I know some of you remember me from my previous posts. My H and I are trying to work things out. We are in Plan A. He has now threatened to go to Plan B if I don't "give up" OM.<p>Now, my question to you is, what does that mean exactly? For the past few months, OM and I have not been alone except for one time. We do see each other about 2 times/week and do talk a bit, but nothing else as it is too dangerous for us to do so right now. Yes, the love is still as strong as ever between us, but we can do nothing about now.<p>My H says that the ONLY way I will show him I love him is to never see OM again. He has not forbidden me to see him because he wants it to come from me. I do not understand this as we have sex nearly every day and I show him I love him in other ways, too. He says that is not good enough--that when I "give up" OM that will show him I love him.<p>I tell him I have already "given up" OM as we are not alone together. My H says that we continue to hold onto each other anyway and that the A still continues.<p>I do not agree. I do not see why we have to take such drastic action as this.

olgjmj...<p>Never... NEVER see him again... that may mean going to a different parish..<p>Look up a twelve-step program... the process you go through will be similar... you will go through withdrawal... the pain will be intense... but until you go through the withdrawal and move on without OM you will hinder your recovery w/ H.<p>My H did not give up OW until Jan. in that he still had been still calling and emailing her. The first month was the hardest... but now... he is coming to me... he is initiating affection...<p>There is just no other way and I know that you have been told this repeatedly. <p>NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT. Visual, auditory, mail, phone.... NADA.<p>Cali<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Cali ]</p>

Come on! You know exactly why your H wants you to end all contact. You said it yourself "the love between us is as strong as ever". My H spent a good deal of time trying to convince me that he should keep the "friendship" aspects of his A. He even suggested that he not see her but only talk with her on the phone until he "weaned" himself from her. I reminded my H that he and I had a three year long distance relationship before our marriage and that it did nothing to change our feelings for each other. Physical contact is not the issue. The issue is your continued feelings for this OM. Those feelings have little chance of going away while you are supporting them with ANY contact. After many false starts my H has finally ended ALL contact with OW. It has only been by pushing her out of his heart that my love and caring for him has had a chance to enter. Before there simply wasn't any room for me. I know that ending all contact will be painful for you, but until you do any love your H shows you will be like pouring water onto a sealed jar. Watch out, he like all of us only has so much to give, why waste what he is offering you? You have a terrific chance to save your marriage and build a strong, loving relationship, take it! THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY TO BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE WHILE YOU REMAIN IN CONTACT WITH OM.

olgjmj,
I am a FWS. Your marriage will not heal until you stop seeing or talking to the OM. You have not given him up at all yet. You still have feelings for love for this man. <p>You can not have both. Try to put yourself in your H's shoes. Would you want him to do what you are doing? I understand it is scary to end contact. But it is 100% neccesary in order to recover. <p>You have to take drastic action in this if you truely want to save your M.
1step

Oh great, the priest-loving OW is back. Rah!!<p>Gee, I thought Father Love was being "transferred" to another parish. No? <p>You must be bored and need some attention. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Good for your husband!!! I am so happy that he is finally taking a stand for himself and doing what he needs to do! I know you won't but before he kicks your sorry a$$ to the curb you should tell him about this site so we can encourage him to stay strong in his plan B. <p>Oh and to answer your question ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT is what he means. Moving out of state is not to drastic a measure to take to ensure NO CONTACT. Simply agreeing to not speaking alone with this person/priest is not going to cut it. <p>I don't make a habit of flaming people and I probably wouldn't have with you if I hadn't read some of your posts on TOW . You paint a totally different picture of your relationship with your priest and it's good to see that your husband is catching on to the fact that you are still VERY involved with the OM. From what I read they are sick of you on TOW also. You need to GET LOST!!!

olgjmj,<p>Why did you say that your H threadtened you ?. Plan B is not punishment for you but an act of love to protect his last drop of love for you. He gave you a choice not a punishment.<p>As long as there is anything to remind OM, there is no chance for you to have a fullfiling M with your H. You said Yes, the love is still as strong as ever between us, but we can do nothing about now. If you don't want your H then you should Dv him. What you do now is a very cruel to your H and probably cruel to OM too. Why don't you Dv your H and go for OM and ask him to get out of his lamb coat and show his true color.<p>If your H only want sex from you ... no offense ... probably it is cheaper for him to buy it out there and have his choices and variaties.<p>You have not given up OM. Like many other MB'er pointed out from your words and actions. If you read your bible ... what does it mean to have adultry ?, just by mere split second lust is enough. Given up means ... anything that will remind you or tempted you to think of OM should be out of your life. If that church remind you of OM, you should move out and find other church. You decide what to give up based on that.<p>Woman, you don't know what you have. I would not dare to even compare myself to your H. Read up on Hosea.

olgjmj,<p>I'm a bit surprised that they're letting you back. The bottom line is to come to a negotiated agreement via the POJA. Your husband has stated his preference---no contact, ever!<p>Your counter to his request is:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>For the past few months, OM and I have not been alone except for one time. We do see each other about 2 times/week and do talk a bit, but nothing else as it is too dangerous for us to do so right now. Yes, the love is still as strong as ever between us, but we can do nothing about now.<hr></blockquote><p>That doesn't seem like the affair is over, by a long shot.<p>A couple 'brainstorms' I would have are:<p>1. You and your husband go to the bishop and discuss having Father removed. I have a feeling that the Catholic church is pretty sensitive to this issue of priests and fidelity to vows right now.<p>2. You and your husband move across the country so that you will no longer have any contact with him---so that you can rebuild your marriage in a new location.<p>These are the types of suggestions that Harley would make. I think yours (let me just be with the OM a couple times a week, but not by myself...) makes the doesn't cut it list.<p>As flamethrower asked, are you bored? I can't believe you're this stupid.

