It's good that you are aware the danger of depression. I choose to come here and be alone in the cabin (my kids going up the slope w/ other family), to self reflect on what I want to do. I know I will get depress at home so I avoid it. Here I am - me and my keyboard w/ Mt. Bachelor view as a background. I am at peace and my 2 D are happy that all it count [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .
About OM, don't worry about it, you had more "kodak moments" with your family and you will have it alot more in the future. Just be patience.

Be patient with me kids I think I'm headed for another UMS.<p>W just went to OM's house to get her meds and the bag she packed last night.<p>Of course she also took the boys to get some of the presents they got today. That means that she could decide not to come back, and she'll still get the kids tonight.<p>Can anybody see the wacky ride I'm in for tonight? Lets not even talk about the whole "train wreck" thing I put in Torizo's thread today. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If you don't hear from me till the mornig you know she stayed. If not I'll progbably be back around 10:00 Mountain.<p>Thanks
Rev

rev,
I am praying hard for you to hanging tough and for your W to help her on making the right decision. I really do not want to see your post tonight. Good thing you did not get panic attack and LB'ed.

Look who's back. Don't freak, it's not that bad.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>rev,
Good thing you did not get panic attack and LB'ed.</strong><hr></blockquote>Nope, I didn't. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] This does however bring me to a question. Anybody ever heard of panic attacs brought on by the thought of moving home? No, I'm not kidding. Let me tell you the story.<p>For the last week or so, W claims to be trying to come home, as you all have heard. Says she gets so far then can't make it the rest of the way. Says she gets all panicy<p>Tonight W called and said she was having a hard time getting to our place. She wanted to meet me somwhere and have me bring her the rest of the way. I agreed. She was here for a while then got panicky. Tried to hang out for about 30 min. Decided to lay down for a bit. We both layed down in our bed for a while, talking and being affectionate, witch turns into somthing more. (At her request) Then after a bit, she just couldn't take it any more. So we got up and I took her and the kids back to her car. She then went back to OM's. From OM's she called me 10 times in an hour. I had left my cell at home when I took her back to her car, then I had major car problems on the way home. Called Dad, yada yada yada. She was in tears the first of 3 voice mail she left, saying thank you for everything tonight.<p>Two notable things here:<p>1. What do we do about the panic attacs? I saw this one tonight. I don't think it's a ploy, but it could realy hinder our "recovery". She is talking to her C about them, I'm just woried that they may take years to overcome.<p>2. NO LBs. I picked her up, brought her home, had an enjoyable evening except her nervs, and took her back. All without complaint. She made me promis that if things got to wierd I would take her back to her car before I picked her up, but even that came off without a hitch. She even said that she understood how difficult it was for me to take her back to her car, and that she appreciated how comfortable she felt knowing I would do this without complaint.<p>So kids, What do ya think?<p>Thanks
Rev

rev,
I am commenting you on your behavior when W was going to OM ... no panic.<p>1. What do we do about the panic attacs?
Ask her. Is this house bring back bad memory ?. Donate most of the furniture before the end of the year and buy new ones. If it is a rental, move out from there ...(in CA we call it bad fung shue, just joking) Also you wrote "We both layed down in our bed for a while, talking and being affectionate, witch turns into somthing more.", is that somthing more cause it ? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>2. NO LBs.
don't rub it on ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] , you know you deposit LB$$$$ .<p>At least one part of my prayer was answered, for you to hang in there.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>rev,
Ask her. Is this house bring back bad memory ?.
is that somthing more cause it ? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote> I asked. She said it's not the house and she said she thought that the "somthing more" would take her mind off of it. It did temporarily. Then it came back afterword. Believe me, I would move and get rid of all of our belongings if she said it would help.<p>Mabey I should have a priest come in and tell me how to arange the furniture to creat the best living environment. (fung shue isn't just a California belief system) [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>At least one part of my prayer was answered, for you to hang in there.</strong><hr></blockquote>Mine too.<p>I have to coment on this. I realy wasn't expecting the events of last evening. I was truly suprised. I also want to say that I have read some posts about this where the BS feels used afterword. I don't feel that way, and after our discussion last night on the way back to her car, she seemed to be feeling pretty good about herself as well. I believe that this is going to work out. If we can get past the panic thing. She said that she was going to spend some time at the house today while I was at work to see if it would get better.<p>Still open to suggestions.<p>Thanks
Rev

