Okay, truce! I just didn't see an issue that might have brought you here and you have many one liners (like mentioning a ring side seat for MC's life issues).

Anyway, as long as you keep to the MB principles I don't have a problem.

So you've read up on our history! What do you think of his issues with his family? Should I not try to support him as he deals with that?

I do agree I need to busy myself with other people and activities. I plan on working my healing during these next 3 weeks. We did talk briefly last night, but nothing deep and I did stay positive and ended the conversation first.

Thank you for your replies!

My burning issue is that I am having a problem with bullying at work and I am stuck at home with it hanging over my head. This helps me to keep my mind occupied and stop myself from going over and over it and messing up the situation further.

Plus I identify with you because my ex was sort of a bit violent, but I couldn't bring myself to give the marriage up immediately - it took about a year. So even though it wasn't infidelity I don't know which is worse.

I'm glad that you identify with me and I hope you have found this site beneficial to you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plus I identify with you because my ex was sort of a bit violent, but I couldn't bring myself to give the marriage up immediately - it took about a year.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you identify with the violence part (???) or the fact that I'm still hanging on.

Relationships are never easy to end even when you're the one ending it (I ended my first marriage after 5 years, together 7 total).

I would be interested to know how you were finally able to walk away.

Thanks for sharing!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What do I identify with? The dillemmas associated with being with someone who's hurting you.

I wanted to do my Phd. He said if I leave work and start studies, he would file for divorce. I registered for my studies. He filed for divorce. The divorce papers came through. I haven't looked back or set eyes on him since then. But by that time I was beginning to have a crush on my supervisor; this was what made it real easy. This is what always makes it easy.

That's why I say get out there and start something that is interesting to you, and maybe ... who knows.

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

I hope your supervisor isn't married!

relate, I'm positioning myself for a promotion at work and that keeps me busy getting organized these days. Since I'm military, physical fitness is one way to get some extra points and I'm starting my fitness routine back up. At some point in the next 6-12 months I'll need to attend a required school before the actual promotion. If the position I'm in right now doesn't get upgraded then I'll need to find a position elsewhere in the organization (been in the organization 17 years and 16 in my current position). I'm also going to start some on-line courses which are offered free to military.

I've never had potential dates banging down my door and I'm sure that's why I cling to the first man who pays attention to me (red flags and all). I know the old saying about love usually comes when you're not looking for it, but I've never allowed myself the luxery to just enjoy my life and my kids!

So where are you in your journey towards the PhD and what is your final goal?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi F2bme,

Sorry your H is taking you on that rotten roller coaster ride. It is hard on the soul.

For now, shore up and find what you enjoy doing. You can use this time to pamper yourself. Easy to say, hard to do yet very therapuetic.

As for plan B letter, take a look at Mapleleaf's post in GQII. She wrote a very good plan B letter.

Hope it helps.

take care,
L.

Thank you, Orchid! My hesitancy comes from not knowing if he has an active EA or PA going on. History would tell me yes, but I really don't know for sure.

Of course my thoughts are on the negative and thinking he has already "shagged" another on his trip and will spend 3 weeks in a fantasy, but could that be paranoia?

I hate living with these wretched thoughts.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

"I've never had potential dates banging down my door "

I'm sure you just think that because of what you feel from having been in this relationship for so long. My ex used to tell me that I will never blah, blah, blah. I am sure you have a super figure if you have to do fitness regimes. And if you get a promo, that's great.

I've taken up my old hobby of photography. And I generally work out about 4 times a week too - running, swimming, gym and horseriding. But I've been a bit stuck since this problem at work, which I need to get sorted first.

<small>[ August 13, 2002, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

relate,

Well, the past 2 nights I've gone out with girl fiends for dinner and drinks. Nothing special but it's nice to be out and about.

I used to love photography. My H was going through some old shots I took about 17 years ago and he seemed a bit impressed (don't think he ever saw the photos, but if he did he never "saw" them).

I would love to get to a point where I could be happy being single. Even when I was legally single I wasn't happy - thought I needed a guy to be complete. I've enjoyed being with the girls and remembering the old days (like we're ancient).

H seems a little concerned when we speak since he leaves a message (or 2) and I don't get back to him for at least an hour (or 2). He hasn't asked my evening plans each time we chat during the day so I don't divuldge the information and I don't know why he refuses to call my cell phone. I mostly have it turned on, but it never rings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I found out today that my position is going to be upgraded by the end of the year. I need to kick my fitness routine into high gear so I'll be set for the school that's required before I can get the actual promotion. For the first time I'm excited to advance myself.

relate, do you care to share your work problem to see if I/we can offer any advise?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You *are* helping with my work. The management is aware of the problems and are trying to come up with a solution. I need to leave it well alone, distract myself, and get some work done from home in the meantime.

I don't think that any man or woman is happy being single. But we don't want to be a couple with anyone, do we? The struggle is when the one you want doesn't want to or cannot be with you right now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by relate:
<strong>The struggle is when the one you want doesn't want to or cannot be with you right now.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm starting to realize that even if my H does want me and our M - he needs to work through his childhood issues and I just can't be a part of that. I can't cure him (god knows I've tried) and he needs to want it for himself. Right now he likes using that as an excuse for his infidelities.

I'm so sick of hearing him use it I'm starting to think it's all a crock of $h*t!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />