In my first marriage, my exW had multiple affairs and she never showed remorse or a desire to end them and recomit to the marriage, so I finally divorced her. A short time after my divorce, my ex hit rock bottom, attempted suicide, was committed by her brother to a mental institution, got the therapy she needed and now is a different woman than the one I was married to. After I remarried, she expressed her remorse for putting me and our daughters through hell and said that if it were not for the divorce, she would not have hit rock bottom and changed her life. Since then I have come to the firm beleif that being married to an emotionally sick person who will not acknowledge his/her sickness and seek therapy for it, will only further feed the sickness.

It's one thing to continue being married to a WS who has acknowledged the wrong he/she committed and does everything in his/her power to do what is needed to rebuild the marriage, and totally quite another to continue being married to a WS who not only doesn't want to end the affair(s) and rebuild the marriage. In the former there is hope, in the later there is none, and a marriage without hope is no marriage at all.

TMCM

This weekend was a nightmare...moving WW and my SD’s things to an apartment five buildings down from mine. Anyone who has ever done this KNOWS how painful this process really is…

It’s odd, but she has cried more, shown more REAL remorse and given more heartfelt apologies to me since Wed. night when she said she wanted to move out than she had in the last MONTH since D-day!!! She even said for the first time that she feels she may have made the wrong decision to move out. She was always saying before the right decision was to separate, but now she is at least doubting the decision to leave. She is also keeps asking the rhetorical question “What is WRONG with me?” a lot more since Wed evening. Does it mean anything? Only time will tell…

I am seeing our MC in IC today and I am sure she will gripe at me for telling WW’s sister EVERYTHING (A’s x3 and all the other A’s she had while married to XH #2), but I don’t care. What am I supposed to do? Let her leave without using EVERY option I have to save our marriage? Allow WW to leave with NO consequence or accountability? WW wanted all of this under the rug with her family. She had NO accountability to me, but I KNOW she has it with her family. I have never done this, but her OWN sister called her a wh### and told me to RUN AWAY!

WW’s sister is (rightly) giving her a lot of grief about this AND told her ailing father EVERYTHING. WW’s sister said he was upset with what WW has done. Keeping in mind that WW absolutely LOVES her father and thinks the WORLD of him…she has to “face the music” tonight when she calls and talks to him. I can only hope that he gives her SOMETHING that will motivate her to the change she must make to save our marriage. Don't misunderstand me...I am not holding any real hope with this…all I can do is offer her the OPPORTUNITY, she must DECIDE to take it!!

Talking with her last night, I told WW that I would help support her with any emotional issues that may come out of her phone call with her father…she was very grateful for it and will either call me afterwards or come down to see me…more to follow.

We are very much like animals…we will make NO changes to anything we do, unless the alternative becomes more unpleasant than the behavior in which we engage.

My journal continues…

WNB