Hay All

Can somebody explain this to me or your hypothesis on the following:-

1. Whe I tried to make an ally of the OM'S wife; she did want to and was very Balzay about the whole affair. I would have tought that she may want to scratch my wife's eyes out .. Nope !!

2. On visitiing or harrasing her to speak to her husband such that I can see my children.. my wife responds with a nasty e-mail telling me to move on .!!!

3. This OM's parents suggested to his wife who fed back to me that ... give him 6 months and he will be back !!

4. 2 month after D Day (Destruction Day); I approach his wife again and find that she has another man in her life!! That was quick !!

5. My wife got me to drop off my sons guinea pigs to this mans house 2 months before DD (Destruction Day) for his son. When I arrived; his wife looked as if they had been arguing or as if she knew something. Her body language was funny as if to say .. '' what is this man doing here'' ...!! I thought that that they were going through bad patch as she had lost a baby !!

6. I discovered that my wife has discussed our finances/earnings etc with this man!!

7. It appears that everytime I approach his wife .. it shakes his cage ..so to speak? Why

What I concluded was ... and I may be wrong on this .. but can you give me your thoughts?
-------------------------------------------------

(a)This man is a serial offender and he has done this all before. His wife cannot be hurt anymore by his acts and does not give a damn

(b)She knew about the affair 2 months before me and did not say anything.. fear maybe!! Refer to point (5).

(c)They have an open relationship and do this quite often!! Why did they renew wedding vows? refer to point (4)

(d) OM is making my wife e-mail me to tell me to keep away from his wife? Why? He is in it for the money or he still loves his wife.. he wants best of both worlds.

Thanks
Mig

I have only read some of the post, but you might also want to look at the Tough Love book by Dobson. It seems the more you pursue her (give her a rose) the more she runs to th eother man). Also, there is a list some where onth esite how toget your sppouse to do 180 degree turn (I think that was what it was called). You might want to check it out and see what on the list might apply and be helpful to your situation. Since children are involved it makes everythign so much harder. My prayers go out to you and your children.
Stormy

Hay Stormy

Do you have a URL/link for that ''how toget your sppouse to do 180 degree turn''

Thanks

Miguel, here is the 180 list:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting, get busy, do things, church, sports, tan,
15. When home with your spouse, be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you’ve had an awakening
and as far as you’re concerned, you’re going to move on with your life.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold, wait to see if spouse notices.
19. No matter what you’re feeling TODAY, only show spouse happiness.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk.
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on other parts of your life).
28. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed
much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of
what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives
because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.

These can help you become an attractive person by showing her that you do not need
her in order to be a happy person.

God bless

miguel

let me put this in a way you may be more familiar with ...

You are an executive so I'm sure you have fought some bitter and tough, ruthless & no mercy given fights with your business opposition or hostile opponents in the business world haven't you? I doubt you'd get where you are without some of that at least.

So...

fight the personal interaction and emotional battle as set out by Faithfull above.

BUT fight the $$$ thing just like you would a business rival.

Go get the meanest dirtiest corp lawyer you can to see what can be done about the assets placed by agreement with your wife in her name for the kids....see if you can get a court to order them placed in a trust fund for your children. e.g take them away from OM & WW.
If you are concerned the new child is not yours seek a DNA check re placing assets in YOUR child/children’s name.
This is to get $$$ away from OM & make your WW far less attractive to him. Lets see how much OM likes supporting WW & 2 children & how long he will then last.

Also with your payments for the childrens support, object to the payments if you are so suspicious about the the youngest not being yours - can your family law lawyer do anything here?? - seek a DNA test again - it will at least put your mind to rest and MAY depending on the outcome help decide what YOU want to do.

Your WW and OM may not have the resources to fight numberous legal battles so it may help to unsettle & cause issues if you start lodging hearings from family to high court etc - if thats practical of course & your legal counsel is ok with that.

I'm looking at this from the point of view of denying your WW & OM the 'joy' of their affair ...making it difficult for their relationship but not getting involved in personal attacks and name calling ...let them do that & sit back and fix YOUR emtional issues so the courts can't point any more fingers at you.
e.g business talk...cover your butt.

Are you recording your WW threats etc ??? What about her threat to 'give' your childrren to OM??? what can your lawyer do here?

All this sucks I know & there are no easy answers for anyone of us in these circumstances.
Mig I know you are very resistant to taking AD's, yep I know that very well from my own experience. I won't touch them.
However there is an alternative and thats St Johns Wort which is readily available at heaps of health stores and supermarkets. It does work very well, my wife uses it and it has about the same effect of most AD's and takes about as long to kick in.
You should consider that option and see if after a month you are feeling more postive.

wish you the best no matter what you do, just hope it works out right for you.

Hi Faithful follower,

I am sure that within the 1st week of the announcement; I broke every single point on this list.. I have made many mistakes. What do I do now?

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls... Done
3. Do not point out good points in marriage... Done
4. Do not follow her around the house... Done

6. Do not ask for help from family members.
only after wife got me arrested .. she forced it on me.I tried to keep my family out; while she dragged her mother and lover in.

7. Do not ask for reassurances... Done

8. Do not buy gifts... Done
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You"... Dine
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive... done initially and did not work .. she hated me for it!

14. Don't sit around waiting, get busy, do things, church, sports, tan,.. did initially and recommencing

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING... Done
17. You need to make your partner think that you’ve had an awakening
and as far as you’re concerned, you’re going to move on with your life.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold, wait to see if spouse notices... Done
19. No matter what you’re feeling TODAY, only show spouse happiness... no t Done
21. Never lose your cool... Lost my cool!!
24. Be patient.. Have not been patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying... Idid
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on other parts of your life).
28. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly... I am
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever... I failed here.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse... I failed here
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of
what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives
because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel... I am not giving up .. no way!
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.

These can help you become an attractive person by showing her that you do not need
her in order to be a happy person.

God bless

Hi Aussie 2,
The fight to date has beeen a ctastrophe for me. I have done all that you have advised and fight on .. but this is costimg me my life..I am for the first time in my life in debt with debt collection agencies chasing after me. I have since lost my job as I could not focus on a very demanding job .. doing 60+Hrs per week and fight the sharks, my wife, her lover , my parents anger at loosing sight of their grand children , dealing with the loss of a newborn, maintaining my sanity and will to live.

I am 7 months down the line with a battle and my wife is yet to let me see my children. she knows this is my weakness and is putting the knife in.

I am on my 3rd solicitor/layer and these money grabbing ba....s are only interested in one thing .. linning their own pockets ..I am yet to get full satisfaction. They send letter after letter even when you don't need it .. each letter means $$ for them .. so why the hell not .. balbber on with multiple letters and turn son against son , wife against husband etc.. thats there job!!

I am not naive .. by any means and I sawe this coming. I did tell my wife this in the 1st week befire she absconded ..but she does not care and has let the state and sytem take control over our lives /lives of our childre.. involving social workers, police etc.. her saga of destruction continues until today .. I cant see no way out except detaching myself from her and giving them assetts.. I am fighting on .. but for how long I can sustain this with the damage it is causing is anyones guess!! I am fighting two minds, the police, the injustice of the system in the UK etc ..