Hi Ladies and thanks for the replies!!<P>While I was coming in from work - I caught the tail end of H leaving a message on the machine....wants me to page him. Wonder what that's about!!<P>Have a wicked headache so am not doing it now......later on tonight will be soon enough. Probably just wants to know if I spoke with the lawyer yet....<P>Anyway........<P>Hi Terri - I know that you have pretty much the same mindset with your situation!! It's the way to do it!!!<P>RMA - I don't think that he believes that I will be gone from his life either! The worse part is that I STILL don't believe that he won't be in mine!!<P>I am not a Plan B person.....It is my understanding that Plan B is to be implemented after a strict application of Plan A proves non-effective enough that you start to loose your love for your spouse. I am not losing any love - fortunately or unfortunately!!!<P>I feel that these PLANS are for US...I don't interpret them as using them to "get" the spouse to do or understand something...... They are for our own sake!! <P>Plan A helps us work through our emotions and take stock of ourselves and our part in the marriage and the possible reconciliation. Plan B is to allow us the emotional distance needed to be better prepared should a final break occur for the marriage.<P>If my Plan A'ing contributes to my H's warped thinking to the positive for this marriage.....YAY!! But The important part of this - in my view - is that I have cleansed out alot of the numbness of the last three years of limbo hell for MYSELF!! I was neglectful of my own behavior, wants, needs, etc. because I was so busy with thoughts of him and his mess!! I am past that now...I am improving MY actions and attitude.<P>Maybe I am wrong and Plan A should be some sort of manipulative lesson for him, but I am not comfortable with doing that!! Why? I don't know!!! It is like a game to me and I am not good at that kind of thing......I have to do things for what ever reason is right to me and just to "show" him I won't be there isn't a good enough reason for me. Does that make any sense to you? It's the best way I can explain it. <P>Besides, like TNT says...it's working on him somewhat...... which is great!! SLOW - but great!!!<P>TNT - I agree with you completely!! He would probably love it on some level if I plan B'd him.....less pressure to be a human being instead of a total neanderthal!!!!! LOL!!!<P>I definitely am aware that the "kapooey's" occur when someone or something pulls at him from another direction.....OW, his buddies, parents, etc. That is a major reason why I feel that the steadier I remain....the more reinforcement of my "safe"ness he will realize!!<P>I have and will remain his best friend - whether he likes it or not depending on his braincell at the moment!!! LOL!!<P>Will I ever need something back is my only question!!!!<P>Lostva....Flame Thrower...HAHAHAHAHA!!<BR>Come back here - you chicken!!!! LOL!!<P>Distressed - thanks for your comments. I think we have a fairly good grip on the overall situations we find ourselves in.....I must say that I agree that H must be the one to acknowledge his responsibility for what he has done and continues to do to the marriage and us! <BR>But most of all....they need to look at themselves, for it is within them that the TRUE solutions lie!!<P>Hugs to you All,<P>Sheba<P><BR>

Amazed as always. As a salesman and an advertising major, I guess I don't have a problem with manipulation as long as it is honest and for the good of all concerned.<P>Like I said yesterday, I think yours is the purest heart here.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi and Thanks FHL!!<P>You know I was sitting here thinking on this Plan b thing some more a further explanation of why I can't make the jump (besides that I am not losing love for him) to it would be.....<P>Say I tell myself....OK Sheba - the idiot is not getting that divorcing me is throwing me out of his life. You have to show him what it will be like without you!!<P>OK - then I cut him off.....send the Plan B letter and that's it!!<P>Here are the problems I have with this..<P>1) The Plan B letter itself would be completely inane at this time!! HE wants a divorce.....HE will not give two hoots about anything that I say in the letter - on the contrary - he just might get very offended by my attempting to cut him off (which in his deluted macho mind would be putting him down by taking a dominating position) when HE has cut me off a long time ago!!!<P>2) The Plan B itself would be EXTREMELY DIFFICULT AND HEARTWRENCHING for me personally!! Hate descension remember?<P>3) But most importantly, I would be totally off balance and feel self-loathing because I attempted something with the guise of it being a good thing for another when in actuality I am entering it falsely under the pretext of who it is really for...ME!!<P>I would feel guilty and would expect it to backfire.....it should because I was dishonest with my reasoning!! I would expect (and deserve - in my mind) to hear "GOOD, you finally get that I don't want you!". God would make sure of it because I was not honest.....<P>Does this help you to understand my thinking? It might be out there, but it is truly how I see it.....<P>Why can't I be normal? UGH!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba -- I understand exactly how you feel about Plan B. You have thought it out well. It just doesn't apply to you or your situation right now, even though Plan A isn't producing results.<P>Anyway, this caught my eye... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Why can't I be normal?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Let's see, this comment comes from a Warrior Princess who travels around whacking doodlers with a frozen salmon and whose Princess partner rides a grey horse and carries a flame thrower. Who says this isn't normal??? I won't because I know that salmon can hurt like heck!!!<P>--DeWayne--

