KWAS,<BR>I can really feel your pain. My h had a year long affair with my "best friend". He has never left, told me about the affair after she moved away. This is an awful thing that you will ever have to go through. I wish there was an easy way to get through it all. It just takes time. It has now been 6 mo since discovery for me. Most days are better, some days are still awful. Today is the first day that my h actually agreed to work on any of the Harley principles. He has refused to go to counseling also. I would have been very "right" to kick the bum out in the world eye. That is what we are taught to do. I chose to give up my "right" and work on my marriage. One of the best things that I did was to find a friend that I could talk to that would totally support me, but at the same time not trash my h.(Family usually cannot do this!) That gave me a place to vent. Then I read books that taught me how to become the best person I could be. I am in no way responsible for the poor decisions my h made. He must bear that responsibility. What I am responsible for is our relationship and the role that I played in that. I have read 3 books that are wonderful. "Surviving an Affair" by Harley, "Winning your Husband Back Before it's Too Late" by Gary Smalley, and "When One of You Wants to Keep the Two of You Together" by Susan Page. All three focus on what you can do for yourself. I cannot change my h, but I can change the way I respond to certain circumstances and that will result in a change in action from him. Go to work on yourself with the intention of saving your marriage. If that does not happen, you will stil be the better person in the end.