rev,
Ask her if she want to help you out to "rearrange" the house. Buy new bed covers, new drapery, anything that will make even your kid confused. I would bring a priest to pray for it, whatever beleive W has. The tought of coaching your house to plan A'ng your W makes me smile [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Some WS need a planetary linging up or some major even to help them externalize it. I guess for your W is changing the house.<p>Happy holiday

RedHat,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I would bring a priest to pray for it, whatever beleive W has. The tought of coaching your house to plan A'ng your W makes me smile<hr></blockquote>
I'm dissapointed, You missed the whole Fung Shue thing, and you brought it up. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] And coaching my house to plan A my W makes me smile as well.<p>We'll get through this one way or another. I just scare easy I guess.<p>You, on the other hand need to review your Fung Shue. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Mabey rearange your furniture to creat better energy. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>WOW, I think I got that mood back for a while.
Look out the houmor is rolling again.<p>Thanks
Rev.

Guys rearranging furniture?!?!?!? Wow what is this world coming to?!??! he he he. <p>Actually I think it is very encouraging to see how you both are handling this. Move furniture, heaven and earth to help you wives come back to their senses and their families. You have my support on this! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Warning: Don't hurt yourself in the interim. Move carefully. Bend the knees and lift with your arms and legs not your back. Same goes for the plan A and B stuff too. k?<p>Take care,
L.<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Orchid,<p>You got to see the houmor here.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Guys rearranging furniture?!?!?!? Wow what is this world coming to?!??! he he he.</strong><hr></blockquote>Ok, now we know Orchid is weak in Fung Shue too. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Move furniture, heaven and earth to help you wives come back to their senses and their families. You have my support on this! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote>You expected less? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Warning: Don't hurt yourself in the interim. Move carefully. Bend the knees and lift with your arms and legs not your back. Same goes for the plan A and B stuff too. k?
</strong><hr></blockquote>Safty first, Always. It is difficult to plan A from hospital. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep Smiling.<p>EDIT:<p>Hey kids,<p>I just got back from lunch with W. I found out that it's not the house or the furniture that make her feel sick, so much as it is me. At this point she is working very hard to overcome this. I can both see and apreciate the effort she is putting fourth. I have to find a way to solve this problem. I know "Time". I fear months/years.<p>Thoughts, Suggestions?<p>Thanks
Rev<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: rev ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by rev:
<strong>I just got back from lunch with W. I found out that it's not the house or the furniture that make her feel sick, so much as it is me.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Is it "somthing more" ?, you probably make too fast of a move in there. I thought you make an arrangement with W to have a separate room ?. Once she is moving in, recovery could be done. As long as OM is there your M don't have a chance. Be patience, It takes years for you to realize the damage of I(s), I bet it will takes less for W. Meanwhile help out Torizo, he is a good guy, my neighboor when I was at college.

Hi Rev,<p>I must be tapped out in the ideas dept. No insprirational points tonight. I think you are at the wait mode. Stop light is on, you've got to be patient. Wish there was a vaccine for this A bug. Sure would like to whack it out of existance. <p>Pray for a calm heart and a clear mind. K? <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,<p>Don't feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders here. If I had ideas I wouldn't be asking. I appreciate the fact that people try.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Hi Rev,
Pray for a calm heart and a clear mind. K?</strong><hr></blockquote>I'm back in that mood again. I can think, focus and laugh for a while. I've found that when W and I are doing well I can find this mood. She says she's comming over again tonight after work. Says she may not stay but she will probably come over. I believe she is realy trying. Mabey she will de-sensitize herself.<p>I also just got off the phone with her. The boys goodnight call. She said one of the reasons she called, other than to say goodnight to the boys, was to say she realy appreciated and enloyed last night. I can't prove how I'm doing in her LB, but she's going to town with mine.<p>Still a little worried about the panic attacks, but doing pretty well otherwize.<p>BTW. How is AB2d doing? Any updates that I've missed?<p>thanks
Rev

