for a reason. Teach these people what humbleness is. Show these people how to handle their own sins, through repentance and humbleness. God is using you for an example. You don't want the job. Moses didn't want to lead his people and I know you would rather God have given you another assignment. But this is it. Go to work, do a good job and be humble...not ashamed. I sent him off with a BIG I LOVE YOU and kiss.

I've checked in with him a couple times and he is doing well today.

Now on to you guys. SJS - the counselor told my husband last night "Knowledge is power" and your wife wants that power. You have to tell her everything...RELEVANT. She cautioned me to be careful about what I want to know that won't help me with power. I try. Do know this. Don't be shocked by ANYTHING you find out or that he admits to. My counselor told me when I was devestated that he left nothing sacred, she said "Why are you so surprised? That is what sin does. It takes everything. It leaves nothing sacred." She is right. Good luck and be careful with your feelings.

I need to go back and see what else I wanted to respond to.

Rocked. I'm sorry I called you a pimp. NOW will you come clean? I feel like I'm dealing with my husband right before D-day!

You ladies tickle me. What is so-o-o-o-o important about what kind of job I have? Does it have anything to do with our bond as BS's?

I'll think about telling you all.

Hey 2...must be a guy thing. He's the only one in the group who won't give it up!
Give it up Rocked! Ha!
And if you are a Mr Mom...there is nothing wrong in that either (clue: on PC, then you need to leave it to take your kids to school and pick them up).
2-I need to ask, since you are going to a Christian counselor, did she feel if someone doesn't go through this kind of shame and pain, does that mean they being truthful or wanting to make a change for the better? I mean, if my H shouldn't weep about our situation, is that cause for me to think that my M isn't in recovery? I am glad to hear your H has come this far.

I am not a stay at home Dad. It would be an honor to do so if my wife could bring home the big bacon, but that's not the case.

Okay...I'm a Chippendale dancer! There. You pulled it out of me. Are you all happy? Want me to send you video clips?

And I male model on the side.

She told me your husband (meaning mine) has to be HUMBLE. She feels that he placed too much emphasis on what he has done...what HE accomplished. She said in not so many words "Your husband is a piece of s**t without God. He is nothing! We are nothing. We have everything because of GOD."

She thinks (as have I sometimes) that he gets it in the head that he is nothing without God, but he doesn't get it in the heart. He makes the BEHAVIOR changes, but does the heart change? That is our concern. She believes the heart changes with TRUE repentance and confession of "God! I"m s**t without you!" He only gets to that point of total brokeness, when he'll say things like "I'm not worthy of God's love or yours. I am horrible" when he cries like that. Now ultimately I come back and remind him of God's promises. "Yes!" I say "You ARE horrible. But so what!? We all are. And God loves you anyway...so do I".

We are all horrible. Like I told my husband this morning, your sin is public. Mine and others are hidden, but they are all the same in the eyes of the Lord. We are all sinners. No one sin is greater than another (isn't that awesome though?...Really?!) So I told him "Don't be ashamed, but be humble."

I hope that answered your question.

That does help...I believe my H does feels shame, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me and our family. Again, I guess I just keep looking for guarentees where there truly none, other than in our belief that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.
Thanks 2...
Rocked-If you are a dancer, wow! I live in the "land" of Chippendale dancers, but I have yet to see you on a billboard to date, ha!

I CANNOT Believe you guys had soo much fun today without me! I am pouting right now! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
No, I am glad that even in your blue times, you can have friends!
Rocked, I AM SO SORRY about the PIMP thing too! Now Dance all you want; just make sure it's not the dirty type! Oh, wait your are a Chippendale's dancer, I forgot. You probably don't know how to dance any other way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Holiday, I'm sorry, can't email right now, but will try later!
2, I am glad your day has been so good! I wish all days could be as good. Don't you? Some days feel so normal and perfect, but they all seem to fade away!
SJS, Gosh, I am sooo sorry that I have not been able to post to you as much as I used to. I just do not have interent access, yet. I really am going crazy. As for your question: all the "experts" tell you not to ask all the detail questions, and if you can live with that I suggest that you go with the flow. As for myself, I am a person who needs to know everything. A couple of years ago I had to go in for a biopsy for some swollen lymphnodes and I researched everything I could on the disease that they were looking for. It scared me more than you could imagine, but it helped me get a grip. I could not live without knowing EVERYTHING! My H and I have been so close for so long, and told each other everything for 16 years, that when he completely cut me out of it for those 2 months that I feel I need to get them back. Also for me, it helped me see just how serious/not serious he was about this slut of his.
Some of those details are haunting me, but I deal with them because not knowing for me is MUCH worse. I think that is why I get sooo frustrated when he says, True, I just don't remember that.

