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Hi, my Purpose Driven life got cancelled because when my daughter woke up, her eye was almost swallon shut. So I had to take her back to the doctor (was there Tuesday with the same issue) and that meant I had to cancel my study. We re-scheduled for tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm leaving here in an hour and I am feeling really bad. At first I was ready to go, but all morning I've felt sick to my stomach and very emotional. I thought I was prepared, but now I'm not so sure. I know me and I know I will be able to keep my composure while there, but I may have a crying fit/breakdown, the second I step out of the office. I don't feel so strong this morning like I had been about this situation. I'm terrified, yet feel like it has to be done. Again, if I knew I'd never have to see her again, I wouldn't. But I know I will see her soon, so I just want to get it out of the way. I'm terrified really. I haven't felt this bad in a while.

True, no e-mail. Try me again.

2,
Take back your confidence and composure from the enemy. Fear has no place in your walk with the Lord. If you're following His lead you can keep your head up and eye on the prize. That being total recovery and healing of your marriage.

I'm going to be praying right now for you. Love ya in the Lord!! YOU GO GIRL!!

2, I sent you an email, but it was bounced back to me. Could you email me? snhn@hotmail.com
Again, I am interested in what you have to say.
Rocked, did you get my reply? Just wondering.
Where is everybody else today?

I'm here. Where are you?

I am still here as well. I was checking on other things for awhile. Did you have a good lunch?

I may be having trouble with my email. Try sending me something.

ok i just tried again please forgive my typing as D#3 is asleep on my arm! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

D#3 must have accidentally changed my email address cuz I don't see anything. Try the other way to reach me.

You are doing that on purpose aren't you? I know that you had to have gotten it, you are just ignoring me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm not ignoring you. When did you send it? Check my email address and try a resend without knocking your D3 off your lap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Geez! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ok, ok, maybe you're not ignoring me. I will give it a couple more minutes. Let me know if you get it. I am curious to see what you think.

I just sent you an email to the new address. Did you get it? I'm not ignoring you True.

Yes, I got it. Maybe my computer is slow. I truly know you are not ignoring me. I was only kidding. I hope that it comes eventually. I guess we just have to wait and see.

Good Afternoon Everyone,
2-I said a little prayer for you last night about your going to the office and your possible run in with the OW. You will be fine. Hold that beautiful head of your's up at all times.

true's recent statement: "He says that it shows me that he did choose me, but, I hate to admit it, I feel like he only chose me because he was forced to.", has prompted a little thought or an analogy for all of us struggling with the hurt and anger and the wish for truth, honesty, openess and for our WS to "feel" our pain.

I'm not sure if this is a good example, but it's the best I can think of right now, so here goes...

Do you remember an old boyfriend or for you Rocked an old girlfriend? One that you cared so much about, but you just "weren't into them" any longer and knew it was time to breakup? Think back then how you felt. You cared for them and and didn't want to hurt them for you knew they really cared and loved you.

What I think and I think this is how I have been living my life since the knowledge of my H last A, is that our WS's at the end of the affair feel this way towards us. Meaning, they are not "into us". That they are possibly still reeling in the "fog" for the OP.

So we question them. We want answers. We want our spouses to be sincere and honest. But in reality they can't really "feel" us to give this to us.

That is why I have chosen first to get back into my H's heart. Note, I feel I am almost there and I have noticed once there he truly is feeling my pain because he is "into me" again. So now his apologies or concerns about how much he hurt me feel more sincere and honest. I hope I make sense.

What I am trying to say is, until we have gotten back into the "love" state of our marriages, we will not "feel" our WS's statements to be true and honest towards us.

Okay, enough of me today. I think I need to go for a walk.

Oh and strange...I was reading the Purpose Driven Life...half way through when I hit DDay...strange.

Well, I'm back. Barely ate at lunch and still feeling sick to my stomach. We went over there after lunch. She was on the phone with her back to me. Everyone came over to greet me and she must have heard my voice because she never turned around. I was next to her (talking with the rest of the staff) for about a good 10-15 minutes. She stayed on the phone the whole time.

When I got ready to leave I touched her arm lightly and said "HI Name". She turned, looked at me said "hey. What's up?" and went back to her phone conversation. That was it.

I felt fine while I was there and didn't want to not speak to her. I had got myself already for the encounter and I didn't want to not look her in the face or speak. So it went as I was expecting...non eventful.

I made it back to my car and had a breakdown. I'm home now and still feeling sick to my stomach. So looking forward to getting away tomorrow. I will miss you guys!

True, I'll e-mail you soon!
Thanks for your prayers. God's strength was with me while I was there.

True - emailed you. Did you get it.

2, I am so proud of you. It sounds like you handled yourself extremely well. I don't think I would have lived up to that myself. I am anxiously awaiting your email.
Holiday, thank you for your words. They make perfect sense. I will discuss it with my H.
Have a good evening all! Talk to you later.

2,
I just emailed you. If it doesn't go through, I will send it through a different email.
True