I read some of the old posts ... I think perhaps...<p>prankster?<p>personality disorder?<p>creative writing homework?<p>the bullpucky alarm bells are ringing soooo loud I can't hear myself think [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>"Peace be with you"<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by olgjmj:
I know some of you remember me from my previous posts.<p>This is true.<p>My H and I are trying to work things out.<p>This is at least half a lie. You are in contact with the OM, and if your husband cared about his marriage, he would be in Plan B. Of course, maybe he is just ignorant.<p>He has now threatened to go to Plan B if I don't "give up" OM.<p>As he should.<p>Now, my question to you is, what does that mean exactly?<p><eyeroll> Oh puhleeze. You sucked a thousand replies out of the good people here on this topic. <p>When last seen in or around October, you had moved to another town away from the OM/priest and his parish, and informed the bishop of his priest's actions, and the priest/OM was being transferred by the bishop. <p>So, what happened there?

I couldn't bear moving away and I promised I would not be in contact with OM, so my H said we didn't have to move.<p>OM has not been transferred, but is being monitored by bishop, another priest and his parents. We are both watched closely by my H, too. So you see there is not alot of contact right now.<p>OM still might get transferred when replacement gets over his ailment if we do anything out of line.<p>We are still in love with each other. The only thing that has changed is that my H is now going to implement Plan B if we don't break off contact. He says this is the only way I can show him I love him.

Never mind [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Flame Thrower ]</p>

In light of the recent headlines we could look at it that this is a bit above diddling the altar boys. This should make a very interesting annulment case.

"OM has not been transferred, but is being monitored by bishop, another priest and his parents. We are both watched closely by my H,"<p>I believe that this poster is putting one over on everybody. There is no way that a priest who has been involved with a MW would be allowed to continue having any kind of involvement or be allowed to have contact with any MW. Do you think that the RC church which has been sued for millions of dollars for pedophilia is going to leave itself open for a lawsuit by one of it's parishioners for unprofessional conduct and alienation of affection. This kind of publicity would not make the pope very happy.This poster must be taking a creative writing course.

Hi O<p>What does "giving up OP" mean to me?<p>YOU don't see OP anymore.<p>YOU don't speak to OP anymore.<p>YOU avoid OP, at all costs.<p>
Sounds to me O, that your H is getting very tired of this. Sounds to me like you may not have to make a choice between H and OP, much longer. Sounds to me like, H is going to make the choice for you. Sounds to me like, YOU are going to lose H.

The bishop, unlike some of you, understands that priests are human and fall in love.<p>OM is getting counseling and is monitored. That is why we cannot be together right now. <p>There has never been any scandal attached to his name. It is his first "offense." The Church does not see this as comparable to pedophilia, nor should anyone else unless they are either totally ignorant or evil. <p>The bishop is attempting to alieviate OM's "problem" with me by placing other people around him so he is not "lonely" and is monitored by him.<p>You know, I really don't care if you believe me or not.

I just wish some of you would get off of dwelling on the fact that he is a priest and talk to me as if I were just like you. He is a man and I am a woman. We are both in committed relationshipss. We love each other and need to make a decision.<p>I guess I thought that I would get some straight answers. I know some of you have given them to me and I am grateful. Thanks. I am off of all boards now. I will go to my counselor tomorrow and talk to her again. Of course, she will tell me I should never see OM again. Sigh....

O:<p>I don't know your history on this or any other board. If I assume that you are legit (not a big deal for me one way or the other), then the advice you've gotten from others, and the advice you yourself have said that your C will be giving you when you see her, should be sufficient here. <p>You know what to do. We all know that it's not an easy decision. Just do it.

Dear O:<p>I guess I do not understand your problem here. You have done everything you possibly could do to continue your emotional affair with this priest. That is your persoanl choice and right.<p>You H has made his choice that he will not be part of a marriage with a person who spends a significant amount of emotional energy with another man. That is also his right.<p>You have stated that you and the priest are basically waiting for your H to die so you both can be together.<p>What is your problem? It is either the priest or your marriage. No debate of who is right or wrong just how you and H wants to live your life. We all get to live our lives the way we want.<p>I am happy your H is finally making a stand for his own well being.<p>Jack

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The Church does not see this as comparable to pedophilia, nor should anyone else unless they are either totally ignorant or evil<hr></blockquote><p>I didn't compare this to pedophilia. But it is consistant with your priest breaking his vow of fidelity to Christ, and that is a mortal sin. I'm not so sure that you actually understand the Catholic church's stance on what you're doing. It's very serious.<p>I can give you excellent advice ignoring the fact that your OM is a priest. You've said:<p>1. I had an affair. The OM and I were in love...<p>2. I've "returned" to my marriage, but my husband is distressed because I still see the OM a couple times a week (but we're not having "an affair..."<p>3. The OM and I are still in love...<p>4. My husband is threatening a separation after trying to deal with this situation with a reasonable length of Plan A. He won't "make me" give up the OM. I have to decide for myself...<p>5. Everyone I go to tells me that I must never see OM, including my counselor.<p>
OK, here's my advice: NEVER SEE THE OM AGAIN.<p>It is clear, from your situation as well as thousands of others, that the affair cannot really die unless:<p>1. The parties are completely separated.
2. One of the parties does enough lovebusting to kill the affair.<p>
You've moved from an EA to a PA and now back to an EA. Until one of those two requirements are fulfilled, nothing is going to happen---other than your husband leaving you. And that's exactly the advice that I would give him---it sounds like he's done a pretty darn good job attempting to rebuild the marriage. He's not giving you ultimatums. He's simply taking care of his emotional health.<p>[ May 01, 2002: Message edited by: K ]</p>