OK guy & gals, here is how psycho I became last night. I called the slut's work number, just so I could hear the voice he listened to for all that time. I even felt like actually calling her to verify all the things my H has told me. I didn't, b/c frankly, I can't stand her voice. Do I sound angry? I am. I've had 6 hours in the car today(picking up my kids from my mom's house) to think, think, think. I've come to the conclusion that my H is a real **stard! OK OK I got that off my chest, I guess he really isn't that, but he was!
Talk to you all later!

Hi Guys!

Let me get biblical with you. Some of you may disagree with what I'm about to say, but I am going to use the bible to back me up here.

True, I called the girl and confronted her. I called her calmly and spoke to her for almost an hour very calmly hearing her account of what happened. I did not call her names, did not imply that what she did was disgraceful, I was very polite (probably in shock actually).

Anyway, I had a good Christian friend point out to me that confronting the OW was actually very biblical. Look at Matthew 18: 15-17. Especially vs. 15 say "if your bother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you." Read the rest though too. Anyway, I told her about her wrong "You are sleeping with my husband." She did tell me she was sorry. She did say "You didn't deserve this" and I did thank her for being honest with me (he wasn't then). So I don't see anything wrong with you calling the OW if you can keep your composure. The bible say show them the wrong of their ways, not curse them out and tell them off. Also you could use that as a time to show them God's love and forgiveness through you. Plus there is always the added bonus of letting them know that they did not win over you (meaning you went to the enemy camp and took it all back!)

Anyway, pray on that. Be careful, because she might can claim harrassment. So be careful. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I got information out of the other woman, but not a sincere apology. Sure I hope for it (especially since I knew her), but if it doesn't come...so what? Life goes on.

Holiday Read 2 Samuel 12. Kind David repents. Don't confuse shame with repentance. If you look at the chapter you will see David did not feel shame. He repented. I think there is a big difference. Shame is from Satan. It can be used against us...leaving us feeling unloved and worthless causing us to go back into the self destructive behavior.

Anyway, I got to get to gettin. I'll try to chat with you guys later.

2-That is true about shame. I should have said he shows he's "ashamed".
Have a great evening...look for you later.
I will also check out my Bible...thank you!

Hi Guys, Thanks for the info. on me asking my H for the info on the A. I am a details kind of person so I will just take it slow an expect every answer out of his mouth to be bad. You are right True about I think I want to see if he knows the details to see how much he had invested in this slut! I still am so blown away by this, I never saw it coming. Someone asked how my mom is and she is fine thanks for asking. I am not a religious person but I have had lots of conversations with god lately. I just wish that he could answer back sometimes. The one thing I say to him all the time is WHY! GOD! WHY?
Have a good night :-)

Hi SJS,

I read something really profound the other day. Some guy who had become a cripple from a disease and someone asked him if he ever asked God why him. And he said "NO. Why not me?"

I thought marrying a Christian man would exempt me from infidelity. But God told me "You deserve NOTHING from me. Everything you have IS from me. Count your blessings and stop looking at the "tree" that you cannot eat from. (Like in the Garden of Eden. They had paradise and focused on what they couldn't have. One stupid tree!) Remember, we have to hold EVERYTHING in the palm of our hands. That includes our spouses. They are NOT ours. They are God's. And so are our children, our health, our jobs, our status...EVERYTHING. Don't hold to any of it too tight (like I did with my husband) because you can only be sure of one thing in life...GOD! He will NEVER leave you or forsake you. He will never let you down. And HE is the only thing that has kept me going.

SJS, maybe this is God's way of calling you into his fold. This has certainly brought me closer to HIM. I encourge you to visit a church, or pick up the Bible and find God. I don't see how anybody can get through times like this without him. One good thing for sure has come out of this for me. My relationship with God is so much stronger. HE is my all and all.

God Bless you all. Goodnight!