I won't! I promise!! I know the more my head clears, the more I am convicted in what I want and that I deserve it!

I cannot tell you how many times I have thought of you the last year and a half... I am sorry your M did not work out, but I am so glad that you are happy... that is so important!

How are you today??
Are things better?Are the AD starting to work and making you feel a little better?

I suppose so, I am back at work and trying really hard to avoid the LBs cause I have been so good at those lately! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It has been very rough, even had to see the OW yesterday while taking DD, 4 to her gymnastics class!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He is going to MC and the latest revelation is he sees me more as a mother figure and has a hard time being attracted to me sexually! GAG!

Well I dont know how much of that I would accept.Seems there can be so many reasons they will come up with to explain why they cheat.

This will sound cruel but it is because they are weak people.I do not believe a strong person would do what your H or mine or all the other WS on this board have done.There are other ways of handling problems in a M than cheating.

Hang in there.

I agree 110%, seriously! They are weak people. They are selfish people, they are short-sighted people!

Here is the latest:

I spent most of the day w/ WH today. Later in the afternoon he was feeling pretty sick and we ended up in the ER (3rd time in just over a month!!) He has prostatitis!!?? They gave him antibiotics. I came home and looked it up and it can be caused by STD's but often is not... Told him he had to get checked...

Also spent alot of time talking calmly and rationally about our M and the A... I told him I have such a hard time with this OW, she is truly fat and unattractive, and I am... well, not I am overweight, but I am not ugly, and I am very intelligent, kind, loving, empathetic, driven and have so much to give!! (had to toot my horn some today, cause I realize I am so much better a person than OW or WH!) He agreed...

He gave me details about the A (I asked for them).... told me he had to keep telling himself to "not look" at her belly when they had sex!!! (I had asked what he thought after he looked over and said something about the "fat chick" in the car next to us and I remarked she was smaller than OW!) He told me how it started... that she told him she wanted to "use him for sex" cause she was having problems w/ her BF (the other MM) That a week later when the "timing was right" he went to her house and did it... He said he knew going into it that it was wrong, but he did it anyway and that bothers him the most!

He said he never has stopped loving me and I am still his best friend... but he is not usre if he can stay M to me cause he keeps hurting me and I "deserve better"... I said, than do better (told him it is a cop-out!) Told him I was sad he doesn't wear his wedding ring anymore... he kept telling me he was sorry...still not sure what that is supposed to mean, all I hear is "I'm sorry BUT..."

He is in our bed for the third night in a row... but he still has not moved back in the house. His CPAP and meds, etc are still in the trailer... I am very frustrated, not sure if I am being played or what! Monday is 18 yrs to the day we met... he reminded me!

Not sure what I am doing, not wanting to be used, not wanting to be hurt more, but alsp wnat my H back... a "new and improved" version!