Dear bluekeys,
Thanks for your concern. I saw my IC today and he said "you'll know" when it's over.It's a good news/bad news situation- my IC thinks our M is repairable but not at this time because my H is not willing to work on this at all.
I think I still have the door to our M still ajar but it is SO HARD because he is so detatched.
Does anyone have any suggestions haow to deal with total shutdown? Other than patience?
Had a not unpleasant few minutes with the WH tonight when he dropped off the kids.Nothing more than idle chat. I departed after a few minutes- trying to stay with Plan B.
Thanks again BK for your note- sometimes I even play the victim here and feel that noone is listening......you always seem to know when that is and pick up my spirits. Thanks.

Dear bluekeys (part 2)
SOrry- I posted before I was finished.
Sorry you had an unpleasant night. I still think it is a positive sign that he's showing you his new wheels- I think the Div stuff is just part of the smoke from the fog.
He's clearly displaying classic MLC signs and from what I've read, passes away with time in most cases.
I just wish I could understand how decent, understanding men with previously impeccable character can get so off track????

Hi PB... sorry I didn't respond last night. Was another rough one, another blow up, another story for another day. I ought to update my original thread, but I think I said somewhere else that I'm not quite up to doing that yet.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I still have the door to our M still ajar but it is SO HARD because he is so detatched. Does anyone have any suggestions haow to deal with total shutdown? Other than patience?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just try to work on yourself too. Do things to make you happy or things that can take your mind off the situation for a bit. I've started to develop some personal goals. Like one is I'm bumping up my travel a bit for work. Will be traveling for a few weeks... at least, I get to see some friend/coworkers/clients I really enjoy and then do something really productive. Hopefully, I'll get some good writing done from that. Also trying to learn some new stuff. I'm not very mechnically inclined--imagine someone who's over 40 and hardly ever touched a screwdriver. So, started small by putting together some DIY shelf kits. Went ok. This stuff at least keeps me focused--but then I'll lose it again for a while. The ups and downs are beginning to even out, except for when Dragonboy will exit his cave, often on my prompting too. So, I gotta figure that one out. (Call H dragonboy because he just breathes fire when he leaves that cave of his at times, then he retreats further back into it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Not to mention, I was a dragonlady when this started too... the resentment, frustration, and anger just piled up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

Make yourself more interesting to your H, too. Maybe revamp your wardrobe (know that's hard... money's tight in this situations)?

They're soooo foggy in these affairs and in these MLCs. And the detachment is weird. Terribly weird. It's like OK... you and the kids have been in my life for XX years... later, don't need or want you any more. Bam!!! Overnight it seems like.

But, the more I look back, there were warning signs and I didn't notice them except for a rising feeling of anxiousness on my part. Handled it badly. I've been slowly working to reconstruct that. Guess ya gotta keep your eye on the ball with any R, and just sometimes wish it were a slow pitch!!!

Oh well... was just touching base with you, see how you were doing.

Dear Bluekeys,
Thanks again for the pickmeup. I'm sorry you had a blowup- when you're ready, please post so we can give you some support.
Each day does get easier-I try to get thru this one minute at a time. Fortunately, like you I work and that helps keep me distracted.

I've also been fortunate to have some close friends visit the last 2 weekends. This has helped me a great deal.
My biggest stress reducer continues to be working out at the gym. I was never an exercise person before this, but with each step on the treadmill or crosstrainer, I try to walk of all of my aggressive feelings.
Things have been a bit warmer over the past 2 days. My WH and I have had pleasant (but superficial) conversations on the phone. I am proud that I've been able to avoid LBs both times!
One of the hardest things is the uncertainty of it all... we may be able to do all the "right things" and not have the outcome we're hoping for. Altho' sometimes you don't always want what you end up getting!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Keep in touch.

Hey PB... we need to stop meeting like this... people might talk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

The friends and work things do help. Having the kids around making noise even helps! Sounds goofy, but hey... it's at least not having to come home to an empty house all the time.

I like that exercise idea. I've been trying to discipline myself to swim more, but haven't done it yet. And the Y is so close to me, too... would feel great especially with the extremely hot weather we've been having.

I'll update the thread in a few days... I'm just not ready to. Need some perspective I think just to get a handle on the patterns of how we interact and what causes both of us to blow up. Maybe I'll do that over the weekend or during the evening some time next week... I'll be out of town for work... will have hotel room to myself with quiet to think.

Good to hear your H and you at least are speaking in a good way. You go girl for not LBing
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One thing I've noticed is I can talk to dragonboy (my nickname for H these days) if it's neutral and kept extremely short, and if he perceives he's in control of the situation. Drives me nuts.

Mick Jagger once sang "you don't always get what you want... but you just might get what you need." What I need is just for this situation to stablize itself... truthfully, I just want it to stall where it is at for a short while instead of spiraling downward so I can at least catch my breath and think. Who knows? So much is out of my control that I guess the only thing I can do is intelligently react to those things I can't control...