WOW! I would love to get something like that.<p>It's still early on in your Plan B. I can't remember - did you give him a plan B letter and spell out what is to happen during this time and what would need to happen to reconcile?<p>If you did tell him no contact other than for the kids then I would respond saying how you're doing, but that until he does what is expected as stressed in the letter you are to have no contact and to please respect your wishes.<p>If you really don't have any plan going and didn't ask for no contact then I would respond honestly, but briefly. I wouldn't open up any doors by asking how he's doing (I may be wrong about that). <p>It sounds like he may be feeling the stress of plan B (although it is a bit quick), but it could just be he's continuing his games. He may be fishing to see if YOU are dating or anything - his way of checking up on you. Or maybe he thinks if he keeps you on the end of this string with false hopes then he can continue his A and he'll know you will remain faithful because he's given you false hopes. This last one is what my H does.<p>I hope someone else comes along to help you. I'm in the middle of this too and am far from being an expert.<p>Good luck!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>PS... did you add me as a friend to your yahoo IM? I should get a message saying you added me and until that time I don't know if you're on or not. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

Thanks Free you have give good advice. I would like input from others too.<p>I think you hit every point that I was thinking. I too was wondering about the string thing too and false hopes.<p>I did tell him that once this gets going I do not want to see or talk to him. I told him that I was not trying to be difficult but that I needed it in order to deal with my feelings/emotions. He said he understood. I never wrote a Plan B letter. I never told him what the grounds were if we were to reconcile, as I really thought there was no hope. <p>I was thinking this. I would respond in a nice way. "I am fine, thanks for asking. How are you? No problem about taking care of the kids last night, it was my pleasure." Not sure if I should add this or not "I agree, it does seem like it's been a long time."<p>My next move would be this. If he came back saying he made yet another mistake and wanted to try again, and what do I think about that. I would say the following: <p>"You know that for the past year I have wanted nothing more than to have our marriage work out. I have tried and been patient more than I thought I could ever. I have held out hope and been let down. At this point, part of me wants to move on and part of me would like to try. So, if you truly want this then you need to prove it to me, show me in actions and not just words, then I will CONSIDER it. Show me by breaking it off with her, let me know it's down by showing me something I can feel, see, touch, even if it means that I sit there while you do it. Show me by setting up our first MC appointment. Show me by changing your cell # again, changing the address on the bill back to our house. Show me by cutting back work time spent at the golf course. Show me by letting me know exactly where you are staying. Show my by returning her apt keys are garage door opener. Show me by giving me the attention, love and support I need. Show me by being honest with me, sharing you thoughts with me no matter how insignificant you think they are. Show me by letting me be your best friend and you mine." When that happens, I will CONSIDER letting you come home and working on our relationship. Until then, I will move on with my life. I love you dearly and I want this relationship to work but I can't and refuse to be hurt agin."<p>What do you think?<p>I have not set you up as a friend yet, was not sure how to do it. I will play with it in a little bit. <p>THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

Hi, <p>Hi, I know I didn't get get a chance to talk to you much last night, I was
exhausted. Thanks for taking care of the kids. How have you been? You
seemed OK, but I was wondering just the same. I know its only been a few
days, although it seems like a lot longer. Just wanted to asy Hi.
You can respond back if you want.<p>What do you guys make of it? How should I respond?<p>Well I think you should send a short but nice e-mail response. <p>"We are fine. Yes our time apart feels long for us also. <p>Thanks for writing,
________"<p>Something like that. Speak as a package deal, as a family. He has to realize you are with the children. <p>JMHO,
L.

I think you are right on with spelling out exactly what you would need to consider reconciling. Also the part abot needing those things before you let him move home.<p>Have you figured out what it was that may have caused him to seek an A? That's an important factor because until you both figure it out and deal with it, then you are only preparing for the next occurance and not affair proofing the marriage. I read that somewherek, but can't find where I saw it.<p>You are free now to release yourself from trying to control what your H does. Take this time away from marital stresses and come to terms with yourself. Is there anything you're aware of that you could change for the better in your marriage? Is there anything you would like to change about yourself? Take the time for a little self discovery and try not to think about your life with H until the tie comes when he says he wants to work on the marriage.<p>I hope I'm not confusing you too much.<p>Peace and joy!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

Hey thanks Free.<p>Before I get to what you wrote, I noticed your signature line. Looks like we are about the same age. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Yes, we have discussed what caused the affair, he says it was the lack of SF and nothing else. So going on that, he should now be so SF that he can't see straight. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I am not sure if there were or are other things, he says there is not. The other problem I see was we were not spending a lot of time together. He worked a full time job and two part time jobs. I was home with a new baby and a 1 1/2 year old. I would say we started to drift apart, life got the best of us and the rigers of everyday life is all we knew. <p>HOWEVER, in reviewing my EN's, my H does not fulfill most of them. I would say that I would be the next one to have an A If I did not know better and have common sense. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] But thank God I have both. <p>He came over and cut the grass today before I got home. He was gone by the time I got here. I was very surprised as he never said he was going to do that or asked if I wanted him to. I planned on doing it this weekend. He called at 8 to say good-night to the kids. My D did not want to talk but our son did. At the time he called, I had two other mothers and their kids here. We get together every Thu night. He seemed hurt that I did not talk much and just said I'll let you get back to your company. It felt awakward, I wanted to say more but did not. Neither of us mentioned the e-mail. I don't know if he got my response today or not. Oh well, he will see it tomorrow morning. <p>Strange thing happened tonight after everyone left. It did not feel so bad being in this house with just me and the kids. Actually, it kind of felt nice. Maybe I am ready for this? NOT.<p>Have my appointment with my attorney tomorrow. Really don't want to go but it's too late to cancel. Really am not in the mood, since I guess I am a little hopeful. I kind of hate to admit I have hope, guess I feel foolish. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hope things are going better with you. Let me know if you need anything. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi n2bh, <p>How are you doing?<p>L.