Harry you are old enough to know that women don't want to be treated as a piece of meat and when WE men tie our affection to sex, women definitely get turned off. Have you thought that your W gave herself physically to the OM not so much because of an uncontrollable sexual attraction but because he did not pressure her for sex and gave her attention and affection with no strings attached? Do you think that your W may think to herself 'What if something were to happen to me where I would never again be able to have sex with my H? Would he stay with me or leave me?'. You MUST demonstrate to your W that your love for her goes beyond sex, and if you are succesful in doing this then she just might pleasantly surprise you with the best sex you two have ever had. Just as you are recovering from her A so is she, and being an attentive, affectionate, and appreciative H will go a long way to make her fall back passionately in love with you.

<small>[ September 30, 2003, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

TMCM,

Ah...I get it. But then again I don't! The part I get is the fact that I have to prove myself to her all over again and this time from deep in my own end zone. I have to prove to her that I care more for her than my own needs. I need to prove to her that my love it true.

Now the part I don't get. What the Heck? Haven't I done this already? I was reading another thread here about the increased sex drive other couples experience after d-day and I feel like someone stole my cheese. After all the pain and suffering she's put me through I still have to prove to her that my love is true? Isn't that proof enough? After being in cold storage for the last 9 months and having my needs go unmet isn't that putting my needs aside for hers?

Quid pro quo. Where is the equity in this?

I feel like a little mouse on the steps of the Supreme Court shaking my fist because I'm beneath the view of Justice and Fairness.

rant ends here.....

I hear ya man....I hear ya. The road goes on forever and the party never ends.....

Last night I did just that. What you suggested. We were going to take a bath together and I turned the music on, the lights dimmed and we were dancing in the bathroom as the tub filled with bubbles. It was very nice. I kissed her and held her. Nothing more. Then we danced, in the buff. Try this without getting excited.... I couldn't, but I didn't act on it. The bath was very nice and afterward we went to bed and I held her all night. The need was there, no one could deny it, but I checked it and didn't act on it.

livin on the run..... One day at a time. I'm still a guy, but I'm learning.

Harry I want to congratulate you on your self discipline. Beleive it or not, the fact that she let you romance her speaks volumes as to where her heart is. You are farther along than many marriages in which the WW won't even let the H see her naked, let alone touch her. So don't spoil it by letting your Taker get ahold of you.
Avoid ALL love busters (angry outbursts, selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, dishonesty, independent behavior and annoying habits) and see if you can use persuasion to have her fill out the EN(emotional needs) and LB(love busters) questionaires (click on the link on my signature space). In the meantime read the Harley books 'Surviving An Affair','His Needs Her Needs' and especially 'Love Busters' and put the principles in them to work for your marriage.

And keep giving her all the attention, affection, and appreciation she needs WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED on a daily basis. If you want some ideas check on my link titled 'the love diet'.

<small>[ October 01, 2003, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>