Sheba,<P>Everybody pretty much has said everything. <BR>All I can say about your H's commenst are "HUH ??????????"<P>Happy New Year!!<P>Bob

Hi twin, like you I always felt reluctant to enter plan B. specially because in our case that would be giving him the excuse he needed to get on with his life and nice little ow.Hey , he was the one who wanted ou, I didn't why hand that to him in a platter?<BR>I think plan B works better when we now that they are hesitant about leaving but if it's what they really want it doesn't seem to be such a good move.<BR>You'll be o.k., when and if it is time for something like plan B you will feel it.<BR>Hugs<BR>Kat

Sheba - Is it possible from your H's talk about firing your divorce lawyers, and the fact that the whole process seems to be stalled, that maybe he really doesn't want to go through with it. Especially given the way he behaved at Xmas, maybe he's trying to find a way to get back together, but is too proud to admit it? I'm not sure you should even be thinking about this at this stage, especially since it sounds like he and OW are still hooked up. But it might give you some leverage with him. If he does want to get back together, you could make it a condition that he has to give her up? But all in all, it does sound like things are improving for you, and that's great. Hope it continues! Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

not too verbal today, i just wanted to say, "wow", sheba, you are amazing. to tell the truth, it barely ever occurs to me that your H has an OW, you do such a good job of omitting her from your consciousness.<BR>take everything whackadoodle says with a grain of salt--but get your blood pressure checked!<BR>hugs,<BR>julie

Sheba I agree with you completely. These plans are for us. And there is nothing wrong with taking care of us for awhile. I believe they are there to help us learn and move on (hopefully with our spouces). I have seen too many people hold on to there hurt and anger only to become unhappy, bitter people. That is doing nothing but hurting themselves and showing there spouces that they are right in what they think. What you said has needed to be said along time ago. So many of us here seem to have forgotten that, and themselves. Thanks a bunch.<BR>Viki<BR>p.s.<BR>Baby steps, good sign.

Sheba,<P>Since you are so commited and are able to keep PlanAing, see my post on NSR/Jim's thread. I posted about 3 couples I personally know who got divorced and re-married, later.<P>It is definitely possible. As I wrote to Jim, you just keep on being the Sheba he knows, loves and comes back to. You just don't know when he will decide that "other life" that he keeps separate from you will just not "fit the bll" for him anymore. He may want to just "come home".<P>You are a strong person, Sheba. i admire your fortitude and great attitude!<P>Still praying for us all,<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi All and Thanks for the replies....it takes me awhile to get back here with time to write....so much to read!!!<P>And look at all the new fun stuff we have to play with!!!! <P>I have the newer thread going so I am just going to do some individual's here.... H is still a WhackA-Doodle - so there really aren't too many new revalations!!!<P>Heartpain - LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! LOVE the description!!! Thanks for making me feel better and the laugh....<P>RWD - Thanks and Happy New Year to you, too!!! I pretty much just say HUH? a lot!!! <P>Kat - Hey twin...I agree with you about Plan B being for someone on the fence as far as the effect on the wayward spouse. H just doesn't fit that bill....<P>Wex - Hey there pal!!! How's things going now since your "ringing in the New Year" I don't think that my H knows what he REALLY wants....I just think that he wants to "LIVE" and thinks that he can't do that with me!! Yet he want me, too.....UGH!! Can you say <BR>-----CONFUSED------- <P>LWB - Hey there!!! Glad to hear from you....it's been awhile!! How are things going there? Cracked me up with the "salt" comment!!!! <P>Viki - Hi and Thanks!!! I truly believe that these plans are to help US!!! Although we still get squirrelly with all this....imagine what we would be like if we didn't have something to try to focus on!! I don't have to imagine....I lived for 2 years without MB while in this and there wasn't too much left of ME by the time I found this place.....I thank GOD every day - cuz I am back!!!! <P>RMA - Thanks....I think that all I can do and feel good with myself is to Plan A....I am however looking at other facets to bring to my Plan A as you can see on the "breaking patterns" thread I started. Thanks for you kindness and I'll see ya there!!!!<P>Again, Thanks Everyone!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

OH MY GOSH!!!!!<P>These little critters are so cute!!!<P>Hey....so I am excited!!!! Those are my first smiley insert EVER!!!!!<P>(It's the little things...folks!!!)<P>LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!<P>