UMS.<p>W showed up for about 15 min tonight.<p>Somebody kick me in the head.<p>We do things for a reason. I can't figure out what she gains from staying at OM's place. I want to believe her when she says that there's nothing going on between them, but I'm starting to think she's a cake woman.<p>I don't mean to seem uncaring, but somthing has to change. Tonight seemed like "give him a couple minutes and he'll be happy". Then she had to run off. You know I felt sick the first time I had to hold one of the boys down so that the Dr. could give him a shot, but I did it because I knew it was best for them. Don't we sometimes have to struggle through things like that so that our lives are better afterwords?<p>Thoughts, Suggestions?<p>Thanks
Rev

Yep it is a struggle. She is showing signs of waffling. Cake people do that sort of thing. <p>Be patient Rev, one of the hardest qualities to master. How are your boys?<p>L.

Orchid,<p>Do you sleep, as it's obvious that I do little of that.<p>The boys are doing as well as can be expected. I don't quite know what to do to help them through this. We talk, and I ask them how they feel about things. But I don't want to say or do anything that would be bad for their R with W or OM, as my C says he could be stuck with OM for a long time.<p>I'm think I'm getting past somthing. I don't know what, but somthing. Tonight I will head off to bed here shortly and sleep. I will not lay awake for another hour or three worying about R or M or what's going on at OM's house. This surely means somthing, but I don't know what. If you have any ideas would you be so kind as to pass them on?<p>As always, my thoughts and prayers...<p>Thanks
Rev<p>P.S. Why isn't there an emoticon/Instant Graemlin that isn't happy or sad. One that just has a line without curve for a mouth?<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: rev ]</p>

rev,
Hey, I am around too. We are in PST, 2 hours earlier than you ... what are you doing ? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Hey, vent here. Don't get mad, don't destroy what you have build. I am also hold the dummiest husband of the year !. I play dummb, since they are in the fog they thought they outsmart you. Let it go. You have not through with plan A yet.

In the ilustrious words of Jusif Islam (Cat Stevens) "Morning has broken". I have no idea what that means. <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>rev,
Don't get mad, don't destroy what you have build.</strong><hr></blockquote>RedHat, Glad to see your here too. I probably will get mad, sometimes you can't help it. BUT. Will I also loan her money to pay a bill this morning? Yes I will. Will I run accross town to pay that bill before work this morning, so that she can sleep after working untill 1:00 this morning. Yes I will. Will do this gladly and be happy about it? Yes I will. And why is that? <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>rev,Let it go. You have not through with plan A yet.</strong><hr></blockquote>Thats right boys and girls, you win the big prize.<p>So today is one where you have to look a little bit to find the houmor. Yes I'm still down about last night, but today is a new day with compleatly new opprotunitys to be miserable. Why drag last night over when I can move on to new and more exciting methods of unhappieness.<p>Well, it's off to face the work day. I'll be back to check in later.<p>Thanks,
Rev<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: rev ]</p>

Well kids,<p>As Paul Harvey would say, "And now, the rest of the story". Please welcome squirt, my W. Say hi if you see her. Please remember to her, for the most part, I have been the WS.<p>Thanks
Rev<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: rev ]</p>

Ok, I haven't posted much today. Working with major deadlines. <p>Yes, I do sleep. As Rev said we are in CA with ps timeframe. Well he is in OR but I am here in what is known as the silicon valley area. So us crazy westcoast folks (CA - cali rapunzel indecision...., WA - resilent lora carolina belle...., OR - redhat..., etc.)post way into the night and when we all trott off to bed, the HI crew kicks in. Twyla, Leilana and I think CL post here from the Islands. Then there's some Aussie and I think even New Zealand folks...... around the bend to South Africa, back up to England, France, maybe Spain? then back to the USA east coast time and round again. <p>So have you figured out what you are getting past? It is important to know where you are in this stage of grieving. I have to get that post to you. <p>Here it is:<p> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html <p>Let me know what you think about this thread. It helped me during one of my darkest hours. <p>Take Care,
L.